Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!


Contact
Ace:
aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
CBD:
cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com
Doof:
doof2112 at proton.me
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com


Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Captain Whitebread 2026
Jon Ekdahl 2026
Jay Guevara 2025
Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025
Jewells45 2025
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups





















« Barack Obama: No Reason For Extra Scrutiny For Young Male Arabs From Terrorist-Producing States | Main | Zarqawi's Sister Arrested; Bomb Didn't Detonate »
November 12, 2005

Army: "We Want Artificial Gills!"

Well, like, who the hell doesn't?

Not a boy on the face of the earth who hasn't been dreaming about an artificial gill since he first saw Thunderball.

Actually, even cooler is the fact that the Navy wants to mimic sharks' electro-vision:

A shark doesn't use its eyes to find its next meal. It relies on jelly-filled canals inside its head to pick up on the tiny electrical charges that potential morsel makes when it flexes its muscles, or swims counter to the earth's magnetic fields.

It's a real-live sixth sense. And it's something the Navy would like to exploit as its sailors look for subs and mines in the crowded coastal waters.

As a guy, I thought I knew a lot about sharks. I took pride in knowing about sharks.

But this whole "electro-vision" thing, I just never heard about before. I thought everything was smell with them.


posted by Ace at 01:11 AM
Comments



Whose Aquaman's girlfriend there? Hot. But really, her special underwater super-outfit is khakis and a tubetop? What is it, casual Friday at the JLA?

Posted by: Reo Symes on November 12, 2005 01:21 AM

Regarding electric vision, electric eels do it even better. They use low level electric currents to detect potential prey, and when something's near they crank up the juice and stun the fish with a huge charge. Big ones can produce 600 volts.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste on November 12, 2005 01:21 AM

You know what this means, don't you?

If we invent artificial gills, that means Aquaman is finally rendered completely superfluous, as we all always knew he would be.

F'ing pussyfishman.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on November 12, 2005 01:31 AM

The electro vision thing only works at very close range (for sharks, at least). While a shark is constricting it's jaws, it's eyes close. That's where the EV bit does it's work, keeping the strike on target.

Posted by: West on November 12, 2005 01:35 AM

well i heard that sharks can sense minute electro movements from afar ...
because of sensors in skin? spine? doral fin?
something like that
their whole bodies are sensitized somehow.

Posted by: on November 12, 2005 01:42 AM

Half an hour, folks! We will be shutting down very soon and flying south... Um, east for the winter.

We'll be down for a few hours, but we will return!

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 01:42 AM

With the blog about to go down, for the record, I just want to tell everyone here at Ace of Spades HQ that it was both an honor and a privilege commenting with everyone.

As for Ace himself. . . I hope he survives the freezing process. He's worth a lot to me.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on November 12, 2005 01:54 AM

WE ARE BACK!!!!!!

Damn but that sucked. Remind me not to do it again.

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 12:24 PM

Aargh! It's a pit of bottomless suck!

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 12:32 PM

But this at least seems to work.

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 12:33 PM

Hey ace you should try these gills on your radio show, maybe they will help you to pronounce "cabal"

Posted by: Village Idiot on November 12, 2005 01:00 PM

when something's near they crank up the juice and stun the fish with a huge charge.

I demand this ability be conferred upon me immediately.

Posted by: lauraw on November 12, 2005 01:09 PM

Aqua Man's girlfriend has to wear the khakis to keep her from floating to the surface. Or, to re-phrase, check out those pontoons.

Posted by: Brass on November 12, 2005 01:11 PM

Aquaman may be gay but, the Submariner kicks @ss!

Posted by: MCPO Airdale on November 12, 2005 01:48 PM

Sign me up for a pair! I may never leave water though.

I always thought the little mermaid a fool for wanting land.

Now if they can come up with a way to fly, the world will be mine!!!

Posted by: Rachel Ann on November 12, 2005 02:03 PM

You never did pay attention in class.

Posted by: Your 5th Grade Science Teacher on November 12, 2005 02:36 PM

One thing this info doesn't change: if you're snorkeling and spearfishing in water with a lot of sharks, you're asking for it.

I was lucky enough to see a shark while snorkeling at dusk last summer (Caribbean vacation). Only about 4' long, but still... gets your attention.

I don't think I have a death wish, but I get a good tingle when snorkeling at night, knowing there's a chance I could be someone's prey. It's the ocean, man... we're just lucky to visit.

Posted by: tubino on November 12, 2005 02:38 PM

but when do the sharks get frickin laser beams?

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 12, 2005 03:41 PM

To keep you sociopaths off the street, here's a word search puzzle for you. The hidden words are related to the Ace of Spades Lifestyle:

A N K A R U V D B L S
I V A L U R I T E S H
N C G C O I L Q T S A
T H H O K N E V S V S
E O C H B O O B Y I S
G D L O W S K P G K E
R U L L F B M O I I L
I S N S F W E A X N H
T T V O D K A L C G O
Y Y H U F F E R L K F

Posted by: sandy burger on November 12, 2005 04:24 PM

As a guy, I thought I knew a lot about sharks. I took pride in knowing about sharks.

And people notice that about you, Ace, and respect it. I've always said: now Ace is a guy who knows from sharks. People know what I mean. It's a sign of respect.

Posted by: sandy burger on November 12, 2005 06:57 PM

I've found Anka, Booby, and Vodka so far. But I always see those things everywhere I look when I stop taking my meds.

Posted by: Sortelli on November 12, 2005 07:31 PM

Also "Viking" and...

Wait, Hasselhof is part of the AoS lifestyle? GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING.

Posted by: Sortelli on November 12, 2005 07:32 PM

"Alcohol" "Coil"
"Huffer"

Huffer?

Posted by: on November 12, 2005 07:54 PM

VALURITE
VILE (But not gobsmackingly so. Which, I guess, is a good thing?)
Haven't found anything about strangling hobos yet, though.

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 12, 2005 08:04 PM

Surf some sites on great whites. The closeup pics show little pits in the nose. Those pits are the electro sensors.

In a shark attack if ,your can avoid sticking your arm in the mouth, punching it in the nose creates whtite noise to the electro sensors and puts the shark off.

Posted by: Speller on November 12, 2005 08:05 PM

It was supposed to contain "cowbell", but I just noticed that I managed to screw that one up. Oh well.

Posted by: sandy burger on November 12, 2005 08:26 PM

Now that you mention it, how the hell do we not have artificial gills yet, isn't it just an osmotic membrane or something? And how is it possible not to know about sharky electrovision without being one of those TV-less freaks?

Posted by: D on November 12, 2005 09:10 PM

Now that you mention it, how the hell do we not have artificial gills yet, isn't it just an osmotic membrane or something

Surface area is a big problem.

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 09:53 PM

Hello Fairtax supporters,

I have been thinking about it and I have an idea that could potentially get the Fairtax passed.
It is not at all complicated, but it requires the full support of Fairtax supporters and libertarians in general.

It is simple. Fairtax bloggers need to unanimously propose a libertarian voting block. Pledging full support to all politicians who vow to pass the Fairtax (regardless of their party affiliation). Republicans and Democrats are practically split 50-50. If we could promise 100% of our voting block, some of the politicians might take us up on our offer. If we can get politicians elected based on their support for the Fairtax, other of the slimy politicians will follow suit.

If you want to contact me, my email is matt_masterson@hotmail.com or you can reach me from my blog at

http://meatheadedlibertarian.blogspot.com

Posted by: penxv on November 13, 2005 03:50 AM

Comment comment

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 13, 2005 07:15 AM

Hey Pixy Misa - thanks for all the work getting the site moved over. I really appreciate it.

Posted by: geoff on November 13, 2005 11:15 AM

So is this site working or not? There are no new posts for nearly 36 hours. Just saying, not demanding, and just curious to see whether or not I'm still under the influence of Valu-Rite.

Posted by: Laddy on November 13, 2005 01:27 PM

Everything seems normal and even the Aceholes are back on the job. Nice work, Pixie.

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 13, 2005 11:41 PM

Congrats on the migration Pixy.

I think the new server is still on EDT.

Or Atlantic Standard.

I don't do this for a living.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 14, 2005 12:19 PM

Do you ever feel like you're reading about the Wright Brothers' foolhardy plans to become "aeronauts"?

I love the 21st century.

Posted by: Pompous on November 14, 2005 12:26 PM

Will they be like the ones in STAR WARS I THE PHANTOM MENECE?

Posted by: spurwing plover on November 14, 2005 04:07 PM
Post a comment
Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:


Remember info?








Now Available!
The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]
Top Headlines
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Is the Iran situation reaching a steady state? The UK sides with the enemies of the West, Vance the Squish? France and Germany and their coming elections, Canada trade war is one-sided, and Clancy is evil incarnate!
Dear RNC; Go f*ck yourselves. I have gotten 56 texts in the last two weeks...all offensive and sneaky and all begging for money. At this point I would rather donate to AOC. [CBD]
BIG NEWS UPDATE NOT FIRED

From her lawyer

"The irresponsible reports that have been published stating that Maria Bartiromo was fired or is no longer an employee of Fox are absolutely and unequivocally false," Freedman said Friday. "Make no mistake, we have the receipts and witnesses and they will come out whether through the courthouse or otherwise."

He added: "Those reporting her firing or the incredulous facts supporting that fiction have exhibited a complete and utter reckless disregard for the truth."

from anon2020
So what, she quit?
Megyn Kelly (accursed be her name) used to say all the time that Fox has a top female PR person who is a nasty pitbull and leaks nasty claims about anyone Fox is at war with, including those who have left the network. So I guess maybe she technically resigned? I don't know.
NEW: @FoxNews has obtained Lindsay Clancy defense attorney Kevin Reddington's appeal filing to the MA Supreme Court, which includes Reddington accusing the lone holdout juror of being "biased" against those with "debilitating mental illness", which he says is a protected category.

Thanks to Mark1971
Holiday Break: I've had a rough couple of weeks -- the shoulder is healing now and I'm finally getting decent sleep -- and I've decided to take a long weekend.
I'm taking Friday off, and then Monday off, too.
I have Open Threads for both days and I will post if big news breaks, but if it doesn't -- and it probably won't, news is slow before a holiday weekend -- I'm going to take a four day weekend.
Sh0eOnHead discusses the Psychotic Cult of Lindsay
Real quotes:
"This case has me feeling like I'm on Law & Order with you guys!"
"We literally binge true crime as a hobby, we've been trained for this moment"
Worth the watch. If you haven't seen the genuinely upsetting insanity motivating thousands of women, you should watch this just to see how society is crumbling.
Ban TikTok, Trump. I don't care if Barron tells you it's popular with the yutes. It is an evil Communist China op and it is driving women insane.
Dolly Parton tells the story of the supposedly real-life Jolene
As Andrew Branca says, can we see this Jolene, finally? Who was this hottie that was a genuine sexual threat to Dolly Parton?
I think this is Fake News personally. When a magician claims he learned a trick from a Himalayan wise man, I don't believe him either.
Peter Cullen, voice actor for Optimus Prime (among many others) dies at home surrounded by family at age 85
RIP and Roll Out!
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Dolly Parton...an American classic, Michigan's El Sayed is part of our future destruction, More Global Warming nonsense, mail-in balloting restrictions, Darline Graham? Get rid of family dynasties...and more!
Breaking news: Dolly Parton had a real pair of 38s
Or at least one. She carried it everywhere for protection.
This joke brought to you by Benny Hill. And speaking of the British: The Buckingham Palace guard tributed her yesterday
1977 interview shows that Barbara Walters has always been a seaward and Dolly Parton always had "country class"
Walters actually asks Dolly Parton if she knows that people think she's a joke. This because Walters can't get over the fact that a show-woman has 1, big breasts, and 2, dresses a bit outrageously because, get this, she's an entertainer. A stage performer. You know, someone people pay money to see live and expect them to put on a show.
She never would attack Liberace for wearing glitter-tuxedos. But she's mad that Dolly Parton makes Barbara Walters look bad through association (by being a woman). Babs, you wish people associated the two of you. Believe me, we can tell the difference.
Recent Comments
tankdemon: "One more look aroind for thst yoga mat-- did I lea ..."

MrBill: "Hey! Speak for yourself! Sydney Sweeney can let ..."

Comrade Flounder, Disinformation Demon: "Thought he was taking a break after Dallas. Silly ..."

Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ : "161 No soldier has been ordered to go fight in tha ..."

Erebus- Ex Killer Whale: "Liam Out Loud on what we have been dealing with fr ..."

AZ deplorable moron: "Yakima , WA is one of the world’s top produc ..."

Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ : "DDG Search Assistant The Immigration Act of 199 ..."

a fart in the wind: "soon, Cornyn too shall pass ..."

Comrade Flounder, Disinformation Demon: "No soldier has been ordered to go fight in that co ..."

mindful webworker - Jamaican Red Stripe: "[i]Know what else is an attractive weed that's not ..."

Stateless - Keeping 15 year old Ralphy happy and alive. He's a puppy at heart.: "I often see Jays games when I go to the Elnora Hot ..."

nurse ratched: "Yakima , WA is one of the world’s top produc ..."

Bloggers in Arms
Some Humorous Asides
Archives