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November 11, 2005

29 No-Nos for Gamers Over 30

Shamelessly stolen from Joystiq:

1. Participate in LAN parties with minors
2. Quit your job to pursue a pro-gaming career
3. Start a Star Wars themed PC case mod in the living room
4. Ever use the jargon OMG, BBQ and WTF together in the same phrase
5. Pirate games - shouldn’t you have an income by now?
6. Find the idea of teamkilling funny
7. Choose a female avatar so that you can try to upskirt her
8. Refuse to play games that are rated lower than mature
9. Tea-bag a downed opponent in Halo 2
10. Play any game with Princess Toadstool in it

11. Choose a gamer handle including any form of the words “hell,” “killer,” “death,” or ”-inator”
12. Yell “pwnt” in a public virtual space
13. Play a female character in an MMOG in order to troll for “Crying Game” victims
14. Disconnect when losing at Starcraft or any other RTS
15. Ninja loot
16. Get your gaming news from a print publication
17. Replace the letter S with a dollar sign when writing Microsoft, Sony, or PlayStation
18. Live in your parents’ basement to support a gaming habit
19. Break mice in a fit of rage after being served in an FPS game
20. Try to win an argument in a gaming forum
21. Pretend that movies like Doom and Tomb Raider are anything but crap
22. Carry softcore anime porn on your PSP to show the guys at work
23. Hadoken someone as a greeting, complete with hand motions and sound effects
24. Play competitively against anyone under the age of 10
25. Read or write fanfiction
26. Yell or type, “Laggg” when losing an online game
27. Bogart the controller
28. Work at GameStop “just for the discount”
29. Type liek JeffK

posted by Harry Callahan at 11:00 AM

Comments

I'm grateful that I understood very little of that.

I must be doing something right.

Posted by: The Warden on November 11, 2005 11:19 AM

Oh yeah, well....

http://picard.ytmnd.com/

Picard would so pwn Chuck Norris and you all know it!

Posted by: isayalotofthings on November 11, 2005 11:38 AM

Challenging Ace for the geek of the year award, Harry?

Posted by: JFH on November 11, 2005 11:40 AM

I'm sorry, but teamkilling is always funny.

Posted by: The Apologist on November 11, 2005 11:42 AM

Don't do the game thingy... WFT is "teamkilling"?

Posted by: Madfish Willie on November 11, 2005 12:20 PM

OK, I admit that I played Knights of the Old Republic and fell in love with Balista. So much so I had her play most of the game in her underwear.

http://www.mobygames.com/images/shots/original/1073488223-00.jpg

Do you realize how hard it was to play that game one-handed?

God I'm pathetic.

Posted by: TomB on November 11, 2005 12:23 PM

"... Over 30".

I'm over 60, are all those back in play now?

Posted by: Retired Geezer on November 11, 2005 12:37 PM

Nevermind... I'm a dumbass.....

Posted by: Madfish Willie on November 11, 2005 12:38 PM

I'm with the Warden. What do #6, #9, and #15 mean, anyway?

Posted by: Steven Den Beste on November 11, 2005 12:40 PM

I am taking offense to # 11.

Posted by: [DeathBy]Monkey on November 11, 2005 12:44 PM

Hadoken someone as a greeting, complete with hand motions and sound effects.

C'mon, that's cool, right?

Posted by: slickdpdx on November 11, 2005 12:49 PM

Check out the Urban Dictionary for "teabag." It has to do with nuts.

Posted by: rd on November 11, 2005 12:51 PM

I do/have done 6 of the items on this list.

I will not reveal which 6, though. I have my dignity.

(Although, laughing myself silly over teamkilling is definitely one of them. No way that one's out of bounds.)

Posted by: Phinn on November 11, 2005 01:24 PM

Hurray! A Friday geek thread. Confessions:

-am way past 30
-gamer
-like to post about the good ole days (aka PONG)
-guilty of too many of these to cite each

On the plus side. Did a twelve step program and have been "clean" for 6 months. Now tell me more about this Knights of the Old Republic, doh.

Posted by: doc on November 11, 2005 01:24 PM

So where does scream-typing "stfu noOb" fall in?

Or "wtf camping!"

Posted by: Christopher Cross on November 11, 2005 01:38 PM

I only have this to add: Leeeee-roy illustrates a good way to get your team and yourself killed while acting like a total choad. Pretty funny if you're a gamer. Which I'm not. But it was still funny.

Posted by: Monty on November 11, 2005 01:50 PM

Leeeee-roy illustrates a good way to get your team and yourself killed while acting like a total choad.

OMFG!!!!one!!! "At least I have chicken."

Posted by: S. Weasel on November 11, 2005 02:26 PM

S. Weasel:

They should have called that Leroy clip The Perils of Gaming While High.

Posted by: Monty on November 11, 2005 02:50 PM

I am pretty damn geeky, yes. I'm surprised I've restrained myself from gushing about the impending release of the XBOX 360... That day will come.

Posted by: Harry Callahan on November 11, 2005 03:02 PM

So, 29 No-Nos for Gamers Over 30? Well here's a 30th:

30. Don't be a gamer over 30.

Posted by: sandy burger on November 11, 2005 03:36 PM

OK Sandy Burger, admit that YOU are a gamer over 30!!

Btw, I'm collecting mini card games for my site. Anybody have any good links?

http://www.cardtoss.com

Posted by: Liza on November 11, 2005 04:20 PM

OK Sandy Burger, admit that YOU are a gamer over 30!!

No. But I am a lamer over 30.

Posted by: sandy burger on November 11, 2005 04:33 PM

Maryland wants to make "upskirting" illegal. What's the world come to?

Posted by: Steven Den Beste on November 11, 2005 05:02 PM

I must disagree with #9. It just shouldn't be overused. We all know there absolutely are situations where a teabagging is in order and I will continue to issue them as required.

Carry On.

Posted by: Silk on November 11, 2005 09:55 PM

I have won an argument in a game forum. It involved crafting a post just right that hit nearly everyone's funnybone hard, while making teh lam3 n00b look like a complete idiot, causing him to slink off, never to return.

Hero for a day. Heh.

Small victories. I'll take 'em where I can.

Posted by: Desert Cat on November 11, 2005 11:36 PM

...lol...the only two I admit to doing on a regular basis is the teabag and 'pwnt.' But I usually reserve 'pwnt' with the following tea bag for the n00b campers who don't appreciate the finer aspects of strategy.

I like to mix it with a gun salute and a good smack. ;)

Posted by: mooseman on November 12, 2005 06:03 PM

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The public keeps saying "protect us from the foreign savages you have imported against our wishes and over our objections" and the UK branch of The Regime keeps proposing plans to protect the foreign savages from the public. Soclose to what the public is demanding, just, you know, the complete opposite.
Just a thought: Maybe you wouldn't have to worry about the public attacking the savage criminals if you actually introduced a plan to protect the public from the savage criminals. Maybe they wouldn't feel as if it was necessary for them to protect the public through self-help.

Courtney Subramiam, one of the "journalists" who "previewed" her questions for the decrepit and demented Biden so that he could "answer" it with a pre-scripted response, rewarded by promotion to president of the White House Press Corps

Bonchie
@bonchieredstate

hahahahaha

This is the lady who gave her question to Biden beforehand, and he had it written verbatim in his notes with her picture.

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Mary Margaret Olohan
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Oof. Reviewers do not like Scary Movie 6. The criticism I keep hearing is that the movie mistakes a reference for an actual joke. The movie (they say) keeps Key Jangling a reference to another movie (or some other pop culture ephemera) and you expect there to be a joke but nope, the Key Jangle was the joke. Other reviewers say that the promise that "no lines will be uncrossed" is a fake-out, and that the movie is bland and inoffensively corporate.

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Henry Rosoff
@HenryRosoff

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Oh my Totenkopf Tattoo, that is a DRUBBING!
I'm usually very anti-antisemitism but if the Communist Antisemite Jihadists can pull this one off, Go Communist Antisemite Jihadists, Go!

Democrat Senator Rueben Gallego, who served his wife with divorce papers when she was nine months pregnant so that he could marry his side-piece, counsels us that we should not judge Graham Platner for his infidelity because these things are personal matters, Racists:

Sahil Kapur
@sahilkapur

Sen. Ruben Gallego, D-Ariz., on Platner: "We know that Graham has lived not your typical political experience. He's been very clear and open with his wife, and they worked through whatever they worked through. At the end of the day, this man has had 60 more town halls than Susan Collins has. He's winning the polls, he's willing to accept that he has grown as a person, and I think we should accept that."

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Except he was running: His own wife turned the sexts over to his campaign.
And obviously Reuben Gallego didn't let his "political life" get in the way of his extramarital dating life: