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October 26, 2004
Top Ten Announcements Which are Less Shocking Than Andrew Sullivan's Endorsement of John Kerry10. Stung by charges that he is a serial fabricator, John Kerry seeks to improve his reputation for honesty by changing his campaign slogan to John Kerry: I Shit You Not 9. 2005's Oscar Winner for Best Actor? Gallagher 8. The American government finally admits the moon landing was faked, calling it a "college prank" that just "took on a life of its own;" also admits that no person named "Chuck Yeager" ever actually existed 7. After begging like railroad hobo, Ace of Spades finally gets a taste of that sweeeet and crazy blog-money he's heard so much about; buys a hot Ducati and kills self attempting to back out of garage 6. Liberal judges admit that primary foundation for most of their rulings is not in fact the Constitution, but the late-sixties hippie cartoons Free to Be You and Me and Yellow Submarine; conservative legal precedents heretofore described as "Blue Meanie dicta" 5. Without explanation, Germans suddenly find David Hasselhof strangely banal 4. At 12:01 AM EST December 12, 2004, MTV breaks format by actually displaying a music video; video in question is tenatively scheduled to be Huey Lewis' Hip to be Square 3. GM unveils new energy-saving car, "the Kleagle," an automobile powered by nothing but pure racial hatred; the celebrity pitchman? Who else-- Leonard Nimoy 2. Bill Clinton rises from his sickbed to campaign for John Kerry; whenever he feels he's losing the crowd, he starts doing that "I'm coming for you!" heart-attack schtick from Sanford & Son ... and the number one announcement that's actually less shocking than Andrew Sullivan's endorsement of John Forbes Kerry... 1. Americans with poor eyesight lobby to replace insensitive term "nearsighted" with more-positive, less-offensive sounding "persons whose eyes are retarded" Update: Guest blogging at Instapundit, Megan McCardle slaps up Sully's dopey endorsement of Kerry. Hey-- someone had to read the stupid thing. Better her than me. posted by Ace at 02:13 PM
Comments*giggle* he is such a fukwit. he may become president and he is a total fraud. unbelievable. Posted by: Jennifer on October 26, 2004 03:14 PM
The last one, about people in wheelchairs, was over the line. I'm sure being confined to a wheelchair is no fun at all - and musch worse when people make fun of it. You should take it out or change it. Posted by: J M Galvin on October 26, 2004 03:20 PM
I had fears on that one. Okay, it's less funny now, but not offensive at all. Posted by: ace on October 26, 2004 03:22 PM
Well, it's still got the word "Retarded" in it. It's weird. People object to the cripple reference but retarded sails by. Not saying you're wrong. Just odd. Posted by: ace on October 26, 2004 03:23 PM
Actually, I guess the joke works better now. It's got a lot less shock value, but then, no one's going to be angered by it, either. Posted by: ace on October 26, 2004 03:28 PM
Well, shit, I missed the wheelchair reference. Now you've piqued my curiosity. Rarely will you find humor funnier than referencing the bipedally challenged. Posted by: Sharp as a Marble on October 26, 2004 03:32 PM
Sorry about that one. Sharp as a Marble, Well, it was the same joke as it is now, except it wasn't about people with poor vision, it was about people in wheelchairs. Not really a joke about them, but about replacing one term with another one that's worse. Bad call on my part. Sometimes the internal editors aren't up to snuff. Posted by: ace on October 26, 2004 03:53 PM
It's nice to see good people admit thay sort of messed up and change things. Don't you wish that the MSM could even come clost to that? Posted by: J M Galvin on October 26, 2004 05:19 PM
Clinton/Fred Sanford is the best. Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on October 26, 2004 08:59 PM
Ace: You're absolutely killing me tonight. The wife wants to know what I'm laughing about. Tears are streaming down my face. It must be the wine. Posted by: lloyd on October 27, 2004 06:47 PM
Sanford & Son had that theme song that I love so much. Sometimes when our house is a total wreck, I'll hum the first few bars to my husband and we get a good laugh. And it's, "I'm coming Elizabeth!" Not "I'm coming for you!" Ahhh yes. Remember the drawer full of eyeglasses? Posted by: lauraw on October 28, 2004 12:01 PM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
Former Republican liberal Ben Sasse announces that he has stage IV metastasized pancreatic cancer: "I'm gonna die"
It's not just a "death sentence," as he says, but a rapidly coming one. I hope he can put his affairs in order and make sure his family is in a good as a position as they can be.
Brown killer takes the coward's way out. Naturally.
Still not identified, for some reason. Per Fox 25 Boston, the killer was a non-citizen permanent legal resident It continues to be strange that the police are so protective of his identity.
Fearful French cancel NYE concert on Champs-Élysées as migrant violence grows
The time is now! France must fight for its culture! [CBD]
Megyn Kelly finally calls out Candace Owens
Whoops, I meant she bravely attacks Sydney Sweeney for "bending the knee." (Sweeney put out a very empty PR statement saying "I'm against hate." Whoop-de-doo.) Megyn Kelly claims she doesn't want to call people out on the right when asked about Candace Owens but then has no compunctions at all about calling people out on the right. As long as they're not Candace Owens. Strangely, she seems blind and deaf to anything Candace Owens says. That's why this woman calls her "Megyn Keller." She's now asking her pay-pigs in Pakistan how they think she should address the Candace Owens situation, and if they think this is really all about Israel and the Jews.
The World Must Stop Ignoring What Iranians Already Know: The Regime Is on the Brink
Isn't it pretty to think so? [CBD]
I have happily forgotten what Milo Yiannopoulos sounds like, but I still enjoyed this impression from from Ami Kozak.
More revelations about the least-sexy broken relationship in media history
I'd wanted to review Parts 2, 3, and 4 of Ryan Lizza's revenge posts about Olivia Nuzzi, but they're all paywalled. I thought about briefly subscribing to get at them, but then I read this in Part 2: Remember the bamboo from Part 1? Do I ever! It's all I remember! Well, bamboo is actually a type of grass, and underground, it's all connected in a sprawling network, just like the parts of this story I never wanted to tell. I wish I hadn't been put in this position, that I didn't have to write about any of this, that I didn't have to subject myself or my loved ones to embarrassment and further loss of privacy. We're back to the fucking bamboo. Guys, I don't think I can pay for bamboo ruminations. I think he added that because he was embarrassed about all the bamboo imagery from Part 1. He's justifying his twin obsessions: His ex, and bamboo. Which is not a tree but a kind of grass, he'll have you know.
Olivia Nuzzi's crappy Sex and the City fanfic book isn't selling, says CNN (and CNN seems pretty pleased about that)
On Tuesday, the book arrived in stores. At lunchtime, in the Midtown Manhattan nexus of media and publishing, interest in Nuzzi's story seemed more muted. The Barnes and Noble on Fifth Avenue had seven copies tucked into a "New & Notable" rack next to the escalator, below Malala Yousafzai's "Finding My Way." Not many had sold so far, a store employee said. She trashes Ryan Lizza for his "Revenge Porn" here. Emily Jashinsky says that when the Bulwark's gay grifter Tim Miller asked why she didn't report on the (alleged) use of ketamine by RFKJr., she broke down in tears and asked to end the interview.
Canada Euthanized a Record 16.4K People Last Year
Aktion T4, now with Poutine! [CBD]
Trump's DOT Drops the Hammer: Thousands of CDL Trainers Shut Down
This is how it is done. [CBD]
Minneapolis mayor Jacob Frey vows to Somali criminals that he will not cooperate with ICE, then begins speaking in Somali
Gee I wonder why Walz allowed Somali pirates to steal 1 billion in American dollars... could it possibly be that criminal illegal aliens are voting in elections and the Democrats know it and play to that illegal constituency?
Incumbent Senator John Cornyn (RINO - TX) betrayed his party and his country by voting in favor Biden's Afghan resettlement bill in 2021. Cornyn voted to bring in the Afghan who shot two National Guard soldiers on US soil. A vote for Cornyn is an endorsement of importing unvetted, radicalized murderers. [Buck]
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Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
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