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April 20, 2007

Julia Roberts: I Shall Save The World By Reusing Shopping Bags

God bless 'er.

On everyday ways to stay green: “Every time I go to the grocery store carrying my grocery sacks back from the time before, I feel happy. All the tiny things, I think, really do make a difference.”

Of course, she's building a $20 million "eco-friendly" home. Built chiefly out of, I guess, formerly "eco-friendly" dead trees. How many grocery bags you think she'll have to re-use to make up for putting so many carbon-sinking trees into the arboreal abattoir?

Of course, Sheryl Crowe's not going to be upstaged by Julia Roberts. She's got an even bolder idea. Limit on squares of toilet paper used per restroom visit? One.

Either she's thinking she doesn't need to wipe much more with her high-powered, water-wasting, energy-intensive superbidet (a modified form of the high-pressure showers they use to clean the genitals of circus bears), or I've got to think she's got a bad case of what's-gone-sour down south.

Correction: I've been emailed by representatives of Ms. Crowe that she does not in fact have a nasty case of junk-funk as I implied.

Her publicist assures me "Ms. Crowe shits lobster Thermidore and pisses melted butter."

So there you go. She doesn't need toilet paper so much as a bib.


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posted by Ace at 06:44 PM

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