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« Barack Obama: No Reason For Extra Scrutiny For Young Male Arabs From Terrorist-Producing States | Main | Zarqawi's Sister Arrested; Bomb Didn't Detonate »
November 12, 2005

Army: "We Want Artificial Gills!"

Well, like, who the hell doesn't?

Not a boy on the face of the earth who hasn't been dreaming about an artificial gill since he first saw Thunderball.

Actually, even cooler is the fact that the Navy wants to mimic sharks' electro-vision:

A shark doesn't use its eyes to find its next meal. It relies on jelly-filled canals inside its head to pick up on the tiny electrical charges that potential morsel makes when it flexes its muscles, or swims counter to the earth's magnetic fields.

It's a real-live sixth sense. And it's something the Navy would like to exploit as its sailors look for subs and mines in the crowded coastal waters.

As a guy, I thought I knew a lot about sharks. I took pride in knowing about sharks.

But this whole "electro-vision" thing, I just never heard about before. I thought everything was smell with them.


posted by Ace at 01:11 AM
Comments



Whose Aquaman's girlfriend there? Hot. But really, her special underwater super-outfit is khakis and a tubetop? What is it, casual Friday at the JLA?

Posted by: Reo Symes on November 12, 2005 01:21 AM

Regarding electric vision, electric eels do it even better. They use low level electric currents to detect potential prey, and when something's near they crank up the juice and stun the fish with a huge charge. Big ones can produce 600 volts.

Posted by: Steven Den Beste on November 12, 2005 01:21 AM

You know what this means, don't you?

If we invent artificial gills, that means Aquaman is finally rendered completely superfluous, as we all always knew he would be.

F'ing pussyfishman.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on November 12, 2005 01:31 AM

The electro vision thing only works at very close range (for sharks, at least). While a shark is constricting it's jaws, it's eyes close. That's where the EV bit does it's work, keeping the strike on target.

Posted by: West on November 12, 2005 01:35 AM

well i heard that sharks can sense minute electro movements from afar ...
because of sensors in skin? spine? doral fin?
something like that
their whole bodies are sensitized somehow.

Posted by: on November 12, 2005 01:42 AM

Half an hour, folks! We will be shutting down very soon and flying south... Um, east for the winter.

We'll be down for a few hours, but we will return!

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 01:42 AM

With the blog about to go down, for the record, I just want to tell everyone here at Ace of Spades HQ that it was both an honor and a privilege commenting with everyone.

As for Ace himself. . . I hope he survives the freezing process. He's worth a lot to me.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on November 12, 2005 01:54 AM

WE ARE BACK!!!!!!

Damn but that sucked. Remind me not to do it again.

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 12:24 PM

Aargh! It's a pit of bottomless suck!

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 12:32 PM

But this at least seems to work.

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 12:33 PM

Hey ace you should try these gills on your radio show, maybe they will help you to pronounce "cabal"

Posted by: Village Idiot on November 12, 2005 01:00 PM

when something's near they crank up the juice and stun the fish with a huge charge.

I demand this ability be conferred upon me immediately.

Posted by: lauraw on November 12, 2005 01:09 PM

Aqua Man's girlfriend has to wear the khakis to keep her from floating to the surface. Or, to re-phrase, check out those pontoons.

Posted by: Brass on November 12, 2005 01:11 PM

Aquaman may be gay but, the Submariner kicks @ss!

Posted by: MCPO Airdale on November 12, 2005 01:48 PM

Sign me up for a pair! I may never leave water though.

I always thought the little mermaid a fool for wanting land.

Now if they can come up with a way to fly, the world will be mine!!!

Posted by: Rachel Ann on November 12, 2005 02:03 PM

You never did pay attention in class.

Posted by: Your 5th Grade Science Teacher on November 12, 2005 02:36 PM

One thing this info doesn't change: if you're snorkeling and spearfishing in water with a lot of sharks, you're asking for it.

I was lucky enough to see a shark while snorkeling at dusk last summer (Caribbean vacation). Only about 4' long, but still... gets your attention.

I don't think I have a death wish, but I get a good tingle when snorkeling at night, knowing there's a chance I could be someone's prey. It's the ocean, man... we're just lucky to visit.

Posted by: tubino on November 12, 2005 02:38 PM

but when do the sharks get frickin laser beams?

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 12, 2005 03:41 PM

To keep you sociopaths off the street, here's a word search puzzle for you. The hidden words are related to the Ace of Spades Lifestyle:

A N K A R U V D B L S
I V A L U R I T E S H
N C G C O I L Q T S A
T H H O K N E V S V S
E O C H B O O B Y I S
G D L O W S K P G K E
R U L L F B M O I I L
I S N S F W E A X N H
T T V O D K A L C G O
Y Y H U F F E R L K F

Posted by: sandy burger on November 12, 2005 04:24 PM

As a guy, I thought I knew a lot about sharks. I took pride in knowing about sharks.

And people notice that about you, Ace, and respect it. I've always said: now Ace is a guy who knows from sharks. People know what I mean. It's a sign of respect.

Posted by: sandy burger on November 12, 2005 06:57 PM

I've found Anka, Booby, and Vodka so far. But I always see those things everywhere I look when I stop taking my meds.

Posted by: Sortelli on November 12, 2005 07:31 PM

Also "Viking" and...

Wait, Hasselhof is part of the AoS lifestyle? GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING.

Posted by: Sortelli on November 12, 2005 07:32 PM

"Alcohol" "Coil"
"Huffer"

Huffer?

Posted by: on November 12, 2005 07:54 PM

VALURITE
VILE (But not gobsmackingly so. Which, I guess, is a good thing?)
Haven't found anything about strangling hobos yet, though.

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 12, 2005 08:04 PM

Surf some sites on great whites. The closeup pics show little pits in the nose. Those pits are the electro sensors.

In a shark attack if ,your can avoid sticking your arm in the mouth, punching it in the nose creates whtite noise to the electro sensors and puts the shark off.

Posted by: Speller on November 12, 2005 08:05 PM

It was supposed to contain "cowbell", but I just noticed that I managed to screw that one up. Oh well.

Posted by: sandy burger on November 12, 2005 08:26 PM

Now that you mention it, how the hell do we not have artificial gills yet, isn't it just an osmotic membrane or something? And how is it possible not to know about sharky electrovision without being one of those TV-less freaks?

Posted by: D on November 12, 2005 09:10 PM

Now that you mention it, how the hell do we not have artificial gills yet, isn't it just an osmotic membrane or something

Surface area is a big problem.

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 12, 2005 09:53 PM

Hello Fairtax supporters,

I have been thinking about it and I have an idea that could potentially get the Fairtax passed.
It is not at all complicated, but it requires the full support of Fairtax supporters and libertarians in general.

It is simple. Fairtax bloggers need to unanimously propose a libertarian voting block. Pledging full support to all politicians who vow to pass the Fairtax (regardless of their party affiliation). Republicans and Democrats are practically split 50-50. If we could promise 100% of our voting block, some of the politicians might take us up on our offer. If we can get politicians elected based on their support for the Fairtax, other of the slimy politicians will follow suit.

If you want to contact me, my email is matt_masterson@hotmail.com or you can reach me from my blog at

http://meatheadedlibertarian.blogspot.com

Posted by: penxv on November 13, 2005 03:50 AM

Comment comment

Posted by: Pixy Misa on November 13, 2005 07:15 AM

Hey Pixy Misa - thanks for all the work getting the site moved over. I really appreciate it.

Posted by: geoff on November 13, 2005 11:15 AM

So is this site working or not? There are no new posts for nearly 36 hours. Just saying, not demanding, and just curious to see whether or not I'm still under the influence of Valu-Rite.

Posted by: Laddy on November 13, 2005 01:27 PM

Everything seems normal and even the Aceholes are back on the job. Nice work, Pixie.

Posted by: VRWC Agent on November 13, 2005 11:41 PM

Congrats on the migration Pixy.

I think the new server is still on EDT.

Or Atlantic Standard.

I don't do this for a living.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 14, 2005 12:19 PM

Do you ever feel like you're reading about the Wright Brothers' foolhardy plans to become "aeronauts"?

I love the 21st century.

Posted by: Pompous on November 14, 2005 12:26 PM

Will they be like the ones in STAR WARS I THE PHANTOM MENECE?

Posted by: spurwing plover on November 14, 2005 04:07 PM
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