That's why you are the man, Ace.

When it comes to premises, you always bring something to the table. But when it comes to tweaks? You don't placate. Sometimes you just gotta look at them and say they aren't attractive.

It's the "Recognizable" rule that inhibited your humor in the "early years", Ace. "Recognizable" to whom? The public at large or your target audience....

I remember watching an interview with Joel Hodgson of MST3K fame... When asked if he was worried that the audience would get the sometimes obscure references, he stated that they discussed this and the consensus was, "The right people will get it".

What do you mean, Riptide was lame?

That's the second time in an hour you've mentioned the poetry contest. Does this mean you're preparing to post the second half of the judging, you premise tweaker?

You know, sometimes Ace, I think you have the funny going on so much that the premise isn't really being tweaked so much as you've put clamps on it and are making it bark like a dog.

(See that! There's an animal, it's naughty, kind of bizarre - tho not by this site's standards,and something tells me you've been there) That's four out of six! Yet it's not funny. WTF does the Dilbert doodler know?! His rule stinks.)

This is why I love reading you and PW. You both write extremely funny. It is a gift, no doubt.

See, in conversation I am funny. Usually by reacting to what someone else has said. But for the life of me, I can't write funny. With me, it's the way I say things. It just never works out on paper.

I really admire those who can do it.

I would have to say that Riptide was more of thinking-12 year old boy's A-team.

It had a robot, and a nerd. Oh, and a helicopter.

Remember when, one episode where they put their handgrenades in mayonaise jars before dropping them on bad guys?

That. was. awesome.

Ace, dead on about "the tweak." Not everyone appreciates random, non-sequitur humor, but it's always been my favorite (and it seems like it's more popular these days-- hell, that's all Family Guy is, for the love of God).

BTW, the major rule of thumb I follow is that the only person who *has to* laugh is me. As the late, great Michael O'Donoghue liked to say, "Making other people laugh is the lowest form of humor." To focus on anything else just makes you an insecure kiss-ass writing for the cheap seats. And nobody likes a kiss-ass.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

I wonder how that barkeaterlake guy felt about that.

"Great news, honey! Scott Adams mentioned me on his blog today!"

I guess there's no bad publicity, etc.

RWS - I hate to break it to you kid, but you're probably not funny in conversation either. Guys (and girls) just laugh at what you say because they want to get into your pants.

I'm KIDDING!!! I have no doubt you are quite an animated, intelligent, and entertaining conversationalist. I just couldn't help myself.

Saying you masturbated on line at Quizno's is 10% funnier, for some reason.

Have you been following me, Republifag?

Ever since I read Leisure Town, I couldn't look at Dilbert or Scott Adams the same way again.

joeindc44-- I can't believe you brought THAT episode of Riptide up, because it's about the only one I can remember. Because of that episode, I took to lobbing ALL of my hand grenades in jars.

If that was also the episode featuring that stupid Pi joke, then that covers all of the Riptide in my memory.

Man, I wish I remembered more Riptide. And B.J. & The Bear. And Hardcastle & McCormick.

Good times.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Ah, Hardcastle & McCormick. Starring Brian Keith as Judge Milton Hardcastle, and a red Cody Coyote as Davis Hugh-Kelly's only interesting character feature.

Why'd you have to go and make me remember that show, you freaky bastard?

Because it was one of the Greatest Television Shows In American History.

That, and because of that theme song, which due to my Ninja-like powers is now stuck in your head.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Let us not forget Hart to Hart and Simon and Simon. Stefanie Powers gave me wood. So did A.J.

Really compos? I always took you for a Max kind of guy.

Dave, Joe, Rocketeer:

This is what I (and Hodgson) mean! :

"The right people will get it"!!

Man, Hardcastle and McCormick was great. It hit me at the age where just staring at a red car for an hour was entertainment. I suppose they fought crime or something. I also remember the car had too many bullet holes for insurance to cover.

There was a Pi joke on Riptide? Great, now I am going to have buy all the DVDs to catch it.

Sure, Dave, you remember that show becasue it was "one of the Greatest Television Shows In American History."

That, and because as a 12-year-old, you had uncomfortable dreams about a threesome with David Hugh-Kelly and Powers Boothe.

P.S. - DAMN you and your ninja-like powers. That theme song IS in my head, you uber-turd.

DRIVE!!!

Ohhhh Max!

Stefanie Powers gave me wood. So did A.J.

Riptide had a robot and a helicopter? I thought it was the one with the geeky superhero and the hot reporter?

Hardcastle and McCormack jumped the shark when they changed the theme song. They were just phoning it in at that point.

From Dilbert:

http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2005/11/results_of_why_.html

"If you are new to the Internet, allow me to explain how to debate in this medium. When one person makes any kind of statement, all you need to do is apply one of these methods to make it sound stupid. Then go on the offensive.

Turn someone’s generality into an absolute. For example, if someone makes a general statement that Americans celebrate Christmas, point out that some people are Jewish and so anyone who thinks that ALL Americans celebrate Christmas is stupid. (Bonus points for accusing the person of being anti-Semitic.)

Turn someone’s factual statements into implied preferences. For example, if someone mentions that not all Catholic priests are pedophiles, accuse the person who said it of siding with pedophiles.

Turn factual statements into implied equivalents. For example, if someone says that Ghandi didn’t eat cows, accuse the person of stupidly implying that cows deserve equal billing with Gandhi.

Omit key words. For example, if someone says that people can’t eat rocks, accuse the person of being stupid for suggesting that people can’t eat. Bonus points for arguing that some people CAN eat pebbles if they try hard enough.

Assume the dumbest interpretation. For example, if someone says that he can run a mile in 12 minutes, assume he means it happens underwater and argue that no one can hold his breath that long.

Hallucinate entirely different points. For example, if someone says apples grow on trees, accuse him of saying snakes have arms and then point out how stupid that is.

Use the intellectual laziness card. For example, if someone says that ice is cold, recommend that he take graduate courses in chemistry and meteorology before jumping to stupid conclusions that display a complete ignorance of the complexity of ice.

Those are the basic tools that come to mind. If you think of some more, feel free to leave them in a comment."

And raised to an art form by some of this site's trolls.

OK, I'm gonna wade in here. I remember the "hand grenades in jars" episode of Riptide, and if I recall correctly, they were dropping them that way because one of the main characters was on the boat below, and he was supposed to pick up the grenade after the jar broke & lob it at the bad guys. I thought at the time that it was a bad policy to count on a guy having reflexes fast enough to find a grenade on the deck of a pitching ocean-going boat and lob it into the pilothouse of said boat before it blew up & turned the hero into bloody red chum in the surrounding waters. Of course, they were probably using one of those "A-Team"/"GI Joe" grenades that blow up with a massive explosion but never actually kill anyone.

OK, now to get back to the topic at hand: who would win in a no-holds barred cage match drag race? The Cody Coyote from H&M, or the 'vette roadster from Riptide?

I thought it was the one with the geeky superhero and the hot reporter?

That was Greatest American Hero, and she wasn't a reporter, she was a lawyer.

"Bill" always called her "Counselor."

And it was Connie Selecca, who was my generation's hot-chick-from-Green-Acres.

OK, here's a "two degrees" connection. Thom Bray played the nerd in "Riptide", and "Jameson Parker" played AJ Simon in "Simon & Simon". They starred together in John Carpenter's "Prince of Darkness" in the late 80's, where Bray got whacked by a Satanic street person (played by Alice Cooper) who impaled him on the frame of an old single speed bicycle.

Dude, the grenade in jars were because it took too long for the grenades to fall from the pink helicopter to the boat. This way, the jar would break, and then the timer would start.
I can see who has the big nards in this string.

Interesting, Russ. Not to be a persnickety prick like JeffB., but...

Thom Bray played the nerd in "Riptide", and "Jameson Parker" played AJ Simon in "Simon & Simon".

Do you doubt the man's name was actually Jameson Parker or something?

What, was "Mimi" hovering 300 feet above the boat? Dude, that Perry whassisname was the guy on the boat, and he was supposed to pick up the grenade & pitch it into where the bad guys were hiding.

loose shit on my part Ace. I got quotation happy......or maybe his name really ISN'T Jameson Parker. You never know, right?

Greatest American Hero? I thought that was the one with the dog with the eyepatch and the preacher-guy with the seaplane?

"Tales of the Gold Monkey"? Truly a steaming pile of dog turds, even by network TV standards.

That's it. We have to figure out who has smaller nads. Where can I get the DVD?

Where can I get the DVD?

Beats the hell out of me. I know the truth, because I have faith in the strength of my TV-fu, but if you wish to wade through the entire filmography of Riptide, I'm sure you'll find that I am correct here.

Russ, no you di'nt. That show lasted what? a day?

abandon all hope, ye who enter here

http://hometown.aol.com/sheri1207/riptide/riptide.htm

(a riptide fan page, with FAN FICTION. Oh, the humanity.)

according to imdb, it ran from '84 to '86, which makes it a freakin' miracle of mid-80's TV longevity.

What? What are you looking at? Hey, it's not as if I know these sorts of things about "Supertrain" or "Misfits of Science".

I'm not a loser. I've got a wife and dogs and motorcycles. No really, I'm not a loser.

Hey, I *loved* Tales of the Gold Monkey. It sure was better than Bring 'Em Back Alive, cause it had the Dad from Seventh Heaven and Cornelius on it.

As for "Jameson Parker"-- how can we be sure he's not Mel Torme?

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

P.S. Three words: The Fall Guy. Although I'm not the kind to kiss and tell. . . I'd ditch Powers Boothe in a second for vintage Lee Majors.

P.P.S. What *is it* about Ace's site that brings out this gay thing in me?? It must be more of that "environmental homosexuality" he's always prattling on about.

Whoa,
Was Misfits of Science the show with superheroes, including my favorite friend?
Now that's some good old-80's stuff.

As for the Fall Guy, I don't think it fits into this category because it actually was recognized as a good show back then. And it went heavy on the syndication rotation. Tales of the Gold Monkey and Riptide died lonely deaths.

I'm calling "loose shit" on Dave. Methinks he's got "Jameson Parker" confused with Val Kilmer.

joe - yep, she was the only reason to watch the show (not that I ever watched that abomination). Her presence was the factor that made that show rise above the level of true pieces of crap like "Manimal".

JFH, wasn't it Scott "Tom Servo" Murphy who said "the right people will get it?"

Wait, you guys are confused. Tales of the Gold Monkey was the one with the helicopter that was all growly and stuff.

Am I the only one who actually did homework in high school?

The reason I ask is, I remember the line in that very distinctive, phlegm-coated voice that he has.

Am I the only one who actually did homework in high school?

If by "did homework" you actually mean "whacked off to Speed Racer 'toons", then I'd have to say........Yes, you were.

"Tales of the Gold Monkey"? Truly a steaming pile of dog turds, even by network TV standards.

sacrilege. that show was chock full of awesomeness. and Nazis. and a hot tub.

for a child just learning about what happens when he touches his happy place while a woman's only clothing is bubbles...you can see how I have only good memories of that show.

and I seem to recall there being a monkey or something. made of gold or something.

What can I say. I came up watching "The Love Boat" and "Fantasy Island". Those are hard acts to follow, my friend.

Of course, when you're stuck out in the country with nothing but the "Farmer Four" on the TV, you didn't exactly have much choice on what to watch.

The grenades were in the jars, dummies, so they would float in the water instead of sinking after being dropped from the air. Thus, the guy in the water can pick them up and throw them into the boat.

No?

I have no idea. I don't remember the episode.

bart, you ignorant slut. The grenades were in jars so the three-second fuse wouldn't start up until they hit the deck & broke the jars.

And the jars served what purpose, exactly?

Shit, Russ-- I'm just using some lateral thinking, 'kay? I know that was Val Kilmer, I was just trying to segue from the "How do we know he's Jameson Parker" deal.

What can I say? My pop culture brain works like Cockney rhyming slang.

As for The Fall Guy, it was good show, that's all I'm saying. If we want to stick to obscure crappy shows, why not just drag in Automan, Manimal, and The Highwayman (starring Jocko, the "Oy!" Guy).

BTW, I covered a lot of bad TV right here at Ace of Spades HQ back when Ace used to invite me to guestblog. Remember those days? Yeah, me neither.

As for the grenades deal, Russ is right. They were dropping the grenades onto the deck of a *different* boat than the Riptide. To get them to blow up on the deck of the boat instead of up in the air, they put them into the jars which kept the fuze pins locked until the jars shattered on the boat.

Sheesh, people. It was only, like, twenty years ago since I saw that episode. In pop culture terms, that was practically yesterday.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

That makes sense.

Dave you non-veteran, big-balled moron. I am the one who was arguing that the grenades were in jars so they would not explode on the trip down.

er, uh, sorry.

What about the one were the guy was like a computer, er, automan? No, even better was where the future lifeguard from Baywatch was a genius. And, get this, instead of teaching "lesbian comparative literature and hirstute, origastic communism" at Yale, like Kerry did, he used his intellect to solve crimes.

Shit Joe, I'm Hudson, he's Hicks. . .

I'm sorry, I was referring to Russ's comment at 7:07. I didn't remember that you had previously explained the deal.

If it's all right by all of you, I'll go smoke a pound of meth now.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

smoke away, shipmate!
I am already curled up into a vodka induced fetal position hiding in my linen closet, crying softly about my lost childhood. and the tv shows. and courtney cox.

Anyone know if they've released Sigmund and the Sea Monsters on DVD yet?

Sid & Marty Krofft: those dudes ruined more young minds than lead-based paint chips and model airplane glue combined.

.....but you DO have to admit that Land of the Lost was pretty cool, right?

I just want to say this about Powers Booth: he is the second greatest actor in the known universe. The first, of course, is Michael Ironside.

And they were BOTH in "Extreme Prejudice." With Nick Nolte.

You can't beat that with a stick.

Don't forget William Forsythe & Clancy Brown (the dude who played "The Kargan" in Highlander). They were in that one too, along with Rip Torn. I've always thought "Extreme Prejudice" paved the way for both "Point Break" and "Roadhouse" in that category of "so bad it's good guy movies".

Quite so, Russ, quite so. How can anyone forget mssrs. Forsythe, Brown, and Torn?

Rip Torn is the third best actor in the known universe, after Powers Boothe and Michael Ironside. Any of you old timers remember him in a PBS special called "Montserrat" Awwwwwsome.

William Forsythe is the Warren Oates of his generation (and Oates is the fourth best actor, etc). Which is appropriate, since "Extreme Prejudice" was a homage to the "Wild Bunch," in which Oates starred, magnificently, as Lyle Gooch (his brother, Tector Gooch, being played by Ben Johnson, the fifth greatest actor, etc.)

I think it's fair to say that, in "Extreme Prejudice," Nick Notle had the Keanau Reeves role (ref. "Point Break"). Which is to say, Notle was so bad, he was grrrreat!

Gotta admit, I'm queer for that movie.

Two movies I wish they'd make:

1. A buddy picture starring Powers Booth and Michael Ironside, with Rip Torn and William Forsythe in supporting roles, and Christopher Walken in a cameo (possibly reprising his role in "True Romance").

2. A remake of "Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia," starring William Forsythe.