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May 25, 2004

She Done Found Us Out, Cletus!

This is a real letter.

I believe President Bush and Donald Rumsfeld's thinking goes along these lines:

The American population is growing about 0.92 percent a year; 66.7 percent of that very same population is between the ages of 15 and 64 and these same people are having about 14 babies a year per 1,000. At this rate, we need to greatly reduce the male half of the population.

Without the males, females will slow down and, in some cases, stop breeding. This will move us in the direction of a more controllable number of people, mostly weak women. By sending large quantities of men to fight this war in Iraq that we've cooked up, we can eliminate many of the stronger ones.

The children who lose fathers in this war, especially the boys who won't have a father's guidance, will succumb to depression and have possible suicidal tendencies. The surviving female children will be hardened by losses and by their mothers who turn bitter and tough. We'll give these children one great thing to hold onto and strive toward, an absolute sense of patriotism; not just faith in our country, but unshakable faith in our president and other leaders since we are in fact guided by God himself.

We will make machines out of these children, willing to die for any course we decide to lay out for them. We will keep some of the weaker ones in the factories to build our weapons and machines for our continued plan of world domination.

Kathleen Anderton
Salt Lake City

How does one respond to this sort of insanity?

Let's break it down.

First of all, Ms. (and I assume it is "Ms.") Kathleen Anderton states:

At this rate, we need to greatly reduce the male half of the population. ... By sending large quantities of men to fight this war in Iraq that we've cooked up, we can eliminate many of the stronger ones.

All we can ask is: Does she have a better solution?!?

Of course we need to reduce our male population, perhaps by 50% or more; and of course we want to weed out the stronger ones.

Let's be sensible here. We all know that if the conservative dream of an omnipotent Father-State is to be realized, we need to break up the natural loyalties of human beings, that is, to their families and sexual partners, so that there is no other object of loyalty but the perpetual WarState.

To do that, we're going to have to end all natural sexual reproduction. All humanoids will be artificially conceived and grown in factory birthvats; sex will be prohibited, and natural, "wildbirth" children will be hunted down and killed as enemies of the State.

We all know this. This isn't exactly controversial.

And naturally, young men, being the most corruptly addicted to sexual activities, as well as the most prone to violent revolt, will of course need to be greatly culled if a well-functioning corporate OmniState is to be realized within our lifetimes.

This isn't any big secret, Ms. Anderton. This is core Republican doctrine. Jonah Goldberg writes about it twice a month.

So let's stop acting as if there's something nefarious going on here. That sort of conspiratorial talk is beneath you, and frankly sounds like the sort of things the crazies were saying when the State forced us all to get IdentImplants in our foreheads and on the palms of our right hands.

Remember all that "Mark of the Beast"/"Coming of the AntiChrist" nonsense? Well, guess what, the AntiChrist came, and he's really a pretty cool guy.

So all that shrieking and liberal agita over nothing.

The children who lose fathers in this war, especially the boys who won't have a father's guidance, will succumb to depression and have possible suicidal tendencies.

There is no other way to drive these men to suicide. We've tried all other possibilities. We're now projecting subliminal calls to suicide through the Penfield Mood Organ chips in our televisions, and yet the strong men refuse to off themselves.

If Ms. Anderton has some solution to this dilema that doesn't involve a fictious war against fictitious terrorists, I'm all ears. I'd love to hear her "miracle solution."

Once again, my problem with the left is that they do nothing but complain, never offering substantive solutions or constructive criticism as to achieve the goals we all share.

Liberals, as usual, have utopian visions of some fairy-tale world where one half of the male population is not murdered or driven to suicide in order to please our Corporate Masters.

What colors are the skies in your world, Ms. Anderton?

We will make machines out of these children, willing to die for any course we decide to lay out for them. We will keep some of the weaker ones in the factories to build our weapons and machines for our continued plan of world domination.

She says this as if it's a bad thing.

Look, Ms. Anderton, the ultracobalt mines of Dragor 7 just don't mine themselves, you know. It requires a constant supply of human thrall-slaves to get the important business of the Trans Terran Imperium accomplished.

Who will die in the lava-factories of Zedulon if not the brainthralls?

Who will tame the Apocalypse-Beasts of Tsizanthos if not our cadres of lobotomized cyborg-slaves?

I don't hear Ms. Anderton volunteering. Do you?

Next thing you know, she'll be telling us that no one has ever gotten renewed at Carousel.

That's the way it is with liberals. They gleefully whiz around on their sky-scooters, but they whine and complain when they're told that the propulsion mechanism is a human brain kept in agonizing suspended animation.

They love snacking on Solylent Green, but all of a sudden they start bitching that maybe crackers made out of human corpses aren't quite biodegradable enough for their oh-so-precious ecological sensibilities.

Boo, hoo, fucking hoo. If our AntiChrist WarMaster didn't want us making food out of dead human bodies, He wouldn't have made our entrails so full of savory, buttery deliciousness.

I've got half a mind to rat this woman out to the Sandmen. Then she'll be sorry. Oh, she'll be sorry.

Thanks to Best of the Web Today.

Update Paul gives us all something to think about:

When they came for the Cryonically-Suspended Incubator Women, I said nothing because I'm not a Cryonically-Suspended Incubator Woman.

When they came for the Legally Huntable Sub-Helots, I said nothing because I'm not a Legally Huntable Sub-Helot.

When they came for the Cyberclone Slaves, I said nothing because I'm not a Cyberclone Slave.

So when they came for me, I invented the Boson Reversal Disintegrator and it turned out not to matter that none of those other people were around any more.

Strong words. Strong, incomprehensible words.


digg this
posted by Ace at 02:35 AM

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