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« Counterfeiters Fob Off $100 Bills, Featuring Lincoln's Face | Main | Martha's Apprentice Just Isn't Fitting In »
November 14, 2005

Top Ten Signs of a Counterfeit $100 Bill

10. Motto "In God We Trust" has been replaced by "If this van's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'"

9. Back of bill features image of Jefferson Memorial being attacked by Godzilla and Japanese Zero fighters

8. Real bills are printed on special paper with high linen content, not various pages of The Ultimate Collection of Fart Jokes by Nether Winds

7. Corners of bill identify it not as "One Hundred Dollars," but "Hundred Buck Cash-Money, Baby!"

6. American Eagle's head faces the wrong way; also, the Eagle has a massive throbbing erection (which also faces the wrong way)

5. Real bills identify themselves as legal tender, not "Mitch's Free Money Bonanza"

4. Portrait is not of Bejamin Franklin, but either of 1) Abraham Lincoln or 2) "Ziggy" from Quantum Leap

3. Bill's serial number is "4." Just "4."

2. Contrary to implication of signature on bill, the position of Secretary of the Treasury has never held by been Mookie Wilson

...and the Number One Sign of a Counterfeit $100 Bill...

1. When angled to the light, bill displays watermark of Yasmine Bleeth holding Bob Dole's cock


posted by Ace at 03:21 PM
Comments



So, that's whose cock that is.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 14, 2005 03:58 PM

Bill shows pink teddy bears

Posted by: spurwing plover on November 14, 2005 04:03 PM

So let's see....... get your ass handed to you in the world's most important and highly visible election, and Yasmine Bleath will hold your cock. Where the fuck do I sign up for some of that?

Posted by: Sticky B on November 14, 2005 05:14 PM

Wasn't "Ziggy" never actually shown on screen?

Posted by: Knemon on November 14, 2005 06:34 PM

I thought Ziggy was just the little hand-computer that made funny noises, and that was shown all the time.

Posted by: ace on November 14, 2005 06:45 PM

Actually, I think that was just a portable hand-held access terminal for Ziggy. Ziggy itself was a massive AI system back at the Quantum Leap project headquarters.

Posted by: Xoxotl on November 14, 2005 07:14 PM

I thought ziggy was the tech who ran the computer back at the base. Al was always getting betting line updates from Ziggy while Sam was trying to save the victim du jour (oh yeah, like Sam wasn't a freakin' degenerate gambler).

I seem to remember Ziggy showing up in one of the later episodes when Al was indisposed for some reason related to Sam's leap. I don't remember the actor's name, but he looked a lot like Michael Jeter & Kurt Vonnegut's bastard love child.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset on November 14, 2005 08:37 PM

jeez, I'm such a 'tard. Ziggy WAS the computer. The dude I was thinking of was "Gushy". Looooooooooose shit.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset on November 14, 2005 08:38 PM

Probably thinking of Gushy. Gushy was the dude played by that really frenetic, overcaffeinated comic, Dennis Wolfberg, or something.

Posted by: Matt on November 14, 2005 09:47 PM

I've found that the blue paper and bits of cheese left over from the Filet-O-Fish are a good tip off to a bad forgery.

Posted by: Purple Avenger on November 14, 2005 10:05 PM

Man, your command of popular culture makes me laugh my ass off!

Mookie Wilson? Where on earth did you pull that from??

Posted by: Kevin on November 15, 2005 01:01 AM
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