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April 03, 2007

Keith Richards Snorted Mixture of Cocaine And Father's Creamtory Ashes

He just wanted his dad to always be with him. At least, I guess, until he was expelled from his lungs in elegiatic snot.

- Keith Richards has acknowledged consuming a raft of illegal substances in his time, but this may top them all.

In comments published Tuesday, the 63-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist said he had snorted his father's ashes mixed with cocaine.

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME.

"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

My theory is that celebrities are usually not terribly entertaining in their actual jobs, but perform a vital public service by acting as jesters for the global court. They wield their power in a Zaphod Beelbroxian fashion, not to actually accomplish anything but to distract away from the real power (i.e., Jews).

So I can't get too outraged about this. Having made barely-listenable music since the late seventies, this is Richards' selfless effort to do his job of distracting us from the monotony and misery of life. I think we can all agree that he doesn't have another Little T&A in him, so he soldiers on and does what he can.


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posted by Ace at 04:22 PM

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