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« No Cowbell on Friday? | Main | Mad Jealousy Alert »
September 02, 2004

Top Ten Signs That Zell Miller is On Frickin' Fire

10. Just had his bicep tattooed with slogan, Beef: It's What's For Dinner

9. Has demanded an apology from Sting for his misleading and alarmist claims about the rainforests; also has demanded an apology for Dream of the Blue Turtles and Dune

8. Bob Dole, previously believed to be on fire, has stopped referring to his cock in the third person, and now refers to Zell Miller's cock in the third person, as in "Bob Dole says you can trust Zell Miller's cock" and "Bob Dole promises that Zell Miller's cock will cut your taxes"

7. Has finally confronted the historic pattern of Democratic appeasement and weakness by challenging this pattern to a duel

6. After his confrontational interview, he put Chris Matthews in a pink party-dress and then rode him like a Big Wheel; not in a gay way, mind you, but rather like a Viking

5. Just signed contract to take on The Undertaker and Mick Foley under new WWF guise of "Senator Smackdown"

4. Six Words: The Delicious Tears of Paul Begala

3. His limousine suspiciously resembles the "Delta Death Machine" from Animal House, except the styling isn't as subtle

2. Old Zell Miller nickname: "The Conscience of the Democratic Party"
New Zell Miller style nickname: "Z Diddy"

…and the Number One Sign that Zell Miller is on Frickin' Fire…

1. The Navy just awarded John Kerry his first legitimate Purple Heart

Credit That's Overdue: The "like a Viking" line, which I've used before, is actually stolen from Son of Nixon, who's also (of course) got some thoughts about Senator Zell Miller.

I told him to name his blog "Like a Viking." He didn't, so now it's just out there for the stealing.

Update: Frank Luntz's Cincinnati, Ohio focus group of independent-minded, politically-moderate, persuadable undecideds -- morons, in other words -- were more inclined to vote for Bush after the one-two Miller-Cheney combination.

Good. We'll take morons.


posted by Ace at 03:49 PM
Comments



#1-Classic. every pundit out there wishes he'd come up with that.

Posted by: see-dubya on September 2, 2004 04:00 PM

Thanks! I came up with that one at the last minute. It's a good closer.

Posted by: ace on September 2, 2004 04:03 PM

I myself am partial to the Viking line, although not the practice described therein. Elsewhere, Filet o Fish is appalled that Zell Miller would dare suggest that there are two Americas. Cue Dave Barry: I am not making this up.

Posted by: Allah on September 2, 2004 04:07 PM

once again, ace. Brilliant. Senator Smackdown hah! the Begala reference was dear to my heart. He is such a jackass.

Posted by: Jennifer on September 2, 2004 04:13 PM

Loved it, especially, as see-dubya says, the #1. It is the ultimate closer. I feel like printing it out and having it crocheted maybe right beside Allah's footprints poem.

Posted by: BlueDevils on September 2, 2004 04:17 PM

Okay, what is the deal with the "like a viking" thing? You've said that before. Are Vikings known for aggravated sodomy? Cause if so, I'm going to watch out next time I'm in Norway.

Posted by: see dub on September 2, 2004 04:19 PM

Well, Vikings were pillagers and rapists, which usually gets underplayed, because they're usually portrayed as the good guys, though of a fairly violent variety.

Did they rape men a lot? Who knows. But we do know that rapists tend to be indiscriminate.

Men do strange things when cooped up together for long periods of time.

Posted by: ace on September 2, 2004 04:26 PM

BWAHAHAHAHAHA...

Fucking brilliant Ace! Well done!

Posted by: IdFaciam on September 2, 2004 04:27 PM

Where's Joe? I need someone to act as my seconds when I meet Zell Miller at dawn tomorrow, and none of you other clowns have enough fucking integrity.

Posted by: Mr. Paul Anka on September 2, 2004 04:36 PM

New York protesters!
You'll need this by November
Please start now, ok?

Posted by: Johnny Catbird on September 2, 2004 04:43 PM

Hilarious...how about this one?

#11 Just the image of Zell causes Andrew Sullivan's ailments to act up.

Posted by: Mark on September 2, 2004 04:45 PM

I heard the "purple heart" line somewhere else today (can't remember where), so although a great line, it was anti-climactic for me personally. Good stuff though.

Posted by: Joe R. on September 2, 2004 04:49 PM

Actually, neither Zell or his "cock" would cut your taxes. But, it's still funny.

Posted by: Charles on September 2, 2004 04:50 PM

Best top 10 yet Ace! #1 is a classic.

Posted by: Golden Boy on September 2, 2004 05:16 PM

Charles:

Zell actually did cut taxes in Georgia when he was Governor, exempting most food items from the sales tax, repealing the sales tax on used cars and boats and cutting the State's share of the ad valorem property tax. In the Senate, he was the Democratic sponsor of the first Bush tax cut bill. So, there's precedent there.

Posted by: Brad on September 2, 2004 05:26 PM

I didn't get the objection about taxes either because Zell had said something along the lines of he's never met a tax cut he didn't like.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on September 2, 2004 05:40 PM

On the Viking-like pounding theme, Allah has spotted a link to this bizarre NOW poetess comparing, in detail, the 2000 election to violent rape. Plus other NOW hijinks!

And then a little further down the ACLU woman says, "We are not some fringe lunatics, we are the people. We are the mainstream of America."

Well, smack my gob. El linko: http://www.cnsnews.com//ViewNation.asp?Page=\Nation\archive\200409\NAT20040902b.html

Posted by: See Dubya on September 2, 2004 05:50 PM

So I'm a Chauvinist, but the first word that comes to mind is "Hysterical", and the next word is "Literally."

Posted by: Brian B on September 2, 2004 06:28 PM

Brilliant (but I kind of liked Dune).

Posted by: George on September 2, 2004 06:56 PM

Ace,

#4: Six words?

There's some loose shit here.

We need some fucking integrity!

Posted by: MeTooThen on September 2, 2004 10:36 PM

Damn, even suggesting that the speach from Zel resulted in the first Purple Heart that Kerry actually EARNED, was a sure sine that you are on friggin fire man. Just awsome.

Posted by: Marty on September 3, 2004 12:16 AM

like a viking

heh.

Posted by: sonofnixon on September 3, 2004 08:34 AM

You can also check some information in the field of... Thanks!!!

Posted by: on December 1, 2004 09:50 PM
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