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Parental Cafe Federal Judges Block Deportations... Again S&P Posts Its Biggest One-Day Gain In History as Markets Rally Plus: Is China "In a Box"? Of Course: The US Knew That Seven American Troops Contracted Covid-19 at the Wuhan Games in 2019, But Covered It Up to Protect Hunter Biden's Business Partners in China White House Stops Responding to "Journalists" With Pronouns In Their Email Signature Lines Trump Builds the China Tariff Wall Ten Feet Higher While Announcing a "Pause" on Tariffs for Other Countries; Markets Soar Texas AG Ken Paxton Announces Challenge to Supercuck RINO John Cornyn Open Thread Wednesday Morning Rant Absent Friends
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November 12, 2005
Army: "We Want Artificial Gills!"Well, like, who the hell doesn't? Not a boy on the face of the earth who hasn't been dreaming about an artificial gill since he first saw Thunderball. Actually, even cooler is the fact that the Navy wants to mimic sharks' electro-vision: A shark doesn't use its eyes to find its next meal. It relies on jelly-filled canals inside its head to pick up on the tiny electrical charges that potential morsel makes when it flexes its muscles, or swims counter to the earth's magnetic fields. As a guy, I thought I knew a lot about sharks. I took pride in knowing about sharks. But this whole "electro-vision" thing, I just never heard about before. I thought everything was smell with them. posted by Ace at 01:11 AM
CommentsWhose Aquaman's girlfriend there? Hot. But really, her special underwater super-outfit is khakis and a tubetop? What is it, casual Friday at the JLA? Posted by: Reo Symes on November 12, 2005 01:21 AM
Regarding electric vision, electric eels do it even better. They use low level electric currents to detect potential prey, and when something's near they crank up the juice and stun the fish with a huge charge. Big ones can produce 600 volts. Posted by: Steven Den Beste on November 12, 2005 01:21 AM
You know what this means, don't you? If we invent artificial gills, that means Aquaman is finally rendered completely superfluous, as we all always knew he would be. F'ing pussyfishman. Cheers, Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on November 12, 2005 01:31 AM
The electro vision thing only works at very close range (for sharks, at least). While a shark is constricting it's jaws, it's eyes close. That's where the EV bit does it's work, keeping the strike on target. Posted by: West on November 12, 2005 01:35 AM
well i heard that sharks can sense minute electro movements from afar ... Posted by: on November 12, 2005 01:42 AM
Half an hour, folks! We will be shutting down very soon and flying south... Um, east for the winter. We'll be down for a few hours, but we will return! Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 01:42 AM
With the blog about to go down, for the record, I just want to tell everyone here at Ace of Spades HQ that it was both an honor and a privilege commenting with everyone. As for Ace himself. . . I hope he survives the freezing process. He's worth a lot to me. Cheers, Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on November 12, 2005 01:54 AM
WE ARE BACK!!!!!! Damn but that sucked. Remind me not to do it again. Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 12:24 PM
Aargh! It's a pit of bottomless suck! Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 12:32 PM
But this at least seems to work. Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 12:33 PM
Hey ace you should try these gills on your radio show, maybe they will help you to pronounce "cabal" Posted by: Village Idiot on November 12, 2005 01:00 PM
when something's near they crank up the juice and stun the fish with a huge charge. I demand this ability be conferred upon me immediately. Posted by: lauraw on November 12, 2005 01:09 PM
Aqua Man's girlfriend has to wear the khakis to keep her from floating to the surface. Or, to re-phrase, check out those pontoons. Posted by: Brass on November 12, 2005 01:11 PM
Aquaman may be gay but, the Submariner kicks @ss! Posted by: MCPO Airdale on November 12, 2005 01:48 PM
Sign me up for a pair! I may never leave water though. I always thought the little mermaid a fool for wanting land. Now if they can come up with a way to fly, the world will be mine!!! Posted by: Rachel Ann on November 12, 2005 02:03 PM
You never did pay attention in class. Posted by: Your 5th Grade Science Teacher on November 12, 2005 02:36 PM
One thing this info doesn't change: if you're snorkeling and spearfishing in water with a lot of sharks, you're asking for it. I was lucky enough to see a shark while snorkeling at dusk last summer (Caribbean vacation). Only about 4' long, but still... gets your attention. I don't think I have a death wish, but I get a good tingle when snorkeling at night, knowing there's a chance I could be someone's prey. It's the ocean, man... we're just lucky to visit. Posted by: tubino on November 12, 2005 02:38 PM
but when do the sharks get frickin laser beams? Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 12, 2005 03:41 PM
To keep you sociopaths off the street, here's a word search puzzle for you. The hidden words are related to the Ace of Spades Lifestyle: A N K A R U V D B L S Posted by: sandy burger on November 12, 2005 04:24 PM
As a guy, I thought I knew a lot about sharks. I took pride in knowing about sharks. And people notice that about you, Ace, and respect it. I've always said: now Ace is a guy who knows from sharks. People know what I mean. It's a sign of respect. Posted by: sandy burger on November 12, 2005 06:57 PM
I've found Anka, Booby, and Vodka so far. But I always see those things everywhere I look when I stop taking my meds. Posted by: Sortelli on November 12, 2005 07:31 PM
Also "Viking" and... Wait, Hasselhof is part of the AoS lifestyle? GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING. Posted by: Sortelli on November 12, 2005 07:32 PM
"Alcohol" "Coil" Huffer? Posted by: on November 12, 2005 07:54 PM
VALURITE Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 12, 2005 08:04 PM
Surf some sites on great whites. The closeup pics show little pits in the nose. Those pits are the electro sensors. In a shark attack if ,your can avoid sticking your arm in the mouth, punching it in the nose creates whtite noise to the electro sensors and puts the shark off. Posted by: Speller on November 12, 2005 08:05 PM
It was supposed to contain "cowbell", but I just noticed that I managed to screw that one up. Oh well. Posted by: sandy burger on November 12, 2005 08:26 PM
Now that you mention it, how the hell do we not have artificial gills yet, isn't it just an osmotic membrane or something? And how is it possible not to know about sharky electrovision without being one of those TV-less freaks? Posted by: D on November 12, 2005 09:10 PM
Now that you mention it, how the hell do we not have artificial gills yet, isn't it just an osmotic membrane or something Surface area is a big problem. Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 09:53 PM
Hello Fairtax supporters, I have been thinking about it and I have an idea that could potentially get the Fairtax passed. It is simple. Fairtax bloggers need to unanimously propose a libertarian voting block. Pledging full support to all politicians who vow to pass the Fairtax (regardless of their party affiliation). Republicans and Democrats are practically split 50-50. If we could promise 100% of our voting block, some of the politicians might take us up on our offer. If we can get politicians elected based on their support for the Fairtax, other of the slimy politicians will follow suit. If you want to contact me, my email is matt_masterson@hotmail.com or you can reach me from my blog at http://meatheadedlibertarian.blogspot.com Posted by: penxv on November 13, 2005 03:50 AM
Comment comment Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 13, 2005 07:15 AM
Hey Pixy Misa - thanks for all the work getting the site moved over. I really appreciate it. Posted by: geoff on November 13, 2005 11:15 AM
So is this site working or not? There are no new posts for nearly 36 hours. Just saying, not demanding, and just curious to see whether or not I'm still under the influence of Valu-Rite. Posted by: Laddy on November 13, 2005 01:27 PM
Everything seems normal and even the Aceholes are back on the job. Nice work, Pixie. Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 13, 2005 11:41 PM
Congrats on the migration Pixy. I think the new server is still on EDT. Or Atlantic Standard. I don't do this for a living. Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 14, 2005 12:19 PM
Do you ever feel like you're reading about the Wright Brothers' foolhardy plans to become "aeronauts"? I love the 21st century. Posted by: Pompous on November 14, 2005 12:26 PM
Will they be like the ones in STAR WARS I THE PHANTOM MENECE? Posted by: spurwing plover on November 14, 2005 04:07 PM
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Youth Soccer Coach Charged With Sexual Assault, Murder of Player Is in U.S. Illegally, Has Prior Victims
But let's keep all of these fine, upstanding potential citizens in the country! [CBD] ![]()
David Strom connects the Fiercely Heterosexual Cory Booker (TM) and his Theater Kid Energy to the Democrats' belief that they're all superstars who glow in the spotlight
They're always protesting using painfully bad dance numbers and song renditions. Which side are you on...?
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click:
I Can't Believe It's Not Bryan Adams Edition Well I saw you on the avenue And as usual you're with someone new I guess there's nothing left for me to do but turn away I'm growing tired of all your alibis There ain't one you can justify I ain't gonna take it anymore and I'll tell you why You know, I wrote "I Can't Believe It's Not Bryan Adams" and then realized, "Wait, this is so blatantly a Bryan Adams-style song this might actually be a genuine Bryan Adams song, let me look this up." In fact, yes, it's co-written by Bryan Adams and Jim Vallance. And I guess I would have realized that if I just watched the video, in which Bryan Adams plays guitar and contributes backing vocals.
Jason Statham's Working Man beat Snow Woke at the box office this weekend. The Chosen, a movie made up of three episodes of a show available on TV, almost beat Snow Woke too, cashing in $11 million over the weekend.
I't's time to let go. Actor Val Kilmer dies at 65. Doc Holiday in Tombstone was his ultimate role, but I'll always love his comedic turns in Top Secret! and Real Genius. RIP. [Weirddave]
Sen. Cory Booker Speaks All Night on Senate Floor to Protest Against Trump's Agenda So what! Apparently his beard has a date and he has nothing else to do. [CBD]
Weekend nightcap. Boardwalk band plays Fleetwood Mac. [dri]
"We Got the Receipts" recaps some of the Tesla Terrorism the left has perpetrated the past week
Democrats plan a global terrorism campaign next week, Tuesday I think, called "Takedown Tesla." Democrat politicians encourage the violence and refuse to condemn it. Well okay, but if violence is approved for your side, it's approved for ours as well.
Flashback: Zombie Joe Biden's "Farewell Address"
Was this the worst speech ever delivered by a "president"?
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
I see the problem start I watch the tension grow I see you keeping it to yourself And then instead of reaching conclusions I see you reaching for something else
It's the #HackMadness tournament, second round of 32!
A lot of big heats going on, including some real nailbiters, like Cuckshed Resident David French vs. CBS' plain-as-an-Amish-frock fabulist Margaret Brennan ![]()
I feel bad about this but I'm going to have to post about Rachel Zegler again...
The "Ghost Gun" case before SCOTUS: BONDI, ATTORNEY GENERAL, ET AL. v. VANDERSTOK ET AL. We lose... 7-2, and you can guess who the two dissenting judges are. [CBD]
Masih Alinejad "Where are @AOC, @IlhanMN, the left-wing activists who called me an Islamophobe, and the campus protesters chanting "I am Hamas"? The killers sent by the Islamic Republic to assassinate a woman on US soil were convicted in federal court, You're silent. Why?" [CBD]
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Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
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