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November 17, 2005

Wonkette Needs Help

Having been clued in by the inestimable Jim Geraghty at NRO, I had to click on the link and see what trainwreck awaited over at Wonkette.

I am astonished.

Wonkette writes a post using the word f**king and f**k, but manages to avoid juxtaposing it with any ass references at all.

Needless to say, ass f**king is not in her list of 'banned words.' Wonder why?

In the spirit of constructive criticism, may I suggest we send her some tips (something non-sexual for a change, I imagine) for words she should ban? Or just use the comments, because, well, don't you know that Wonkette is a big fan of Ace?

posted by Harry Callahan at 07:46 PM

Comments

How about the words "effective vocabulary"? Never to be used in the same sentence.

Posted by: rabidfox on November 17, 2005 07:54 PM

-"a little birdie told me"
-"who comes missionary style any more?"
-"Republican hypocrites"

Any phr*se where "Must" and "Quote" are paired.

Posted by: The Ghost of Rusty Shackleford on November 17, 2005 07:58 PM

Bart here reminding everyone that Wonkette looks like a man...in drag.

Click me!
http://www.wonkette.com/archives/washingtons-other-w-twins-009699.php

Posted by: Bart on November 17, 2005 07:59 PM

Grim milestone

Theocracy

Posted by: Moonbat_One on November 17, 2005 08:00 PM

Wonkette writes a post using the word f**king and f**k, but manages to avoid juxtaposing it with any ass references at all.

Well, the list does include the word "butterstick," for those of you who've seen Last Tango In Paris.

Posted by: Alex on November 17, 2005 08:05 PM

Bart,

She mentions a Mr. Wonkette in that post. Is she actually married to someone or is she referring to "her"self? I agree, she certainly looks like a man.

Posted by: Dale on November 17, 2005 08:35 PM

Good questions, Dale.
I think the "Mr. W" comment was to throw us off the trail.

Warning: More of Bart's pop psychology.
Ana Cox was obviously deeply repressed as a child. Her behavior now, the vulgar language and the sexual references of taboo type of sex, lesbian and anal, are signs that Ana is, (yep, I'm going to say it)...

reaching out to her father and expressing her anger towards him for lousy parenting. Her main goal is to hurt her father by exhibit the exact type of behavior that he would disapprove of most.

Or, Ana recognizes that she looks like a drag queen and wants to remind her readers that she is a girl and she is in a heterosexual relationship.

Posted by: Bart on November 17, 2005 08:50 PM

Astroglide?

I wonder if Ms.(?) Wonkette has learned how to spit roofies into her(?) date's mouth yet?

Posted by: Russ from Winterset on November 17, 2005 08:50 PM

Is there a Mr. Wonkette? Yes, apparently there are two of them, exisiting in a committed, mutually-satsifying relationship that meets the approval of majority (just) of the Mass Supreme Court.

Posted by: Joe L. on November 17, 2005 09:56 PM

What we got here is a clear cut case of reverse Buffalo Bill syndrome. When the Wonkette is referring to "Mr. Wonkette" we are witnessing a metamorphisis similar to a tranny taking his wank and putting it between his legs. She is crying out that she would fuck her. I would have to say, based on Bart's input, that her proudly hostile deviant behavior is definately a cry for help, expressed along with a sincere, almost pathetic desire, for male compatability.

Now, based on the photo of the Cap. Hill Prostitute and the Wonkette, I have to wonder which way this Buffalo Bill pokes out. Maybe it is a dude afterall.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 17, 2005 10:09 PM

People still read Wonkette?

Posted by: cheshirecat on November 17, 2005 10:44 PM

"Grim milestone" is actually perfect for the (ha!) poll. Thanks for the -- heh heh -- input, guys.

You should get out more! And by "out," I mean "in," if you know what I mean.

I only wish I were as pretty as a drag queen.

Posted by: wonkette on November 17, 2005 10:46 PM

Chunky McThunderBalls...refering of course to the overweight intern that stuck it, up to the nuts, into her cornhole.

Just a suggestion.

Posted by: sentinel on November 17, 2005 10:46 PM

BUSH ADMINISTRATION!

CAN I JUST GO ONE DAY WITHOUT ANYBODY SAYING "BUSH ADMINISTRATION"?

Conservatives don't say "BUSH ADMINISTRATION". Liberals use it 20-to-1 more often.

Just...don't...say....BUSH ADMINISTRATION!

Posted by: El Conquistadore on November 17, 2005 10:49 PM

And Valerie Plame!

VALERIE PLAME! VALERIE PLAME! VALERIE PLAME!!

STFU about VALERIE PLAME!

(and show more pictures of bbeck. Especially ones where you can tell how big her boobs are).

Posted by: El Conquistadore on November 17, 2005 10:51 PM

I only wish I were as pretty as a drag queen.

Or as tasteful.

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 17, 2005 10:53 PM

I visited the Wonkette site once and never felt a desire to return (unlike DU which is a source of constant amusment).

Crazy can be good and entertaining. She's crazy, but is neither good nor entertaining.

Posted by: Purple Avenger on November 18, 2005 03:03 AM

So she objects to the term, "Pajamahadeen." Perhaps she'd be more comfortable with "Drop-Seat Pajamahadeen."

Posted by: Boerder Reiver on November 18, 2005 10:26 AM

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David French just posted:

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In more marketing for Project Hail Mary, scientists say they've found the biosigns indicating life growing on an alien planet. It's not proof, just signatures of chemicals that are produced by biological metabolism, and it could be nothing, but scientists think it's a strong sign that this planet is inhabited by something.

In a paper published in the Astrophysical Journal Letters, a team of scientists announced the detection of dimethyl sulfide (along with a similar detection of dimethyl disulfide) in the atmosphere of an exoplanet called K2-18b. This is actually the second detection of dimethyl sulfide made on this planet, following a tentative detection in 2023.
Tons of chemicals are detected in the atmospheres of celestial objects every day. But dimethyl sulfide is different, because on Earth, it's only produced by living organisms.
"It is a shock to the system," Nikku Madhusudhan, first author on the paper, told the New York Times. "We spent an enormous amount of time just trying to get rid of the signal."

He means they tried to prove the signal was caused by things other than dimethyl sulfide but they could not.

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Good rickroll

What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*

Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.

A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR.
Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.

The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.

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And I was here to please
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Tomorrow is March 25th, "Tolkien Reading Day," because March 25th is the day when the Ring is destroyed in the book. I think I'm going to start the Hobbit tomorrow and read all four books this time.
The only bad part of the trilogy are the Frodo/Sam chapters in The Two Towers. They're repetitive, slow, and mostly about the weather and terrain. But most everything else is good. Weirdly, the Frodo-Sam chapters in Return of the King are exciting and action-packed and among the best in the trilogy. (Though the chapters with everyone else in Return of the King get pretty slow again. Mostly people talking about marching towards war, and then marching towards war.)

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[Hat Tip: Diogenes] [CBD]