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October 13, 2005

Put Some Ditties In Your Titties

Breast Implants May Become Music Storage Devices

Computer chips that store music could soon be built into a woman's breast implants.
One boob could hold an MP3 player and the other the person's whole music collection.

In related news, bras will eventually be measured in terms of gigs.

BT futurology, who have developed the idea, say it could be available within 15 years.
BT Laboratories' analyst Ian Pearson said flexible plastic electronics would sit inside the breast. A signal would be relayed to headphones, while the device would be controlled by Bluetooth using a panel on the wrist.

According to The Sun he said: "It is now very hard for me to thing of breast implants as just decorative. If a woman has something implanted permanently, it might as well do something useful."

Do something useful? This just in: Ian Pearson is a homo.

Thanks to Matt.

Alternate Headline Update: "Is it Real or is it Mammorex?" suggested by Scott.

posted by Ace at 02:07 PM

Comments

"Tune in, Tokyo! Tune in, Tokyo!"

/GJWHF

Posted by: apotheosis on October 13, 2005 02:10 PM

Heck with mp3's, how about fart noises!

Posted by: no i didn't on October 13, 2005 02:22 PM

Please, please don't explain how this relates to the Miers nomination.

Posted by: The Black Republican on October 13, 2005 02:26 PM

Do we really need a reason to lay our heads on a beautiful pair of tits?

Posted by: CraigC on October 13, 2005 02:27 PM

Where do the batteries go? Or maybe they're rechargable boobies. And where do you plug in the headphones? Or do they have built in speakers?

Posted by: CT on October 13, 2005 02:31 PM

Hey, baby. Wanna download my playlist?
(Okay, I don’t even know what that means...)

Posted by: Nordicgirl on October 13, 2005 02:48 PM

Now everybody's gonna want them! I foresee a future ad slogan: "Boobs: They're not just for women anymore!"

Posted by: David C on October 13, 2005 02:56 PM

Now everybody's gonna want them! I foresee a future ad slogan: "Boobs: They're not just for women anymore!"

Posted by: on October 13, 2005 02:56 PM

Great, now when the gf doesn't want to listen to me she can just turn on her boobs.

As long as there is a porn soundtrack playlist, we'll be ok.

Coming up next: boomboxes implanted in male genitalia, giving new meaning to "rock out with your c*** out."

Posted by: Josh on October 13, 2005 02:57 PM

Do we get choices of right and left or five speaker option?

Posted by: Kelly on October 13, 2005 02:58 PM

Where do the batteries go?

Have you seen the commercials for the flashlights that never need batteries? You just need to shake them once in a while.

Posted by: scott on October 13, 2005 03:06 PM

This just in: Ian Pearson is a homo.

Last time I said this about some fruitcake, Ace asked:

Libel much?

Posted by: spongeworthy on October 13, 2005 03:13 PM

Where are the batteries?

You know that radio they advertise for eletrical outages? You have a turn handle which generates energy.................................

nevermind.

;-)

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on October 13, 2005 03:33 PM

Batteries, you say? I once saw a flashlight advertised in one of those eco-friendly catalogs where you recharged its batteries by repeatedly squeezing it.

Seriously.

Posted by: OregonMuse on October 13, 2005 03:59 PM

What, no pictures?

Posted by: qandablogger on October 13, 2005 04:17 PM

Now everybody's gonna want them! I foresee a future ad slogan: "Boobs: They're not just for women anymore!"

It's all about the marketing, baby. Suggested product names:

THXXX

mp34DD

DigiTits

Jug Band

HooterWoofers

Gee, Your Tits Sound Terrific

Posted by: apotheosis on October 13, 2005 04:53 PM

Is it real or Mammorex?

Posted by: scott on October 13, 2005 05:07 PM

Does this mean that the phrase "Useless as tits on a man" will no longer be applicable?

Posted by: Cheese_tensor on October 13, 2005 05:12 PM

How many gigaboobs do yours hold?
Yeah, and I can just see it now-
"Sweetheart, the sound is a bit fuzzy. Let me try and dial those things in..."

Posted by: Uncle Jefe on October 13, 2005 06:01 PM

Gee, and I thought woofers and tweeters sounded funny. Gotta love the software, though.

Posted by: Night Writer on October 14, 2005 11:18 AM

The hills are alive with the sound of music.

Posted by: DB on October 14, 2005 04:55 PM

The hills are aliiiive

RUN!

or,

The hills are aliiiiive, and it makes me nervous

Posted by: Dave in Texas on October 14, 2005 05:05 PM

Finally an excuse for husbands to give when they want to try a threesome: surround sound.

Posted by: Laurence Simon on October 15, 2005 08:01 AM

Am I the only one wondering just what the BT in the company's name stands for?!?

Posted by: brainy435 on October 17, 2005 02:03 PM

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Top Headlines

Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
Posted by: Smell the Glove

I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove

Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click That Sums Up the Democrat Communist Party Today
Something is wrong as I hold you near
Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
And then it's raining, feels like it's raining

TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

Hamas is Humiliating Trump's 'Board of Peace'
[Hat Tip: TC] [CBD]

Tucker Carlson is pretty sure Trump is a wizard

Ted Turner Dies At 87 [CBD]

Podcast: Starting a new season, CBD and Sefton discuss their personal journeys to conservative principles, is Nick Shirley the beginning of a trend?, Iran trying to reignite the war, the Left attacks itself, even on "Best Guitarist" lists, and more!

TJM definitively ranks the films of Billy Wilder, like Some Like It Hot

TJM talks about Billy Wilder