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August 25, 2005

Ridden Hard And Put Away Dead: Man Dies After Being F'ed By Horse

Yes, that's right, he was on the receiving end.

Have we learned nothing from Catherine the Great?

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to be death-humped by a priapic stallion.

He should have settled for a hoofjob.

The Headline That Should Have Been Update: Thanks to Lenore for the suggestion. I like the new headline better.

posted by Ace at 11:18 AM

Comments

That story brings new meaning to the phrase, "ridden hard and put away wet".

Posted by: lenore on August 25, 2005 11:44 AM

tragic that they've been saddled with this

Yes I read all that for the funny, needs more work.

Posted by: 72 studs on August 25, 2005 11:56 AM

Now, would you consider the horse gay?

Posted by: Iblis on August 25, 2005 12:02 PM

Or just "experimenting"

Posted by: Iblis on August 25, 2005 12:03 PM

http://www.oxfordstudent.com/tt2005wk6/News/finalist_arrested_for_calling_police_horse_'gay'

Oldie but goodie.

Posted by: Andy the Squirrel on August 25, 2005 12:05 PM

"Hoofjob" caused massive coffee-spew! Gob-smackingly vile post Ace.

Posted by: Old Coot on August 25, 2005 12:08 PM

No, the horse isn't gay. He just states in his personal ad that he is bi-curious. Either that, or he was really drunk and they both agreed not to tell their friends.

Posted by: Log Cabin on August 25, 2005 12:10 PM

Oh GALLOP Mr. Ed! GALLOP!

Posted by: Yogimus on August 25, 2005 12:13 PM

Maybe this was the horse Laura said George tried to milk. Obviously this was Bush's fault.

Posted by: Dman on August 25, 2005 12:21 PM

The Focus on the Family site is a great resource:

"My son couldn’t care less about sports and the great outdoors. He’s painfully shy and easily gets hurt. Other kids call him a sissy. I’ve tried everything. My boy even wimped out of Cub Scouts, and stares achingly at horse cocks. What am I supposed to do?

Is my child into horse cock?

Answer: Before puberty, boys aren't normally peoplesexual or horsesexual. Still, they can experience confusion.

Evidences of horse cock confusion or doubt in boys ages 5 to 11 may include:

-Jamming a My Little Pony up their ass
-A dislike of roughhousing with other boys, unless the other boy dresses up like a horse and shoves his cock up their ass
-"Whinnying" while relieving themselves

What can I do?

Answer: The father plays an important role.

He needs to mirror and affirm his son's maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl and do not involve horse cock. He can even take his son with him into a horse's stall, where the boy cannot help but notice that the horse has a penis, just like his, only bigger and horse-like. He can say "if that horse fucks you in the ass with that big horse cock, you will probably bleed to death."

Posted by: Hubris on August 25, 2005 12:21 PM

"Yes I read all that for the funny, needs more work."

What a neigh-sayer! ROTFL LOL

Posted by: Jim Treacher on August 25, 2005 12:21 PM

KARL ROVE!!!!

Posted by: on August 25, 2005 01:22 PM

Sheesh, I didn't even hit the link and I need a scalding hot bath and my mind's eye scrubbed.

Posted by: TC@LeatherPenguin on August 25, 2005 01:32 PM

Does anyone wonder how do you get to that point of wanting to have sex with a horse? I cannot imagine you just wake one morning thinking, "I have a new goal. I want horse to give it to me up the ass."

Posted by: on August 25, 2005 01:53 PM

Dear Hubris,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!

Posted by: on August 25, 2005 02:33 PM

I think I've had a cloistered upbringing...

Posted by: Tony on August 25, 2005 03:01 PM

What's next, ace? Are you going to slip in that in stressful situations, a nice hoofjob always relaxes you? Sigh. Just add it to your wishlist.

Posted by: on August 25, 2005 03:28 PM

He did it as a protest because George Bush won't meet with Cindy Sheehan. It was actually "performance art".

Posted by: OCBill on August 25, 2005 04:21 PM

He did it as a protest because George Bush won't meet with Cindy Sheehan. It was actually "performance art".

I don't know. Was she doing her thing 6 weeks ago? Because that's when the guy was horse humping. It's mentioned here.

Posted by: on August 25, 2005 06:32 PM

NAMHLA

Posted by: Scott on August 25, 2005 06:38 PM

Whoa, I wonder how the guy in the front-half of the horse-costume is doing!? :)

Posted by: on August 25, 2005 06:52 PM

Rectum? Damn, it Killed 'im

Posted by: holdfast on August 25, 2005 07:49 PM

Alla was not amused.

This jerkoffs "72 virgins" are ordered to be armadillos - analy inserted armadillos.

Then Alla will be amused.

Posted by: Tony on August 25, 2005 08:05 PM

Just how bad would sex with your wife have to be to desire sex with a horse?

Posted by: john on August 25, 2005 08:53 PM

Forget his wife, think about how his boyfriend must feel!

Posted by: Jim Treacher on August 25, 2005 08:56 PM

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Top Headlines

In more marketing for Project Hail Mary, scientists say they've found the biosigns indicating life growing on an alien planet. It's not proof, just signatures of chemicals that are produced by biological metabolism, and it could be nothing, but scientists think it's a strong sign that this planet is inhabited by something.

In a paper published in the Astrophysical Journal Letters, a team of scientists announced the detection of dimethyl sulfide (along with a similar detection of dimethyl disulfide) in the atmosphere of an exoplanet called K2-18b. This is actually the second detection of dimethyl sulfide made on this planet, following a tentative detection in 2023.
Tons of chemicals are detected in the atmospheres of celestial objects every day. But dimethyl sulfide is different, because on Earth, it's only produced by living organisms.
"It is a shock to the system," Nikku Madhusudhan, first author on the paper, told the New York Times. "We spent an enormous amount of time just trying to get rid of the signal."

He means they tried to prove the signal was caused by things other than dimethyl sulfide but they could not.

Artemis moon shot a go, scheduled for 6:24 Eastern time tonight
Great marketing arranged by Amazon to promote Project Hail Mary. Okay not really but it does work out that way.

TJM talks John Boorman, director of Excalibur

Good rickroll

What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*

Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.

A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR.
Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.

The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.

Finish the job, Mr. President!
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TJM acts like he knows anything about John Wick and screenwriting. It's embarrassing, really.

Podcast: Sefton and CBD talk about how would a peace treaty with Iran work, Democrats defending murderers and rapists, The GOP vs. Dem bench for 2028, composting bodies? And more!

Oh, I forgot to mention this quote from Pete Hegseth, reported by Roger Kimball: "We are sharing the ocean with the Iranian Navy. We're giving them the bottom half."

Batman fires The Batman
Batman is disgusted by the Joachim Phoenix version of Joker
Batman tries to fire Superman
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Forgotten 80s Mystery Click: Red Leather Suit and Sweatband Edition
And I was here to please
I'm even on knees
Makin' love to whoever I please
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Or no way at all

Tomorrow is March 25th, "Tolkien Reading Day," because March 25th is the day when the Ring is destroyed in the book. I think I'm going to start the Hobbit tomorrow and read all four books this time.
The only bad part of the trilogy are the Frodo/Sam chapters in The Two Towers. They're repetitive, slow, and mostly about the weather and terrain. But most everything else is good. Weirdly, the Frodo-Sam chapters in Return of the King are exciting and action-packed and among the best in the trilogy. (Though the chapters with everyone else in Return of the King get pretty slow again. Mostly people talking about marching towards war, and then marching towards war.)

Sec. Army recognizes ODU Army ROTC cadets for their bravery and sacrifice in private ceremony
[Hat Tip: Diogenes] [CBD]

TJM gives you a brief tour of his movie collection.

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
One day I'm gonna write a poem in a letter
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Oh, [Song Title], look out world, oh, you know I've got mine

US decimation of Iran's ICBM forces is due to Space Force's instant detection of launches -- and the launchers' hiding places -- and rapid counter-attack via missiles
AI is doing a lot of the work in analyzing images to find the exact hiding place of the launchers. Counter-strikes are now coming in four hours after a launch, whereas previously it might have taken days for humans to go over the imagery and data.

Robert Mueller, Former Special Counsel Who Probed Trump, Dies

“robert mueller just died,” trump wrote in a truth social post on march 21. “good, i’m glad he’s dead. he can no longer hurt innocent people! president donald j. trump.”

TJM has thoughts on Superheros and Iconography