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November 15, 2005

Al Gore: The Most Serious Threat We Face Is... (Wait for It...) Global Warming

Dude, you're fat, balding, and the hippest thing you've done in 40 years is have a pelvic exam. You're 50+, not 18; it's time to start acting like it.

What changed in the US with hurricane Katrina was a feeling that we have entered a period of consequences and that bitter cup will be offered to us again and again until we exert our moral authority and respond appropriately," he says. "I don't want to diminish the threat of terrorism at all, it is extremely serious, but on a long-term global basis, global warming is the most serious problem we are facing."

... he said as he diminished the threat of terrorism.

Almost as if to confirm his claims, three high-pressure systems caused by global warming strapped shrapnel-studded bombs to their bellies and detonated themselves in an Israeli nightclub, just before the classic "I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine" line from One Night In Bangkok.

I question the timing. Because, you know, it's a really cool lyric.

posted by Ace at 07:43 PM

Comments

Gore is so fat that he's starting to resemble Ted Kennedy.

Posted by: The Warden on November 15, 2005 07:54 PM

Poor irrelevant Algore; still stuck in Chicken Little mode. Can you imagine if this idiot had been President on 9/11?

Posted by: zetetic on November 15, 2005 07:55 PM

Al Gore....Al Gore...I'm drawing a blank here. Wasn't he some kind of politico a long time ago? Didn't he have some dork-bait title like "assistant to the Undersecretary for Sewage and Solid Waste" or something like that?

Posted by: Monty on November 15, 2005 07:56 PM

Reading that quote, I can just hear his sing song voice. bleh.

Hey, ace! What's going on in the senate? Hewitt is going ballistic but doesn't quite say what happened.

Posted by: on November 15, 2005 07:59 PM

You know, if Gore is so concerned about increasing the amount of hot air in the atmosphere, he could start by shutting his mouth.

Posted by: Andrea Harris on November 15, 2005 08:01 PM

Urrgghh... that should read "the increasing amount of hot air" -- I don't know who inverted those two words. I blame George Bush.

Posted by: Andrea Harris on November 15, 2005 08:02 PM

I don't know who inverted those two words. I blame George Bush.

I blame global warming.

Posted by: on November 15, 2005 08:08 PM

Was he exasperated with our ignorance and sighing throughout the speech, or screaming it a la "He betrayed this country! He played on our fears."?

I'm curious which Al Gore we're dealing with, here.

Posted by: Adolfo Velasquez on November 15, 2005 08:11 PM

Global warming is real, but its not caused by the reasons poor insane Al thinks.

The trend started 300 years ago when the sun decided it was going to warm up a bit -- about 4W/square meter warmer than 300 years ago.

I did some rough calculations a while ago and that 4W accounts for virtually ALL of the increase we've seen. At the very best we may be able to control around 1/2 of 1% of the increase over the past 300 years.

Its more cost effective to launch some big mylar orbital solar shades.

The moonbats also studiously avoid ever discussing water vapor as a "green house gas" -- because it happens to be the one that has the most effect of anything. The moonbat GHG's account for almost nothing.

Posted by: Purple Avenger on November 15, 2005 08:15 PM

Scratch that!

The most serious threat to the world is ca-ca.

That's right, I said it.

Capital C capital A, CA-CA!

That is all.

After all, it make's a hard man humble.

ZING

Posted by: Al Gore on November 15, 2005 08:16 PM

Global warming is responsible for my recent decline in traffic.

It has nothing to do with the decreasing quality or quantity of my posts, I swear.

Also, global warming cut me off on my drive in to work this morning, and doesn't know how to use a friggin turn signal.

Posted by: Sobek on November 15, 2005 08:17 PM

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL YOU HOLD DEAR.

Somebody give this guy his own daily show on Fox.
A laugh track would be nice, but deadpan would work too.

We need to spread his message to the masses. We need lots of close-ups of him spitting foam into the camera lens in wide-eyed sincerity.

We've grown complacent.
We need his passion, people. You know it. I know it.

Hell, I feel it. Do you feel it too? It feels a lot like right after you eat two Reuben sandwiches with extra sauerkraut. Scorching heartburn.

Why isn't anybody doing something about it??
GIVE THIS MAN A PRIME TIME SLOT, DAMN YOU!!

*copious weeping and gnashing of teeth*

Posted by: lauraw on November 15, 2005 08:18 PM

Capitalism is at a critical juncture, and now that Kyoto's in the toilet, I'm going to be on these investments like a fat woman on a toilet!

Posted by: Al Gore on November 15, 2005 08:20 PM

Al is improving. I thought the most serious threat would be the VRWC.

Posted by: on November 15, 2005 09:34 PM

I predict around 2025 the environmental movement will shift gears, and claim that the lack of worldwide catastrophe is thanks to all the Awareness they raised about Global Warming in the 90s-10s.

Posted by: Eric J on November 15, 2005 09:35 PM

Is anybody else bothered by the fact that simps like this guy get elected to high office? The collection of chicklet brains that are in the US Senate now make my pothead college roommates look like Plato and his students. I know Al Gore is a fat gas-bag nobody now, but he was once Vice Fucking President- one rib dinner away from being the most powerful man in the world. Do smart people just stay away from politics now?

Posted by: UGAdawg on November 15, 2005 09:38 PM

Do smart people just stay away from politics now?

Yes, if you've ever done anything remotely unwholesome-seeming anywhere with anyone present.

Obviously, I'm not a genius, and I doubt I'd make a good president. But if I were and if I would, I still wouldn't run. I've had a pretty clean life, I think. But not clean enough. I'm sure some former school friends could dig up some dirt on me which would make me very very uncomfortable to have plastered across the evening news worldwide.

Posted by: SJKevin on November 15, 2005 09:47 PM

Is anybody else bothered by the fact that simps like this guy get elected to high office?

Yeah. When you stop and think about it, it's a pretty compelling argument for a small and limited government.

Posted by: on November 15, 2005 09:50 PM

UGAdawg, it takes a different kind of person.

Most people have a better chance of having a happy life as an auto mechanic in this country than as a politician.

Think of all the good working people you know who would make positive contributions once in office; could they hack the campaign? The media delving into their past?

These days, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson wouldn't have a chance.

Posted by: lauraw on November 15, 2005 09:56 PM

you guys are right, but that's not the way it should be. The blame falls squarely on the shoulders of a vicious media that salivates over any hint of scandal, and on the outrageously dirty tactics used by partisan political operatives now. I know the GOP is not blameless in this, but I see the worst excesses coming from the Democratic camps.

Posted by: UGAdawg on November 15, 2005 10:07 PM

Your scientists will stumble upon it, as they have all the others...but the juvenile minds which you possess will NOT COMPREHEND ITS STRENGTH UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE! ... You see? You See? Your stupid minds! STUPID! STUPID!

Posted by: Al Gore on November 16, 2005 12:11 AM

So true, LauraW.
George Washington and Thomas Jefferson wouldn't have a chance in today's political arena.

They certainly wouldn't get the black vote, what with owning slaves and all.

Posted by: Bart on November 16, 2005 12:59 AM

I had totally forgotten about that song:

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me

That's exactly how you feel after some serious drinking in Soi Cowboy.

Posted by: Michael on November 16, 2005 01:29 AM

"Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham Suite" = possibly the gayest song lyric of all times

Posted by: Knemon on November 16, 2005 02:50 AM

However, Mr. Gore would make an excellent fill in host of Space Ghost Coast to Coast.

That voice.
That delivery.
Priceless.

Posted by: fugazi on November 16, 2005 09:45 AM

Bart, you're a pain in the butt.

Posted by: lauraw on November 16, 2005 11:05 AM

I thought the most serious threat would be the VRWC.

And not our Zionist masters?? A little respect, please.

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 16, 2005 03:40 PM

Whaddya mean? Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town ...

Posted by: iamfelix on November 16, 2005 09:39 PM

The biggist amount of HOT AIR is comming from AL GORE and the rest of the eco-freaks ranting this poppycock why dont gore put some duct tape over his mouth it will sure cut down on the HOT AIR he spews

Posted by: spurwing plover on November 16, 2005 11:00 PM

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After threatening that the "clock is ticking" for renewed strikes on Iran, Trump once again calls them off to give negotiating a chance.
I can't even cover this any more. It's embarrassing. It's like covering the endless negotiations over DHS funding. Trump is going to drag this out through the midterms and then lose them.
Note to the president: At some point, allowing the Regime to remain in power without actually forcing them to give up nukes is just a back-door, unacknowledged renewal of the Obama policy.
Well, I guess we just have to wait for their economy to collapse and their troops to desert.

TJM definitively ranks the films of David Lean

Mayor Karen is so stung by fan-made AI ads that she's resorting to the shitlibs' go-to demand for an end to criticism -- these ads are "violent" and "hateful" and making me feel unsafe because one video showed AI cartoons throwing tomatoes at me and the tomatoes looked like blood when they squished
This was her actual complaint. The mushed-up tomato looked like blood so it's a death threat and these violent attacks on me must stop. What is dis bitch, CNN?

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Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
Posted by: Smell the Glove

I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove

Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
Something is wrong as I hold you near
Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining

TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.