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October 11, 2005

Pravda Health Alert

Pravda is an essential part of any serious news-junkie's diet. Besides the important content on centaurs, aliens, and teenagers with X-Ray vision, they also offer a full complement of lifestyle type news that you won't find anywhere else.
This is an Ace O-Spades Public Health Alert:

A wedding ring, which many men constantly wear on the fourth finger, may initiate a variety of sexual disorders and eventually end up with partial or even complete impotence. A recent research work conducted by Belarussian scientists revealed that widespread beliefs of losing strong virility after many years of wearing the wedding ring on the ring finger are based on certain scientific reasons.

This is horrifying. Certainly, any sane wife would want her husband to take his ring off for at least part of the day, to reduce the possibility of impotence. Like, say, when he's at work, or at Happy Hour at the bar, or at the strip club.
Not convinced? Here's the science.

If a finger is placed in the ring circuit, the latter intensifies the flow of specific energy in the finger. Some people may probably know that the so-called kidney meridian passes the fourth finger. The energy flows to the Swadhishthana charka (Self or Own Abode) which supervises the urogenital system and the sexual sphere to a certain extent.

See?
No less than the esteemed bio-therapist and healer Sergei Gagarin asserts that "On the whole, one may come to the following conclusion: those who do not wear wedding rings 24/7 may have a lot fewer problems in their sex lives."

Ladies, I don't make the pizzas, I just deliver 'em.

Fortunately my husband wears a platinum ring which has been specially cast in a form which accommodates and protects his 'kidney meridian.' So he's safe, and should wear his ring all the time. Forever.

posted by LauraW. at 08:47 PM

Comments

The dysfunctions can be avoided by simply wearing a gold plated ring, rather than one of solid gold. However, an unfortunate side effect is that, uhh, it, turns green. Which might be a nice change for the guy who went to the doctor because his penis was orange . . .

Posted by: Lord Floppington on October 11, 2005 08:59 PM

Well, I feel better now, Lauraw. Because I thought this was ace posting.

Posted by: S. Weasel on October 11, 2005 09:03 PM

what's with all the sex posts??? What is this? Rightwingers Gone Wild????

;-)

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on October 11, 2005 09:15 PM

I have to agree, LW. I've never known your hisband to be so....POTENT.

And I've never moaned so loudly, either....

Posted by: Andrew Sullivan on October 11, 2005 09:19 PM

...may have a lot fewer problems in their sex lives.

I believe that should read

"May have lot few problem in sex life."

Posted by: John from WuzzaDem on October 11, 2005 09:26 PM

RWS:

Hah! I can imagine the DVD box now: Wingnut Wingding: Constitutional Textualists Gone Wild!

Posted by: Monty on October 11, 2005 09:29 PM

There is no news in Izvestia, and no truth in Pravda

except for this. I'm moving my wedding ring south. should work.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on October 11, 2005 10:23 PM

By PRAVDA you mean the NEW YORK TIMES dont you?

Posted by: spurwing plover on October 12, 2005 10:22 AM

Dave, toe-rings are hot.

Posted by: lauraw on October 12, 2005 11:52 AM

on guys?

Posted by: Dave in Texas on October 12, 2005 12:02 PM

Well, you said 'south.'

Posted by: lauraw on October 12, 2005 12:04 PM

If Dave didn't mean his toe, is he telling us that his wedding ring will fit, ah, elsewhere?

Do you really want to announce that?

Posted by: Lipstick on October 12, 2005 12:54 PM

after a fifth of valu-rite vodka... pay no attention to that nonsense.

seriously, I thought women didn't like seeing hairy man-feet

Posted by: Dave in Texas on October 12, 2005 12:55 PM

Hairy feet?
LOL
Can't say I've seen too many of those.

Posted by: lauraw on October 12, 2005 12:59 PM

hey, I'm not talking shag carpet or anything, just your typical toe-knuckle and top of foot garden variety guy feet. I ain't no Ewok.

that's why I don't wear sandals on a plane for example.. don't want to gross out a lady.

hey, are comments kinda finicky today or is it just me (not the comments themselves, the comment posting software)?

Posted by: Dave in Texas on October 12, 2005 02:06 PM

yeah, I been hung up a couple times

Posted by: lauraw on October 12, 2005 02:12 PM

LauraW just won me over with this post. There's something hysterical about the carefully restrained woman-flavored mania expressed in that last sentence or two:

"So he's safe, and should wear his ring all the time. Forever."

I know women like you, Laura. I'm happily married to one.

Posted by: Fox on October 12, 2005 04:55 PM

Really Fox?
Did she have your ring specially crafted to enhance the energy flow to your nookie-shama-lama-ding-dong chakra?

Posted by: lauraw on October 12, 2005 07:30 PM

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Funniest thing I've read about the Virginia mess. Back when they were hustling the referendum through the assembly both Senators, Warner and Kaine, advised them to go slow and play by the rules. Louise Lucas said she respected them but didn't need advice from the "cuck chair" in the corner. The gerrymandering was overturned and Louise is heading for the big house. Edward G. Robinson voice "where's your cuck now?"
Posted by: Smell the Glove

I posted his post on twitter and it's gotten 25K views so far. Thanks, Smell the Glove

Chris
@chriswithans

"Ahhhhh ahh I put my career on the line for Louise Lucas and Jay Jones thinking they'd vault me into presidential contention and we ended up costing Democrats 20 House seats and unleashing a Reverse Dobbs ahhhhh ahhh"

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Somebody else holds your heart, yeah
You turn to me with your icy tears
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TJM wonders about world building in stories, mostly The Hunger Games

"It's f**king f**ked."
-- reportedly a genuine comment offered by a "senior Labour source"
Correction: I wrote that Labour is losing 88% (now 87%) of the seats it is "defending." I think that's wrong. The right way to say it is the seats they are contesting -- that is, they don't necessarily already hold these seats, but they have put up a candidate to run for the seat. It's still very bad but not as bad as losing 87% of the seats they already held.

Basil the Great
@BasilTheGreat

🚨ED MILIBAND [a Minister in Starmer's government] SAYS KEIR STARMER WILL RESIGN AS PRIME MINISTER

He has reportedly reassured Labour MP's that Starmer will be resigning following the disastrous results tonight

It's over

"The end of the two party system in the UK" as first the Fake Conservatives and now Labour chooses political suicide rather than simply STOPPING THE INVASION
Incidentally, the only reason this didn't already happen in the US is because of the Very Bad Orange Man (who is right on 85% of all policy calls and extremely, existentially right on 15% of them)

No political party that is NOT also a doomsday religious cult would EVER choose a cataclysmic loss -- and possible extinction as a party -- to support a toxically unpopular favoritism of NON-CITIZEN ILLEGAL MIGRANTS over actual citizen voters.

Only a cult does this.

Now they've lost 84%.

Annunziata Rees-Mogg
@zatzi
If this continues Labour loses 2,148 seats tonight.

That is much worse than the worst case predictions I’ve seen.

Cataclysmic

Update: They've now lost 88% of the seats they're defending. As I mentioned earlier, I think I heard that London will not bail them out, as many of those Labour seats will probably flip to "Muslim Independent" or Green. Detroit's 5am vote will not save them.

Yup, Labour is losing 80% of its seats...

The British Patriot
@TheBritLad

🚨 BREAKING: Labour have lost 80% of all seats contested as of 2:25 AM.<
br> If this continues, Keir Starmer will be out of office next week.

Reform has surged and projected to pick up between 1700-2100 seats.

Wow, up to 1700-2100 seats. It's not incredible that this is happening. It's incredible that the Davos crowd is so absolutely determined to privilege Muslim "migrants" over the actual native population who elects them, no matter how loudly the natives scream that they want to be prioritized, that they will gladly self-extinguish as a party rather than simply representing the interests of their own voters. Astonishing.
Remember, when they call other people "cultists" -- they are the ones so imprisoned in their social reinforcement and discipline bubbles that they will choose political death rather than dare upset the Karen Enforcement Officers of their cult.
Update: Now they've lost 83% of the seats they were defending.

(((Dan Hodges)))
@DPJHodges

Reform are basically wiping Labour out in the North. It's not a defeat. It's not even a rout. Labour are simply ceasing to exist.

Nick Lowles
@lowles_nick

Tonight’s results are calamitous for Labour. Not just for Keir Starmer's leadership, but for the very future of the party

STARMERGEDDON: In early returns, Reform gains 135 seats, Labour loses 90, the Fake Conservatives lose 36 (and I didn't even know they could fall any further), the Lib Dems lose 4, and the Greens gain 6. Note that the only other party gaining seats is the Greens and they're only gaining a handful of seats.
Update: Reform now up 145, Labour down 98.
Labour projected to lose Wales -- where they've ruled for 27 years.
Fulton County Georgia just discovered 400 boxes of ballots for Labour
Update: REF +156, LAB -107, CON -45
Brutal: In four out of five council seats where Labour is defending, they've lost. 80%.
I'm sure it's not this simple, but Reform is straight taking Labour's and the "Conservatives'" seats. They've lost almost exactly what Reform gained. If understand this right (and warning, I probably don't), all of London's council seats are up for election, and Labour might lose hugely there, as their old voters abandon them for Reform, Muslim Indenpendents, and the Greens.
REF +190, LAB -134, CON -56.

Updates on the Labour collapse in council elections -- which wags are calling #Starmergeddon -- from Beege Welborne. There are about 5000 seats up for grabs, Labour is expected to lose 1,800, Reform will probably gain 1,580, up from... zero. So this would be more than that.
People claim that while Labour has adopted the Sharia Agenda to appeal to the million Muslims it allowed to migrate to the country, those voters are ditching Labour to vote for the Muslim Independent Party or the Greens. Delicious. This shadenfreude is going straight to my thighs.
Oh, and if Starmer loses about as badly as expected, Labour will toss him out of a window Braveheart style and replace him. He will announce he is resigning to spend more time with his Gay Ukrainian Male Prostitutes.

Media bias and senationalism are as old as, well, the media:

That was written by Denny O'Neill and illustrated by, get this, Frank Miller. Editor to the Stars Jim Shooter was in charge at the time.
I always thought the gag was original to the comic book, but in fact the "Threat or Menace" headline was a satirical joke about media bias and sensationalism for a long while. The Harvard Lampoon used it in a parody of Life magazine: "Flying Saucers: Threat or Menace?"

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