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November 11, 2005

29 No-Nos for Gamers Over 30

Shamelessly stolen from Joystiq:

1. Participate in LAN parties with minors
2. Quit your job to pursue a pro-gaming career
3. Start a Star Wars themed PC case mod in the living room
4. Ever use the jargon OMG, BBQ and WTF together in the same phrase
5. Pirate games - shouldn’t you have an income by now?
6. Find the idea of teamkilling funny
7. Choose a female avatar so that you can try to upskirt her
8. Refuse to play games that are rated lower than mature
9. Tea-bag a downed opponent in Halo 2
10. Play any game with Princess Toadstool in it

11. Choose a gamer handle including any form of the words “hell,” “killer,” “death,” or ”-inator”
12. Yell “pwnt” in a public virtual space
13. Play a female character in an MMOG in order to troll for “Crying Game” victims
14. Disconnect when losing at Starcraft or any other RTS
15. Ninja loot
16. Get your gaming news from a print publication
17. Replace the letter S with a dollar sign when writing Microsoft, Sony, or PlayStation
18. Live in your parents’ basement to support a gaming habit
19. Break mice in a fit of rage after being served in an FPS game
20. Try to win an argument in a gaming forum
21. Pretend that movies like Doom and Tomb Raider are anything but crap
22. Carry softcore anime porn on your PSP to show the guys at work
23. Hadoken someone as a greeting, complete with hand motions and sound effects
24. Play competitively against anyone under the age of 10
25. Read or write fanfiction
26. Yell or type, “Laggg” when losing an online game
27. Bogart the controller
28. Work at GameStop “just for the discount”
29. Type liek JeffK

posted by Harry Callahan at 11:00 AM

Comments

I'm grateful that I understood very little of that.

I must be doing something right.

Posted by: The Warden on November 11, 2005 11:19 AM

Oh yeah, well....

http://picard.ytmnd.com/

Picard would so pwn Chuck Norris and you all know it!

Posted by: isayalotofthings on November 11, 2005 11:38 AM

Challenging Ace for the geek of the year award, Harry?

Posted by: JFH on November 11, 2005 11:40 AM

I'm sorry, but teamkilling is always funny.

Posted by: The Apologist on November 11, 2005 11:42 AM

Don't do the game thingy... WFT is "teamkilling"?

Posted by: Madfish Willie on November 11, 2005 12:20 PM

OK, I admit that I played Knights of the Old Republic and fell in love with Balista. So much so I had her play most of the game in her underwear.

http://www.mobygames.com/images/shots/original/1073488223-00.jpg

Do you realize how hard it was to play that game one-handed?

God I'm pathetic.

Posted by: TomB on November 11, 2005 12:23 PM

"... Over 30".

I'm over 60, are all those back in play now?

Posted by: Retired Geezer on November 11, 2005 12:37 PM

Nevermind... I'm a dumbass.....

Posted by: Madfish Willie on November 11, 2005 12:38 PM

I'm with the Warden. What do #6, #9, and #15 mean, anyway?

Posted by: Steven Den Beste on November 11, 2005 12:40 PM

I am taking offense to # 11.

Posted by: [DeathBy]Monkey on November 11, 2005 12:44 PM

Hadoken someone as a greeting, complete with hand motions and sound effects.

C'mon, that's cool, right?

Posted by: slickdpdx on November 11, 2005 12:49 PM

Check out the Urban Dictionary for "teabag." It has to do with nuts.

Posted by: rd on November 11, 2005 12:51 PM

I do/have done 6 of the items on this list.

I will not reveal which 6, though. I have my dignity.

(Although, laughing myself silly over teamkilling is definitely one of them. No way that one's out of bounds.)

Posted by: Phinn on November 11, 2005 01:24 PM

Hurray! A Friday geek thread. Confessions:

-am way past 30
-gamer
-like to post about the good ole days (aka PONG)
-guilty of too many of these to cite each

On the plus side. Did a twelve step program and have been "clean" for 6 months. Now tell me more about this Knights of the Old Republic, doh.

Posted by: doc on November 11, 2005 01:24 PM

So where does scream-typing "stfu noOb" fall in?

Or "wtf camping!"

Posted by: Christopher Cross on November 11, 2005 01:38 PM

I only have this to add: Leeeee-roy illustrates a good way to get your team and yourself killed while acting like a total choad. Pretty funny if you're a gamer. Which I'm not. But it was still funny.

Posted by: Monty on November 11, 2005 01:50 PM

Leeeee-roy illustrates a good way to get your team and yourself killed while acting like a total choad.

OMFG!!!!one!!! "At least I have chicken."

Posted by: S. Weasel on November 11, 2005 02:26 PM

S. Weasel:

They should have called that Leroy clip The Perils of Gaming While High.

Posted by: Monty on November 11, 2005 02:50 PM

I am pretty damn geeky, yes. I'm surprised I've restrained myself from gushing about the impending release of the XBOX 360... That day will come.

Posted by: Harry Callahan on November 11, 2005 03:02 PM

So, 29 No-Nos for Gamers Over 30? Well here's a 30th:

30. Don't be a gamer over 30.

Posted by: sandy burger on November 11, 2005 03:36 PM

OK Sandy Burger, admit that YOU are a gamer over 30!!

Btw, I'm collecting mini card games for my site. Anybody have any good links?

http://www.cardtoss.com

Posted by: Liza on November 11, 2005 04:20 PM

OK Sandy Burger, admit that YOU are a gamer over 30!!

No. But I am a lamer over 30.

Posted by: sandy burger on November 11, 2005 04:33 PM

Maryland wants to make "upskirting" illegal. What's the world come to?

Posted by: Steven Den Beste on November 11, 2005 05:02 PM

I must disagree with #9. It just shouldn't be overused. We all know there absolutely are situations where a teabagging is in order and I will continue to issue them as required.

Carry On.

Posted by: Silk on November 11, 2005 09:55 PM

I have won an argument in a game forum. It involved crafting a post just right that hit nearly everyone's funnybone hard, while making teh lam3 n00b look like a complete idiot, causing him to slink off, never to return.

Hero for a day. Heh.

Small victories. I'll take 'em where I can.

Posted by: Desert Cat on November 11, 2005 11:36 PM

...lol...the only two I admit to doing on a regular basis is the teabag and 'pwnt.' But I usually reserve 'pwnt' with the following tea bag for the n00b campers who don't appreciate the finer aspects of strategy.

I like to mix it with a gun salute and a good smack. ;)

Posted by: mooseman on November 12, 2005 06:03 PM

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This was her actual complaint. The mushed-up tomato looked like blood so it's a death threat and these violent attacks on me must stop. What is dis bitch, CNN?

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I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove

Chris
@chriswithans

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"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

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Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

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Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
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REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
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That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
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