looks like a plover of some sort.

Probably a spurwing, but you'd have to see if it had no balls and liked having something shoved up its ass to be certain.

.

It's a sea bird.

A sea. A sea bird. A bird. A sea bird.

Did Ace turn into a giant pussy overnight? WTF is with this shit?

And now I look at the poster...my bad...

I'm going back to bed, I've already met my quota of asshole.

That would be a French Spurwing if Bumperstickerist is correct.

My bet is that it is a Spurwing Plover. But I would have to give it an IQ and a grammar test to be 100% positive.

He's not a troll, bumperstickerist.

Dave, my bad.

I should have posted this after everybody had their coffee.

You all seem a little testy this morning.

Looks like a "umack" bird and we all know the cry of the umack.

Laura: It's cool, for a minute, I thought someone started spoofing LGF.

You know, the Atrios of pretty pictures. Although if Atrios did it, I'm betting they'd be crayon drawings. Just saying.

"Can anyone tell me what kind of a bird this is?"

A living one.

Dude... this Tony Blair guy is really freaking me out over here. Tell him to quit blinking cause it's fucking wit my mind something fierce. Any minute now I'll be flopping around on the ground like a carp throwed away on the shoreline of the fishing hole behind my trailer park, shittin and pissin all over myself as I lose control of my bowels. Then I'll have to crawl over PLV's crappy trailer next door and get him to wipe my ass and clean me up....

*cracking knuckles*

I got a smack with your name on it Sobek.

PETA WANTS TO PROTECT BIRDS BUT LIBERALS SAY KILLING BABIES IS OK

Quick- hide the bird before Galloway sees it!

Ace, you devil, you. This bird is obviously a masked boobie.

I know all sorts of stuff about boobies. Blue footed ones. Big ones, little ones, etc.

Yes, but what is the average airspeed of an unladen Spurwing Plover?

PETA PETA PETA!
chick. . . chick. . . chick
TED KENAUDY!

Is that a right-wing chickenhawk? It looks pretty timid.

Definitely from the seagull family. Toss it an Alka SeltzerTM and we'll see.

fuck birds.

I think it's pretty.

Little known fact: birds contribute 34.90% of all greenhouse gasses.

Save the Earth! Kill a bird!

ETHER:fuck birds.
Bad advice. Stick with women. You must have been one of those unfortunate souls that watched brokeback mountain and have become sexually confused (like ace and allah)

Aw, why don't you guys leave Plover alone? I like him and prefer him to remain a mystery, a dyslexic-Gallahad/Don Quiote who can flit in and out of consciousness at will. One cannot divine the exigencies of such a being, lest one's eyes burn out of their sockets, &c. In short, you're messin' with fire, people.

But hey, go ahead and insult me anyway. I have nothing better to do than sit around here getting smacked in the head by frenzied retards.

so, you've started dating again?

Its some sort of bird near some sort of fag ocean. The macho, politically insensitive muthafukin REDSKINS are gonna help make this type of bird extinct in the habitat known as the NFC playoffs.

Or at least lose by 9 points or less.

no, wait, I think its the leftwing chickenshit. In Europe, they are more commonly known as surrenderhawks.

It looks like it's pinin' for the fjiords.

So it must be a Norweigan Blue.

Lovely plumage.

so, you've started dating again?

Very nice. Nice manners, there Russ.

Where'd you get those clothes from, the toilet store?

spurwing cracks me up. part of the charm is the mystery

Spurwing is one of my favorite commenters. This should be a tribute thread.

I like spurwing, but I would still try to break his typing finger if I caught him.

That would explain why he doesn't read his email, it takes two fingers to make the @ symbol.

Spurwing is great. His stuff is unique and cannot be replicated or categorized.

We should take the time to find his writings, gather them and put them into one volume. This book would, I think, inspire countless generations of people and might even start a new religion.

For all I know, I could be spurwing plover. I sometimes do surprising things in my sleep. If this really is the case, my apologies to all concerned.

Hey, speaking of birds, yesterday I rented March of the Penguins for our family movie night. Everybody should see this film. It's absolutely amazing. Little known fact: After the female emperor penguin lays her egg, she has to walk 70 miles across the trackless ice wastes back to the ocean to get food for herself and the chick, while the male tends the egg. He doesn't get to eat, though. Not for FOUR WHOLE FRICKIN' MONTHS. Yeesh. Both males and females spend about a third of each year, every year, not eating. Life's rough when you're a penguin. I wonder if spurwing plovers get to eat regularly?

why do you all here at ace's hate foreigners so much? I don't mean those you are at war with, but in general.

in cornwall, uk they call itn a shag, dont know why, shame about the actor though, I used to like him, is Bruce the only actor with balls?

I like foreigners, for the most part. I used to think that Europe was on our side, but now I realize that they its a decrepit old wasteland. As I got older (but not that old, I realized after looking at the photo album), I recognize who America's enemies are. I am soooo thankful grandmas and grandpas INDC44 decided to leave their assorted Eurotrash countries. Especially before they ended up behind the iron curtain.

midas-

they started it.

Whatever it is, its sure as hell worth not drilling for oil over.

I know I speak for all the fascist, neocon, corporate overlord republithugs here when I say that we hate foreigners mostly because they smell funny. That is all.

I guess I'm pro-spurwing. He/she/it has a fun kind of style that reminds me of someone else.

Try it again: "I guess I'm pro-spurwing. He/she/it has a fun kind of style that reminds me of someone else.

"I ain't sayin', of course. Just thinkin' out loud."

With double closed tags for your protection.

why do you all here at ace's hate foreigners so much? I don't mean those you are at war with, but in general.

We don't, really. Partly the jokes are a back-talk reaction because we keep reading about how foreigners despise America. Mostly it's sort of an inside joke where we do a self-parody of the parochial arrogant American.

You'd never guess it from reading this blog, but nobody here actually hates Canada. I mean, c'mon, how can you hate Canada. That doesn't stop us from making Canada jokes just about every day.

Anyway, why are you asking? Are you some kind of frickin' Eurotrash or something?

why do you all here at ace's hate foreigners so much?

While the vision of the "Ugly American" has been welded into the frameworks of both Americans' and foreigners' world views these past four decades, those abroad have not seriously considered the reverse perspective. Try placing yourself in a conservative American's shoes, and consider the Euro-American military, economic, and political relationships, and the gulf in moral values.

If your inquiry is serious, we'll be glad to assist you.

why do you all here at ace's hate foreigners so much? I don't mean those you are at war with, but in general.

Hating foreigners would involve some emotional investment on my part. I don't care about them enough to hate them.

I've been to Europe three times. I met people I liked. I met people I didn't like. Those I liked didn't always share my opinions, but they were friendly and polite.

I've been to Brazil 12 times (I think, at least 12). I pretty much love everyone there.

Been to Taiwan and Japan 6 or 7 times. Ditto, they're mostly cool too - although when they're legislative bodies break out into fist fights, then I really love them.

Looks like it could be Larus Atricillas, a "Laughing Gull", except for the beak. In mating season their beaks are usually orange and aren't black until winter.

Looks like it could be Larus Atricillas, a "Laughing Gull", except for the beak. In mating season their beaks are usually orange and aren't black until winter.

I strive to keep no tern unstoned

Good point, geoff. Many who accuse us of being biased against them ignore their own biases against us. Occidentalism runs rampant throughout the world.

Count me among the spurwing plover fans. Have you noticed that people try and imitate him, but no one has ever done it well? Spurwing is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.

I lurk, therefore I know.
teehee

Oh shoot, I just unlurked.
Damn you Ace!

Michael, geoff, DaveInTexas -

yes, I asked quite sincerely. Thanks for your answers. Btw, as you can guess, I'm not American (therefore, a foreigner), but I certainly do not have anything against you or any American only because he/she is an American.

I don't lurk very well. :(

It was posted by LauraW.

I know that bird. It's a Cootie.

Bart & lauraw:

It appears I may have already dropped a little info on this bird a couple of months ago on one of the threads here. If you're curious, I can hopefully (discreetly) guide you to the thread.

I strive to keep no tern unstoned

*clutches his head, running from the room screaming*

one two three four, I declare a pun war.

First volley: Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from prison?

He was a small medium at large.

He/she/it has a fun kind of style that reminds me of someone else.

Really? Spurwing always sort of reminded me of a Sue Dohnim/Brewfan combo, sort of like if they had a child and homeschooled it in their special brand of folksy, domestic conservative wisdom.

I certainly do not have anything against you or any American only because he/she is an American.

I don't have anything against Jacques Chirac only because he's French. I have something against him because he's a socialist back-stabbing America-loathing elitist prig.

just whatever you do be sure not to harm the birds or an ELF will burn down your equipment

Awwww. Does somebody need some attention today?

I strive to keep no tern unstoned

AAARRGH!

With jokes like this, it can't be occidental that so many hate the West.

I love puns! I once sent in 10 puns to a local newspaper contest hoping at least one of them would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

EMERGENCY NOTICE!

The AOSHQ server is smoking!

If these rancid puns continue, this site is going to crash!

You have been warned!

So, any Mrs. Peel "skin" sitings yet? An entire geek regimen awaits breathlessly for any word of new developments.

Doh! Wouldja believe regiment? The regimen part comes later.

oh, what the hell...

Potted Harry and the Stoned Sorcerers!

"Frenzied Retards" was the name of my first band.

it can't be occidental that so many hate the West.

Oh, you kids with your puns.

We're going to have to increase the frequency and intensity of your beatings.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

So, any Mrs. Peel "skin" sitings yet?

Nope.

Not that I'm checking her site every five minutes or anything. But when I looked, oh, awhile ago, there was nothing new.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Hey Laura, want to come to a pants party?

It's a prothonotary warbler, and I ain't lyin'!

Was he the best pitcher that ever threw a baseball? Back in the 1950s, there were a lot of folks who thought so.
Mel Famey of the Milwaukee Braves was a natural -- a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon whose fast ball blew away the best hitters. His 90 MPH curve ball would start out like it was going to hit the batter's ear, only to break at the last instant and hit the outside corner of the plate for a strike.

His change up made the best hitters in the league cry -- they would swing, drop the bat, and stare incredulously as the ball hit the catcher's mitt.

He was indeed awesome!

Why then, you might ask, is he not in the Hall of Fame? Why haven't you ever heard of him?

Alas, like many others before him, Mel's downfall was demon alcohol.

Ol' Mel really liked to tilt the glass. His drinking became almost legendary around the country, but he never let it affect his pitching until The Braves and the Yankees were in the World Series!

Excitement reigned!

The series was tied at three games apiece, and the Braves were in New York for the seventh and deciding game.

The night before the big event, Mel's thirst got the better of him. He sneaked out of the hotel after curfew, and bought himself two cases of beer.

As you might imagine, the next morning Mel didn't feel too good.

But being the pro that he was, Mel managed to do just fine -- until the bottom of the ninth inning. With the Braves ahead by one run, two out, and the bases loaded, Mel's revelry the night before finally caught up to him.

Eight straight pitches -- eight straight balls. He walked in the tying run and the winning run, thereby, losing the game and the series.

After the game, a reporter went to the jubilant Yankee's clubhouse and spoke to the last two players that faced Mel. "Tell me," he asked, "to what do you attribute this victory over the best pitcher in the major leagues"?

In unison they replied, ... "It was the beer that made Mel Famey walk us"!

Awwww. Does somebody need some attention today?

Hug me, daddy.

Hug me.

Sometimes when I'm bored, I'll make spaghetti just to PASTA time away. Now that's using my noodle.

If you Russia round and Ukraine your neck, don't Crimea river.

I'm a Lumberjack, by Tim Berr

Hunchbacks NEVER get invited to parties.

Pity, because we're such swingers.

And the ubiquitous "I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than have a full frontal lobotomy."

Guy has a breakthough on unlta-long longitivity and his experiments have been on dolphins (the closest brain to a human being). The formula requires using the meat from seagulls, that's the easy part. The problem is that seagull meat makes these dolphins that can't die hyperactive which tends to make them jump out of the tank they're kept in. To prevent this the guy buys an old lion from the circus to patrol around the pool to scare the dolphins from jumping out. This means he can only feed the water-bound mammals when the "king of the jungle" is asleep.

So one day, the guy is sneaking out to the tank to feed the dolphins when the police bust him. The charges (get ready to graon):

Transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.

There were two ships crossing the pacific. One carrying blue paint from Singapore to Los Angeles, and the other carrying red dyes from America to Taiwan.

Somewhere in the middle of the ocean, the two ships met abruptly.

The ships were lost to the sea and the crews of both are believed to be marooned.

I'm a jewish lumberjack, by Pine Cohen

So, one day, she was reading comments on her favorite blog, and this punning streak breaks out, right?

And they're real groaners, right?

So she -heh, heh- she grabs a sharp steak knife right, and ha ha! She drives it into her left ear, and haa haahaaa, she dies. Happy.

Sorry I blew up...

A woman had twins and had to give them up for adoption. One was adopted by an Egyptian family who named him Amal. The other boy was adopted by a Spanish family who named him Juan. After many years Juan sent a picture to his mother. She told her husband she'd dearly love to see the other son. Her husband asked why she would want that. They were twins afterall, "If you've seen Juan you've seen Amal"

In the interest of saving time, we could just post the punny part and skip over the lead in. To wit:

1. The searchin' general has determined that smoking ziggurats are hazardous to your stealth.

2. Abcess makes the fart go 'honda'.

... and so forth.

If Laura really wants to know the build-up, we can post that later.

Cheers.

Can you really blame Spurwing for not talking to us?

That's not so bad, Bumperstickerist.

With fronds like these, who needs anemones?

Two large Pattys, Special Ross and Lester pickin bunions on a Sesame Street Bus

A chess club checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why? "they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.

The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Phobias But Were Afraid To Ask

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

The more times you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets

Dedicated to Spurwing Plover:

What first appears to be a sloppy or meaningless use of words may well be a completely correct use of words to express sloppy or meaningless thinking.

A truck carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus overturned on the highway. The local newspaper reported that onlookers were "stunned, overwhelmed, astonished, bewildered, and dumbfounded."

When you consider the contribution of plumbing to human life, all the other sciences fade into insignificance.

Great, guys. Could you possibly make more noise?

Does the elusive spurwing make appearances on weekends?

Geoff, of course I'm curious and it would be very helpful if we could gather as much information as possible.

P.S. If I hear any more of the Leave spurwing alone. Let's keep him a mystery crap...

A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

Bart:

I left a comment on 11/19. Should help.

Whyis it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Right now I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

P.S. If I hear any more of the Leave spurwing alone. Let's keep him a mystery crap...

Fine, but don't come crying to me if the knowledge you seek drives you to Lovecraftian insanity.

Can we keep Madfish a mystery, at least?

Can we keep Madfish a mystery, at least?

Fine with me. I just don't want to hear any more guff for posting Batman quotes.

I think all this noise scared spurwing plover off. Before this thread was posted he flew and left a single dropping. He really shd have been back a few more times by now. It's a big internet. Where ever you are, spurwing, be happy. SQUAK SQWAK

SQUARK SQUARK

Libruls are dark evel sukcing at the fabirc of the UNIVERS.

And, of course there was the groom and his bride, honeymoon, blah, blah, blah.

"And all night it was honor, offer, honor, offer..."

Having had my attention drawn to the posts on 11/19, I came across 3 classics:

Big camels and at one time that had realy big birds like the DIATYRMA a realy big bird stood taller the a man had the head the size of a horse and it was carinierous

Posted by: spurwing plover on November 24, 2005 09:54 AM

VEGETARIAN indians word for rotten hunter

Posted by: spurwing plover on November 24, 2005 09:58 AM

So much for his internal paridise of france and his putrid movie CHARLY AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Posted by: spurwing plover on November 24, 2005 10:01 AM

Note that all three posts are dated 11/24 even though the threads were started on 11/18 or 11/19. So perhaps we'll receive our fix on this thread tomorrow or Monday.

PS - Didn't find the one hinted at. Any further clues?

For all of those who are giving up and wondering why we are doing this (how soon we forget and lose heart), this is why we are doing this:

Cindy Sheehan her turkeys have been arrested near the bush ranch

The demacratic donkey turns chicken

Big camels and at one time that had realy big birds like the DIATYRMA a realy big bird stood taller the a man had the head the size of a horse and it was carinierous

Ha ha, max. We're two peas in a pod.
Good timing!

VEGETARIAN indians word for rotten hunter

This is my favorite.

Can we keep Madfish a mystery, at least?

Hey... what did I do?

Shock and awe should never be waged with puns, man!!!

Bart,

I particularly like 'carinierous' and 'internal paridise'.

I found my 3 looking at a total of 4 threads. Imagine what gems are left to be found. :)

We do have a genius amongst us. I am not kidding.

Only 4? I've looked at about seventy-four. Thanks, Geoff. I owe you. Big time.

I once called spurwing a cross between Chauncey Gardener and the guy from SlingBlade.

Max, forget 11/19. It was 11/8. Hint: NYT.

spurwing got "outed" a couple of months ago on Wizbang.

I was wondering where he snuck off to.

btw, spurwing used to use the moniker " skybird" before disappearing for a while.

It took about two seconds to figure out that plover was his new incarnation.

What did you find out about spurwing other than his aliases, mesablue?

"It was the beer that made Mel Famey walk us"!

Duuuh... I just got that one - been wondering what that was about for friggin hours. What a dumb-ass I am.

I guess it was the eight balls that threw me off base!

I must have a bird brain today!

Bart,

Thanks for the hint.

mesablue,

Why would anyone want to 'out' spurwing? What happened? Link?

PS - Reading through just the headlines for November's posts reminded me just how dishonest the 'media' is.

I've also seen Spurwing post as Birdzilla. As for the "outing", my biggest wonder has always been whether or not he was one of those rightwing strawmen characters lefty commenters like to dream up in order to avoid reality... or if he was like the desperate kid brother of blog commenters. Putting lots of enthusiasm into fitting in but not quite getting it.

If he is a complex joke on us, I have to at least give the actor credit for making so many weird comments that wouldn't further the cause, so to speak. RAYMONBURR!

I'm sorry. I lost track. Did anyone ID the fickin' bird?

How can you not see the connection to RAYMOND BURR?

I have my own Spurwing theory.

Dick Cheney is gearing up to assume the emperorship sometime in '07, but he needs to do something about the bloggers.
Not the lefty bloggers, as they'll wind up in the same camps as the Lesbians, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered, but the righty bloggers. Michelle Malkin crapped herself when Laura told the horse joke, what would she do when Cheney's Cock started giving orders?
So the greatest Haliburton scientists tried to come up with a digitization of The Cock to replace the bloggers when they're shipped off to the oil mines.
Unfortuanetly it was too much magnificence for the computer, causing it to post as it currently does.

It's not retarded, just brillant 4th dimensional thinking stuck into the binary realm of computers, coupled with a databse mining utility.

Frezied Retard: The image in the post is a Spurwing Plover, the mon de plum of a rather eccentric commenter that frquents this site.

Its a spurwing plover and its ready to fly over PETAs little demaonstration and have deliberate accedent i say he will have it right in some animal rights wackos favorite drink SQUARK SQUARK

Spurwing, are you a birder?

Do you go birdwatching?

Well, THAT was anticlimactic.

He'll be back to this thread. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow...

We did our best, dear.

Clearly it is a migratory bird.

I'm like a biiiii-iiiiiird
I'll only fly awaaaaaaaaaay.

spurwing singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

spurwing singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

spurwing fly spurwing fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

spurwing fly spurwing fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

spurwing singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

It really is a Spurwing Plover?????

Wow! Don't I feel retarded!

And, uhm, frenzied.

You know, open threads accompanied by a pic isn't such a bad idea. We could have a lot of fun with random pics or photoshops.

Paul, you should make that into a song...

All of these bad puns remind me of my favorite toast...

This is to honor
This is to getting honor
And staying honor
And if you can't cum in her
Cum honor

My apologies, I've had thirty-leven beers and I lost my ass in a card game.

Update: I can say cum, but not p-o-k-e-r or h-o-l-d-e-m wtf kinda sesame street shop you runnin Ace?

Sorry I'm a longtime lurker but I just have break cover o say something about Spurwing Plover. I said in another thread that he was Keyser Sose and I still think that maybe true. But I also think he may be a god. Not THE God ... but A god. I just want him to know that I am ready to worship him and obey his every command.

Come to think maybe Keyser Sose is a god. Or the devil. Now Im getting confused.

There is no Keyser Soze!

Dean -- There's a ship down at the harbor I want you to check out ...

Lee Harvey Oswald... what a pussy!

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.

Keaton (see above) always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is ... Spurwing Plover.

A guy walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms. He says " see this is the pig that I've been screwing". His wife who is laying on the bed says " you're an idiot you don't even know that that is a sheep not a pig". The guy says "who said I was talking to you"!

Keaton (see above) always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him."

Buster Keaton actually said that?

Wake me tommorrow when the cootie bugs are running and dont tell me is eat peas with a knife

As I predicted, he returned.

Did I mention he was elusive?

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/151194.php

He was here, too.
Ya gotta be quick!