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August 08, 2005

Naked Man In Compromising Position Dies In Car Crash

man killed in an unusual accident in Pittsburgh's Brighton Heights neighborhood has not been identified yet.
Police said the man ran a stop sign and crashed into a pole in the 3700 block of California Avenue at about 9:20 p.m. Thursday.

The driver was not going very fast, but he was found naked and in a compromising position with a female passenger, police said.

The woman survived the crash, only to be arrested. Police said she will face drug charges.

Naked, in a compromising position with a woman, while driving, and on drugs?

What are the odds of a fatal driving mishap? No greater than one in three, I'm thinking.

He Didn't Read His P.J. O'Rourke, Alas: P.J.'s essential advice: "How to DRIVE FAST on DRUGS while getting your WING-WANG SQUEEZED and not SPILL YOUR DRINK."

Thanks to the BumperStickerist.

Belated Hat-Tip: Sometimes I open an article and don't get around to posting it for days on end, then I can't figure out who sent it to me. That happened here. I've had this in an open window for days.

The Warden of Cliffs of Insanity says he sent it to me, and I believe him.

posted by Ace at 02:09 PM

Comments

Speaking as someone who grew up within walking distance of that neighborhood, this event does not surprise me.

Posted by: Cole from Conservatee on August 8, 2005 02:12 PM

Ah! The AoS Lifestyle is catching on!

Posted by: BrewFan on August 8, 2005 02:14 PM

Darwin alert!!

Posted by: CraigC on August 8, 2005 02:15 PM

2 out of 3 chance of making it? Hell, let's roll the dice.

Posted by: Tony B on August 8, 2005 02:23 PM

Pictures! We need pictures!

Posted by: Iblis on August 8, 2005 02:26 PM

Life imitates P.J. O'Rourke
Drive Fast, Wing Wang Squeezed

Posted by: BumperStickerist on August 8, 2005 02:38 PM

I guess you can say they were both 'banged up' pretty badly.

Even better... I take it her airbags failed to save his life.

Sounds like the phrase 'don't stop' was taken too literally.

Posted by: El Capitan on August 8, 2005 02:50 PM

yeah, but was he also talking on a cell phone?

Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 8, 2005 03:01 PM

Dear human owner - we are pleased this clearly (judgmentally) defective unit selected itself out of the gene pool before causing serious harm to others.

We really do try to catch these defective units at the factory, but the volumes we handle makes it virtually impossible to implement ISO 9000 and 6-sigma quality control over human production and maintain the kind of volume production the world demands of us.

This was really the best of all possible outcomes once one of these defective units leaves the factory and makes it into the field. We hope this unpleasant experience with one of our units doesn't cause you to stop using our services in the future.

Posted by: tony on August 8, 2005 03:02 PM

WTF? I sent you this same link last week.

No wonder Dave always beats you to the punch.

Posted by: The Warden on August 8, 2005 03:39 PM

I wonder if this asshole was driving the semi that nearly ran me over on I-80 yesterday.

Posted by: Brown Line on August 8, 2005 03:53 PM

No Brownie, the truck driver was probably having to squeze his own wing wang.

I've found that the secret to surviving a second-party "squezing" is to drive in the right lane of the freeway with the cruise control on. Less thinking required that way.

Posted by: Dacotti on August 8, 2005 06:51 PM