Do I run Google News searches for the word "vagina"?

Why, yes. Yes, I do.

Fred don't placate. Obviously, he thanked one of the dildo'd ladies and told her to get out of his face. On the other hand, Bryant McKinnie told one of the ladies to get on his face!

I highly recommend the hymen article, by the way. Sample quote:

Another patient, a 51-year-old Manhattan attorney and mother of three, had him reattach her hymen and tighten her vaginal walls in 2003. "I thought it would add that extra sparkle to our marriage," says the woman.

The key to marital bliss? A tight vagina.

Allah - tell us again why you don't just start blogging again?

Ah well, we can dream...

Placate: To soothe or mollify especially by concession: APPEASE

I think we would need more information about the situation to accurately decide whether Mr. Smoot was involved in placation. Doesn't seem likely but definately not out of the realm of possibility.

Culpepper was charged with "putting his hands on the buttocks of a female dancer." That's a crime now? Wow, Clinton and Schwarzenegger better never go to Minnesota.

Allah, where's your @#%#@ blog?

I know. I'll set up a fund that will encourage Allah to blog again.

Send ALL donations, via Paypal, to Slublog.

That's S-l-u...

Ace,

How about a top ten list for reasons Allah should start blogging again?

I could come up with at least 3

Allah, where's your @#%#@ blog?

It's right here:

http://ace.mu.nu/

Allah,

Every man has his price. Well....

Seriously, Allah, if you don't want to blog, you should just get guest-blogger privileges from Ace and drop an article whenever you feel like it. Then, every time Ace gets a traffic spike because of your posts that boosts his ad revenue, he has to take you out to a really nice steak house, a movie, and a club where he will solicit women for you and otherwise act as your wingman.

Dude, you're doing a lot of work around here. It's time for Ace to show some love.

Did anyone notice the "healthwise" ad that shows up on the circumcision article? Refresh a few times and it shows up. Ummmmmm....Is it me, or is the visual of this ad related to the article?

Michael, you and Josie are starting to sound like stalkers.

Dude, you're doing a lot of work around here. It's time for Ace to show some love

He already has. Remember the night they got together for the first time to talk about all things gay? Didn't do much posting the next day if I remember correctly.

I've been with a virgin. I'll be damned if I'm going through that all over again.
Anyways, for those who are Cheneyesque, it's allllll tight, baby.

Dude, you're doing a lot of work around here. It's time for Ace to show some love.

Didn't he say recently that he makes $350 a month on ads? That's not quite twelve bucks a day. Neither he nor any other blogger short of Glenn is in a position to be paying for help.

Twelve bucks a day. When I had my blog, I'd spend at least twelve hours daily reading news, writing posts, and doing Photoshops to keep the content coming. One dollar an hour, in other words. How much per hour does a guy who scrubs toilets make? Five bucks? Six?

Yeah, but did you get into to explicitly to make a buck?

Now Allah, you know perfectly well that the crazy blog money isn't in the blog ads.

It's in the accessories, like t-shirts.

Ace probably netted about $100 out of that foray. (Or as I like to think of it, a nearly 25% monthly increase in revenue).

And your "Six Days Bitch" t-shirt?

Another pot of gold.

Yeah, but did you get into to explicitly to make a buck?

No, but look. To do it right requires a lot of work. It's fun sometimes too, especially at first, but not so fun that you'll devote yourself to it twelve hours a day just for the sheer joy of doing it. You think Ace makes himself post fifteen times a day because he can't get enough of hitting that update button?

Ultimately, there are only two incentives to blog: traffic and money. Building traffic will sustain you for awhile, but sooner or later you realize that it doesn't mean shit. It's nothing but ego juice. So the only incentive left is money, and ad rates aren't even in the ballpark of where they'd have to be to make this a going proposition for mid-level bloggers.

Either build an audience as big as Instapundit's or accept the fact that this will never be more than a hobby. And hobbies don't deserve twelve hours a day of one's time.

And your "Six Days Bitch" t-shirt?

Another pot of gold.

I'm trying to remember how many of those I sold, Jack. I think it was around 75. At a profit margin of three dollars each. Definitely a better return on my labor than blogging, but there wasn't much gold in that pot.

A dirty little secret about t-shirts, which Ace can verify: they don't sell. Ever. The best I ever did was with my Reagan t-shirt, which I think moved around 100 units. The fact is, you guys have better things to spend your cash on than vanity items from your favorite bloggers.

Whats your lips flapping about anyway?

Allah,

I know. I'm just busting your chops a little.

Fact is, I agree with you. Blogging just isn't something that 99.9% of bloggers will ever see a significant amount of cash from engaging in.

We can't all have "bandwidth drives" that net hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Hell...in my entire history as a blogger I've netted $300 in donations.

Which is probably $300 more than my shitty blog musings deserve.

If there is any money to be made in blogging, I think you pretty much have to become a group blog.

It's the only way to even begin to make the time/reward ratios add up favorably.

A - yeah, I miss Allah in the House, too.
B - re: new hymens, I'll check the copy I have of one of his old books, but I recall comic Jack Douglas writing about a Japanese doctor who offered to do a new hymen on a woman for something like $83. (This was in Japan around 1963.) Nothing new under the sun, especially when it comes to that subject.

This douching story has been around as long as I can remember. Back in the early '80's the "experts" were telling women the vagina is self-cleaning.

I remember watching a show about it with my friends. After that show, my friends and I (we were 14) thought it was hilarious to tell everyone "you see, the pussy cleans itself" in a serious tone.

Later, in the '90's, it was popular for the feminists and the male feminists to denounce the douche as invention by men who know nothing about a woman's body and all they wanted to do was to make money and women feel self-concious about a perfectly natural function.

Hell...in my entire history as a blogger I've netted $300 in donations.

Well, you've gotten at least that recently from the paid endorsements. Maybe Ace should start pimping his main page.

Listen, Moon God, your linkblog idea might actually work.

(1) You already spend all that time anyway (see this blog, last two days of).
(2) Reynolds has long ago jumped the shark. No one has really tried to compete with him for linky-link volume.
(3) You have lots of built-up goodwill that would ensure a big launch.
(4) Idiots would start mailing YOU links, like you mail Ace.
(5) You don't want to admit it, but you occasionally get a photoshop jones, with no reliable outlet...

(5) You don't want to admit it, but you occasionally get a photoshop jones, with no reliable outlet...

I photoshop myself into photos of porn stars.

No, just kidding. Maybe.

If I do a linkblog, I'm going to have to put up with all sorts of shit from people whining about how it's just links, it's not funny, they could do the same thing, blah blah blah. That's worth putting up with if there's money at stake, but there wouldn't be real money at stake for months and months and months. If ever.

Speaking of links, I've sent Ace seven or eight good ones over the last couple of hours. Either he's holding them for tomorrow or he's upped his standards.

Guess he doesn't want any new links tomorrow, huh?

Check the sidebar, dude.

I think you're seriously underestimating the explosion of blog publicity (and hits, and the possibility of crazy blogmoney) your return -- in any form -- would generate.

And if people whine, so what? Make it clear up front what you're doing. (Call it "Allah's Linkblog" if you have to.) And no comments.

But like I say, you're doing most of the work anyway, for none of the money/glory. (Well, unless the favors Ace gave you at Brokeback count...)

I'm with someone.

See, Allah, you obviously still enjoy participating in the blogosphere.

The key is to set limits. Make it a hobby, not an occupation.

So, let's say you actually get a job. After work, you could spend an hour a day tossing out links with clever intros, throw in an occasional photoshop, maybe once in a while write something when you're in the mood for a rant. In the meantime, you have a job and are actually, like, dating women and stuff. You know, like living a life.

With your reputation, you'd have a small-medium size blog overnight with almost no effort, some Blogad revenue, and a few random hits on your PayPal account.

For the amount of time you are spending online anyway.

You're right about the incentives; it's either cash or ego-gratification in the form of traffic. Make the cash incidental and let it be a hobby. People like me keep begging you to do so. There's a reason -- you have talent. I'm not aware of any ex-blogger who still has such a following.

Well, maybe Steven Den Beste. When Steven shows up on a comment thread, people get excited.

But you get my point.

After work, you could spend an hour a day tossing out links with clever intros, throw in an occasional photoshop, maybe once in a while write something when you're in the mood for a rant.

Again, I appreciate the encouragement. But the last thing I want to do after ten hours in front of a computer at work is spend another hour or two surfing news sites at night. Not for a few thousand hits a day and a few hundred dollars a year in the PayPal account.

Blogging just isn't worth it, guys. I admire people like Ace who do it and do it well consistently, but the opportunity cost -- even at an hour a day -- is simply too high.

Hell, Allah. Your blog was fun while it lasted, and as a guy who read it at least a few times a week, I'm glad you did it.

I'm sorry you don't do it anymore, but do miss the photoshops. The "Lolita" one you did with Derbyshire was outstanding. I'm looking forward to a Hewitt/Narnia thing.

Hope the job search is going well.

Thanks. A Hewitt/Narnia 'shop would be fun, wouldn't it? Maybe Aslan reading a copy of "Blog." And jacking off.

I can just imagine Hugh's post in response. "Who is Allah? Is he, as he claims, an anonymous unemployed loser? Or is he, in fact, a member of the mainstream media nursing a grudge against the avatars of the blog revolution? These questions remain unanswered. For now."

He might even get a book deal out of it.

Hewitt really dropped like a stone after Miers, didn't he? Guy was in the New Yorker and everything.

but the opportunity cost

If you are going to start talking about opportunity costs, an economic concept that I readily identify with, well, then, OK.

Goodbye, Allah.

I promise -- I won't nag you to blog anymore.

Allah,

If you won't or can't blog anymore, could you think about putting your photoshop works on disk and selling them?

Worth a repost:

Allah,

If you won't or can't blog anymore, could you think about putting your photoshop works on disk and selling them?

Posted by at December 29, 2005 09:29 AM
(not me)

So what I'd like to know, is am I supposed to douche with my new hymen, or not?