Shouldn't the host pitch the first ball?

suck my balls.

I promised to be back, so here I am. Oops, it says no trolls. Well goodbye then. *sob*

Ace! Anka in Westbury tomorrow night. You should be there.

Oops, it says no trolls.

Wrong kind of troll, you Krell-shaped ass nugget.

suck my balls.

No, thanks. I hate ice tea.

awfully quiet here on the flamewar thread. do you come here often?

I don't get that.

geoff said in prev. thread:

Here you come, prancing about, pirouetting gaily on the tips of your effeminate toes, reminiscing about stuffing my pants.

Yeah, and you wouldn't fucking stop calling me. Jesus, what a whiny bitch! Day after day, following me after a puppy, making doe eyes at me in the hall...it really got to me. And that's why I had to work you over with a baseball bat and put that huge fucking dent in your skull. You essentially gave me no choice.

If this Intrarweb thing allowed teleportation, I've appear in front of you and give you a clout right now, just for still being alive.

suck my balls.

Wow. Must have taken you minutes to come up with that one, Ace. I don't think anybody will post, now; we're all intimidated by your superior wit. "Ooooooooo! *Snap!* Ace is on a roll!!!"

I don't get that.

Just don't accept any ice tea or any tea period and you'll be fine.

Okay, let's get this thing started!

Hillary in '08!

And no, I won't suck anyone's balls...

Anonymous:

On the off chance that you're a regular on this site, let me warn you once: post a name or nick on your posts.

put that huge fucking dent in your skull.

Dent? You told me you were fixing it so I could put my beer up there. Never trust a transexual in love . . .

JannyMae:

And no, I won't suck anyone's balls...

Yeah, yeah, you said the same thing to me the other night. You lied then, so why should I believe you now?

On the off chance that you're a regular on this site, let me warn you once: post a name or nick on your posts.

A warning? Monty's in love with Anon, he wants to kiiiisss him, he wants to hooooollllldd him . . .

geoff, my friend! remember the time when we used to go to a demonstration together, hand in hand, singing the good old revolution songs? ah, those were the days...

Yeah, Monty, and you said you weren't the, "kiss and tell type." So much for that....men are such liars!

let me warn you once

Tough words, Monty. Yeah, anonymous better do it... or else.

Or else what, I'm not really sure. But I'm guessing it involved Monty typing really really hard on the keyboard. That'll teach him not to mess with Monty. Yeah.

geoff:

Monty's in love with Anon.

Nah. It's more an infatuation thing. Your mom would kill me if I started having sex with anyone else.

sandy burger:

That'll teach him not to mess with Monty

Oh, thou mockest whereof thou knowest not! I have powers. My complete lack of any personal/social life has left me ample time for dabbling in the Dark Arts and Eldritch Mysteries.

So this is what it looks like when my fellow Ace readers bring out the big guns. What a joke. It's pretty sad that the best flame I've seen on this site so far is still:

Forbidden
You don't have permission to access /cgi/splorp.cgi on this server.

Additionally, a 404 Not Found error was encountered while trying to use an ErrorDocument to handle the request.

Apache/1.3.33 Server at www.blog.mu.nu Port 80

Your mom would kill me if I started having sex with anyone else.

Can't be my mom - you wouldn't have strength or time to type. She'd do a Star Trek salt monster number on you.

geoff, my friend! remember the time when we used to go to a demonstration together, hand in hand, singing the good old revolution songs? ah, those were the days...

Oh yeah, now I remember. What was with that big-ass plug thing that disappearing up under you gown? Or maybe I have the hyphen between the wrong two words . . .

Nice try, geoff. (Oh, it's spelled "Jeff", by the way.)

Here's how it's done:
You have a thin skin and low social standing, so you direct over-the-top insults at yourself in order to preempt the actual hurtful insults which you know you deserve.

So, "geoff" describes his mom as a Star Trek salt monster in order to distract from the humiliating fact that even Ace wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. (Especially because of what she caught from Cedarford.)

JannieMae:

Yeah, Monty, and you said you weren't the, "kiss and tell type."

I say lots of things. I also told you I was a covert Secret Service operative who had to protect you from an insurrectionist plot. It's not my fault you're gullible.

I got what I wanted, which is really the only important thing.

sandy burger (it's spelled 'booger,' by the way)

So, "geoff" describes his mom as a Star Trek salt monster in order to distract from the humiliating fact that even Ace wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole.

Sandy - Ace is my mother. And he/she gave Cedarford as good as he/she got.

Sandy - Ace is my mother.

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Ace -- how could you deceive me in such a way? (Although I confess I should have seen through the deception all along -- no chick could possibly have that much back-hair.)

geoff (or jeff, or whatever), you dog-vomit, even my mother insults me worse than you do. stop wanking for a minute and try to concentrate!

Sorry Monty, Ace asked me not to tell. But Sandy's insistent probing broke down my defenses. Wait, that didn't come out right. Oops, that didn't come out right either. Oh no, I'm in the recursive self-hosing spiral of doom!

stop wanking for a minute and try to concentrate!

. . . and the payoff for me is what, exactly?

Ace: thanks for not blogrolling me, you rectal stump.

Not bad for my first attempt at an online insult, eh?

Try Pubmed for a definition.

Not bad for my first attempt at an online insult, eh?

It, like your visage, brings to mind an image of an impacted colon.

Monty said:
I say lots of things

ok, now you really piss me off! I say more things than you! don't you come here bragging that you say lots of things! I'd like to punch you in the face, you liar!

even my mother insults me worse than you do

Well, you have to admit: she has a more in-depth knowledge of your despicable nature than we do, so she naturally has a more target-rich environment. From the bed-wetting to the inveterate nose-picking to the habitual masturbation in the linen-closet, she has a rich panoply of your sick and twisted nature upon which to hang her barbs.

Plus, since your mom works at the sleaziest whorehouse in Bangkok, she would naturally be privy to the most colorful expressions and metaphors.

Plus, since your mom works at the sleaziest whorehouse in Bangkok, she would naturally be privy to the most colorful expressions and metaphors.

Though, as the 9th Circuit Court thoughtfully reminds us, she doesn't have the exclusive right to use them on you, you trail of love-leavings sliding down Sully's glutes.

Now, Monty, show a little compassion. It wasn't easy for "troll", being raised in a broken home, what with his father all the way over on the other side of the world, working the Tijuana donkey show circuit.

I'd like to punch you in the face, you liar!

Even in a notably weak field, that insult has to be the dumbest, dullest, and most witless retorts I've ever read. It's like something that started out as a pretty good Japanese insult, was (badly) translated into Mandarin Chinese, thence into Magyar, and on into Bulgarian, and only then into English, whereupon you read it on one of your whacking-sessions in the toilet stall and decided to try it out on me.

Weak. You are a puke-chunk whose stench raises the hackles of dogs in the next town.

Monty, you know a lot of words, but you just ain't funny! You are the most boring commenter on Ace's blog. Don't take this as an insult my friend. I love you all the same.

You are the most boring commenter on Ace's blog.

Now, now, let's be careful there. I'm sure Monty's the most boring commenter on lots of blogs.

I can't believe I'm engaging in this discussion while at work. I could be fired for this.

After being fired, I might contract severe halitosis. My friends might stop talking to me. The opposite sex might avoid me. And then I'll look back on this fateful day and laugh, because in spite of all that, hey, at least I'm not you losers.

troll:

You are the most boring commenter on Ace's blog.

At least I'm the best at something. You're not even good at being boring, you worthless pile of flyblown diarrhetic crap. You're not even worth the effort it would take to clout you in the skull. We can only hope that the disease you got from the male prostitute you visited last month will do its work quickly and put you out of your misery.

sandy burger:

After being fired, I might contract severe halitosis.

That ship has already sailed, buddy. Here, have a Tic-Tac.

After being fired, I might contract severe halitosis. My friends might stop talking to me. The opposite sex might avoid me.

Hellooooo? Little time traveller? Snap out of it, you androgynous ass-tick, all those things already happened.

No G1?

Fine.

Suck my "G2: Glacial Rift of the Frost Giant Jarl".

I can't believe I'm engaging in this discussion while at work

nice try, sandy burger. we all know you haven't got a job.

You know what's the most depressing thing about reading this blog? Watching you guys try to flirt with the "female" posters here.

I could post as, say, Jennifer, saying, "I'm kinduv new to politics, but I don't like those democrats so much. Gee, you guys sure do talk about boobs a lot. But that's OK. Tee hee. Girls like 'em too! :) ;) ;)".

And you morons would eat that shit up.

You're all typing a post with one hand and have a picture from acesdirtymom.com up in another window, thinking that internet "flirting" is getting you one nanometer closer to getting laid with a real woman.

P.S. bbeck is a man. Sorry to disappoint.

Well, I'll check back in with you fools later on. Right now, I think I'm gonna go talk to homeless lunatics in the park. I figure I gotta do something to restore my faith in humanity after hanging around here too long.

sandy burger:

Well, I'll check back in with you fools later on.

You know, if you have to meet with your PO, just say so. We all know that "public indecency" beef was just because you were hopped up on Sterno and antihistamines.

I could post as, say, Jennifer, saying, "I'm kinduv new to politics, but I don't like those democrats so much. Gee, you guys sure do talk about boobs a lot. But that's OK. Tee hee. Girls like 'em too! :) ;) ;)".

So, you're Jennifer, hunh? Do you want to see some of my cites? Or show me your boobs?

My half-elf thief got killed by a wandering giant rat in the forest before getting to the dungeon so I went to Wrath of Kahn with the DM's sister and we made out in the back of the theatre. I didin't realize that during all that fumbling I'd melted the open packet of M&M's in my pocket and when I stood up it looked like I'd crapped my pants.

Hmmm. Re-reading the comments it seems like Sandy may in fact be a girl and may have taken offense at something or other here. Well, that sucks all the fun out of it for me. Y'all take care.

Sandy, they asked you nicely to chew the TicTacs dude. Now I'm telling you: Your breath smells like you went to felch your Dad and a corn-studded steamer shot down your piehole.

Damn, spongeworthy, my secretary thinks I'm going crazy in here.

Every wonder what geoff looks like? Here ya' go:

Ace is my mother.

Jesus Christ, this is the lamest flamewar thread I've ever seen. From what I can tell, none of you could get a flame going if you were dressed up like Excitablle Andy on a "bear" hunt on Fire Island.

Sandy may in fact be a girl ... that sucks all the fun out of it for me

Not that there's anything wrong with that, Geoff.

none of you could get a flame going if you were dressed up like Excitablle Andy on a "bear" hunt on Fire Island.

says Sean M. desperately, in his bear suit.

Lame, lame, lame. It must be too early for you all to have gotten your nightly intake of valu-rite and lead paint. What I want to know is where is bbwbeck and her immense udders for the involuntary celibate monks on this moronblog to slobber over. Hey, if flinging monkey feces at each other on a Friday night works for you to keep deluding yourselves that your not complete wastes of perfectly good saltwater, party on, tards.

I'm back from my walk in the park. (Ace, I tried to say hi to your sister, but she was passed out in the gutter. I did my best to shoo the flies away, though.)

I see there have been a couple more anonymous comments. Uh oh. Maybe we're gonna see Monty talk tough again. Which, of course, will make Geoff jealous again.

Hmmm. Re-reading the comments it seems like Sandy may in fact be a girl and may have taken offense at something or other here. Well, that sucks all the fun out of it for me. Y'all take care.

Taken offense? In a flame war thread?

Wuss.

Good insults on Sandy and Monty's part, though.

Good insults on Sandy and Monty's part, though.

Did I ask you for your worthless nothing of an opinion, shitstain? When I want an opinion from you, I'll write it on a piece of 20-grit sandpaper and cram it up your dirt road. When it is later extracted by an EMT as you lie on a gurney howling in pain, you can mull over the meaning of said opinion so you can later repeat it back to me if and when I ask you.

Did I ask you for your worthless nothing of an opinion, shitstain

You aspire to reach the lofty heights of shitstain, you miserable putrid puddle of ferret puke.

says Sean M. desperately, in his bear suit.

God, you're dumber than Oliver Willis, aren't you?

And by the way, you'd better pick a nickname before Monty gives you a stern talking-to!

That's our Slublog, always making with the animal comments. Fitting for a guy who fit a horse's junk into his mouth.

stern talking-to

You wish. I'm kind of like E.F. Hutton, only when my baseball bat talks, people listen. Then they lie on the ground bleeding from the ears and eyes.

Monty, you know a lot of words, but you just ain't funny! You are the most boring commenter on Ace's blog.

Well, Monty would be funnier to you if you already knew what all those words meant. I can imagine this experience is laborious and boring for you, having to look through a dictionary every third word.

"Then they lie on the ground bleeding from the ears and eyes."

And Monty plays the back nine.

And Monty plays the back nine.

The back nine is where champions are made, loser. Consistency is the key to excellence in all things.

You're playing dumb, right Monty? Because it's so hard to tell sometimes.

That's our Slublog, always making with the animal comments. Fitting for a guy who fit a horse's junk into his mouth.

Envy really isn't all that attractive, you know.

"Envy really isn't all that attractive, you know."

Neither is a grown man covered in his own weight in horse sperm.

Well, you'd know.

Then again, Lauraw might dissent from that opinion.

You guys should take it easy on the horse -talk around Slubs.

His wife recently delivered a 35-lb baby girl who was able to stand on her own rickety legs within 1/2 hour after birth.

His wife was recently delivered of a baby girl, who...

Ugh. Me rite good.

Gave birth to.

That is my final answer.

Say, Lauraw, did you ever get that case of thrush treated? I don't think mouthwash is gonna cut it; you need to see a vet. I know you enjoy keeping the desperate AoS dorks hanging on your every digital movement, but maybe freedom-kissing a horse wasn't the best idea after all.

Can't have a flamewar without flamers!

So, what, Bart...are you reporting for duty?

sandy burger:

maybe freedom-kissing a horse wasn't the best idea after all.

Pretty brave words, coming from a man who was actually filmed performing fellatio on a mule in a Tijuana nudie-bar in exchange for free beers and tips from the patrons.

You wish, Sean.
Shouldn't you be looking for you next date at a highway rest-stop?

JannyMae:

....men are such liars!

I wasn’t lying. It’s just that I got so wrapped up in the moment that I forgot to warn you. It's a compliment! And anyways, it’s just protein.

Geoff:

She'd do a Star Trek salt monster number on you.

And the award for “insult most likely to be made by a 35 year old virgin” goes to ….

But I'm sure it got big laughs on the Everquest Online message boards.

His wife recently delivered a 35-lb baby girl who was able to stand on her own rickety legs within 1/2 hour after birth.

And I'm proud, dammit.

Well, Monty would be funnier to you if you already knew what all those words meant.

How sweet. Returning a favor, Laura now springs to Monty's defense.

So, Laura's head is firmly up Monty's ass which, given the similar position Monty has previously assumed, makes for an odd little human doughnut up there in Maine, and gaurantees a bad hair day for both tomorrow.

Shouldn't you be looking for you next date at a highway rest-stop?

Nope, B. I'm straight. But thanks anyway for trying to set me up with your dad.

Gee, Michael, what you just said reminded me of a huge dump I took the other day. It's not so much what you said; it's just that everything about you reminds me of a giant pile of human shit.

I feel a little bad about this. After all, since you grew up as a geek in a low-rent traveling carnival, it's not like you can help your mind-boggling ugliness or horrendous stench. Tell me, did you ever solve that little problem you had with the spastic colon giving way whenever you talked to a girl?

P.S. bbeck is a man. Sorry to disappoint.

Just because she's been pounding you up the ass doesn't make her your boyfriend.

That is my final answer.

What a conincidence, Laura; those are the exact same words you whispered into my ear the other night after your third orgasm.

JannyMae:

....men are such liars!

I wasn’t lying. It’s just that I got so wrapped up in the moment that I forgot to warn you. It's a compliment! And anyways, it’s just protein.

Got antibiotic properties, too!

those are the exact same words you whispered into my ear the other night after your third orgasm.

Must have been by phone afterwards. Not that your personal experience would help you recognize a woman's orgasm - unless it was during anal. Then you would know exactly what she was feeling.

Hey, Michael, why don't you regale us with some of your faaaabulous Batman dialogue?

faggot.

VRWC Agent:

unless it was during anal. Then you would know exactly what she was feeling.

Only because you described it to me in such exacting detail. Remember? That was the time I came over to pick up your sister. She's here right now! She'd say hello, but my cock is in her mouth.

What a conincidence, Laura; those are the exact same words you whispered into my ear the other night after your third orgasm.

Not really a 'conincidence,' Monty.

When you're humping a trash bag that you pretend is an inflatable woman, you're probably the very sort to imagine it is whispering all sorts of things.

As it rustles and deflates under your putrescent, flabby embrace.

Laura:

trash bag

I will not stand idly by while you describe yourself in this way! Remember: a good self-image is critical to your well-being. If I don't mind your carbuncles, chancres, lustrous leg-hair, and faint odor of spoiled cheese; I don't see why you should. It's all part of your unique charm.

Dueling poofters! How Belgian!

Only because you described it to me in such exacting detail.

Ooooooh! The famed "I'm rubber, you're glue" gambit! I see you've really been studying hard, Monty. Lots of hard.

She'd say hello, but my cock is in her mouth.

I hope you put fresh batteries in it, Viagra boy. Too small to work its alimentary magic for you anymore?

Gee, Michael, what you just said reminded me of a huge dump I took the other day. . .

Insults that consist entirely of references to human feces invariably set off an alarm here at the AOSHQ Insult Quality Control Department.

The feces references are not by themselves objectionable, but they need to be more than childish, mindless scatological humor. Ideally, they should contain a personal reference that calls to mind the particular insultee and his or her history here at AOSHQ (see, for example, the many flames that have previously been directed at compos mentis).

At the least, they should include a shockingly graphic description, such as spongeworthy's reference above to a "corn-studded steamer shot down your piehole."

Otherwise, the flame seems juvenile and utterly lacking in creativity, as is the case with Monty's recent pathetic offering.

This has been a public service announcement from the AOSHQ Insult Quality Control Department.

What's a guy gotta do to get flamed around here?

/sniff

What's a guy gotta do to get flamed around here?

Oh, don't be such a wussbag. I'm sure, in time, someone will take a moment to think up an insult that will bring meaning to your life.

Knemon:

I find every molecule of your phsyical self to be an abject insult, sir! Your malodorous corpulence and fulminant perspiration make you an objectionable fellow-traveler, and this is aside from your asinine line of conversation. Were it not for my gentlemanly up-bringing, I would thrash you within an inch of your life and call it well-done! You are a foppish, ridiculous figure of a man! Your cravat is askew, and I note that your hat is at least two seasons out of fashion! Only the pity of the upper classes still admits you to the better salons and drawing rooms!

I take my leave of you, sir! I pray God your foul presence does not intrude into mine again in this lifetime!

What's a guy gotta do to get flamed around here?

/sniff

You're on the right track. You can set yourself up as a guy so desperate for attention that you'll beg for a flame. Then maybe some kind person like me will show up, out of pity, and say, "Suck my balls, Knemon, you ridiculous little wretch, suck them good."

Just to be a nice guy.

Ooh, yeah! Like that! More!

"Laura:

trash bag

I will not stand idly by while you describe yourself in this way!"

SIGH.

Toots!
Darling heart.

Writing 'laura' across the bag in indelible ink does not make it me.
I really, really feel sorry for you.

But I especially feel sorry for bbeck, since the bag that wears her name is hanging on the clothesline, waiting for some rain to wash away your man-slime.

Knemon:

What's a guy gotta do to get flamed around here?

/sniff

It's not so much what you've "gotta" do as what you've "gotta" not do. For example, you've "gotta" not show everyone that you're a whiny bitch who's going to break into tears the moment someone says something mean about his collection of Richard Simmons videos, or points out that it's abnormal to masturbate to episodes of The Biggest Loser.

You've also "gotta" not be an attention seeking whore who will probably want to cuddle after being insulted.

And you've "gotta" not be one of those asslickers from fark that throw "/[emotion]" into their posts because talking to those track-marked sweatpants-wearing, Stargate SG1 fansite having, spit-bubble blowing, acne scarred pustules only encourages them to continue dragging their virtual fingers along the chalkboard with their 1337-speak idiocy.

What's more pathetic?

The fact that Knemon is so desperate for attention, any kind of attention at all, that he's asking to be insulted by AoS readers... or the fact that he's resorted to posting insults of himself under the assumed name Reginald Hawthorne Throatwobbler III, Esq.?

It's a toss-up, really. But then, it usually is for Knemon, isn't it? Right now, Knemon doesn't know whether to cry because the insult stings or to be happy that anybody noticed him and remembers his name. He'll probably be following me around like a puppy for the next few weeks hoping somehow to earn some scraps of "I'm laughing with you, Knemon, not at you". I have only myself to blame for not ignoring him like everybody else does.

lauraw:

Writing 'laura' across the bag in indelible ink does not make it me.

Laura, stop calling yourself a bag. We only wrote your name on your stomach with a Sharpie as a joke; remember? (I don't remember if this was before or after we trimmed back that luxuriant hedge guarding your Holy of Holies.) I didn't want to use a Sharpie, but you insisted. So if it won't wash off, well, you got no one to blame but yourself.

Jeez, your shrink warned me that you could become dissociative, but I never thought it would be this bad.

But I especially feel sorry for bbeck, since the bag that wears her name is hanging on the clothesline, waiting for some rain to wash away your man-slime.

Yeah. Somebody get that bag back on her head where it belongs, pronto. She's scaring the horses.

"Right now, Knemon doesn't know whether to cry because the insult stings or to be happy that anybody noticed him and remembers his name."

Definitely the latter.

he's resorted to posting insults of himself under the assumed name Reginald Hawthorne Throatwobbler III, Esq

You're a retard.
I mean that in the nicest way possible.

"1337-speak idiocy."

I don't know what this means. That's probably a good sign.

Hey Michael,

What kind of mileage do you get on your house?

By the way, if we were having a contest, like that mythical poetry contest, I'd nominate 'corn-studded steamer' as the word picture of the year. It made me think of S. Weasel.

Jeez, your shrink warned me that you could become dissociative

I'm guessing you meant to say "disassociative."

Here is some counsel from an older, wiser, and manifestly smarter man: STOP TRYING TO USE BIG WORDS, BECAUSE YOU ARE A DUMBSHIT!

Michael:

Gee, you seem to be somewhat on edge. Is your asshole still smarting from that "all male gangbang" movie you did in Nogales a few days ago? (A genuinely smart man would have taken his payment in dollars rather than pesos, by the way.)

He didn't do it for the money.

Monty:

I think it's fair to say that for Michael, the pesos were just the icing on the cake, and the real payment was the satisfaction of a job well done. Oh, and a generous supply of man juice that he later extracted with a turkey baster, dried and powdered, and then sold to the pool boy as a "protein supplement."

Are you morons running out of steam already? I swear, if asshats could fly this blog would be an airport.

Hey Michael,

What kind of mileage do you get on your house?

Well, I have an All-Wheel-Drive Eddie Bauer Ford Explorer V-8 with trailer package.

When towing the house I only get about 8 mpg in the city, and 14 on the interstates.

But I don't care. The company pays for my gas.

Gotta tell you. Being a rich friggin' white corporate lawyer has its downsides, but it has a good side too.

BrewFan:

I meant to ask you: how did your court date go? I mean, I couldn't believe they busted you for "attempted sexual congress with a rodent". I thought you had to actually do it to get arrested. So what, was this like a conspiracy charge or something?

Besides, it was your weasel.

You can all KMA

Anon:

That's it?!? That's the best you've got? Some lame-ass animated GIF that giggly eleven year old girls send to each other via e-mail because it's so naughty? Man, that is fucking weak. Weak!

Go throw yourself under a train, you feculent tub of shit.

The company pays for my gas.

"Gas," huh? Well, I guess it would look a little weird if you wrote out "petroleum-based ass lube" on your expense accounts.

I couldn't believe they busted you for "attempted sexual congress with a rodent".

It's 'attempted' because when I found out that rat looked just like your sister, Li'l BrewFan headed south, if you know what I mean.

Ok, I (the thief) drink the potion of invisibility and scout ahead.

- The 50 foot passage leads to a room filled with hill giants, there's a pack of some critter they must consider a pet, and there's two orgres visiting.

Ok, I come back and report.

Joe (the Paladin, full plate): Ogres?!? I _HATE_ ogres. I run down the hall. Death to the ogres!

Um.

-Guys, the exit's this way.
-What are we going to do next?
-I dunno, I hadn't planned anything else. I really hadn't expected that turn of events.
- Remember not to bring someone whose flaw is must-charge-ogres next time.
-We're going to need another Paladin. Can we get one with an IQ this time?

BrewFan, drinks the potion of invisibility and scouts back one comment. He sees a big dick called Al who evidently is desprerately struggling to escape puberty. BrewFan wields his +5 Stick of Clue and whacks Al upside the head.

By the way, if we were having a contest, like that mythical poetry contest, I'd nominate 'corn-studded steamer' as the word picture of the year. It made me think of S. Weasel.

Wait. Hang on. No fairsies! I'm over here blitzed on store-brand vodka and the first two Joni Mitchell albums (I'm not a homo or anything, but all his sea-dreams come to me) and minding my own bidness, keeping my pointy snout outtum bitch-slap thread.

I feel totally outclassed. I only know so many words for genitals and excrement. I'll leave this one to the experts.

you feculent tub of shit

Is there any other kind? Those big words are confusing you again, Monty. Stick to your own league. Oh, that's right. You're not allowed to have contact with small children anymore.

I only know so many words for genitals and excrement. I'll leave this one to the experts.

Oh fuck. Another alarm went off at the AOSHQ Insult Quality Control Department, alerting us to another human being who is a skid-mark on the shorts of life.

Look, Weasel, if you have a two-inch schlong, you don't want to advertise the fact on an AOSHQ flame thread. Take your cue from Dogstar, another guy with a two-incher, and just lurk and enjoy the show.

The foregoing is a public service announcement from the AOSHQ Insult Quality Control Department.

I guess the insult quality control guy operates on the same principal as teaching - those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach.

I, I, I,

......................................................Thud.

Aaaooouugah! Aaaooouugah!

Another damn alarm. What is it this time?

Oh. Alarm No. 16. The "recitation of a platitude in lieu of having the intelligence of a steaming heap of armadillo shit and coming up with an original insult" alarm.

To wit:

I guess the insult quality control guy operates on the same principal as teaching - those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach.

You want an original insult?

Fine.

You're dumber than Britney Spears' husband.

Yeah, Ed, because Britney's husband is a no-talent, lazy lump of trailer trash shit who married a hugely successful and wealthy pop star. What a retarded fuckin' move, huh?

Good night, and good luck, dumbass.

Aaaooouugah! Aaaooouugah!

Dammit, it's time to go to bed and relish the Spurs victory over the Cavaliers.

What have we got here?

Alarms 6, 13, and 27!

Wow, this must be some kind of monumental dumbfuck.

What triggered the alarms?

*checks tapes*

Here it is:

You're dumber than Britney Spears' husband.

Should I educate this lame monkey-sucking loser on all the ways that this insult reveals his retarded mind and early-childhood abusive experiences?

Nah. It's late. I don't do this for a living, after all.

Sorry, Sean. I know you'd prefer to think of Britney as that coquettish schoolgirl we all know and love, but face the facts - the only people who would be attracted to her are 'lazy lumps of trailer trash shit.'

But I'm sure you have a double-wide.

And Mich...er...insult quality control guy...jokes about childhood abuse are just cruel.

Unless, of course, we're talking about the game you used to play with your uncle that involved the 'funny vibrating thing' and a lot of crisco.

Dammit, it's time to go to bed and relish the Spurs victory over the Cavaliers.

so that's how you celebrate..

I'll bet the pool boy hates the Spurs

Aaahhh, nothing like a good colon cleansing to restore the spirits. Uh, by the way Michael, you might want to spit that out before you go doing any lawyering or anything. Oh, you swallow? Fine then, see you next week.

Unless, of course, we're talking about the game you used to play with your uncle that involved the 'funny vibrating thing' and a lot of crisco.

Hah! You are sooo wrong!

Crisco. That's just ridiculous.

Now, Cornhuskers Lotion and Uncle Hector is another story . . .

Is it over? Am I too late?

I'm in pain.

"only people who would be attracted to her are 'lazy lumps of trailer trash shit.'"

Um, isn't the point that one would be attracted to her money?

"Shouldn't the host pitch the first ball?"

Funny, I was always under the impression that our host was a catcher not a pitcher.

Um, isn't the point that one would be attracted to her money?

Do you see, Edward R. Murrow? Even Knemon, a grossly deformed, drooling mental retard who (I might add) was systematically and ritually abused by lesbian dwarves (among whom Mrs. Michael was doubtlessly the cruellest), and who could only be generously called a syphilitically crazed manchild--even he could understand the point I made about Mr. Britney Spears.

Do you have any such excuse for your complete misunderstanding of my witty remark?

Sorry, but there isn't enough money in the world that makes me want a part of the rich trailer trash that is Ms. Spears.

Vodkapundit has a link to a science project which is directly relevant to the AoS Lifestyle.

Worst. Flame thread. EVer.

What do you expect from a flame thread group that allows monty to be a member.

Where'd you all go? Did Mommy put in you back in your playpens?

Oh, I guess it's Saturday now...golly gee, I'm embarrassed!

*sitting in corner with dunce cap*

JannyMae, why are you talking to yourself? What's next, are you gonna post your friggin' shopping list?

Knemon, thanks for posting your opinion of the quality of this flame thread. A lifetime of insults and rejection has no doubt made you an expert. I'll be honest, though: Complaining that your betters aren't doing a good job beating you is never going to move you up from the bottom rung of the AoS social ladder.

Ace, I'm sorry I forgot to walk your sister last night. Anyhow, I hope you had a good Saturday night. Most people would find it a little depressing, sipping vodka out of a styrofoam cup and abusing yourself to the sound of Allah's Pat O'Brien remix while fantasizing that you have Glenn Reynolds on a leash, as the shadows slowly climb up the walls, leaving you with your computer screen as the only illumination. But at least you can console yourself with the knowlege that you're more popular than Dave at Garfield Ridge.

And speaking of Dave, he's smarter and funnier than Ace, yet much less popular. It must puzzle him to no end. But then, he probably also thinks that the word "charisma" was invented for playing D&D.

Still, I keep coming back and reading their blogs, despite the damage it does to my sense of self-worth. Because, unlike their betters (Steve Den Beste & Allah), they're not quitters. They probably should be, but they're not. Although Ace did try once, and failed at it.

Enjoy your miserable Saturday, everyone. I am all about the love today.

milk
bread
coffee
toothpaste
tampons
mazola
muzzle (for sandy burger)

It was thoughtful of you to get tampons, but Monty isn't gonna need them for the next nine months.

Damn muzzle didn't work--crappy Chinese workmanship!