This is an old story. The Religious Policeman, a blogger from Saudi Arabia was all over this a few weeks ago. Check it out here: http://muttawa.blogspot.com/

Yeah, it's insane. Crazy. Pernicious, even. But it's soccer, so who gives a fuck?

In this country, soccer is a sport played by children to prepare them for real sports in High School. Like baseball. Let's see those Saudi fucks bust on baseball -- I'll buy a Tomahawk and loft it at them my own damned self.

What is this "soc... cer" of which you speak?

Well, if Europe is going to be awakened by the threat of Islamists, then I can think of no better way than to have them threaten their precious soccer!

GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!

12) Do not play football with a round 'ball' as the Jew-loving pig heretics do. Play, instead, with a cone or, better yet, a cube, like our beloved black borg cube at Mecca.

"6. Do not play in two halves. Rather, play in one half or three halves in order to completely differentiate yourselves from the heretics, the corrupted and the disobedient."

Three halves? Weren't these the people who invented modern mathematics?

This is surely a joke/hoax.

I do hope this is legitimiate. I pray this is real. Because soccer (aka "pansy football") is so popular in the Middle East that a fatwa like this will finally convince the unwashed masses that the jihadists are as crazy as a rat in a coffee can.

"At some point we must drop the pretense of politeness and simply begin telling these people: You. Are. Fucking. Insane.

* * * *

One billion people in the world are tyrannized by a paranoid and hateful thought-system promulgated by maniacs that, were it not termed "one of the world's great religions," would be deemed a fucking psychiatric condition."

Hear! Hear! I am soooo tired of these screamiing a-holes.

And "Prince Charles" is coming over here to lecture Bush about greater "understanding" of these people? He ought to stick with the role he knows best: Camila's tampon.

It's almost certainly a joke. And I take the same attitude that I take when somebody parodies a vicious stereotype of rednecks, Jews or Christians: if you believe it too quickly, you probably need to re-align your bigotmeter.

Even the nastiest, most heinous parts of Sharia law has at least a veneer of logic behind it. (e.g. Stoning an adulterer to death? Adultery is bad, and discouraging it is a good idea.)

But this is just batshit crazy stuff. If you buy it at face value, you have probably spent too much time at littlegreenfootballs and need to spend some time with your thoughts.

Gotta be a joke. Some prankster somewhere is sitting by his computer laughing himself sick right now.

I feel "special" today - my power came back on after a week of living in a dark cave listening to incompetent morons whine on the radio about 4 hour waits in line for a bag of ice and some bottled water.

Now I can be "very special" and clean all that green smelly crap out of the fridge and have cold soda again.

Here is the MEMRI translation.:

http://memri.org/bin/latestnews.cgi?ID=IA24505

Still makes more sense than Scientology. Sorry, Katie.

And Prince Charles will still tell us we're being too haaarsh on Islam -- until they get around to New Rules for Cricket.

puts the leather between the posts

Indeed.

If this is real, then I'm afraid there's no other term that can apply to this madness than "batshit over-the-fucking moon crazy-eyed lunatic ravings."

Why are you so shocked? These are the same people who believe in deadly female hair rays. And, I'm aiming mine right at your unruly testicles as I type. Bzzzz.

Holy Crap! I got a top of the post thank you from Ace of Spades! Mom would be so proud, if she knew what a blog was.

Man, I don't know what bugs me more. The thought of someone's testicles being unruly or someone aiming their hair at them.

Has to be a joke. I've spent the last 4 years in Muslim countries (Afghanistan and now Kuwait) and while they are batshit, they aren't quite that batshit. The point though is that Islam has become so convoluted we aren't sure if it's serious or not.

cut to scene 2:
3 Imams in a cave in Afghanistan smoking a hookah bowled with Turkish hash, Imam #1:

So, we declare some f'ed up rule as being the will of Allah (peace and much laughter be upon him), and after awhile, we'll embarrass the kuffir into adopting them. Hey, it'll work! You should see what the boys in Fast Food did with Burger King! Allah (pamlbuh) is my witness, we're going after banks and entertainment with the old pig standby down in the EU bureau.

Ah, MTW, but you haven't seen the new and improved Saudi kind! They are extra batty!

Seems like some very, very deranged mullah did write and issue this fatwah, which isn't difficult, really: a fatwah is basically a legal opinion by one learned in Islamic law. There is no degree or credential system: one simply has to prove one has acquired the required information from a relevant school. If I had a good memory, I could proclaim myself a mufti (one qualified to issue such opinions) and start issuing fatawa of my own. One thing I have heard, especially with regard to divorce, is if one mufti (the Arabic root of "mufti" and "fatwah" is the same) won't issue a fatwah to one's liking, one can be found who will. Especially if he is compensated adequately for his trouble. Another saying is that there is a fatwah for and against everything. Even beards and socks and underclothing.

Tom M.: completely OT, but your comment reminded me: someone I was closely related to told me, in all seriousness, "Islam forbids us from saying the word 'pig' in any language." I remember in Pakistan, whenever a cartoon character would say "pig", the word would be recorded over with another animal's name.

"Ah, MTW, but you haven't seen the new and improved Saudi kind! They are extra batty"!

Spent my share of time in Riyadh. Loved the separate takeout windows for men and women at the fast food shops. Saudi is the place to go if you want to see Islam in its most undiluted (i.e. intolerant) form. Certainly wouldn't recommend it to the ladies (unless they enjoy dressing like ninja's). U.A.E. is a close second but Saudi is undeniable tops - and the only country I felt uncomfortable in 100% of the time.

I stand corrected, MTW.

I have been to Saudi only once, for umrah with my family. I was quite young, maybe 10. I refuse to go to Hajj. (Might have to do with the fact I have renounced Islam, embraced Christianity, and admire Judaism.) Thanks for your post on some of your experience in Saudi. I'd love to hear more about it and about your experience in other Muslim lands. (E-mail me if you'd like.)

I lived in the UAE for two years. (I dislike Emiratis. Racist, xenophobic, intolerant, ignorant, uncultured, arrogant, lazy, authoritarian, sycophantic, stupid lot the whole of them. KFC (staffed by Filipinos) used to do home delivery, though, so not all was bad.) Absolutely terrified my teachers by being an outspoken Zionist. They were afraid any moment Emirati police would sweep down and deport me. Students there who were in Saudi said Saudi was hell.

Muslihoon:
whenever a cartoon character would say "pig", the word would be recorded over with another animal's name
I'm not sure I would like to see a Porky the Rabbit cartoon.

KFC (staffed by Filipinos) used to do home delivery, though, so not all was bad.)

That was good.

We could do a whole separate thread on the Filipina guest workers here. And no offense to your kabayan is intended by that remark Digital Brown Shirt.

I have it on good authority that radical muslims (Is there any other kind, really?) do not have a sense of humor.

That's just the problem; We've got guys with names like Ali Ali Oxenpoop, calling themselves Abu CaaCaa, and taking themselves all too seriously. I can't thnk of any dictator who didn't have the same issues, can you?

Precious:

"Moreover, you should speak about your body, its strength and its muscles, and about the fact that you are playing as [a means of] training to run... and retreat in preparation for [waging] jihad for Allah's sake."

(#12 from the translation)

I have it on good authority that radical muslims (Is there any other kind, really?) do not have a sense of humor.

Yes, there are many that are not radical, I've met a number of they who don't wear their religion on their sleeve and in fact had a great sense of humor. Ali my admin assistant at Incirlik Airbase in Turkey for example -
"I smoke, drink and cheat on my wife but I'm a good Muslim." That was pretty funny and he sincerely meant that.
My interpreter Satar in Kabul, my driver Mohammed in Egypt - they were just plain, ordinary good people who would just laugh if they read this and shrug it off.
I agree though that radical Muslims have no sense of humor, if you embrace Islam that feverently there is no room for humor. Fortunately most are pretty easy to spot.

MEMRI link no longer works... Please update so I can show to my buddy who lives, eats and breathes that sillyass European excuse for football?