I always refer to Lifetime as the "All Men Are Bastards Network". (Our cable system also carries Oxygen, which seems to want to out-bastard Lifetime.) In sum...eh. If that's what the ladies like, fine by me. We guys have ESPN, FOX, and SciFi to keep us occupied.

I still wish the cable companies would just go to an ala-carte pricing model, where I only subscribe to the channels I want instead of having to choose "packages" that are about 90% pure crap. The Golf Channel? The Soap Network? Jesus. I'd rather watch paint dry.

If I didn't crave the fat pipe I get from cable internet, I'd have canceled my service long since. In fact, now that I can get both Monk and Battlestar Galatica off iTunes, I really don't need cable TV anymore.

Now they all can get back to cleaning the damn house.

And.......begin....

Jesus Christ, Monty. Come up for air. You went from Lifetime to iTunes in 3 paragraphs in the time it took me to write one lame sentence.

So...you saw that movie too, huh?

Unfortunatly my wife loves that channel....It's called the man hating channel in my house :-) even have my 14 yr old daughter calling it that.
kinda funny

I wonder if the hot chick in the Conservative T-shirts ad over on the right side of the page watches Lifetime?

How many of the "nearly twenty" wymn in the protest were hot looking? My guess is: nearly zero.

I call it the vagina channel.

women react strangely to it as they're flicking by. It's weird-- all those movies feature (multiple times) two women talking in a kitchen. This must be the least interesting dramatic situation imaginable, but as soon as a woman sees Meredith Baxter-Birney (or, say, valerie Bertanelli) talking to another woman in a kitchen...

...THEY ARE TRANSFIXED AS IF LOOKING INTO THE EYES OF DRACULA.

I don't get it.

My favorite was the lady with the "I miss the Golden Girls" sign

Hey, don't laugh. It's a market for writers. How many writers do all these reality shows employ?

Jim Gaffigan:

"My favorite channel is the Lifetime channel because Lifetime is "Television for women. Lifetime, television for women." Yet for some reason, there's always a woman getting beaten on that network. "Meredith Baxter gets beaten by a rod, in the Lifetime Original, "Rod."

"At least 20".

I counted 16... I mean at least 15. And dont be doggin' The Golf Channel.

In my house it's known as the Estrogen Network. It's not on much though. Just this really bad soap opera on Saturday night about a bunch of wymn running a sheep farm in what I think is supposed to be Australia.

Yeah. It's that bad.

Heh-heh. Monty, in his own words, "crave[s] the fat pipe."

I can't believe none of you jumped on that!

How long has Monty craved the fat pipe?

Damnit Shawn.

craved the fat pipe

Uh...Mister Chairman, may I have a few extra moments to clarify my statements earlier in the session? I'm afraid I might have misspoken in a certain sense; my staffers have informed me that I have "pulled a boner", and I wish to set the record straight.

...why are the staffers snickering? Don't people say "pull a boner" anymore?

Damned kids and their "hip slang".

Monty,

Monk is an awesome show. Here, have a wipe.

Someone's figured out the formulas for Lifetime Original movies.

Don't judge me. You'd all still tap Elyse.

I'd hit it.

Heh.

I still wish the cable companies would just go to an ala-carte pricing model, where I only subscribe to the channels I want instead of having to choose "packages" that are about 90% pure crap.

Patience, Monty.

As we speak, phone companies like the "new" AT&T (formerly SBC) and Verizon are spending billions to pull fiber optic cable towards your neighborhood, and they're planning to kick cable's ass by doing exactly what you want -- eliminating the "packaging" that has been a religion in the cable business.

Don't judge me. You'd all still tap Elyse.

sha-la-la

fuck. i forgot the last "la"

proofread a-a, proofread. Good commenter.

I'd only hit it if we're talking Bridget- Loves -Bernie - era Birney.

uh, didn't Ms. Baxter drop her second name after her divorce, ya know just to keep her Lifetime cred

Sit Ubu, sit. Good dog.

My neice wants to know why they call it the Lifetime Network when in every show somebody dies.

Yeah, isn't it time for some more Mallory cheesecake?

That's Judith Light, not Licht.

But that wrong spelling makes it sound like Judith licked. Licked what, I'd like to know?

My ex used to watch Lifetime; besides the man-hating movies, it was an endless stream of Designing Women and Goden Girls re-runs. Those two shows seem to comprise about 60% of Lifetime programming; another 10% were tampon or douche commercials.

I've always wondered why Oprah didn't just move her circus tent over to Lifetime -- the two demographics exactly overlap.

Goden = Golden

my no spel gud

Who's the boss? I'll show you who's the boss, blondie.

said Ace defiantly. "You are, that's who!"

It would have been 20 even, except that one of the woman was mummified before the rally.

hooray for echo star! mabye now some of these woman will finally get off the couch and get a job. pfft yeah right! and mabye I'll find a million dollars dropped on my doorstep tomorrow morning.

Wait a minute. What about The Nanny?
Come on. Mute the sound; watch the legs.

Hey, I'll raise ya. My wife watches the Style Channel all the time, which has the entertainment value of watching a campfire slowly die out. Every show is populated by screaming queens and Z list actresses no one's ever heard of talking about crap that I honestly can't believe interests anyone with the physical ability to change the channel. She's gotten better since we got married and the wedding shows with psychotic bitch brides don't interest her anymore, but it's a painful recovery.

It could be worse; it could be LOGO (preening alternate reality TV), which my Dad's roommate, who's a chef/social worker, and a very nice man, adores. Talk about a channel featuring over-the-top soaps!

Strange household, especially since the Old Man's a 66 yo straight divorcee, JF Kennedy donk: yet they've both contracted BDS-- perhaps it's genetic or chemical in the roommate-- such odd bedfellows (not literally, you turds).

Eh. Whatever floats their boats, as arguements are pointless after awhile.

Speaking as their key female demographic even I despise "The Beaver Channel" I mean really... how many different ways can they do a story on women as victims overcoming the odds and beating cancer or pms or a stalker or programming the vcr . Jesus, I just lost 5 IQ points writing about this.

Charlie Ergen, Echostar CEO, bless his soul, is about the only executive in the cable or satellite business who makes any attempt to keep consumer prices down.

Lifetime got greedy, Charlie said NO! Bravo, Charlie!!!

actually the real reason the Lifetime channel is no more on Dish Network is because Lifetime is getting greedy, asking for a increase of fees close to a 70% increase. If my dish network fee's went up because of Lifetime channel, I would cancel my service. Now if it was negotions that involved FX or ESPN settle...

Damn, I got beat by a girl... :)

Damn, I got beat by a girl... :)

Count yourself lucky...there are guys out there who pay good money for that sort of thing.

Can someone tell me the basic difference between Lifetime and Oxygen? I mean, besides the Queen of Sheba.

Well, I'm a female, married with a kid, and I always hated that victim-of-the-week shit. I can't even watch the Olympics anymore since they started trying to attract my demographic by showing every athlete overcoming some tragedy, like the the swimmer whose dog got run over two years before, but he struggled on to make the Olympic team. Makes me wanna hurl.

I'd rather watch Mail Call.

I have never watched Lifetime, and Monk totally kicks ass. That's the only show I watch regularly...I am not much of a television person, and when I do turn it on, it tends to be TV Land or the game show network (if they are showing Match Game, the greatest game show EVER).

In fact, it was during a Match Game episode that I realized I was an anachronism. It's a great story that I'll tell y'all some other time. Right now, I'm going to watch Red Dawn.

WOLVERINES!!

The only reason I still stop on The Lifetime Channel is in hopes that it used to be lifetime medical channel a ( That went kablooie when big Pharma got the power to direct advertise to consumers. Before that, they bought big blocks of time that sponsored shows like Dr. Roger Bone's panel discussion on erectile dysfunction.) and I keep forgetting it's off the air.

You're right about those womano a womano kitchen chats, though. Hypmotized, Every f*in time.

all that hate's gonna burn you up kid

correction: in hopes that it will turn back into what it used to be.

Yeah, I actually learn something if I watch Mail Call.

My sisters used to watch those various "Baby Story"/"Wedding Story"/etc. (isn't that Lifetime?) shows. My Lord, those were boring. And what pregnant woman =really= wants to watch a show about crisis pregnancies? Ugh.

I don't think you need another sandwich, lard-ass!

Carry on. Semper Fi!

there is a new lifetime channel... it's called the democratic party! "he lied" (dean, kennedy, etc.), "he didn't call" (murtha), "he doesn't listen" (newsweek), "he's abusive" (nytimes & abu graib), "he's stalking" (ny times on nsa), "he isn't protective enough" (clinton on body armor), "he doesn't care" (kwame on katrina), etc., etc. notice a pattern here?

I still waiting to see "The Bruning Bed..His Story!

Ok I'm such a Tool, I can't spell burning! Thankfully, it post # 52 and no one will get down that far!

Oh Bill ye of little faith . Ace's readers know no bottom limits