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January 11, 2006

Pravda: Condi Rice's Anti-Russian Stance Due To "Sexual Problems"

Good stuff:

Ms. Rice's criticism can be explained with the politician's personal peculiarities. Why is Condoleezza Rice so fond of her "strict teacher" role? Is it her technique that she follows to stay in the center of political attention? The leader of the Liberal and Democratic Party of Russia (LDPR), Vladimir Zhirinovsky [an ultra-nationalist communism-nostalgist demagogue] expressed his opinion on the matter in an exclusive interview with Pravda.Ru.
"Condoleezza Rice released a coarse anti-Russian statement. This is because she is a single woman who has no children. She loses her reason because of her late single status. Nature takes it all.

...

"This is the only way to satisfy her needs of a female. She derives pleasure from it. If she has no man by her side at her age, he will never appear. Even if she had a whole selection of men to choose from she would stay single because her soul and heart have hardened. Like Napoleon, Genghis Khan, Tamerlane, or Alexander the Great of Macedon Ms. Rice needs to fight and release tough public statements in global scale. She needs to be on top of the world.

...

"Condoleezza Rice needs a company of soldiers. She needs to be taken to barracks where she would be satisfied. On the other hand, she can hardly be satisfied because of her age. This is a complex. She needs to return to her university and teach students there. She could also deal with psychological analysis.

"The true reason of Ms. Rice's attack against Russia is very simple. Condoleezza Rice is a very cruel, offended woman who lacks men's attention. Releasing such stupid remarks gives her the feeling of being fulfilled. This is the only way for her to attract men's attention," Vladimir Zhirinovsky said.

In fairness, the "genius" cartoonist responsible for Boondocks has a similar therory.

posted by Ace at 12:36 PM

Comments

Yeah, women need 6 abortions, minimum, before they become reasonable.

Posted by: sean on January 11, 2006 12:43 PM

I heart Pravda.

Surprised they didn't mention any aliens or ESP.

Posted by: lauraw on January 11, 2006 12:45 PM

You know pravda means "truth" in Russian except when reading the newspaper "Pravda" which is a different kind of "truth"

Posted by: yls on January 11, 2006 12:51 PM

So, if I understand this correctly, he seems to think she "ain't all dat", and has no interest in finding out what she "gonna do wit all dat junk in [yo] trunk".

Posted by: Dogstar on January 11, 2006 01:00 PM

Man, you gotta read this guy.

Sounds to me like the complex is on the other foot (or some other bodily appendage) here!

I can almost see Condi reading this pathetic screed, then leaning back in her chair, crossing her legs ala Basic Instinct and saying, " Bring it, Yaroslava."

Posted by: dinah lord on January 11, 2006 01:03 PM

Heh. My Russian teacher in college taught us a saying based on names of the two major Russian newspapers - "Pravda" (truth) and "Izvestia." (news). Yeah, creative names - there, small stores are mostly named "Store."

They would say there is no 'pravda' in 'izvestia' and no 'izvestia' in 'pravda.'

Sounds prettier in the Russian.

Posted by: Slublog on January 11, 2006 01:08 PM

Cool Fact about Condi Rice

--> Walked past Chris Klein one day, causing him to spontaneously and prematurely placate.

Posted by: BumperStickerist on January 11, 2006 01:10 PM

I have to admit, I have a crush on Condi. There. I said it.

Posted by: sandy burger on January 11, 2006 01:11 PM

Actually Howard Dean wrote this piece under a pseudonym.

Posted by: Village Idiot on January 11, 2006 01:15 PM

Methinks Condi rebuffed the unctuous unbathed vodka-breathed pinko. Sour grapes.

Posted by: monica on January 11, 2006 01:25 PM

The photo of Condi in the helmet and googles when she flew to USS Lincoln is a real keeper.

Posted by: on January 11, 2006 01:29 PM

Got a link to that picture?

I just found this; it's some liberal site with a bunch of pictures of Condi looking angry, as if that's a bad thing. But my favorite Condi pic of all time is this one.

Condi, I wish I knew how to quit you.

Posted by: sandy burger on January 11, 2006 01:44 PM

Condoleezza Rice needs a company of soldiers. She needs to be taken to barracks where she would be satisfied.

Sounds like he's palying the Dick Cheney game, but with Condi.

Posted by: Zorachus on January 11, 2006 01:47 PM

Not to worry, Condi's got Gene on the job.
Funnily enough, I only have one little post about the man, but I get people with a State Department url coming to look at it all the time.

Posted by: Donnah on January 11, 2006 01:55 PM

Imagine a boot stamping on a human face, forever. A boot with a stilleto heel on your Commie face, Commie. Try not to get too turned on.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on January 11, 2006 01:58 PM

Gad, what a tired old old line!! When is the last time you heard someone say "What she needs is a good f***" about some bitchy woman? Come on Zhirinovsky, try to be at least a little bit more original.

Posted by: docdave on January 11, 2006 02:00 PM

http://tigger.uic.edu/~sema/history/zh.jpg

Check it out--Zhirinovsky has his own brand of vodka (I shit you not).

http://www.mielofon.com/politician/vladimir_zhirinovsky/009.jpg

He also has the face of a man who's been sampling too much of the product. Sorry, guy--I doubt Condi'd hit that.

Posted by: alex on January 11, 2006 02:05 PM

LOL@Sue. That was good.

Posted by: Donnah on January 11, 2006 02:05 PM

Even if she had a whole selection of men to choose from she would stay single because her soul and heart have hardened. Like Napoleon, Genghis Khan, Tamerlane, or Alexander the Great of Macedon Ms. Rice needs to fight and release tough public statements in global scale. She needs to be on top of the world.

I just broke into a cold sweat.

Posted by: Gordon on January 11, 2006 02:06 PM

> my favorite Condi pic of all time is this one

That's everyone's favorite! Except, apparently, communists.

Posted by: Guy T. on January 11, 2006 02:07 PM

I don't know why these photos are so hard to find. There were two of them. I could only find this one which is heavily cropped.

Condi, cute as a button

Posted by: on January 11, 2006 02:23 PM

little known facts about Condi :

The book Foxfire was based on her first encounter with Russians.

She became fluent in Russian in the 70's because she wanted to eventually kill Soviet commies but wanted to understand what they were screaming as she gutted them like a pig.

She took away the candy from Cheney that Cheney took away from babies.

Posted by: roc ingersol on January 11, 2006 02:47 PM

Condoleezza Rice needs a company of soldiers. She needs to be taken to a barracks where she would be satisfied.
Add a couple of hard-flanked Arabian stallions to that mix, and you got yerself Catherine the Great. Russian history's a many-splendored thing.

Posted by: Christopher on January 11, 2006 03:00 PM

Pravda? are you sure it was,nt the New York Times that wrote that? it sure sounds something the NYTs would print

Posted by: spurwing plover on January 11, 2006 03:12 PM

I think that guy has topped anything stupid Condi could say - not to mention, whatever she said is probably right on target.

Posted by: Jenny on January 11, 2006 03:15 PM

She took away the candy from Cheney that Cheney took away from babies.

HAAAAAAAA!!!

That is priceless.

Posted by: Dogstar on January 11, 2006 04:04 PM

"This is an irritating factor for everyone, especially for the East and the Islamic world. When they look at her, they go mad."

And that's a bad thing?

Zhirinovsky obviously wants her. And he doesn't placate, that's for damn sure.

Posted by: Mrs. Peel on January 11, 2006 04:22 PM

C'mon! Everybody knows that Condi has been getting it from King George... Have none of you ever read a Lefty Blog? Gosh!

Posted by: chip on January 11, 2006 04:38 PM

Donnah, I had no idea about Gene Washington. (Or, as I call him, Mr. Competition.) I have a new hero, and a new enemy. I love and hate you, Gene.

Sandy is to Gene Washington as Chris Klein is to Tom Cruise.

Oh God, I'm baring my soul on Ace of Spades HQ. Again. What have I become?!

Posted by: sandy burger on January 11, 2006 04:44 PM

Condi -- smart AND attractive...that's hot!

LOL at Sue's post and loving that pic from Sandy Burger...Condi in '08!

Posted by: billygoat on January 11, 2006 04:47 PM

Condi, cute as a button

My heart just skipped a beat.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I dream of Condi
I'll vote for her, too

Posted by: sandy burger on January 11, 2006 05:49 PM

Zhironovsky? Is he the guy that proved he's not a homo by watching his sister pee?

Does it ever occurr to Russians that people might like them better if they weren't constanly trying to fuck up everyone's lives as if sharing a border with them were an unbearable act of aggression? Is the part of the brain that contains the concept of leaving other people alone simply missing from all Slavic people?

Posted by: Dave Munger on January 11, 2006 06:41 PM

Can I be one of the soldiers?

Pleaseohpleaseohplease?!

Posted by: Partisan Pundit on January 11, 2006 06:42 PM

Oh God, I'm baring my soul on Ace of Spades HQ. Again. What have I become?!

...one word, sandy. Michael.

"Have you ever seen a grown man wearing a Batman suit, Timmy?"

Posted by: Russ from Winterset on January 11, 2006 06:57 PM

Well, she's never been married, has she. She does have a pretty famous boyfriend, though...

Posted by: scarshapedstar on January 11, 2006 07:03 PM

She's never married because, like Good Queen Bess before her, "There can only be one mistress- and no master."
So sorry, Sandy.

Posted by: Donnah on January 11, 2006 07:10 PM

The guy's theory is stoopid. I can come up with better theories about behavior than that in my sleep.

It's time for Cool Facts about Condi Rice.

She's an ass-kickin' cool beeyatch who takes no crap from anyone.

Posted by: Timmy in the Well on January 11, 2006 07:14 PM

Sandy loves Condi
But, alas, he longs in vain
Condi has standards

Posted by: sandy burger on January 11, 2006 10:05 PM

perfect 5-7-5 format. Well played, sandy. Well played.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset on January 11, 2006 10:12 PM

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