Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!


Contact
Ace:
aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
CBD:
cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com


Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Jon Ekdahl 2026
Jay Guevara 2025
Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025
Jewells45 2025
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups

Texas MoMe 2026: 10/16/2026-10/17/2026 Corsicana,TX
Contact Ben Had for info





















« Barack Obama: No Reason For Extra Scrutiny For Young Male Arabs From Terrorist-Producing States | Main | Zarqawi's Sister Arrested; Bomb Didn't Detonate »
November 12, 2005

Army: "We Want Artificial Gills!"

Well, like, who the hell doesn't?

Not a boy on the face of the earth who hasn't been dreaming about an artificial gill since he first saw Thunderball.

Actually, even cooler is the fact that the Navy wants to mimic sharks' electro-vision:

A shark doesn't use its eyes to find its next meal. It relies on jelly-filled canals inside its head to pick up on the tiny electrical charges that potential morsel makes when it flexes its muscles, or swims counter to the earth's magnetic fields.

It's a real-live sixth sense. And it's something the Navy would like to exploit as its sailors look for subs and mines in the crowded coastal waters.

As a guy, I thought I knew a lot about sharks. I took pride in knowing about sharks.

But this whole "electro-vision" thing, I just never heard about before. I thought everything was smell with them.


posted by Ace at 01:11 AM
Comments



Whose Aquaman's girlfriend there? Hot. But really, her special underwater super-outfit is khakis and a tubetop? What is it, casual Friday at the JLA?

Posted by: Reo Symes on November 12, 2005 01:21 AM

Regarding electric vision, electric eels do it even better. They use low level electric currents to detect potential prey, and when something's near they crank up the juice and stun the fish with a huge charge. Big ones can produce 600 volts.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste on November 12, 2005 01:21 AM

You know what this means, don't you?

If we invent artificial gills, that means Aquaman is finally rendered completely superfluous, as we all always knew he would be.

F'ing pussyfishman.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on November 12, 2005 01:31 AM

The electro vision thing only works at very close range (for sharks, at least). While a shark is constricting it's jaws, it's eyes close. That's where the EV bit does it's work, keeping the strike on target.

Posted by: West on November 12, 2005 01:35 AM

well i heard that sharks can sense minute electro movements from afar ...
because of sensors in skin? spine? doral fin?
something like that
their whole bodies are sensitized somehow.

Posted by: on November 12, 2005 01:42 AM

Half an hour, folks! We will be shutting down very soon and flying south... Um, east for the winter.

We'll be down for a few hours, but we will return!

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 01:42 AM

With the blog about to go down, for the record, I just want to tell everyone here at Ace of Spades HQ that it was both an honor and a privilege commenting with everyone.

As for Ace himself. . . I hope he survives the freezing process. He's worth a lot to me.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on November 12, 2005 01:54 AM

WE ARE BACK!!!!!!

Damn but that sucked. Remind me not to do it again.

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 12:24 PM

Aargh! It's a pit of bottomless suck!

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 12:32 PM

But this at least seems to work.

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 12:33 PM

Hey ace you should try these gills on your radio show, maybe they will help you to pronounce "cabal"

Posted by: Village Idiot on November 12, 2005 01:00 PM

when something's near they crank up the juice and stun the fish with a huge charge.

I demand this ability be conferred upon me immediately.

Posted by: lauraw on November 12, 2005 01:09 PM

Aqua Man's girlfriend has to wear the khakis to keep her from floating to the surface. Or, to re-phrase, check out those pontoons.

Posted by: Brass on November 12, 2005 01:11 PM

Aquaman may be gay but, the Submariner kicks @ss!

Posted by: MCPO Airdale on November 12, 2005 01:48 PM

Sign me up for a pair! I may never leave water though.

I always thought the little mermaid a fool for wanting land.

Now if they can come up with a way to fly, the world will be mine!!!

Posted by: Rachel Ann on November 12, 2005 02:03 PM

You never did pay attention in class.

Posted by: Your 5th Grade Science Teacher on November 12, 2005 02:36 PM

One thing this info doesn't change: if you're snorkeling and spearfishing in water with a lot of sharks, you're asking for it.

I was lucky enough to see a shark while snorkeling at dusk last summer (Caribbean vacation). Only about 4' long, but still... gets your attention.

I don't think I have a death wish, but I get a good tingle when snorkeling at night, knowing there's a chance I could be someone's prey. It's the ocean, man... we're just lucky to visit.

Posted by: tubino on November 12, 2005 02:38 PM

but when do the sharks get frickin laser beams?

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 12, 2005 03:41 PM

To keep you sociopaths off the street, here's a word search puzzle for you. The hidden words are related to the Ace of Spades Lifestyle:

A N K A R U V D B L S
I V A L U R I T E S H
N C G C O I L Q T S A
T H H O K N E V S V S
E O C H B O O B Y I S
G D L O W S K P G K E
R U L L F B M O I I L
I S N S F W E A X N H
T T V O D K A L C G O
Y Y H U F F E R L K F

Posted by: sandy burger on November 12, 2005 04:24 PM

As a guy, I thought I knew a lot about sharks. I took pride in knowing about sharks.

And people notice that about you, Ace, and respect it. I've always said: now Ace is a guy who knows from sharks. People know what I mean. It's a sign of respect.

Posted by: sandy burger on November 12, 2005 06:57 PM

I've found Anka, Booby, and Vodka so far. But I always see those things everywhere I look when I stop taking my meds.

Posted by: Sortelli on November 12, 2005 07:31 PM

Also "Viking" and...

Wait, Hasselhof is part of the AoS lifestyle? GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING.

Posted by: Sortelli on November 12, 2005 07:32 PM

"Alcohol" "Coil"
"Huffer"

Huffer?

Posted by: on November 12, 2005 07:54 PM

VALURITE
VILE (But not gobsmackingly so. Which, I guess, is a good thing?)
Haven't found anything about strangling hobos yet, though.

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 12, 2005 08:04 PM

Surf some sites on great whites. The closeup pics show little pits in the nose. Those pits are the electro sensors.

In a shark attack if ,your can avoid sticking your arm in the mouth, punching it in the nose creates whtite noise to the electro sensors and puts the shark off.

Posted by: Speller on November 12, 2005 08:05 PM

It was supposed to contain "cowbell", but I just noticed that I managed to screw that one up. Oh well.

Posted by: sandy burger on November 12, 2005 08:26 PM

Now that you mention it, how the hell do we not have artificial gills yet, isn't it just an osmotic membrane or something? And how is it possible not to know about sharky electrovision without being one of those TV-less freaks?

Posted by: D on November 12, 2005 09:10 PM

Now that you mention it, how the hell do we not have artificial gills yet, isn't it just an osmotic membrane or something

Surface area is a big problem.

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 09:53 PM

Hello Fairtax supporters,

I have been thinking about it and I have an idea that could potentially get the Fairtax passed.
It is not at all complicated, but it requires the full support of Fairtax supporters and libertarians in general.

It is simple. Fairtax bloggers need to unanimously propose a libertarian voting block. Pledging full support to all politicians who vow to pass the Fairtax (regardless of their party affiliation). Republicans and Democrats are practically split 50-50. If we could promise 100% of our voting block, some of the politicians might take us up on our offer. If we can get politicians elected based on their support for the Fairtax, other of the slimy politicians will follow suit.

If you want to contact me, my email is matt_masterson@hotmail.com or you can reach me from my blog at

http://meatheadedlibertarian.blogspot.com

Posted by: penxv on November 13, 2005 03:50 AM

Comment comment

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 13, 2005 07:15 AM

Hey Pixy Misa - thanks for all the work getting the site moved over. I really appreciate it.

Posted by: geoff on November 13, 2005 11:15 AM

So is this site working or not? There are no new posts for nearly 36 hours. Just saying, not demanding, and just curious to see whether or not I'm still under the influence of Valu-Rite.

Posted by: Laddy on November 13, 2005 01:27 PM

Everything seems normal and even the Aceholes are back on the job. Nice work, Pixie.

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 13, 2005 11:41 PM

Congrats on the migration Pixy.

I think the new server is still on EDT.

Or Atlantic Standard.

I don't do this for a living.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 14, 2005 12:19 PM

Do you ever feel like you're reading about the Wright Brothers' foolhardy plans to become "aeronauts"?

I love the 21st century.

Posted by: Pompous on November 14, 2005 12:26 PM

Will they be like the ones in STAR WARS I THE PHANTOM MENECE?

Posted by: spurwing plover on November 14, 2005 04:07 PM
Post a comment
Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:


Remember info?








Now Available!
The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]
Top Headlines
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Starting a new season, CBD and Sefton discuss their personal journeys to conservative principles, is Nick Shirley the beginning of a trend?, Iran trying to reignite the war, the Left attacks itself, even on "Best Guitarist" lists, and more!
Leftists who have been drawing Frankendistricts for decades are suddenly upset about Republican line-drawing
Socialist usurper Obama cut commercials urging Virginians to vote for the bizarre "lobster" gerrymander -- but now says gerrymanders are so racist you guys
Obama is complaining about the new Louisiana map -- but here's the thing, the new map has much more compact and rational borders than the old racial gerrymander map
Pete Bootyjudge is whining too. But here's the Illinois gerrymander he supports.
Big Bonus! Under the new Florida congressional map, Debbie Wasserman Schultz will probably lose her seat
And she can't even go on The View because she's ugly a clump of stranger's hair in the bath-drain
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: CBD and Sefton Charge the Democrats with fomenting violence against the nation with their rhetoric, Virginia redistricting going down the tubes? Trump's bully pulpit is not censorship, Lee Zeldin is a star, J.B. Pritzker is an idiot, and more!
ANOTHER LEFT WING ASSASSIN ATTEMPTS TO KILL TRUMP
If I understand this, the left-wing Democrat assassin attempted to get into the White House Correspondents Association dinner, and was stopped at the magnetometers, which detected his gun. I guess he pulled out the gun and was shot by Secret Service agents.
Erika Kirk was present.
Forgotten 70s Mystery Click
You made me cry
when you said good-bye

70s, not 50s
Now that is a motherflipping intro
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Sefton and CBD wonder about the Chaos that Trump is creating in the minds of the Iranian junta, Virginia redistricting is pure power grab, Ilhan Omar is many things ...and stupid too! Amazon censoring conservative thought again, and the UK...put a fork in it!
NYT Melts Down Over Texas Rangers Statue Outside... Texas Rangers' Stadium
"The Athletic posted a lengthy article about a statue outside Globe Life Field, presenting a virtue-signaling moral grievance as unbiased news coverage." [CBD]
Important Message from Recent Convert to Christianity and Yet Super-Serious Christian Tuq'r Qarlson: Actually Muslims love Jesus, it's Trump and his neocons who hate him
Tucker Carlson Network
@TCNetwork

The people in charge [Jews, of course -- ace] don't want you to know this, but Muslims love Jesus.

Islam reveres Him as a major prophet and messenger of the Lord, believes He performed miracles, and states that He will return to Earth to defeat the Antichrist. That's why Donald Trump's painting depicting himself as the Son of God offended the president of Iran. It was an attack on his religion as well as Christianity.

Trump's trolling tweet was ill-advised, but Tucker is just lying when he claims the Christianity-hating President of Iran was "offended" by this.
He's one step away from announcing his official conversion to Islam. He literally never stops praising Islam. Well, he suddenly became Christian two years ago, there's not much stopping him from converting again.
You can track Tuq'r's official conversion to Islam with this Bingo card.
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: CBD and Sefton talk Orban losing, but is it the end of Hungary? The Irish start a brawl, but is it enough, Pope Leo wades into politics, Trump calls Iran's bluff and blockades Hormuz, Artemis II! Swallwell is scum, and more!
People say that the bearded man in the video of Fartwell molesting a hooker looks like Democrat Arizona Senator Rueben Gallego, said to be Swalwell's "best friend" and known to take vacations with him.
Recent Comments
Doof: "[i]Ont should be 10 minutes late as a joke. Poste ..."

mrally: "I grew up in a black neighborhood in South Louisia ..."

Pug Mahon, Rock 'n' Roll Martian: "I had a friend who spent his formative years in Ca ..."

whig: "285 Screw Stone Mountain and those traitors Lee an ..."

Berserker-Dragonheads Division: "Announcing IM NOT LEAVING A FORTUNE TO MY KIDS is ..."

Piper: "Ont should be 10 minutes late as a joke. ..."

Tom Servo: " 278 Anyone who thought the groypers were weakeni ..."

whig: "The house is in East of Main, so right downtown. N ..."

Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _: ">>> All y’all bitching and complaining abou ..."

Sifty boones: "280. Beats sniffing anyones ass. Got me kick ..."

Stateless - He ain't heavy, he's my dog: "It's 10pm. Do you knkw where your children are? ..."

Bulg: "Screw Stone Mountain and those traitors Lee and Da ..."

Bloggers in Arms
Some Humorous Asides
Archives