What is happening to me?

I think it's called "mantropy."

Yep, definitely the first onset of symptoms of mantropy. Better get that flight to France booked post haste!

Nah, the first sign is soft hands.

What you talkin' 'bout? I got soft hands and I'm not ..., er, well, ...nevermind.

There's good news and bad news from Arafat:

The good news is that he got his 72 Virgins,

The bad news is that they're all female.

- Republican Review

Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch??? What are you, some sort of God damned communist?

It's Crunch Berries or nothing!

There's good news and bad news from Uday Hussein:

The good news is that he got his 72 Virgins,

The bad news is that they all look like Mary Travers!

Dear Ace,

I have a friend. Yeah - a friend. This friend has a question I think you might be able to answer for me - er, him. This friend likes musicals. Keep in mind, this friend doesn’t like pedicures, doesn’t own a dog, and dresses just like you’d think a man who buys his clothes straight off the rack at Kohl’s would.

Is this affinity for musicals a sign of mantropy?

P.S. – This friend doesn’t like new musicals – mainly just revivals, like Annie Get your Gun, or Guys and Dolls. That sort of thing. Don’t know if this might make a difference.

If no one calls in, I'm going to just start naming my all-time favorite breakfast cereals.

5. Turning Trix

4. Coca Puffs

3. Spaghetti-Os

2. Colon-Busting Fibro-Treats

and Ace's #1 all-time favorite breakfast cereal...

1. Gornaught's Big Bowl O' 6d20 Eldritch Runes

Anyone remember the cearal Freakies? Damn I loved that stuff. I blame that little discontinued item for the way I am today.

And if you like musicals, even if they are revivals, you're a closet, pole puffing butt pirate preparing to set sail on the good ship Lollipop. So stop trying to kid yourself. Every time you do the penis tuck and dance in front of the mirror Shirley Temple, God either kills a kitten or creates another liberal. Damn you! Damn you all to hell!!!

Ace, what do you want to talk about when I call in?

I so excited for Dorian to be a guest! So when are you booking Dawn? Maybe that should be addressed to Karol.
Rocketeer - when did Ace become the know all litmus test if someone is gay? And no - no matter how many musicals you like or pink shirts you this does not make one gay. Jeebus!

Petitedov,

Calm. The hell. Down.

I was razzing Ace. Who the heck said anything about gay? Think I don't know about the lack of direct correlation between musicals, pink shirts, and propensity to seek out man-loving? I was asking about MANTROPY.

Jeebus!

propensity to seek out man-loving?

To clarify: not that there's anything wrong.

Well crap. I guess that this clarification means I'll be pickted by Fred Phelps.

Ace, RightTalk does *not* make it easy to find the show. Just now they posted the show's Logo. Otherwise, no one would know you were coming on.

Anybody else having problems getting the show to work?

Anybody else having problems getting the show to work?

Yes.

It appears that Mr. Sullivan has chewed through the cables...

I'm listening to it, no problems

Kosovo? No genocide there?
Anybody heard this?

We don't want to hear ace sing.

We don't want to hear ace sing.

Word.

Good show. Needs more squeakhole jokes.

Relax, Ace. It doesn't mean anything when you use 'cabaret' and 'revue' in a sentence. Though I must admit it gave me a - q'est que c'est? - frisson when I read it.

Well, Ace wanted a caller, and he got a caller. Who promptly slammed Ace for his misconceptions regarding post-WWI politics.

I think Ace needs more calls.

It just kind of pisses me off that it was one of Karol's commenters that embarrassed Ace. C'mon, folks, that's our job.

Hey that Phyllis Schlafly, who's on after Ace, has a pretty good show.

If no one calls in, I'm going to just start naming my all-time favorite breakfast cereals.

10)Post "Original" Shredded Wheat- Never understood why mom would buy it at the time- then I grew up and figured out it was because we were poor... and it was "on sale". Only on this list to prove that fat kids will eat anything...

... with enough sugar on it.

(Besides the fact that it vaguely reminds me of what they probably used 40,000 yrs. ago for a "sanitary napkin"...)

9)Cookie Crisp- Not completely terrible. C'mon! It's "cookies for breakfast"!... except me and my brother used to cut out the middleman(and save dad some bucks to boot) by just- you know... using f_ckin' real cookies. (Yes- we both wore "husky" clothes our entire childhood.)

8)Cap'n Crunch Crunchberry- Tolerable solely because of the "true" CC generously mixed in... The entirely unnatural and completely undescribable taste of a "crunchberry" is obviously a result of genetic manipulation. (Probably what made y'all vote for Smirky McChimp-Hitler-"Bush lied- Crunchberries dyed!")

7)Quisp- Think of a vaguely Cap'n Crunch-ish flavor and texture- but without the mouth lacerations- because it was shaped like little flying saucers rather than the exquisitely designed "torture biscuits" of the evil Cap'n.

6)Wheaties- Dad was a "Wheaties man"... enough said!

But, what was cool as a kid was pouring a bowl of Wheaties, the grabbing the little bee-shaped bottle of honey and squirting about 3/4 of it into your bowl. After adding milk, you could stab your spoon into the middle- and pull the entire mass of cereal out in one chunk that kinda looked like the huge alien ships in "Independence Day"- except that it was made of toasted wheat flakes, and didn't have the cool forcefield, and it also had milk dipping off of it.

Ohmygod!!!!!!! I just realized it might have been a racial memory of "Atlantis"... but in reverse!

Like... wow!!

5)Cocoa Puffs- Me and my brother would have contests... You start with a big bowl of cereal and lots of milk. You eat the cereal while leaving as much milk as possible. Add more cereal to leftover milk. Repeat. And again-repeatedly... Darkest milk at the end wins. (Did I mention we both wore clothes marked "husky"?)

Not to mention both of us acting like Calvin after a couple bowls of "Sugar-Frosted Chocolate Bombs"(mandatory 20 yr old "pop-culture reference" that's so cliche that even the "feebs" get the feeling that they're 'clued in'...)

4)Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch- Sorry dude... It just doesn't maintain the "crunchy at all costs" ideal set by the original. Besides, if you want loads of sugar with your peanut butter fix, I highly recommend a peanut butter milkshake at your local Dairy Queen.

3)"Original" Cap'n Crunch- "My name is Scott... and I am an addict..." Undoubtedly the "cocaine" of cereal. "Gee, I'll buy a box and it will last for a week or two."(I'll buy a quarter ounce and sell all but a gram Iwon't do until this weekend). You get home and think "one bowl won't destroy my appetite for dinner or transform the interior texture of my mouth into hamburger."(I'll just snort a line or two... I'll still be in bed before midnight- and probably won't bleed out my nose like a stuck pig when I bend down and lift something heavy at work tomorrow). "More, please"(Don't mind if I do). "Might as well consider it 'dinner'- and eat a little more"(I really only need 4 hrs sleep before work-snif-f-f-f-f).

I choose not to extend these analogies into the next day(actually "days") and describe the physical destruction such abuse entails in either scenario- but I can tell you they're both ugly based on my personal experience.

2)Kashi Golean cereal- "All I did was use a coupon"... and what I got was an explicit demonstration of my digestive system at full efficiency. (Side question for the 'mothers' out there: How does something that big come out of such a small hole?)

1)I'll admit it... I'm taking the cop-out route.

Co-winners---Froot Loops and Alpha-Bits.

I'll admit that this seems an unlikely combo... I acknowledge that Froot Loops seems the 'ideal'. Flavors and texture vastly superior to "honorable mention" imitator Trix... "Crunchy-holdingness" only exceeded by the "dude in the Napoleon hat"(BTW, wasn't Napoleon French?- just sayin'...) Not to mention Toucan Sam!

But... Alpha-Bits is equal to the challenge! Four words:

"Literacy in a box."

Besides- Do four "bong hits" and eat 1/2 of a box of this example of culinary excellence and tell me you don't get the best tasting "eructation" this side of two Quarter- Pounders with Cheese, a side of "circa-1979" fries, and an over-carbonated 'fountain' Coca-Cola...

Hey that Phyllis Schlafly, who's on after Ace, has a pretty good show.

Ace is the lead-in for PHYLLIS SCHLAFLY?

Wow. I am finally impressed with this whole radio thing. She is da bomb.

And really people. Grape Nuts is the best cereal ever.

Later,
bbeck

Grape Nuts bbeck? Are you f'n kidding me? Tastes like mulch with the texture of rocks. Leave that shit in a bowl for too long after it's gotten a little milk on it and it fuses itself to the bowl. Barnacles are easier to remove from a ship than this shit is from a bowl. Think about what that's doing to your guts. Sure your colon's clean. Except for all the lacerations, scabs, and scarring.

And rumdummy, damn you like cereal! Amusing read. Now go see a shrink and get help.

Rumdummy,

How on earth can you possibly not have a) Golden Grahams, or b) HoneyCombs on your list. Please. You simply do not know cereal. And, what about all of the various "monsters"? The Count? Frankenberry?

I scoff at your list.

Haven't eaten cereal in years and years.

But have fond memories of Kellogg's Corn Pops.

Geez, Compos, didn't you ever put sugar on Grape Nuts? They's tasty! They're STILL my favorite.

Later,
bbeck