Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!


Contact
Ace:
aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
CBD:
cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com


Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Jay Guevara 2025
Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025
Jewells45 2025
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021

Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups

TBD





















« Commando Kerry "Distracted" by Saddam Hussein-- Two Months After 9-11 | Main | Fall Fundraising Drive »
October 26, 2004

Top Ten Announcements Which are Less Shocking Than Andrew Sullivan's Endorsement of John Kerry

10. Stung by charges that he is a serial fabricator, John Kerry seeks to improve his reputation for honesty by changing his campaign slogan to John Kerry: I Shit You Not

9. 2005's Oscar Winner for Best Actor? Gallagher

8. The American government finally admits the moon landing was faked, calling it a "college prank" that just "took on a life of its own;" also admits that no person named "Chuck Yeager" ever actually existed

7. After begging like railroad hobo, Ace of Spades finally gets a taste of that sweeeet and crazy blog-money he's heard so much about; buys a hot Ducati and kills self attempting to back out of garage

6. Liberal judges admit that primary foundation for most of their rulings is not in fact the Constitution, but the late-sixties hippie cartoons Free to Be You and Me and Yellow Submarine; conservative legal precedents heretofore described as "Blue Meanie dicta"

5. Without explanation, Germans suddenly find David Hasselhof strangely banal

4. At 12:01 AM EST December 12, 2004, MTV breaks format by actually displaying a music video; video in question is tenatively scheduled to be Huey Lewis' Hip to be Square

3. GM unveils new energy-saving car, "the Kleagle," an automobile powered by nothing but pure racial hatred; the celebrity pitchman? Who else-- Leonard Nimoy

2. Bill Clinton rises from his sickbed to campaign for John Kerry; whenever he feels he's losing the crowd, he starts doing that "I'm coming for you!" heart-attack schtick from Sanford & Son

... and the number one announcement that's actually less shocking than Andrew Sullivan's endorsement of John Forbes Kerry...

1. Americans with poor eyesight lobby to replace insensitive term "nearsighted" with more-positive, less-offensive sounding "persons whose eyes are retarded"

Update: Guest blogging at Instapundit, Megan McCardle slaps up Sully's dopey endorsement of Kerry.

Hey-- someone had to read the stupid thing. Better her than me.


posted by Ace at 02:13 PM
Comments



*giggle*

he is such a fukwit. he may become president and he is a total fraud. unbelievable.

Posted by: Jennifer on October 26, 2004 03:14 PM

The last one, about people in wheelchairs, was over the line. I'm sure being confined to a wheelchair is no fun at all - and musch worse when people make fun of it.

You should take it out or change it.

Posted by: J M Galvin on October 26, 2004 03:20 PM

I had fears on that one. Okay, it's less funny now, but not offensive at all.

Posted by: ace on October 26, 2004 03:22 PM

Well, it's still got the word "Retarded" in it.

It's weird. People object to the cripple reference but retarded sails by.

Not saying you're wrong. Just odd.

Posted by: ace on October 26, 2004 03:23 PM

Actually, I guess the joke works better now. It's got a lot less shock value, but then, no one's going to be angered by it, either.

Posted by: ace on October 26, 2004 03:28 PM

Well, shit, I missed the wheelchair reference. Now you've piqued my curiosity. Rarely will you find humor funnier than referencing the bipedally challenged.

Posted by: Sharp as a Marble on October 26, 2004 03:32 PM

Sorry about that one.

Sharp as a Marble,

Well, it was the same joke as it is now, except it wasn't about people with poor vision, it was about people in wheelchairs. Not really a joke about them, but about replacing one term with another one that's worse.

Bad call on my part. Sometimes the internal editors aren't up to snuff.

Posted by: ace on October 26, 2004 03:53 PM

It's nice to see good people admit thay sort of messed up and change things.

Don't you wish that the MSM could even come clost to that?

Posted by: J M Galvin on October 26, 2004 05:19 PM

Clinton/Fred Sanford is the best.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on October 26, 2004 08:59 PM

Ace:

You're absolutely killing me tonight. The wife wants to know what I'm laughing about. Tears are streaming down my face. It must be the wine.

Posted by: lloyd on October 27, 2004 06:47 PM

Sanford & Son had that theme song that I love so much. Sometimes when our house is a total wreck, I'll hum the first few bars to my husband and we get a good laugh.

And it's, "I'm coming Elizabeth!" Not "I'm coming for you!"

Ahhh yes. Remember the drawer full of eyeglasses?

Posted by: lauraw on October 28, 2004 12:01 PM
Post a comment
Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:


Remember info?








Now Available!
The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]
Top Headlines
Live voting in the House to end the shutdown.
I don't know if this is a preliminary procedural vote or what.
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Buck Throckmorton joins us for a wide-ranging discussion about the cultural and business shift away from the insanity of EVs and Climate Religion, his calm perspective on last week's election, Tucker is a toad, and more!
Our Favorite British Couple Exploring True America Experiences Flora-Bama And Sees A Side Of The Deep South Rarely Seen. [dri]
Tucker Carlson claims that it's weird that Ted Cruz is interested in the massacre of Christians by Nigerian Muslims, because he has "no track record of being interested in Christians," then blows off the massacre of Christians by Nigerian Muslims, saying it might or might not be a real concern
Tucker Carlson enjoys using the left-wing tactic of "Tactical Ignorance" to avoid taking positions on topics. Is Hamas really a terrorist organization? Tucker can't say. He hasn't looked into it enough, but "it seems like a political organization to me." Are Muslims slaughtering Christians in Nigeria? Again, Tucker just doesn't know. He hasn't examined the evidence yet. He knows every Palestinian Christian who said he was blocked from visiting holy sites in Bethlehem, but he just hasn't had the time to look into the mass slaughter of Christians in Nigeria that has been going on since (checks watch) 2009. He doesn't know, so he can't offer an opinion. Wouldn't be prudent, you know? Don't rush him! He'll sift through the evidence at some point in the future and render an opinion sometime around 2044.
Of course, if you need an opinion on Jewish Perfidy, he has all the facts at his fingertips and can give you a fully informed opinion pronto. Say, have you ever heard of the USS Liberty incident...?
You'd think that the main issue for Tucker Carlson, who pretends to be so deeply concerned about Palestinian Christians being bullied by Jews in Israel (supposedly), would be the massacre of 185,000 Christians in Nigeria itself. But no, his main problem is that Ted Cruz is talking about it, "who has no track record of being interested in Christians at all." And then he just shrugs as to whether this is even a real issue or not.
Whatever we do we must never "divide the right," huh?
Tucker is attacking Ted Cruz for bringing the issue up because he's acting as an apologist for Jihadism, and he can't cleanly admit that Jihadists are killing any Christians, anywhere. There is no daylight between him and CAIR at this point.
One might conclude that Tucker Carlson himself isn't interested in the plight of Christians -- except as they can be used as a cudgel to attack Jews.
Just gonna ask an Interesting Question myself -- why is it that Tucker Carlson's arguments all track with those shit out by Qatarian propaganda agents and the far left? That if Jews crush an ant underfoot it is worldwide news, but when Muslims slaughter Christians it elicits not even a vigorous shrug?
Garth Merenghi is interviewed by the only man who can fathom his ineffable brilliance -- Garth Merenghi
From the comments:
I once glimpsed Garth in the penumbra betwixt my wake and sleep. He was in my dream, standing afar, not looking my way, nor did he acknowledge me. But I felt seen. And that's when I knew I was a traveler on the right path. I'm glad he's still with us.

Now that's some Merenghian prose.
Garth Merenghi on the writer's craft

Greetings, Traveler. If you still have not experienced Garth Merenghi -- Author, Dream-weaver, Visionary, plus Actor -- the six episodes of his Darkplace are still available on YouTube and supposedly upscaled to HD. (Viewing it now, it doesn't appeared upscaled for shit.)
I think the second episode, "Hell Hath Fury," is the best by a good margin. Try to at least watch through to that one. It's Mereghi's incisive but nuanced take on sexism.
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: The elections! NYC, Virginia, New Jersey, Texas, California, and the future prospects of the Republican party...
Update on Scott Adams:
Scott Adams had approval for this cancer drug but they hadn't scheduled him to get it. He was taking a turn for the worse. Trump had told him to call if he needed anything, so he did. Talked to Don Jr (who is in Africa) , then RFK Jr, then Dr Oz. Someone talked to Kaiser and he was scheduled. Shouldn't have needed it but he did and he says it saved his life.
Posted by: Notsothoreau
Funny retro kid costumes, thanks to SMH
Good to see people honoring Lamont the Big Dummy
Four hours of retro Halloween commercials and specials
The first short is the original 1996 appearance of "Sam," the dangerous undead trick-or-treater from Trick r' Treat.
On Wednesday, we'll see the "Beaver Super-Moon." Which sounds hot.
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Historian and Pundit Robert Spencer joins us for a wide-ranging discussion about the Islamists in our midst: Mamdani in NYC, all across Europe, and others.
Full Episode: The Hardy Boys (and Nancy Drew) Meet Dracula
I don't remember this show, except for remembering that Nancy Drew was hot and the opening credits were foreboding and exicting
Recent Comments
People's Hippo Voice: "Ex post facto laws rarely survive challenges and r ..."

rhomboid : "Thanks CaliGirl, yes, Carter Page. ..."

zombie: "In the climactic scene of Dante's Inferno, he reac ..."

Diogenes: " BREAKING: Illinois U.S. District Judge Jeffrey Cu ..."

Oldcat: "How could a federal judge, based on zero evidence, ..."

thug dolphin: "Do you think anybody will be sentenced to death, f ..."

Orson: "184 How do I get rid of my last penny? Posted by: ..."

Itinerant Alley Butcher: "and speaking of "Judge" Boasberg -- Should have ..."

the way I see it: "Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at November 12, 20 ..."

Mark1971: "House GOP is already looking to kill this provisio ..."

John Morgan, Fat Monied Lawyer: "Have you had your cell phone data confiscated, you ..."

Oldcat: "He used to wear a bowtie. Signs were all there. P ..."

Bloggers in Arms
Some Humorous Asides
Archives