Damn...Sully has finally talked you into moving to P-town, hasn't he?

I wish I knew how to quit him.

Tim Haag just has to tell the guys down the hall in marketing that he's feeling a little cranky and almost instantly a cuppa joe and a Danish will appear on his desk.

That skirmish in Samarra where the press claimed the Army massacred civilians when it was fighting off ambushers? The convoy that was transporting currency?

Shit Ace, I sent you an email about it, I'm sorry, man!

Don't Fredo me!

Are you moving to the left coast? Steve already told us about your beach bunny days.

Dude,

I sent you an email in reply a few minutes ago. I was totally kididing.

Tim Haag knows how to post headlines in the sidebar.

Tim Haag knows what to do with guest blogging "loose shit" old news posters.

sure Dave, he says he's kidding.

but he's shaking his head like Al Pacino.

Tim Haag's favorite TV comedy show is 24. He thinks Jack Bauer is one funny sumbitch!

Dave, he knew it was you.

You broke his heart.

You broke his heart!

rip off from a more famous terrorist killer, but still fitting:

When life gives Tim Haag lemons, Tim Haag uses them to kill terrorists. Tim Haag fucking hates lemonade.

Every time you maturbate Tim Haag kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

Tim Haag doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

It would only take 1 bullet for Tim Haag to kill 50 Cent.

hell... just go to the site that dave linked the other day and s/Jack Bauer/Tim Haag

Apology accepted, Mr. of Spades.

I still ain't going rowing with you, however.

Glad to hear from you.

I'm having my hump detailed in honor of your return.

I'm having my hump detailed in honor of your return.

Now thats hot.

It really is, especially with backlighting.

Ace,

For a change of pace, how about having a guest who believes in Intelligent Design, like say Michael Behe. We haven't had an ID vs Evolution battle in a while and listening to a debate on it might set off a Thunderdome-sized flame war, which would be very cool.

You can probably find lots of potential guests here:

target="_blank" class="text">http://www.evolutionnews.org/

It really is, especially with backlighting.

Yeah, the Lekos and Fresnels alone can start you cooking. (opening wound:) not to mention those Par cans.

I'm such a moron. it was an anchor tag.

steve_in_hb,

Does such a person exist?

The original line in Aliens was "I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit, and if that doesn't work, we'll send in Timothy Haag."

But they cut the second half of the line from the final version so they wouldn't scare the kids.

BrewFan -

I thought a girl I was with was having one, but it turns out her hamstring had cramped up. I firmly believe all reports of female orgasm, if fully investigated, could be attributed to cramped hammys. Or weather ballons and swamp gas.

I thought a girl I was with was having one, but it turns out her hamstring had cramped up

lol!

Basically, I'm scrambling to find a new apartment, maybe in a new town . . .

Brooklyn?

If you pronounce it "Haig", as in Reagan's Secretary of State, he's cool with that. But if you pronounce it "Hague", as in the UN's international tribunal, he will kill you. They sound very similar, but he has never yet mistaken anyone's intent.

1. Basically, I'm scrambling to find a new apartment, maybe in a new town . . .

Brooklyn?

Posted by Michael at January 23, 2006 09:23 PM

My money's on Staten Island, or maybe Newark.

2. Brewfan,

Thanks for closing the tag. I don't know what happened. All I did was click on the link icon up above.

Ace, you were always too cool for New York. Las Vegas is more your style dude!

As for Timothy Haag, he's also a master of covert intel - he actually knows where Joe is.

Also, hammers wish they could slice like Timothy Haag.

Thanks for closing the tag. I don't know what happened. All I did was click on the link icon up above.

My pleasure. BTW, my 'blaming' you was in fun. The real culprit is this lame commenting software :)

A common expression among pimps is "strong Haag hand."

I don't know why, but for some reason I am reminded of that old Tex Avery cartoon, with the little flea, trying to find his place in the world...

theeeeere's a home around the corner, home around the cor-ner there's a home around the cor---ner, for meeeeeeee"

oh, and ace, I don't mean you're like a flea dude...

I was just trying to connect with the whole, you know, pathos of the thing.

yeah

moving suxx

Does such a person exist?

Yes Brewfan and he lives in Las Vegas.

moving suxx,

so does being eaten by a walrus.

hey, I'm a perspective kinda guy!

woman may or may not have orgasms. Which begs the question:

So?

OT (is there a T?),

the Texicans are fixin to get their asses kicked at the Alamo on HBO.

I raise my glass...

wiserbud -

It's like the Loch Ness monster. I just think we should ackowledge that it doesn't exist so we can stop wasting time exploring every nook and cranny of the feature in question. Instead, just pop in have a little dip and be done with it. Isn't that more efficient?

Does such a person exist?

Not on THIS website. Well, unless Megan still posts here.

Thanks to Timothy Hagg, there are about 2 dozen confused Arabs looking around Hell and asking, "Where are the virgins?"

And, on a related topic, Hubby sent me this today...

A 'touchy-feelie' CNN reporter, while interviewing a Marine sniper a few days ago asked,
"What do you feel when you shoot a terrorist."

The Marine shrugged and replied, "Recoil."

There were no more questions...

Timothy Haag doesn't comb his hair. Not because the brush's bristles are too weak, but because he doesn't want to "fag up his head."

Timothy Haag's tracking skills are so finely tuned that he's never lost anyone or anything. Not even his own virginity. (Ummm, that one may have come out wrong. Maybe I should take it back before Mr. Haag decides to air out my brain.)

Timothy Haag’s sweat smells like fresh-baked bread and honeysuckle flowers. But when threatened, Timothy Haag’s sweat will pull out a switchblade and cut your ass.

Timothy Haag’s favorite food is HoHos. …. Wait, not “HoHos.” I meant “hobos.”

Contrary to popular belief, Timothy Haag’s thighs are not registered with the United Nations as “Weapons of Mass Destruction.” They’re registered as “Weapons of Sexy Destruction.”

Instead of band aids, Timothy Haag carries an acetylene torch and a bucket of mud.

Ace, please be sure and thank Mr. Haag for us. I sleep better at night knowing he's on our side.

When Jack Bauer needs help, he calls Timothy Haag.

Every time a James Bond film comes on, Timothy Haag laughs and says, "What kind of pu$$y needs a LICENSE to kill??"

In the TV movie, the part of Timothy Haag will be played by a heavily-armed vat of testosterone.

After news of Haag's accomplishments reached the Afghani caves, Osama bin Laden was overheard saying, "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all."

Ever the modest fellow, Timothy Haag tried to downplay his heroism by saying, "It was like shooting ducks in a barrel...if the ducks were shooting back and the barrel was barricaded."

The real reason that it took such a long time for Cartoon Network to schedule a second season of the Venture Brothers is that Timothy Haag beat the crap out of Brock Sampson.

Not for any reason, it was sort of like climbing Everest, except that it was over in five seconds, which is ten seconds less than it took Mister Haag climb the mountain.

Sortelli-

On the Venture Bros, do you happen to know if the first season is coming out on DVD? I frickin' LOVED that show, and now no longer have cable.

Or is there really no second season. I would hate you for life if there was really no second season.

I actually went and looked on Wikipedia before saying anything about a second season. Apparently it is scheduled for summer 06, and the DVD of season one is being held back until then.

-----------

* At county fair midways, Timothy Haag always shoots out the star.

* Cars don't backfire around Timothy Haag. They've learned.

* While at the movie theater a couple of teens used a laser pointer on the screen. Timothy Haag used a laser sight on the teens. And a silencer. Timothy's polite like that.

* Uranium depletes before Timothy Haag does.

* 200 round ammo drums are now referred to in the Sandbox as 'Tim Cans'

* Timothy Haag always cleans up his brass after a fire fight. He's environmentally conscious like that.

* Thanks to Timothy Haag's recent Christmas shopping experience at a Ritz Camera, cameras are no longer refered to as 'point-and-shoot' devices

-----------------

When Chuck Norris heard about Timothy Haag, he immediately killed all the writers of Walker: Texas Ranger with flying roundhouse kicks.

Then he curled up on the floor, crapped his pants and cried like a little girl.

Timothy Haag leapt into the lion pit at his hometown zoo. The lions all drew near, and knelt before him.

Timothy Haag has "Like a Viking" tattooed. On his cock.

Also has his opinion tattooed on his cock. And when he wants your opinion, well, you know what happens next.

Timothy Haag eats nails and kryptonite because he knows breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

----------

* Timothy Haag's maxim: "Pain don't hurt ... when you're dishing it out."

* Timoth Haag was hired as the technical adviser on the in-development movie Killing Islamo-Fascist Terrorist Guys by the Bucketsful

* He's signed on for the sequel.

* Thanks to Timothy Haag, S&H no longer gives out green stamps to soldiers for confirmed KIAs in Iraq. For his part, Timothy thanked S&H for the nice silver H3 he got.

------------------------

Tim is the only guy who has actually seen a woman orgasm--several in fact. Speaking for all our mothers, I think they were appreciative.

Sure, we could take offense and confront Tim about the mother-pleasuring. But instead we'll just sit here and shut up, lest he turn his steely gaze this way.

Chuck Norris was fuunnnny, Phinn.

Timothy Haag never lets them see his hurt, he never show his pain.

He just kills the motherfuckers.

And he scares the shit out of the ones that get away.

Timothy Haag has 10 trigger fingers. Nine of which are itchy, while the 10th is just flat out bat shit crazy.

---------------------------

* www.timothyhaag.com doesn't need a firewall, it has a pillbox and the skulls of dozens spammers and hackers mounted on poles on the home page.

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The coolest fact of all: Dick Cheney, John Bolton's moustache and Timothy Haag are all on the same side.

Ours.