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April 12, 2007

Sanjaya Advances Again

I'm getting sick to death of always being right. Did I or did I not say that Simon Cowell, who will make money off the AI winner's album, would begin shifting his opinion on Sanjaya to claim he's "evolving" as an artist so that when he wins he can say "America has spoken, this is the best Idol"?

Sort of like how Andrew Sullivan spent a couple of months preparing a paper trail of disatisfaction with Bush so he could announce his break with him had been an "evolution" (and not, as it really was, something that happened immediately upon Bush's announcement of support for the FMA)?

Simon has to reposition himself and move from Sanjaya basher to Sanjanya skeptic to Sanjaya supporter so ultimately, on the night of the finale, he can declare himself full-fledge Sanjaya Super Fan.

FACT: Since Sanjaya fever swept the nation, Sanjaya has not been in the bottom three in any night of polling.

FACT: Sanjaya is a mammal.

FACT: The point of Sanjay is to flip out and butcher songs and be awesome, and by awesome, I mean totally sweet.

The grim parade goes on.

Judges said he was "really good." Even Simon says he "wasn't awful," and that he was the "smartest contestant" who'd been on the show. (Growing facial hair was, indeed, a smart move, just to demonstrate he could do so.)

I was kind of kidding before, but now I figure he'll win. The judges are even now critical of their early favorites, includling Melinda Doolittle, who they practically crowned the winner since the first night of the show. Now she's merely "okay."

The trouble is the good singers left -- like Melinda and Jordan and the heavyset one -- have no charisma and, except for Jordan, are kinda.... well, let's say they're a tough drink to order and leave it at that.

So they may be judges' faves, but they're not going to win.

Clearing the way for Sanjaya. And requiring the judges to start accomodating themselves to that likelihood.

One problem with my theory is that I remember someone associated with the show, who would presumably know something about the voting, laughing dismissively at the idea that Sanjaya could win. (I think it was Randy.)

But now...

"American Idol"'s music director has said he thinks Malakar could well win the whole thing.

"I think he could win the show," Ricky Minor told the New York Post this week. "People are pulling for him. ... I can tell you he can sing," Minor said, adding "This isn't a singing competition alone. ... He's a handsome guy, and is really likable. People are pulling for him."

Can twenty million fourteen-year-old girls who don't understand the futility of a crush on a homosexual possibly be wrong?

No, they cannot.

I'm lovin' it, baby. I can now root for him with a clear conscience because the people I liked (Gina, Sabrina) are gone, and even the people who have some talent really can't win anyway. Presence and looks are part of this, after all.

But what I'm really loving is that Shymali or whatever her name is -- the one with the jugs -- has a nude (sorta) picture floating around on the internet.

And where there's one, there's the promise of more.

They're like the Indian Donny & Marie. Except with knockers.

She's a waitress at Hooters, by the way.

I'm torn. If Sanjaya wins, it will destroy American Idol, which is good. But then, if he wins, his sister'll duet with him on a single, and she might even get her own record deal... and that it will delay Shymali getting into porn, or at least Playboy-porn, for a good five or six years.


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posted by Ace at 03:23 AM

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