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« You Know You’re No Longer Wanted When… | Main | Giant Frickin' Apes! »
November 08, 2005

Phasers!!!

Phasers!

The US government has unveiled a "non-lethal" laser rifle designed to dazzle enemy personnel without causing them permanent harm. But the device will require close scrutiny to ensure compliance with a United Nations protocol on blinding laser weapons.

The Personnel Halting and Stimulation Response (PHASR) rifle was developed at the Air Force Research Laboratory in New Mexico, US, and two prototypes have been delivered to military bases in Texas and Virginia for further testing.

The US Department of Defense (DoD) believes the weapon could be used, for example, to temporarily blind suspects who drive through a roadblock.

Phasers!


posted by Ace at 12:53 PM
Comments



Well, we've already developed, or are developing, transparent aluminum; why NOT phasers?

Next, we need to requisition the technology for those kick ass replicators they had on Picard's ship.

Mmmm, sweet sweet tea, Earl Grey, hot.

What a cool time we live in.

Posted by: AkRonin on November 8, 2005 01:04 PM

It "dazzles" them?
What does it do, play showtunes and camp about on stage?

Posted by: Zorachus on November 8, 2005 01:06 PM

I am so jealous of the people of the future.

Those lazy, cosseted bastards.

Posted by: lauraw on November 8, 2005 01:10 PM

Ace:
How can you be so into big guns but be anti-Hummer?

Posted by: on November 8, 2005 01:13 PM

You know they worked overtime to find words that fit the acronym so they could call it a phaser.

Plus, the Pentagon 'believes' the weapon 'could be' used in such and such a way. Those guys get millions to build cool stuff on the flimsiest of notions. Best job ever.

Posted by: Zorachus on November 8, 2005 01:13 PM

my grant proposal to develop 'holographic porn' using similar laser technology to dazzle enemy personnel was, however, turned down by the DoD.

The good news is that the NEA will be funding my research..

Posted by: BumperStickerist on November 8, 2005 01:17 PM

That thing looks fake -- like a prop for some geek's next SF LARP session.

Posted by: someone on November 8, 2005 01:18 PM

Personnel Halting and Stimulation Response (PHASR), you know somebody sat around for a long time to come up with that one just to give us all a woody. I am both dazzled and stimulated. I want one please.

Posted by: JackStraw on November 8, 2005 01:19 PM

Wonder if it works on coyotes

Posted by: lauraw on November 8, 2005 01:21 PM

Actually, just so everyone knows: yup, that's exactly how we do our acronyms around here. Think of the cool word first, THEN backwards-engineer it.

Cool shit.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on November 8, 2005 01:21 PM

Dude, that's a covenant carbine.

Posted by: joeindc44 on November 8, 2005 01:24 PM

Well, Dave, perhaps you can explain blumkin for me.

Posted by: JackStraw on November 8, 2005 01:26 PM

So it puts on a laser light show? Does it have Bose speakers to pump out the cheesey Disney tunes that sync along with it?

It'd be better if it was in fact lethal.

But come to think of it, "It's A Small World" has been responsible for countless suicides.

Posted by: Chad on November 8, 2005 01:27 PM


Temporary blindness, that's it? It looks cool, but for the millions of dollars of research that went into it I would expect it to be more effective than a naked Hasselhof poster.

Posted by: scott on November 8, 2005 01:31 PM

Only a matter of time before they complete testing of the Mother Of All Disco Balls..

Posted by: Tom on November 8, 2005 01:31 PM

Air Force lab? In New Mexico?
Yup, China already has the plans, and have the added benefit of testing it on live human targets.

Posted by: Tom M on November 8, 2005 01:31 PM

Causes temporary blindness? What, like a projected image of Rosie ODonnell naked?

War is ruthless business man.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 8, 2005 01:38 PM

"But the device will require close scrutiny to ensure compliance with a United Nations protocol on blinding laser weapons"

So in the meantime we will just continue to shoot them in the head with an M-16.

Posted by: Steve on November 8, 2005 01:45 PM

I'm glad to see the Air Force finally putting all that captured Goa'uld ordnance to good use here on Earth.

Posted by: David C on November 8, 2005 01:46 PM

Well, they'll find a use for it.
And then someone will figure out how to adjust the power outage so it can be set from "dazzle" to "disintegrate".
Won't get as many shots off with "disintegrate", but the disitnegrat-ee's buddies will have something to think about.

"She blinded me with science!"

Posted by: Mikey on November 8, 2005 01:46 PM

I think it works best if the enemy is really, really high.

Posted by: Eric J on November 8, 2005 02:11 PM

Duuuuude! Hear that? That's my head! I'm so wasted!

Posted by: Mikey on November 8, 2005 03:09 PM

"Dude, that's a covenant carbine."

now if only the goverment would create a plasma pistol think of how many enemy insurgents we could easily dispose of with the noob-combo.

Posted by: Eric on November 8, 2005 03:20 PM

It projects images of Naked testicle Spiderman directly into the heads of hostile forces.

Posted by: Rocketeer on November 8, 2005 03:50 PM

It just dazzles? That's it? No vaporize option, no burning holes in objects, no disintegrations? Hardly worth the money. I want lethal energy weapons, darnit! Or at least, something that will set enemy clothes on fire, burn out retinas, etc.

Posted by: BattleofthePyramids on November 8, 2005 03:51 PM

I don't know about that BattleofthePyramids.
We already have the ability to kill people.

If you want some terrorist alive so that you can interrogate him later, what better way to totally make him shit his pants about American power than a fucking phaser??

Posted by: lauraw on November 8, 2005 04:25 PM

We can't blind them - but parking a .50cal bullet between their eyes with a Barret is just peachy keen.

Posted by: on November 8, 2005 06:02 PM

Now, if they could only come up with a way to combine that with this, we would be in business.

Posted by: SWLiP on November 8, 2005 06:53 PM

SWLip, how can you combine that phaser with a registration screen for the Miami Herald?

BTW, remember "Dazzler", that movie with Mariah Carey? I bet the gun plays that to the enemy.

Evil.

Posted by: Zorachus on November 8, 2005 08:16 PM

Zorachus:

Ha. I mean combine the "phaser" with this:

As pirates armed with machine guns and rocket-propelled grenades closed in on a luxury cruise liner off Somalia's coast last weekend, crew members fended them off with water hoses and an electronic device that blasts an earsplitting noise.

The device, developed for U.S. warships after the 2000 attack on the USS Cole off Yemen, unleashed a piercing barrage nearly twice as loud as a smoke detector....

Posted by: SWLiP on November 8, 2005 09:01 PM

But come to think of it, "It's A Small World" has been responsible for countless suicides.

I remember that night. Sitting in a hotel room in Orlando, after my kids had forced me to ride through the "Small World" ride umpteen times, the sound of that song indelibly traced on my brain.

I remember the taste of gun oil in my mouth as I sucked the barrel in my hotel room, thinking, I will do anything to get the sound of that fucking song out of my head. I could feel my finger tightening on the trigger.

Then, I thought, who will get my kids through college?

Cuz, Mrs. Michael doesn't make shit.

So, now I'm paying for two kids in college.

Posted by: Michael on November 8, 2005 09:08 PM

as I sucked the barrel in my hotel room

So that's what people who live in trailers call it?

Posted by: BrewFan on November 8, 2005 09:13 PM

Brewfan, he does this all the time.

Check out Michael in the comments section on this post from Sobek.

Posted by: lauraw on November 8, 2005 10:31 PM

it's a small world after aaaall

Posted by: Dave in Texas on November 8, 2005 10:53 PM

Why the fuck should we care about some UN protocol? Build those damn things, and attach them to the heads of man-eating sharks. I mean, frickin' laser beams!...

Posted by: cheshirecat on November 8, 2005 11:36 PM

That's no phaser, its the BFG 0001!

Posted by: on November 9, 2005 12:00 AM

lauraw: You have a very good point. I guess we do need something with a "stun" setting, but I would also like to be able to actually use it in a more lethal, or at least more permanent, mode.

Posted by: BattleofthePyramids on November 9, 2005 12:26 AM

WAIT just a minute here.

Ace:
How can you be so into big guns but be anti-Hummer?

Ace is anti-hummer??!?

(I can't believe y'all let that slide...sad...)

Posted by: Beth on November 9, 2005 01:10 AM

New design but the weapon isn't new. It used to be called the "Dazer" and has been in the special ops inventory for about 10 years.

Posted by: MTW on November 9, 2005 07:33 AM

Yes, but can you shoot people in the back with it? By my recollection, most people dropped by phasers were when Kirk and Spock were sneaking around corridors and shooting guards in the back. Not that I don't approve, mind you...

Posted by: mputtre on November 9, 2005 09:46 AM

So we can shoot them (whoever them is) but to temporarily blind them we need UN approval?!?

(I thought we already had stuff like this years ago? But I wasn't under the impression it was laser based).

Posted by: Gary LaPointe on November 12, 2005 01:12 PM
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