Exactly what is preventing this piece of blue fabric from yanking his penis and testicles off? Sounds dangerous. I don't know if I believe this.

In the name of science, we need some volunteers to duplicate this experiment. It can be something alot smaller than a truck. How about a shopping cart? Volunteers?

We need an Ace of Spades Biggest Penis Pull. Again, any volunteers?

Is the kick in the crotch a requirement? Cause I was all set to give this a go till I saw that.

You may laugh no-name, but that marks you as a woman, I think.
If you understood guys, you would know that 2 of 3 guys reading this post are doing the mental calculations and coming to the result "shit yeah, me and the Captain could do that!"
If this gets any more publicity, I predict it becomes a college club sport, followed by minor cable network coverage, (they cover p-ker for God's sake), followed by the new Super Bowl halftime show, you guessed it, "The Pud Bowl".
Hell, I know me and Little Ricky could drag the truck farther than that wanker in the story. I KNOW IT!

Taisetsu na mono protect my balls!

rickinstl: Even if Little Ricky and his jewels aren't yanked off, how do you keep the strip of cloth from cutting off all blood supply to the boys and them just turning black, shriveling up and falling off?

But really, out of curiousity, I would like someone to experiment and report the results here. Just a little pull for science's sake. :)

OK, I just pulled my phone across the desk.

Oh yeah!

I can do push ups...with no hands!

I believe you, Brew, but you're only two inches off the floor.

Mrs. Michael has never complained :)

I don't use a strip of cloth because of course you're right, that would cause shriveling and turning black etc.
My theory is use a piece of medium, galvanized (to prevent rusting) chain.
I'm going to try pulling an ambulance across the lot at the Trauma Center. Figure whatever happens, I'm in the right place anyway.
The chain and the inspirational pep talk beforehand are key.
No guts, no glory.

He probably has that guy kick him so that the flesh will swell and the fabric collar won't slip off.

OK, that's enough thinking about this.

I can think of a lot of ways to make that flesh swell lauraw but a swift kick to the Octagon, James Westfall and Dr. Kenneth Noiswater is not one of them.

Big Ricky: Even though you may not be technically driving the ambulance, if you move it, even with your dick, that may be GTA, or at least joy riding. Bring bail money.

why do they always have to use a rental truck? what about the next guy that's gotta use that thing?

it's funny, after reading that article the "stiff" really pops out in the next headline

"The most fraught relationship is that between man and his penis, he said. Its the most enduring one, as well."

Alot more fraught for some than others it would seem.

Once I lifted a 747 with my weaner.

I have just learned that Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng's next stunt will involve his wang and 36 ounces of molten lead.

why do they always have to use a rental truck? what about the next guy that's gotta use that thing?

I know. Nothing's worse than renting a truck and finding a penis attached to a string and tied to the front bumper.

GTA?
I'm not worried. We both know that the cops would be laughing their asses off, and probably starting a pool on whether any of them could do better.
Although the little guy yelling "top o' the world Ma!" and "come and get me coppers" probably wouldn't help. I hear those guys are aiming for the nards with the Taser these days.

Better yet, maybe they would air the less than high speed chase on the news. :)

Big Ricky:

Have you lined up an "assistant" to give you the preparatory kick to the crotch? Cuz, I'm available.

Rick if the little guy is actually able to speak then I'd say you have nothing left to prove.

I lieu of a kick to the nuts, you might just listen to Luther Vandross singing "Oh Come Let Us Adore Him".

That's what's playing at my house right now, and it's pretty much the same thing.

Big deal, me and my wang dug the Panama Canal back in the day.

Big deal, me and my wang dug the Panama Canal back in the day.

Practice – 25 years or maybe more, depends....
Method – Iron Shirt Qigong
Help – Taoist nine-circle alchemy
Add Master’s Long Life Health Bar
and you need teacher, otherwise you can hurt yourself :)

OT

Three words: Naked Ear Squats

This is a legit news story with work-safe photos. I'm still not exactly sure what the hell they made her do, however. Any ideas?

Big deal. I shot the first payload to Mars.

I was also going to mention how I help put satellites in orbit but THANKS FOR RAISING THE BAR, PAL. >:O

Seriously, can't top the "payload" line. Grr. You got me.

Pull her ears and squat 10x. Malaysians are very prejudice against chinese, so I've heard.

Big deal. Mrs. Michael pulls trains with her junk.

feh, I can do that with one testicle tied behind my back

This fills Andrew Sullivan with heart-ache.

Dick jokes.

Is there anything they can't do?

Well, laura, they can't cure cancer.

YET. Give Mr. Happy a few days at least, he's working on it.

Having the nickname "iron crotch" won't get you anywhere with the ladies.
On the other hand, its what Andrew Sullivan is looking for.

A few more photos of Melissa Theuriau and I figure I could push the truck across the lot.

Michael,
Thanks man, but no, no assistance needed in the crotch-kicking dept. Mrs. Michael would be pissed.
But seriously, it's that pitch-in spirit that makes America great. America, Fuck Yeah!

Where's Ace? Again, he is missing in action. I know he's cheating on us. I just know it.

Thinking back on all the keyboard drawers I've inadvertently busted when Mr Biggie got excited, I never considered how I might harness that power.

My dick has pulled me in front of a few moving vehicles in its day.

I just pulled a shopping cart with mine. The cart even had some heavy things in it. Don't ask me what. It wasn't my cart.

You'd think night managers at the Wal-Mart would have a sense of humor.

Plus, "Iron Crotch" was my nickname in college. Sure, it's fun at first, but then the reputation takes over.

Alternative post title: Johnson Moving Company.

I'm surprised nobody commented on this sentence:

He groaned, grunted and pressed against two men for resistance.

Was that in the right story?

The bad news is Mr. Tu Jin-Sheng is also the guy sending out all the spam about his secret method of penis enlongation.

I was also going to mention how I help put satellites in orbit but THANKS FOR RAISING THE BAR, PAL. >:O

Seriously, can't top the "payload" line. Grr. You got me.

I don't really have any special skills. Well, I can push a bowling ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue.

Sortelli, don't you shoot payloads to Uranus on a regular basis?

You know what's missing from that playful crack to make it funny? A name.

But if you must know, I did help the Apollo program get its rocks off the moon.

But I also accidentally knocked Skylab out of orbit, so NASA doesn't call me anymore.

You know what's missing from that playful crack to make it funny? A name.

C'mon, Sortelli, you gotta admit that wisecrack was better than the fare we usually get from anonymous commenters. Made me laugh.

I agree, it was pretty clever. Which is why it's confusing that it had to be delivered anonymously.

Oh, me. Loose shit, baby.

(He said "playful crack.")