Ace of Spades HQ

« Alternate AoSHQ Theme | Main | British Pay Nurse $60,000 Per Year To Wipe Abu Hamza's Backside »

January 11, 2006

Whaaaaaat? Kim Jong Il Disappears?

I know someone's yanking my crank, but on the off chance...

Beijing - North Korean leader Kim Jong II has disappeared in China. His luxurious special train which reportedly crossed the border into China Tuesday morning at Dandong was nowhere to be found Wednesday.
'We really would like to know where he is, but we simply don't have a clue,' said a South Korean military attache, who added he felt he was left in the lurch by his own intelligence services.

Although the train was seen travelling in the direction of Beijing by officials at two railway stations, Kim did not show up in the Chinese capital, sparking a torrent of speculation.

I think I speak for every red-blooded American when I say I just pray he's safe, heathly, and comfortable.

Oh, and also: Murdered.

Thanks to Fred.

posted by Ace at 09:56 PM

Comments

I hope this doesn't have anything to do with another breaking news story...

namely, that a number of blasting caps have been found at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean floor near Huntington Beach, California.

Posted by: qdpsteve on January 11, 2006 10:05 PM

Kim Jong Il has returned to the mother ship.

Posted by: Nine of Diamonds on January 11, 2006 10:09 PM

I am so ronery

Posted by: Kim Jong Il on January 11, 2006 10:09 PM

"Heathly"? So you visualize Jong Il strutting about on the moor in platform shoes, pausing every so often to gaze off morosely into the distance and run his fingers through his hair, which not coincidentally makes it stand up higher? 'Cause I know I do.

Posted by: Mrs. Peel on January 11, 2006 10:12 PM

Supposedly he took a flight instead of his normal train to Bejing this time though. I read the report somewhere, though I can't find it now. Could it be the South Korean intelligence could learn something by reading the Associated Press? I hope not.

Posted by: Chad Evans on January 11, 2006 10:14 PM

When he came back from China last time, wasn't that when they had the massive explosion as the train station that many thought was an assassination attempt?

China must be like a red-sun planet for the Superman of Pyong-Yang.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos on January 11, 2006 10:14 PM

Mrs. Peel, that's JUST what I was imagining, except that in MY version "The Killing Moon" by Echo & The Bunnymen was playing in the background. Weird, I know.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset on January 11, 2006 10:15 PM

My suggestion. Follow a trail of very subtle clues. Maybe they can use forensic evidence near the site of the disappearance and follow it to another clue. It could be anything, hair, blood, long thick and square pieces of wood, in a parallel pattern topped with large heave pieces of "steel" that might lead to the getaway train which might be loaded to the hilt with Chivas Regal.

Posted by: Wickedpinto on January 11, 2006 10:20 PM

Fuck you, Hans Brix !

Posted by: Dear Leader on January 11, 2006 10:23 PM

I read somewhere today that he was en route to Russia.

And I think he has a fear of flying, hence the train thing.

For whatever that's worth...

Posted by: Lipstick on January 11, 2006 10:26 PM

Here's his web site:

http://www.korea-dpr.com/songunseminar/index.htm

Found via:

http://www.poorandstupid.com/chronicle.asp

Posted by: max on January 11, 2006 10:35 PM

If you ever have any doubts that they are completely insane, just read KCNA No, it's not a parody; this the actual official voice of the North Korean government to the world.

Posted by: SJKevin on January 11, 2006 10:51 PM

Go ahead and make fun of Kim Jong Il, but he's the only world leader that is taking the Kristofferson-Reptilloid Space Vampire threat seriously.

Posted by: Red Jode on January 11, 2006 11:04 PM

If the guy got snuffed, I wonder what the heck would happen in Korean politics??? I wonder if there's a succession in place, or if there's a real possibility of a power struggle.

Not a topic I recall reading about, ever.

Posted by: tubino on January 11, 2006 11:07 PM

Good point tubino. I think that succession under the North Korean constitution would either go to the ruler's eldest son (who doesn't exist), or the winner of a national trivia contest. According to the latest version of the Constitution, topics used in the contest shall consist of the following:

1. Cool facts about Dick Cheney.
2. Paul Anka Integrity Kick.
3. Cooking with bluegrass and dirt clods.
4. Stuff I'd like to buy if I had money, and if the state stores actually had some stuff to buy.
5. 14th Century Italian Poetry.

In the event of a tie, "Thunderdome" rules shall apply. "Two men enter, one man leaves".

Posted by: Russ from Winterset on January 11, 2006 11:17 PM

A big time commie leader dissapears and i thought no commie leader would ever come up missing i thought they were better then us capitalists

Posted by: spurwing plover on January 11, 2006 11:27 PM

Hey, Tubino, please take a look at my comments to you in this thread. Thanks.

Posted by: SJKevin on January 11, 2006 11:28 PM

He light heea with me! He funny guy!

P.S. I spell my name old way! New way is American running dog liberal way. Not for me! And I Mao Tse-Tung, bitch!

Posted by: Mao Tse-Tung on January 11, 2006 11:38 PM

Lay off the poor guy already! Anybody who can shoot a 17 under par on their first round of golf ever can't be that bad.

Posted by: Dave S on January 11, 2006 11:44 PM

Yes, Tubino - please have a look at that thread again. It would be great to hear your response to a well thought out argument.

Posted by: middleroad on January 11, 2006 11:45 PM

Fear not, the Dear Leader is alive and well, just landed in Shanghai

http://www.itar-tass.com/eng/level2.html?NewsID=2782122&PageNum=0

Posted by: Moonbat_One on January 11, 2006 11:56 PM

In response to Moonbat_One......

How sad is that?

Posted by: David Earney on January 12, 2006 12:53 AM

Time to fire up the "illmatic"

Posted by: Tom M on January 12, 2006 01:25 AM

Today from the North Korean new agency:

"Socialism is the ideal of humankind and a society representing its future. It is the law governing the development of history that socialism is sure to triumph. The imperialists are getting all the more undisguised in their moves to completely destroy socialism in the world's political arena and put the whole world under their control."

How is the American democrat party any different from the maniacs that run North Korea?

They're not in power. Yet.

Posted by: on January 12, 2006 08:20 AM

Dude it is so obvious what happened: he turned into a bug and flew away in a tiny spaceship.

Posted by: TallDave on January 12, 2006 09:10 AM

I hope they have pr0n and hairspray in space.

Posted by: tachyonshuggy on January 12, 2006 09:47 AM

(off-topic)

Ace, Did you catch the story of this cute little cyclopes cat? Sadly it died, but it's still really cool looking.

http://news.yahoo.com/photo/060109/480/nyet27501091906

Posted by: Lorenzo on January 12, 2006 10:01 AM

Actually Kim Jong Il's personal best in golf is 38 under par. I'd just assume he's vigorously practicing to break 40, sorta like that Tiger Woods commercial where he's playing golf in the rain and storms and shit like that.

Posted by: Otho Laurence on January 12, 2006 10:17 AM

He did,nt happen to get himself lost while wandering about and got eet by a dragon did he?

Posted by: spurwing plover on January 12, 2006 10:19 AM

he's off on his Vision Quest.

Ya know,...

a weekend of banging Linda Fiorentino before he has to wrestle Shute at 168.

Posted by: Rob@L&R on January 12, 2006 11:46 AM

CNN Presents,kim dung I mean jung.live filming of executions of humantrafficers to china.Filmed by Mr. Lee

Posted by: bear on January 14, 2006 03:39 PM

Amazon.com Widgets

Now Available!
The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]

Top Headlines

Good rickroll

What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*

Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.

A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR.
Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.

The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.

Finish the job, Mr. President!
Melanie Phillips lays out the case for the total destruction of the Iranian government and armed forces. [CBD]

TJM acts like he knows anything about John Wick and screenwriting. It's embarrassing, really.

Podcast: Sefton and CBD talk about how would a peace treaty with Iran work, Democrats defending murderers and rapists, The GOP vs. Dem bench for 2028, composting bodies? And more!

Oh, I forgot to mention this quote from Pete Hegseth, reported by Roger Kimball: "We are sharing the ocean with the Iranian Navy. We're giving them the bottom half."

Batman fires The Batman
Batman is disgusted by the Joachim Phoenix version of Joker
Batman tries to fire Superman
Batman is still workshopping his Bat-Voice

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click: Red Leather Suit and Sweatband Edition
And I was here to please
I'm even on knees
Makin' love to whoever I please
I gotta do it my way
Or no way at all

Tomorrow is March 25th, "Tolkien Reading Day," because March 25th is the day when the Ring is destroyed in the book. I think I'm going to start the Hobbit tomorrow and read all four books this time.
The only bad part of the trilogy are the Frodo/Sam chapters in The Two Towers. They're repetitive, slow, and mostly about the weather and terrain. But most everything else is good. Weirdly, the Frodo-Sam chapters in Return of the King are exciting and action-packed and among the best in the trilogy. (Though the chapters with everyone else in Return of the King get pretty slow again. Mostly people talking about marching towards war, and then marching towards war.)

Sec. Army recognizes ODU Army ROTC cadets for their bravery and sacrifice in private ceremony
[Hat Tip: Diogenes] [CBD]

TJM gives you a brief tour of his movie collection.

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
One day I'm gonna write a poem in a letter
One day I'm gonna get that faculty together
Remember that everybody has to wait in line
Oh, [Song Title], look out world, oh, you know I've got mine

US decimation of Iran's ICBM forces is due to Space Force's instant detection of launches -- and the launchers' hiding places -- and rapid counter-attack via missiles
AI is doing a lot of the work in analyzing images to find the exact hiding place of the launchers. Counter-strikes are now coming in four hours after a launch, whereas previously it might have taken days for humans to go over the imagery and data.

Robert Mueller, Former Special Counsel Who Probed Trump, Dies

“robert mueller just died,” trump wrote in a truth social post on march 21. “good, i’m glad he’s dead. he can no longer hurt innocent people! president donald j. trump.”

TJM has thoughts on Superheros and Iconography

Canadian School Designates Cafeteria And Lunchroom As "No Food Zones" For Ramadan
Canada and the UK are neck and neck in the race to become the first western country to fall to Islam [CBD]

Chuck Norris, Action Icon and 'Walker Texas Ranger' Star, Dies at 86

Podcast: Sefton and CBD have a short chat about Iran, the disgusting SAVE Act theater, Mamdani's politicizing of St. Patrick's Day, and more!