The Finns are a strange lot. I am 1/4 finnish, and my finn relatives in the Upper Penninsula of Michigan are the most stoic, reserved, calm, and odd folks you can imagine.

But, they are Americans, so they don't smell funny.

Why do I think Europeons are assholes?
This is why:

"I think it's quite funny," said Mia Myllymaki, a 28-year-old elementary school teacher. "Of course we are proud that Conan O'Brien talks about Finland and Finnish people. ... People in the USA don't even know where Finland is, so maybe it helps if he talks about it."

Was that really necessary?

Fuck you, Mia, you smell like fish.

Muh ah ah ah!
Our Dark Power Grows! Today, Munising, tomorrow, Helsinki!

Say yah to dah U.P., eh?

Besides, everyone knows that Sweden and Norway both PWN!!!1! Finland.

Okay, so maybe our power isn't quite that dark. Maybe just a battleship gray.

Federated States of Micronesia? Yeah, we can take them.

Yah!

Dah Upers!

Deer Camp!

Seriously, I've always wished Dah Upers would organize a guerrilla war to achieve independence from Michigan. They've got legitimate grievances. They're already armed to the teeth with enough deer rifles, mining exposives, and chain saws to field a credible military challenge.

I mean, a Basque-type rebellion in the U.S. would be great TV.

People in the USA don't even know where Finland is . .

Yeah, let's see how many Finnish people can point Costa Rica out on a map. Assholes.

Federated States of Micronesia? Yeah, we can take them.

Don't think small.

Jack is presently at war with Iceland and Graz, Austria, and he only gets 50 hits a day. Well, 35 hits a day if you don't include me.

We can do better. I say, let's get after those arrogant pricks in Argentina. Brazil will come in on our side, for sure.

Scary. I initially thought that was a photo of Conan O'Brien. It took me a minute to realize that was actually a woman.

That teacher needs to hit the web more often. It's scary when you think how many people on the web were able to make inside jokes about the U.P. on this one site when you realize that the U.P. is so unpopulated (relatively speaking) that you can drive and have your radio on scan and it won't pick up anything. For a real long time.

N.B., Gogebic is a county, not one of those conditions you're embarrassed to tell the doctor about.

Unless you're Ace.

While we're fooling around, would it kill us to install a right-wing Finnish government?

Yeah, but those 50 hits a day that i get?

All of them are money, baby.

Except for the ones I get from the bitter repressed wannabe from Ohio, who I really oughta ban.

Those hits? Not so money.

Except for the ones I get from the bitter repressed wannabe from Ohio, who I really oughta ban.

Sure. If you wanna be an Ardolino copycat.

Geoff,

The internet isn't big enough for one Ardolino, let alone a copycat.

I think I'm going to reserve my mimicry to those who actually contribute something of value to the 'sphere.

Like Ace. And Spurwing Plover.

The sign-up sheet for the Banned By Jack Association follows:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

OK, that's all the commenters he has.

Nah..I have more than that Michael.

In the interests of full disclosure, i will name all the people who have ever commented on my site:

Michael, Skinbad, LauraW, Sobek, G-Man, Dave in Texas, Lipstick, Jayne, Elzbth, Muslihoon, Harrison, Retired Geezer, A shit load of angry Austrians, Dave @ Garfield Ridge, and Lord Floppington.

Now, here is the list of people who have made INTERESTING comments on my site:

Skinbad, LauraW, Sobek, G-Man, Dave in Texas, Lipstick, Jayne, Elzbth, Muslihoon, Harrison, Retired Geezer, a shit load of angry austrians, Dave @GR and Lord Floppington.

It's scary when you think how many people on the web were able to make inside jokes about the U.P. on this one site when you realize that the U.P. is so unpopulated (relatively speaking) that you can drive and have your radio on scan and it won't pick up anything.

I'm fond of the U.P. because I remember driving through in the wee hours of the morning, on my way to Wisconsin in mid-winter, and I saw the Northern Lights. At first I didn't realize what was happening, I just noticed that the pavement in front of me was too bright. Then Mrs. Michael and I pulled over and got out of the car. It was unbelievable. If you've never seen this, trust me, there's no way to describe it or to capture it on film.

Add Brewfan to the list of "people who have commented" and "people who have made interesting comments" on my site.

I neglected to mention him before, because this is his weekend with Mrs. Michael, and I'm jealous.

Jack:

Don't think I will fail to tell Civetta that you forgot about her. Dude, you are in deep shit.

I mean, Jack, it's not like she just drops in. She worships you.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Yeah...that Civetta thing.

Dude, it was just a two week spark off. Her and I have moved on. All that was in the past. I wish her well with her new blogs. Are we friends? Yeah. Do we talk? No.

Truth be told, I'm trying to arrange a blog commenter trade.

I'm offering Ace "Civetta" and a commenter to be named later in exchange for "Mrs. Peel".

I commented at your site, Jack. But it was on one of your law-related posts, so it's possible that not even you read it.

Hell..It's quite possible I didn't even read the initial post you commented on, Comish.

"Reading" and "Typing" gets in the way of my preferred hobbies "drinking" and "crying myself to sleep".

Having said that, you are now on the list of commenters who have said something, and who have said something interesting.

I'm offering Ace "Civetta" and a commenter to be named later in exchange for "Mrs. Peel".

Better consummate the trade before the "skin pic" comes out, or your trading position is likely to evaporate.

I'm offering Ace "Civetta" and a commenter to be named later in exchange for "Mrs. Peel".

Dude, you are so stupid. You just pissed off a skanky Las Vegas whore in order to curry favor with a science-geek college girl.

Which one is most likely to slit your throat while you while you're sleeping?

I can't help it, Michael. I don't placate. And, let's face it, Mrs. Peel seems to bring an awful lot to the table.

I mean, I look at Mrs.Peel, and I'm reminded of the time I was in the 9th grade and I dated a Senior who was, pubescently speaking, really hot.

I guess what I'm saying is that I appreciate Civetta's attention, but now it's time for her to get out of my face.

I think that The Guardian should organize a letter-writing campaign to reach out to Finnish voters, correct this injustice, and end imperialist American hegemony over Finland, which I've been assured is a real country.

I think that The Guardian should organize a letter-writing campaign . . .

If they are paying for the postage, they probably should mention in that letter that Kerry was a war hero.

Finland, which I've been assured is a real country.

Are you certain? Did you receive this information from a reliable source? Damn, I don't even know where it is! Maybe it's somewhere south of...Madagascar.

Geez, Jack, I feel so used. I dropped a comment or two on your "declaration of war on Graz" thread, but you apparently forgot me like a bad blind date.

As far as the rumor of Finland being a "real" country, I just looked at my Risk board and couldn't find this so-called "Finland" anywhere.

And they can chant NO BLOOD FOR OIL while riding in their gas guzzling limo on their way to the next GREENPEACE get together or to give one of the dumb SAVE THE EARTH speech