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« The Sixties: The Only Decade You’ll Ever Need | Main | Ninth Circuit Tosses Out Convictions For Making False Charges Against The Police »
November 07, 2005

Chemical Attack By Americans Kills Two Iraqi Freedom Fighters

Preliminary reports say the chemicals in question were HDX, capable of bursting in a highly pressurized cloud sometimes called an "explosion" in military jargon.

One of the guys killed was Abu Hamza, but, alas, not this Abu Hamza:

For three seconds I got the first erection I've had since 1989. Damn, I felt like a God.


posted by Ace at 04:08 PM
Comments



So, when your little guy stands up, it gets saluted by a one armed terrorist?

Posted by: on November 7, 2005 04:15 PM

TWO Abu Hamzas?

Ohmigod, they've perfected cloning!

Posted by: cirby on November 7, 2005 04:19 PM

Holy crap! Is that Aqua Man?

Posted by: Brass on November 7, 2005 04:30 PM

It's Atrios.

Posted by: Yes, it is on November 7, 2005 05:14 PM

If pop culture has taught me nothing else--and it hasn't--it's that you can identify geopolitical bad guys by their resemblance to evil henchmen from the stupider Roger Moore-vintage Bond movies. Why the left can't understand this simple principle, I'll never know.

Posted by: utron on November 7, 2005 06:18 PM

utron, what does that say about Cheney?

uh-oh ...

Posted by: Knemon on November 7, 2005 06:24 PM

utron, what does that say about Cheney?

It depends. Imagine him with a 3 foot high clone of himself. Would he rap to Will Smith?

If so, I've got a theory I'm working on, about a 60s spy spoof movies.

Posted by: Dogstar on November 7, 2005 06:47 PM

Well, Knemon, you'll notice that Cheney lacks the telltale signs: the Mao suit, the cigarette holder. Also, I've never seen Cheney stroking his pussy, and I hope to god I never do.

Anyway, Cheney would be a supervillain. I'm talking henchmen: guys with hooks, or eyepatches, or steel teeth. Stuff like that.

Posted by: utron on November 7, 2005 06:48 PM

Oh. Henchmen vs. supergenius villains. Got it.

Posted by: Knemon on November 7, 2005 06:58 PM

Just to be clear, I think guys with hook-hands should be called "Enforcers."

"Henchmen" to me are the minor evil characters who do little things for the archvillain, like helping him smuggle in nuclear bombs.

Oddjob-- Enforcer

Various Chinese Scientists -- henchmen

Posted by: ace on November 7, 2005 07:00 PM

What about the anonymous, interchangeable legions of dudes with horrible aim?

Fodder?

Posted by: Knemon on November 7, 2005 07:07 PM

yeah, fodder, minions.

Stormtroopers... cool name, cool outfits, but they have guns that can't hit anything and armor that never ONCE deflected a shot fired at them.

Although I'm told it's pretty effective against clubs and sharpened sticks.

Posted by: ace on November 7, 2005 07:09 PM

You can also divide them up by script allocation:

Fodder=1 scene, in 1 setting.
Henchmen=multiple scenes, 1 setting.
Enforcers=multiple scenes, multiple settings.

Posted by: utron on November 7, 2005 07:11 PM

Where do the goon squads from the Adam West "Batman" series fit into this?

The ones with the black T-shirts and their nicknames printed in white?

Posted by: Knemon on November 7, 2005 07:31 PM

How can that be AQUAMAN he is clean shaven wears a neat swim outfit and he dont have a hook it must be CAPT HOOKER

Posted by: spurwing plover on November 7, 2005 08:30 PM

Uh, Ace, loose shit. If you remember, fucking Ewoks were kicking Stormtrooper ass, with clubs and spears.

I understand you're a Star Trek man yourself, as am I, but c'mon!

Posted by: Lapsed Leftist on November 7, 2005 08:41 PM

Forgot to add, sorry spurwing plover, they've updated Aquaman to make him all bad-ass and everything.

Posted by: Lapsed Leftist on November 7, 2005 08:47 PM

Re: the pic of Abu,
Abu may soon be in need of eye patch if he's not careful.

Posted by: Bart on November 8, 2005 01:19 AM

Abu might also want to pray to Allah that he never gets crabs.

Posted by: Mike on November 8, 2005 05:26 PM
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What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*
Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.
A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
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Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
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The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
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In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
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