Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!
Overnight Open Thread (5-2-2016)
Obama Jokes About Making a Ton of Money Giving Speeches At Goldman Sachs-- You Know, Like Hillary Does/Did
Malia Obama to Take a "Gap Year" off from College Before Attending Father's (Alleged) School Harvard
"We Are Ungovernable." [krakatoa]
CNN's Jeff Zucker on the Network's Increasing Ratings: "We May Have Been A Little Too Liberal In the Past"
Sacre Blah: High School French Teacher Speaks No Actual French
Andrea Tarantos Missing in Action at Fox; Chatter of National Review Conspiracies
Speculation Runs Wild as CERN's Atom-Smashing Supercollider Detects -- Maybe -- an Unknown and Unexpected New Particle
Go to the University of Missouri, Where Your Child Can Bathe in the Limpid Waters of White Supremacy
Mid-Morning Open Thread [CBD]
Gender Ambiguous Cat Picture of the Day
"I identify as a wyccyn!
I hex you! Hex hex hex, H8r!"
How man times can the dinosaurs escape in Jurassic Park before they officially change the name of the resort to The Island of Unloved Children?
I really don't like these movies. I don't get them. I liked the first one okay and I kinda liked the third, but how many times can we see some mumbo-jumbo ("we genetically grafted Laser Beam Cannon DNA into the velociraptor because we thought it would make it more docile"), the same failed security system, the same kids in danger, the same Godzilla vs. Rodan fight?
This new one doesn't even star a dinosaur. It's just Godzilla.
Also, I swear, the special effects look worse and worse.
Update: Lena Dunham's boyfriend just said he would marry her "when they finally get the kinks worked out of Jurassic Park's security systems. And also, when they have Jurassic Park."
Update: This is like Harry Potter with more velociraptors and less quidditch.
Update: Private Pyle has a plan to, and I'm quite serious, release the velociraptors into the wild, trusting that they will follow orders like troops and hunt Godzilla for them. This is his plan. He thought about this before doing it.
I'm just waiting to find out if it works!!! Sounds crazy, but they called Charles Manson crazy too, and look at what he accomplished!!!
Update: the raptors are wearing Hannibal Lecter style anti-bite masks. I guess that makes sense. In a stupid kind of way.
Update: How long can Chris Pratt run/drive around with a bad-ass rifle looking like a bad-ass with a rifle without ever actually firing said rifle? So far, it turns out the answer is "the whole movie."
Maybe they should have just given him a walkie-talkie to aim at the monsters.
Update: Okay, prepare for a shock: The "let's set the raptors loose to hunt Godzilla plan" did not go according to plan. In fact, if you can believe this -- it seems to have made things worse.
Plot twists -- I love 'em!!!
Update: Private Pyle's all like, "My Attack Plan Raptor didn't work...? Whuhhhh...? Whuh duh fuh...?
Update: the movie wants me to worry that the raptors will kill the black guy but black people don't die in movies anymore except like a wise grandmother in a Tyler Perry movie
Update: When the wise grandmother dies, she grabs the heroine's hand and says, "Always... remember... where you come from..." and then everyone's like "so wise" and "what a light shining in the world" and then they play a song by Boyz 2 Men
Update: now they're in the back room where the Evil Science is performed and they're looking at Evil Aquarium Tanks
Update: Private Pyle is explaining his Evil Plan to field an army of dino-soldiers. No, I'm not kidding. Something about "Nature wants to help us fight for FREEDOM" or something
Update: He was just killed by a dinosaur. I never saw that coming. IRONY!!!
Update: I still don't think Chris Pratt has shot his rifle. Or even used it as a club. He just carries it around like a pocketbook.
Update: the raptors just want to be friends
Update: it's the same Climax situation as in the first Jurassic Park only stupider and with Godzilla instead of T Rex
Update: Chris Pratt is finally firing his gun. It's okay though because it's completely ineffectual.
Update: Oh God. I didn't think it could get dumber. It just did.Guess who they enlisted to fight for them? Hint: His name rhymes with Shmyrannosaurus Schmex. Why not just get those two little Japanese girls in the clamshell and summon Mothra?
Update: Schmyrannosaurus Schmex seems to outmatch the new one. Proving the original is better than the sequel.
Update: T. Rex is down. I think it would be awesome if he just started laughing, and the other monster didn't know what he was laughing about, but then the other monster started laughing just because, and then you see T. Rex has a BIG GUN STRAPPED TO HIS BACK WITH CHRISTMAS TAPE!!! Yippie ki-yay, Muppet-Felter!
Update: the sea monster just jumped out of nowhere to end the fight. It reminds me of "there's always a bigger fish" in the Phantom Menace.
Update: T. Rex is walking away, beaten but unbroken, like he's fucking Rocky. Like, we were all just rooting for him to go the distance against the Champ. Oh T. Rexy, you showed so much heart!!!
Update: tearful goodbyes. Several actors seem kind of embarrassed.
Update: They should sell bags in the gift shop that say "My kid went to Jurassic Park and all I got was this bag of his half-digested remains."
Credits joke: a bunch of people were credited for allegedly writing the "screenplay" and the "story." LOL. Good one!
I'm from the government and I'm here to help [Mis. Hum.]
Suspended tenured Marquette University professor sues Marquette University over freedom of speech. Yeah, you know the polite and politically incorrect kind not the barnyard guttural shriek of one Fatty McFatt from UMass. [Mis. Hum.]
An Arkansas candidate running for John Boozman's Senate seat, has released a new ad, and it's all about Trump. This is just a taste of what we can expect in a general against Hillary. - NDH
One of the most incredible things I've ever seen in a campaign. Ted Cruz speaks directly with Trump supporters in Indiana. His ability to remain on point and, above all, respectful, in the face of such utter ignorance and disrespect, is almost inconceivable. Cruz is the grownup in the room. - NDH
Rubio is a Politician. Nothing More. Look, this isn't surprising. The depth of hatred for Cruz is unparalleled, as he is a threat to the most important constituents politicians have: The dollars in their bank accounts. [krak/t]
Calling all Georgia, Florida, and South Carolina residents: Coastal Georgia Honor Flight asks for support welcoming Vets returning from a trip to see their monuments in DC. I will be making the drive to give my thanks for their service and sacrifice. - NDH
It must be an election year for Congress critters as well. The House's latest attempt to throw red meat. "The Republican Study Committee, which counts over two-thirds of House of Representatives Republicans as its members, called recently for "the complete elimination of the IRS." [Mis. Hum.]
Poll: Ohioans want John Kasich to drop out "Nearly half - 49 percent - of Ohio voters say it's time for Kasich to drop out of the race for the Republican nomination, compared to only 38 percent who want him to stay in. Among Republican voters, 58 percent want him to drop out." [Y-not]
First Cruise in Decades to go to Coobah. Amazing how deftly today's reporters handle inconvenient facts:
After decades of treating the ... bay as a receptacle for industrial waste, the government is moving container traffic to...Presto-change-O, communist environmental disaster is now communist paradise. [krak/t]
The AP is Outraged that alleged children who cannot speak English and who have no school transcripts from their home countries are not being allowed to join high school in Tn. Because, Racist, obviously. Fuck you AP.
CERN on cusp of discovering New Particle? Would sort of devalue the Standard Model, it's only visible to those watching a single network, and it's 4 times larger than the Top Quark, so scientists are dubbing this the "Lena Dunham" particle. I made up some of that in the name of science. [krak/t]
Everything You Know About Ty Cobb Is Wrong.
No more damaging accusation exists in modern America than that of bigotry. Once levied, it is a charge reluctantly retracted, and the dead have a particularly hard time winning acquittal.
HT Instapundit [ArthurK]
jake: "I've worked in a bovine slaughter house. The on ..."
Last: "I've had issues with Magpie's at my house, so I mi ..."
First-Rate Political Hack: "Kate Upton and Key & Peele are overrated. I look f ..."
Misanthropic Humanitarian : ">>>-- from a paper by Professor Heather Tapley of ..."
Count de Monet: "I'd delivered to the same address before. I reco ..."
Mike Hammer, etc., etc.: "Or to Pisgah View, or Deaver View apartments. Whic ..."
AshevilleRobert: ""I generally tip $10 for a large pizza delivered. ..."
Insomniac: "76 If you wanted to set up a situation where regul ..."
Tilikum Killer Assault Whale SA: "I saw a Key and Peele clip where a flamingly gay p ..."
Mike Hammer, etc., etc.: " I suggested that she eat more red meat and liver, ..."
Insomniac: "70 Parents: You've got empty containers all over y ..."
Misanthropic Humanitarian : "71 so Obama has authorized boots on the ground in ..."
Bloggers in Arms
Armies of Liberation
Attu Sees All
Bad Stated of Gruntledness
A Beleaguered Conservative in Nor Cal
Between the Coasts
Bill from INDC
The Bitch Girls
Blackfive, Paratrooper of Love
The Black Republican
Blogs For Bush
Blue State Conservatives
The Real Boston Irish, Like A Viking
Cake or Death?
Cartago Delenda Est
A Certain Slant of Light
Christina in London (Journal)
The Cliffs of Insanity
The Colossus Blog
The Corndog Blog
The Country Store
Cox & Forkum (cartoons)
The Daily Recycler (Vidblog)*
Damn the Man
Dave's Not Here
Day by Day (Cartoon)
Steven den Beste/USS Clueless
Desert Cat's Paradise
Don Sequitors (Pop Culture)
The Dorian Davis Republican Spectacular
The Edge of England's Sword
Emily Starr (Journal/Web-Design)
Enjoy Every Sandwich
Enter Stage Right
Fish or Man
Fatass the Conqueror
The Fat Guy
(Musings of a) Fat Kid
Feisty Republican Whore
File It Under
Fine? Why Fine?
The Flying Space Monkey
The Foggiest Idea
Frinklin Speaks (Baseball)
From Left to Right
The Gleeful Extremist
Ghost of a Flea
The Grand Vizier
Hell in a Handbasket
Victor Davis Hanson
Head's Bunker (Guns)
The Hole Card
Horrors of an Easily Distracted Mind
The House of Payne
The Hundred Percenter
I Love Jet Noise/Joatmoaf
In the Hat
Iraq the Model
Is This Blog On?
It'z News to Me
Joust the Facts
Just One Minute
Ken Wheaton/As I Please
Kerry Spot @ NRO
Last Chance Cafe
Least Loved Bedtime Stories
Left and Right
Le Sabot Post-Moderne
Lesbien C'est Moi (reasonable liberal)
Letters From Desolation Row (JackM.) Lifelike Pundits
Likeliehood of Confusion Law Blog
The Llama Butchers
Marcland (now Hubs and Spokes)
Margi Lowry (was: Miss Apropos)
Matt Howell/Nerf-Coated World
Ryne McClaren McCullough/Stingray
Mean Mr. Mustard
Miss Apropos Mind of Mog
More Eclipse Ramblings
My Pet Jawa
My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
The New Partisan
The New Vintage
No Easy Answers
No Pundit Intended
Not a Shrinking Violet
Not So Much People
Now You Know
Number 2 Pencil
NYC Smurfette (Journal)
Of the Mind
Oh, That Liberal Media
On The Third Hand
One Man's Opinion
Outside the Beltway
Patriots for Bush
The Perfect World (Discussion Forum)
The People's Cube
Pink Flamingo Bar & Grill
Polar Opposite Politics
The Politburo Diktat
The Political Teen
The Primary Main Objective
The Pundit Guy
Q & O
The Questing Cat
Riehl Worldview (Carnivorous Conservative)
Right on Red
The Right Place
The Rightwing Conspiracy
The Right Wing Conspirator
Rip 'N Read (Podcasting)
Running At the Mouth
The Sandwich Shop
Say Anything Blog
Sharp as a Marble
Simon's New Blog Showcase
Simon World (Asiablog)
Roger L. Simon
Six Meat Buffet
The Smoking Room
Son of Nixon
Sondra K/Knowlege is Power
South Park Pundit
Speed of Thought
The Spoons Experience
Stop the ACLU
Strange Women Lying in Ponds
Suburban Sundries Shack
Susskins Central Dispatch
Sweet Spirits of Amonia
Sydney T's Weblog
The Tar Pit
tBlog-- Are You High?
Ten Fingers Six Strings
Thoughts On Line
TMan in Tennessee
Total Vocabulary Failure*
Traction Control/US Citizen
Jim "Mother May I Sleep With" Treacher
Truth Laid Bear
Try On the Glasses
Two Crackas in My Soup
An Unamplified Voice (Music/Opera)
The Urban Grind
Vote for Judges
The Wardrobe Door
Way Off Bass
White Pebble (Politics/Poetry)
Whitney Gaskell (Author)
Michael Williams/Master of None
Wing Nut Echo Chamber
Witty Sex Kitten (Journal)
(John from) Wuzzadem
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Primary Document: The Audio
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement
Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band
AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection
AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings)
George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer
Top Top Tens
Democratic Forays into Erotica
New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network
Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes
Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse
Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party"
Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad
Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up
Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry
NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom
Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?"
Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind
All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd
Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran
Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore
Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery
Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile
Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance
Collective Names for Groups of People
John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets
Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle
Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy
Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive"
Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments
John Edwards Campaign Excuses
John Kerry Pick-Up Lines
Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney
Torments in Dog-Hell
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)