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August 25, 2005

Ridden Hard And Put Away Dead: Man Dies After Being F'ed By Horse

Yes, that's right, he was on the receiving end.

Have we learned nothing from Catherine the Great?

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to be death-humped by a priapic stallion.

He should have settled for a hoofjob.

The Headline That Should Have Been Update: Thanks to Lenore for the suggestion. I like the new headline better.

posted by Ace at 11:18 AM

Comments

That story brings new meaning to the phrase, "ridden hard and put away wet".

Posted by: lenore on August 25, 2005 11:44 AM

tragic that they've been saddled with this

Yes I read all that for the funny, needs more work.

Posted by: 72 studs on August 25, 2005 11:56 AM

Now, would you consider the horse gay?

Posted by: Iblis on August 25, 2005 12:02 PM

Or just "experimenting"

Posted by: Iblis on August 25, 2005 12:03 PM

http://www.oxfordstudent.com/tt2005wk6/News/finalist_arrested_for_calling_police_horse_'gay'

Oldie but goodie.

Posted by: Andy the Squirrel on August 25, 2005 12:05 PM

"Hoofjob" caused massive coffee-spew! Gob-smackingly vile post Ace.

Posted by: Old Coot on August 25, 2005 12:08 PM

No, the horse isn't gay. He just states in his personal ad that he is bi-curious. Either that, or he was really drunk and they both agreed not to tell their friends.

Posted by: Log Cabin on August 25, 2005 12:10 PM

Oh GALLOP Mr. Ed! GALLOP!

Posted by: Yogimus on August 25, 2005 12:13 PM

Maybe this was the horse Laura said George tried to milk. Obviously this was Bush's fault.

Posted by: Dman on August 25, 2005 12:21 PM

The Focus on the Family site is a great resource:

"My son couldn’t care less about sports and the great outdoors. He’s painfully shy and easily gets hurt. Other kids call him a sissy. I’ve tried everything. My boy even wimped out of Cub Scouts, and stares achingly at horse cocks. What am I supposed to do?

Is my child into horse cock?

Answer: Before puberty, boys aren't normally peoplesexual or horsesexual. Still, they can experience confusion.

Evidences of horse cock confusion or doubt in boys ages 5 to 11 may include:

-Jamming a My Little Pony up their ass
-A dislike of roughhousing with other boys, unless the other boy dresses up like a horse and shoves his cock up their ass
-"Whinnying" while relieving themselves

What can I do?

Answer: The father plays an important role.

He needs to mirror and affirm his son's maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl and do not involve horse cock. He can even take his son with him into a horse's stall, where the boy cannot help but notice that the horse has a penis, just like his, only bigger and horse-like. He can say "if that horse fucks you in the ass with that big horse cock, you will probably bleed to death."

Posted by: Hubris on August 25, 2005 12:21 PM

"Yes I read all that for the funny, needs more work."

What a neigh-sayer! ROTFL LOL

Posted by: Jim Treacher on August 25, 2005 12:21 PM

KARL ROVE!!!!

Posted by: on August 25, 2005 01:22 PM

Sheesh, I didn't even hit the link and I need a scalding hot bath and my mind's eye scrubbed.

Posted by: TC@LeatherPenguin on August 25, 2005 01:32 PM

Does anyone wonder how do you get to that point of wanting to have sex with a horse? I cannot imagine you just wake one morning thinking, "I have a new goal. I want horse to give it to me up the ass."

Posted by: on August 25, 2005 01:53 PM

Dear Hubris,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!

Posted by: on August 25, 2005 02:33 PM

I think I've had a cloistered upbringing...

Posted by: Tony on August 25, 2005 03:01 PM

What's next, ace? Are you going to slip in that in stressful situations, a nice hoofjob always relaxes you? Sigh. Just add it to your wishlist.

Posted by: on August 25, 2005 03:28 PM

He did it as a protest because George Bush won't meet with Cindy Sheehan. It was actually "performance art".

Posted by: OCBill on August 25, 2005 04:21 PM

He did it as a protest because George Bush won't meet with Cindy Sheehan. It was actually "performance art".

I don't know. Was she doing her thing 6 weeks ago? Because that's when the guy was horse humping. It's mentioned here.

Posted by: on August 25, 2005 06:32 PM

NAMHLA

Posted by: Scott on August 25, 2005 06:38 PM

Whoa, I wonder how the guy in the front-half of the horse-costume is doing!? :)

Posted by: on August 25, 2005 06:52 PM

Rectum? Damn, it Killed 'im

Posted by: holdfast on August 25, 2005 07:49 PM

Alla was not amused.

This jerkoffs "72 virgins" are ordered to be armadillos - analy inserted armadillos.

Then Alla will be amused.

Posted by: Tony on August 25, 2005 08:05 PM

Just how bad would sex with your wife have to be to desire sex with a horse?

Posted by: john on August 25, 2005 08:53 PM

Forget his wife, think about how his boyfriend must feel!

Posted by: Jim Treacher on August 25, 2005 08:56 PM

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"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

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Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

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