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November 28, 2005

Nasal Spray Will (Supposedly) Make Women Want Sex Within Minutes

Rejected names for the aphrodisiac include "Ruffies-Whiz" and "Vaginal MSG":

A new nasal spray aphrodisiac for women that works in minutes may soon hit the market, according to a Local 6 News report.
Doctors said women who used the drug PT-141 in test studies felt a tingling or throbbing followed by a strong desire to have sex immediately after spraying their noses.

PT-141 is a synthetic version of a sex hormone that works on both men and women, according to a report.

Yes, I'm sure that's why the main purchasers will be men. Because we all have trouble getting that "tingly feeling."

"In the case of women, what we're really doing is sensitizing the vaginal tissue so when they get touched or stimulated, they would feel it a little bit more," Dr. Carl Spana said.
...

Shares of the biotech company jumped 20 percent earlier this week after word got out about the new sex drug for women.

Ace of Spades Health Alert: Ladies, be wary of men who just so happen to have an inhaler or decongestant spray on them when you need it. You just might end up with a whole different version of post-nasal drip.

Thanks to VonKreedon, who's not only the President of the Ruffies Aerosol Club, he's also a member.

posted by Ace at 12:10 PM

Comments

Doctors said women who used the drug PT-141 in test studies felt a tingling or throbbing followed by a strong desire to have sex immediately after spraying their noses.

The secret ingredient? Molecularized Bloomingdales Gift Cards.

Posted by: V the K on November 28, 2005 12:14 PM

Its 'New Shoe Smell,' trust me.

Posted by: lauraw on November 28, 2005 12:20 PM

The shape of the nasal spray is...suggestive. Now that I think about it, I don't think I'll be able to look at a nasal spray the same way ever again.

Posted by: CT on November 28, 2005 12:27 PM

"You just might end up with a whole different version of post-nasal drip."

Tell the truth, Ace. Did you have to work hard to produce this gag, or did it just come to you?

Posted by: fasterplease on November 28, 2005 12:35 PM

Great news. Now when I go trolling the bars I just have to look for women with a runny nose and padow!

This beats the hell out of smacking them over the head and dragging them back to my cave.

Posted by: JackStraw on November 28, 2005 12:58 PM

He gave me a ruffie! He flew me to Paris for God's sake! On Barbra Streisand's airplane!

Posted by: Albert Brooks on November 28, 2005 01:57 PM

fasterplease:

Sandy Burger actually posted links to this story on Ace's November 18 Open Thread. After a few commenters responded, compos mentis posted the following gem:

I don't think there are ALL that many people here who enjoy nasal sex.....

Talk about yer post nasal drip! : P

Posted by: compos mentis on November 18, 2005 04:57 PM

Posted by: Michael on November 28, 2005 02:15 PM

In other words, that joke appears to be inevitable given the subject matter -- at least with this crowd.

Posted by: Michael on November 28, 2005 02:19 PM

Cliff Claven fact - the drug is an isolated derivative of a substance initially titled "Melanotan," a synthetic version of Melanocyte-Stimulating Hormone, aka the stuff that instructs your body to tan. A relative of the drug is being developed in Australia as a sunless, natural tanner.

Side effect of this new spanish fly? Powerful appetite supressant.

I'm invested. (ticker: PTN)

Posted by: Bill from INDC on November 28, 2005 02:29 PM

I didn't know diamonds had a smell.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on November 28, 2005 02:55 PM

Oh, Sue, did you sit through all five days of Spike TV's annual James Bond Marathon, too? It's hard for me to listen to "diamonds are forever..." without substituting the lyric "women are just hookers..."

Posted by: S. Weasel on November 28, 2005 02:58 PM

So the vibrating underwear never caught on?

Posted by: Bart on November 28, 2005 03:05 PM

A relative of the drug is being developed in Australia as a sunless, natural tanner.

This means all the men are going to be looking for women with well-tanned nostrils.

Posted by: Michael on November 28, 2005 03:45 PM

I dunno cadets, I see this instant gratification as a net negative in the long run. In no time at all our DNA will clip the "surefire opening line" genome that we guys keep heated up so we can dream up comments like, "Do you f**k on first dates" and "You already have one a**hole in your panties, would you like two?"

These are skills we need to hoard in case the FDA jerks the nasal semen thingy for causing dain bramage.........

Posted by: Dr. Kinsey`s autistic nephew on November 28, 2005 04:34 PM

Long run shlong run. The clock is ticking. If I start worrying about that crap I might as well start worrying about the ozone layer or leaving debt for the next generation.

Give me nasal spray and give it to me NOW!

Posted by: JackStraw on November 28, 2005 04:48 PM

"You just might end up with a whole different version of post-nasal drip."

I think that's called a "Bearded Dragon."

Posted by: runninrebel on November 28, 2005 05:24 PM

I'm guessing that Hai Karate was not one of the secret ingredients.

Posted by: jmflynny on November 28, 2005 07:58 PM

Why doesn't VonKreedon post here anymore? All we've got in terms of real liberals are drive-by trolls like tubino.

Posted by: sandy burger on November 28, 2005 09:13 PM

Drive by? Tubino?
The asshole practically lives here.
I think of him as an embedded Kos kid.

And I think of him as a real loser.

In case you were wondering.

Posted by: Bart on November 28, 2005 09:39 PM

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Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
Something is wrong as I hold you near
Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining

TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

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TJM talks about Billy Wilder

Democrat Congresswoman Sara Jacobs cites Me-Again Kelly, Cavernous Nostrils, Alex Jones and Tuq'r Qarlson as proof that concerns about Trump's mental health are "bipartisan"
As Bonchie from Red State says: Know the op when you see it.