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October 26, 2004

Top Ten Announcements Which are Less Shocking Than Andrew Sullivan's Endorsement of John Kerry

10. Stung by charges that he is a serial fabricator, John Kerry seeks to improve his reputation for honesty by changing his campaign slogan to John Kerry: I Shit You Not

9. 2005's Oscar Winner for Best Actor? Gallagher

8. The American government finally admits the moon landing was faked, calling it a "college prank" that just "took on a life of its own;" also admits that no person named "Chuck Yeager" ever actually existed

7. After begging like railroad hobo, Ace of Spades finally gets a taste of that sweeeet and crazy blog-money he's heard so much about; buys a hot Ducati and kills self attempting to back out of garage

6. Liberal judges admit that primary foundation for most of their rulings is not in fact the Constitution, but the late-sixties hippie cartoons Free to Be You and Me and Yellow Submarine; conservative legal precedents heretofore described as "Blue Meanie dicta"

5. Without explanation, Germans suddenly find David Hasselhof strangely banal

4. At 12:01 AM EST December 12, 2004, MTV breaks format by actually displaying a music video; video in question is tenatively scheduled to be Huey Lewis' Hip to be Square

3. GM unveils new energy-saving car, "the Kleagle," an automobile powered by nothing but pure racial hatred; the celebrity pitchman? Who else-- Leonard Nimoy

2. Bill Clinton rises from his sickbed to campaign for John Kerry; whenever he feels he's losing the crowd, he starts doing that "I'm coming for you!" heart-attack schtick from Sanford & Son

... and the number one announcement that's actually less shocking than Andrew Sullivan's endorsement of John Forbes Kerry...

1. Americans with poor eyesight lobby to replace insensitive term "nearsighted" with more-positive, less-offensive sounding "persons whose eyes are retarded"

Update: Guest blogging at Instapundit, Megan McCardle slaps up Sully's dopey endorsement of Kerry.

Hey-- someone had to read the stupid thing. Better her than me.

posted by Ace at 02:13 PM

Comments

*giggle*

he is such a fukwit. he may become president and he is a total fraud. unbelievable.

Posted by: Jennifer on October 26, 2004 03:14 PM

The last one, about people in wheelchairs, was over the line. I'm sure being confined to a wheelchair is no fun at all - and musch worse when people make fun of it.

You should take it out or change it.

Posted by: J M Galvin on October 26, 2004 03:20 PM

I had fears on that one. Okay, it's less funny now, but not offensive at all.

Posted by: ace on October 26, 2004 03:22 PM

Well, it's still got the word "Retarded" in it.

It's weird. People object to the cripple reference but retarded sails by.

Not saying you're wrong. Just odd.

Posted by: ace on October 26, 2004 03:23 PM

Actually, I guess the joke works better now. It's got a lot less shock value, but then, no one's going to be angered by it, either.

Posted by: ace on October 26, 2004 03:28 PM

Well, shit, I missed the wheelchair reference. Now you've piqued my curiosity. Rarely will you find humor funnier than referencing the bipedally challenged.

Posted by: Sharp as a Marble on October 26, 2004 03:32 PM

Sorry about that one.

Sharp as a Marble,

Well, it was the same joke as it is now, except it wasn't about people with poor vision, it was about people in wheelchairs. Not really a joke about them, but about replacing one term with another one that's worse.

Bad call on my part. Sometimes the internal editors aren't up to snuff.

Posted by: ace on October 26, 2004 03:53 PM

It's nice to see good people admit thay sort of messed up and change things.

Don't you wish that the MSM could even come clost to that?

Posted by: J M Galvin on October 26, 2004 05:19 PM

Clinton/Fred Sanford is the best.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on October 26, 2004 08:59 PM

Ace:

You're absolutely killing me tonight. The wife wants to know what I'm laughing about. Tears are streaming down my face. It must be the wine.

Posted by: lloyd on October 27, 2004 06:47 PM

Sanford & Son had that theme song that I love so much. Sometimes when our house is a total wreck, I'll hum the first few bars to my husband and we get a good laugh.

And it's, "I'm coming Elizabeth!" Not "I'm coming for you!"

Ahhh yes. Remember the drawer full of eyeglasses?

Posted by: lauraw on October 28, 2004 12:01 PM