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« If We're "Making 10,000 New Bin Ladins," Why Did They Have To Shanghai This Reluctant Suicide Bomber? | Main | Hoist The Black Flag, Today at 4PM Eastern »
September 20, 2005

There's a War On-- The War On Porn

I've slagged Instapundit for endlessly repeating "There's a war on" when LEO's are "diverted" to pesky tasks like stopping drug production, importation, and distribution (last time I checked, they were still illegal, and still destroyed a lot of lives), but this is really beyond the pale.

And I'm not just saying that as an interested party. At least I think I'm not.

FBI Agents are not happy to be diverted to the Special Task Force For Silly Shit:

The new squad will divert eight agents, a supervisor and assorted support staff to gather evidence against "manufacturers and purveyors" of pornography -- not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults.

"I guess this means we've won the war on terror," said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. "We must not need any more resources for espionage."

Among friends and trusted colleagues, an experienced national security analyst said, "it's a running joke for us."

A few of the printable samples:

"Things I Don't Want On My Résumé, Volume Four."

"I already gave at home."

"Honestly, most of the guys would have to recuse themselves."

Heh.

...

Applicants for the porn squad should therefore have a stomach for the kind of material that tends to be most offensive to local juries.

I think they'll have little trouble finding people with the stomach for this material. That pederast Hannorhan could take care of the whole job himself.

AG Alberto Gonzalez seems to think this is a way to burnish his credentials with social conservatives.

But Gonzales endorses the rationale of predecessor Meese: that adult pornography is a threat to families and children. Christian conservatives, long skeptical of Gonzales, greeted the pornography initiative with what the Family Research Council called "a growing sense of confidence in our new attorney general."

Oh, eat me.

Let's see-- wobbly on Affirmative Action, immigration, abortion, etc.

But hey-- he's vowed, Elliot Ness-style, to be the man to get Max Hardcore!

Here's when you can be on the Supereme Court, Alberto:

The first Monday of October in the year Two Thousand and Never.

It Never Gets Old Update: Sean M. snarks--

When they came for the crackheads, I said nothing, since I never smoked any rock. And, eeeewwwww--they're crackheads!

When they came for the white-collar cokefiends, I said nothing because, well, I never had the kind of money to waste on blow and besides, those guys tend to be assholes anyway, right?

When they came for the stoners, I said nothing because I'd grown up and quit smoking dope and watching cartoons all day.

And then, when they came for me and my ALL-ANAL ASIAN TEEN GANGBANG C*M SLUTS, there was no one left to speak for me.

What's especially heartbreaking is that millions of immigrants come to America with the dream of becomin all-anal Asian teen gangbang c*m sluts, and now we're just shutting the door in their faces.

Isn't there something about that on the Statue of Liberty or something? If there isn't, there should be.


posted by Ace at 01:49 PM
Comments



Maybe they should arrange a trip to Pompeii to see the scenes that aren't usually shown to tourists. Just for the sake of comparison and community standards. Speaking of which, since when is the nation as a whole also a homogenous community?

Posted by: John Anderson on September 20, 2005 01:59 PM

They'll have to remove the porn from my cold, dead lubricated hands.

Come get me, coppers!

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on September 20, 2005 02:00 PM

When they came for the crackheads, I said nothing, since I never smoked any rock. And, eeeewwwww--they're crackheads!

When they came for the white-collar cokefiends, I said nothing because, well, I never had the kind of money to waste on blow and besides, those guys tend to be assholes anyway, right?

When they came for the stoners, I said nothing because I'd grown up and quit smoking dope and watching cartoons all day.

And then, when they came for me and my ALL-ANAL ASIAN TEEN GANGBANG CUM SLUTS, there was no one left to speak for me.

Posted by: Sean M. on September 20, 2005 02:03 PM

That pederast Hannorhan could take care of the whole job himself.

Only because he's bucking for a promotion.

Posted by: PotatoHeadBobby on September 20, 2005 02:08 PM

How long until we start seeing the ads stating that watching porn helps the terrorists cause like we did with the drug ones.

I'm really at a loss as to why this, which is legal, is even on the FBI's radar. Have they decided to just give up the fight against criminals in favor of racking up the numbers against smut peddlers.

I don't even get it from a religous standpoint, as the voluntary decision to abstain from what might be viewed as sinful is far superior to being forced to do it. Otherwise, why did we get free choice?

Posted by: Defense Guy on September 20, 2005 02:11 PM

I agree! Nice blog! http://zoosex.AceOfSpades.xxx

Posted by: semen on September 20, 2005 02:14 PM

ALL-ANAL ASIAN TEEN GANGBANG CUM SLUTS

a new Ace of Spades keyword search result? ha

Posted by: brak on September 20, 2005 02:14 PM

Don't forget, Gonzalez is wobbly on gun rights, too.

Posted by: stace on September 20, 2005 02:31 PM

The article says that ten agents will be assigned to this task, if I'm recalling correctly. Does anyone have any idea how many agents there are in the FBI (meaning, what percentage of FBI resources are being wasted on this nonsense?)

And why is it every time I look at the words "Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech", I don't see "...except for anything that might offend Mabel Lintencraq of East Moose Dingle, Wisconsin"?

Posted by: The Claw on September 20, 2005 02:41 PM

Hell, sign me up. I get a badge for this job, right? I'm MORE than qualified. I've certainly spent more time studying the subject than anything else I could possibly be employed at.

Posted by: Tony B on September 20, 2005 02:42 PM

ALL-ANAL ASIAN TEEN GANGBANG C*M SLUTS

Shouldn't this be a link?

Posted by: Michael on September 20, 2005 02:47 PM

I am gravely disappointed in the lack of A/V materials presented to back up your case, Ace. How am I to make an informed judgement with no pictures or video? Loose shit.

Posted by: Monty on September 20, 2005 02:53 PM

Maybe they should arrange a trip to Pompeii to see the scenes that aren't usually shown to tourists.

Hmmm John; isn't that the city that was wiped off the fucking face of the Earth?
Coincidence? Perhaps...

/wrath of the Gods

Posted by: lauraw on September 20, 2005 02:55 PM

That was no coincidence, Laura. It happened because Bush didn't sign the Kyoto Treaty.

Posted by: Sean M. on September 20, 2005 02:57 PM

Ted Kennedy has informed me that the "living document" interpretation of the "give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses" explicitly covers a person's right to travel to this country in pursuit of being a "all asian anal teen gangbang c*m slut."

"Huddled Masses" apparently contains a penumbra of privacy rights, including that of "gangbanging", of course.

I saw this line of questioning during the Roberts confirmation hearings on "C-Span: After Dark".

Posted by: Jack M. on September 20, 2005 02:58 PM

I used to think "compassionate conservatism" was just a reassuring, meaningless noise. But it's looking more and more like nanny-state conservatism, which has got to rank right up there with "dictatorship of the proletariat" in terms of giving you the worst of both worlds.

If Bush nominates this ninny for SCOTUS, then I'm swearing off politics completely for the next two years. That means my internet connection will have essentially no function except cruising for porn, but I'll regard that as my civic duty. Kind of like speaking truth to power, you know?

Posted by: utron on September 20, 2005 03:07 PM

But Gonzales endorses the rationale of predecessor Meese

Wow, I think this means that Ashcroft's photo is being snipped out of the party publications as we speak. I mean, wasn't ASHCROFT the predecessor going after hookers in New Orleans??? That he is studiously ignored now must mean he's getting the Soviet treatment...

On a more serious note... I'm coming from the other end of the political spectrum, and I heartily agree with this post. In fact, this post verbatim would look right at home on Atrios.

If we ever stopped throwing things at each other, I think the left and (some of the) right could find some things to agree on. Intrusion of the govt in the bedroom is probably one.

Posted by: tubino on September 20, 2005 03:27 PM

Maybe they should arrange a trip to Pompeii to see the scenes that aren't usually shown to tourists.

Hmmm John; isn't that the city that was wiped off the fucking face of the Earth? Coincidence? Perhaps...

Oh, great. You two just gave the politicos of New Orleans/La. an idea for a two week $350k junket to investigate ancient FEMA responses and how to bring back tourists.

Posted by: on September 20, 2005 03:34 PM

Hmmm John; isn't that the city that was wiped off the fucking face of the Earth?

Actually, I have a couple of photos from Pompeii from the inside of a "house of ill repute". The paintings on the wall have survived (or been restored), and one shows a woman getting her cowboy on. The other shows a Pompeiian god (they suppose) of male verility with a 6-foot uncircumcised cock.

The line to view this room was more popular than anything else.

Posted by: rho on September 20, 2005 03:41 PM

Hmmm John; isn't that the city that was wiped off the fucking face of the Earth?

FEMA has yet to respond.

Posted by: on September 20, 2005 03:48 PM

Well I completely disagree with you here Ace. This porn may be "marketed" to adults, but any child can access with the click of a button. Yeah, not pretty naked women either, but porn you wouldn't want your dog exposed to. And if you have kids and decide to forgo your computer, too bad. Lil Johnny down the street will be glad to show your 7 yr old the latest pics of BJ's and animal servicing. In fact your kid doesn't if have to click for it.

Ya'll may joke about it all you want but this is serious sickness and someone has got to fight it.

John Hockenberry (no conservative journalist) tracked down where a porn e-mail came from that was sent to a friend's 10 yr old little girl. The e-mail had pics of people doing it with animals. Naturally the girl was a bit upset. So Hockenberry took WEEKS to track down this scumbag. And if you could see the people he have to deal with in this "industry." It would make you sick.

If you guys want to look at porn, be my guest. It's your life. But having it so accessible to kids is sick and wrong and everyone should be for doing something about that.

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on September 20, 2005 03:57 PM

RWS-- What, now you want to keep porn from my *dog* too? Fascist. ;-).

I agree completely with your contention that greater issue is child access to pornography.

However, can you tell me where and how government regulation has safeguarded children from this sort of thing? Content blockers? V-Chips? Ha ha ha, that's funny.

And now, we're allocating FBI assets to hunt down a legal business. Hell, maybe they can shake them down like they did Big Tobacco. I'd like me some of that crazy-porn-money everyone's always talking about.

The solution to this problem is not technological, and it is not legal. It is cultural and moral-- everything else follows.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on September 20, 2005 04:06 PM

but porn you wouldn't want your dog exposed to

So THAT'S why the little bastard keeps humping my leg.


NO! DOWN! BAD DOG!

Posted by: Dave in Texas on September 20, 2005 04:10 PM

Dave at Garfield Ridge,

The answer is very simple and it has been put together in the Online Child Protection Act, that congress blocks.

You simply require people who look at adults sites to prove they are indeed adults.

But then there is that pesky little thing about people not wanting that information out there. WELL TOO BAD!'

I don't think we should sacrifice our children's innocence for your little perverted delights. (not your's Dave, I mean "you" in a general sense..;-)

Registration requirement is simple and if you are proven to be an adult, then look to your heart's content.

And don't even get me started on the fact that child pedophiles start getting their jollies off child porn on the internet. (yeah, I know it's illegal, but it's still there) Which is why it is even more important for the FBI to be on this.

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on September 20, 2005 04:19 PM

I have no problem with proving adulthood to access porn sites, but how is this to be done since, as they say, on the Internet noone knows if you're a dog?

Posted by: vonKreedon on September 20, 2005 04:28 PM

Good for you, RWS.

Posted by: on September 20, 2005 04:29 PM

RWS:

I hate to turn on you, dear lady; you're one of the good ones. And yet, I must take issue.

Many people object to the availability of pornography, and wish for it to be censored or restricted in such a way as to make it unavailable to minor children. Well, in this brave new era of pervasive communciations channels, this kind of restriction can only be imposed via draconian and privacy-invading mechanisms (and even then only imperfectly). You seem to be saying that if I like to view pornography, I consequently abrogate any right to privacy. Well, who gets to define what constitutes pornography? Is Maxim okay? How about Playboy? How about some steamy R-rated "thriller" movie with lots of nudity and little plot? Do I have to let the whole world know that I like to watch Ellen Barken get naked in The Big Easy? How is that anyone's business but my own?

I am a social conservative in the truest sense: I don't think the federal government has any business telling me what I may or may not look at, listen to, or read. And if I am a parent, then it is both my right and my responsibility to monitor the kinds of materials my children are exposed to.

Ultimately it comes down to the community -- what kind of community you live in, what kinds of morals your community espouses, and what kinds of morals your community actually practices. Keep the damned government out of it.

Posted by: Monty on September 20, 2005 04:33 PM

The article says that ten agents will be assigned to this task...

This tells us how serious this "initiative" really is.

Seriously - 10 feds is probably about enough to cover a vast metropolis the size of say: Yeehaw Junction FL

Posted by: Tony on September 20, 2005 04:38 PM

ACE; I object very stongly to this post. How can we know what you're talking about without pictures? I am very opposed to pornography of any type and I therefore volunteer to protect all of you by watching the pictures myself, thereby saving the free world from pornography. P.S. If I take on this task, do I get a Presidential Freedom from pornography Medal? P.P.S. I will of course sort the porn into three stacks based on the raunch level so that i can properly review them to evaluate just how sordid they are. There will of course be a much higher level of punishment for those who purvey porn that is merely in poor taste but lacking in true smut value. Patriotically yours,

Posted by: john on September 20, 2005 04:39 PM

To Rightwingsparkle:

Have you turned on your television set recently? You can get enough porn right there, watching Girls Gone Wild infomercials and Desparate Housewives.

Hell, I've seen more girls making out with other girls right there on TV than just about any porn site.

And if you think that getting rid of porn is a solution, then I'd refer you to a recent story in the NY Times concerning the prevelance of fellatio and cunniligus being practiced by teens and pre-teens.

Half of teens between 15 and 19 admit to engaging in oral sex. The Times found this refreshing, of course, causing a rewrite of the article.

I guess my point is that having the FBI using precious resources to chase down Long Dong Silver isn't going to have much of an effect on the availability of inappropriate sexual material.

Education is the key.

Posted by: rightnumberone on September 20, 2005 04:42 PM

RWS brings up some good points. Something has to be done about Internet pornography. We have sufficient technology to help prevent children from accessing it so why not use it. Step 1 is to put this content into its own domain (.xxx as proposed) and then make it illegal to provide it outside of that domain. Step 2 is to require proof of majority to access it. Is this foolproof? No. Will there be legal challenges about what constitutes pornography? Sure. But neither of those is sufficient reason to not do anything.

Posted by: BrewFan on September 20, 2005 04:59 PM

rightnumberone,

Don't you think there might be a correlation between what you just said about TV and the behavior of teenagers??? Of course I think there is probably an even greater correlation between those behaviors and online porn.

Don't get me started on TV. That's a whole nother thread.

I am a big believer in freedom. Even if what you are doing is going against my values. You want to have sex with people of your own gender? Close the door and go for it. I just don't want to see it. You want to get drunk every friday night? Go for it, just don't drive and put others in danger.

The same goes for porn. I hate it. I despise it. But if you want to look at it. Fine. But when it starts affecting children. Then I have to get involved. One may want to drink and drive, but you just don't get to. One may want to have sex in public, but you just don't get to.

There are other considerations. It is time for the good people of this country to put away their own selfish desires and do what is best for our kids.

When one registers for an adult site, you have to prove who you are by license and credit card. I'm not sure of the other restrictions in the bill, but whatever it takes, I'm there.

Because the truth is if you wish to view porn and not have your "privacy" invaded, then get your perverted ass in your car and drive to a porn store and look and buy and rent to your heart's content. But don't think that just because you CAN get porn on the net, means you should. THere are others to consider.

And about what is considered porn? Well it is defined legally, but if you want my opinion, the pretty naked pictures can stay without registration. But for GOD'S SAKE let's require it for graphic sex. Is that really too much to ask?

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on September 20, 2005 05:00 PM

I'm afraid Monty's right — it would be impossible to restrict access to porn without draconian tinkering with the very nature of the internet. It's not just about access to commercial porn sites, which you could conceivably regulate; there's all sorts of vileness that happens in Usenet newsgroups, IRC chat, email, people's blogs and personal sites. Shoot, the kids are talking dirty to each other online if you leave 'em alone for a minute. You can't plug all those holes (if you'll pardon the expression). There's an old saying that the internet perceives censorship as damage and routes around it.

It would require fundamental changes in the way the net works to apply that sort of control, and it would then be possible to shut out all sorts of locally undesirable information. China, for one, is calling very loudly for this kind of grip on information.

I sympathize. I'd be terrified if I had kids. There is stuff in the world that really is too dark for their squishy little minds. Every time I get a piece of spam with an especially filthy subject line, I thank my stars I don't have to explain to a kid what it means. But I don't know what we're going to do about it. Calling in the FBI does not spring to mind.

Posted by: S. Weasel on September 20, 2005 05:00 PM

How dare the FBI use its assets to crack down on porn. It is taking away job opportunites for many libertarian's sons and daughters who I am sure would support them in any endeavors into this legal business.

Posted by: Dman on September 20, 2005 05:05 PM

>>Step 1 is to put this content into its own domain (.xxx as proposed) and then make it illegal to provide it outside of that domain. Step 2 is to require proof of majority to access it.

This site included? I don't want my 7 year old reading about ace's sexblogging exploits.

>>I'd be terrified if I had kids.

This is way way over the top. The internet is 27 million items down on the list of things that terrify me as a parent.

Posted by: jamie r. on September 20, 2005 05:18 PM

Remember this guy? He was airing porn on his local public access TV station.

.

Posted by: scott on September 20, 2005 05:21 PM

try that again, it was mike hunt TV

Posted by: scott on September 20, 2005 05:25 PM

Can't we just require all porn-sites to have some sort of code in them which blocks access by all internet providers, except for those who opt-in by chosing to disable that feature?

I realize this isn't a perfect solution, because kids know more about computers than their parents. But if it concerns you, read up on it. There'll be websites aplently explaining how you can block access to all adult stuff and how to monitor your computer for such blocks being disabled.

Posted by: ace on September 20, 2005 05:32 PM

This is way way over the top. The internet is 27 million items down on the list of things that terrify me as a parent.

Huh. From the sounds of it, many of you haven't spent time trawling the very bottom of the internet. The for-pay porn sites are mild. There is nothing so vile, repulsive, twisted, messed up or taboo that some corner of the net isn't celebrating. At length. With pictures. For free.

In the early days of the 'net, I trawled everything. I was a roving vortex of curiosity. I got a few pictures lodged in my own head I'm sorry I put there. If I had a seven year old...

Posted by: S. Weasel on September 20, 2005 05:37 PM

Sparkles: Laura and I have decided to kidnap you for a girls' night out, get you sufficiently tipsy, tie you to a comfortable chair and make you sit through a few hours of quality porn. Enough is enough.

Posted by: Megan on September 20, 2005 05:37 PM

Megan,

LOL!! Sorry! I'll get tipsy with you but I am a romance sorta girl.

Seriously, I can totally understand why people would want to look at the naked beautiful form of a woman or a man. But for the life of me I can't figure out why anyone would want to watch OTHER PEOPLE having sex. I'll NEVER understand that.

S, Weasel, exactly. Imagine those images that you wish were not there seared into the mind of a 7 yr old or a 12 yr old.

Not good. Wrong,

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on September 20, 2005 05:48 PM

"I'll get tipsy with you but I am a romance sorta girl."

Well, all right. We'll bring you flowers. :)

Posted by: Megan on September 20, 2005 05:53 PM

Oh all right, fine. I'll do it Megan.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on September 20, 2005 05:54 PM

Which part of "girls' night out" confused you, Dave?

Posted by: Megan on September 20, 2005 05:58 PM

the part where I can't go.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on September 20, 2005 06:04 PM

But for the life of me I can't figure out why anyone would want to watch OTHER PEOPLE having sex.

I remember reading something in one of the psychology journals (or maybe it was Hustler, I forget) about how men are far more "affected" by pornography than women are. There have been lots of studies done on why this is so, and it boils down to the fact that, for men, sex is a function of the limbic system. Our sex drive is almost completely controlled by the older autonomic parts of the brain -- thus we are far more stimulated by visuals and sounds than women are. In a very real sense, men are hard-wired to react to pornography.

Women, contrarily, seem to have a complicated and more diffuse sexual identity. It tends to be more cerebral and less bound to direct stimuli. This probably explains why men are probably 90% of the market for pornography (although women do make up a substantial percentage of it, believe it or not).

This probably comes down to evolution -- men have evolved a sexual response geared towards the sexual act itself (i.e., the actual delivery of the genetic material). Women, on the other hand, have evolted a more ritualistic and stylized sexual response that makes sense in light of the fact that they have to bear and raise the children who are the product of sexual unions -- their sex drive is complicated by assessments of their mate's "fitness".

...well, now that I think about it, that article probably wasn't in Hustler. Maybe it was the April issue of Juggs.

Posted by: Monty on September 20, 2005 06:10 PM

the part where I can't go.

Oh, ignore those girls. We can go out, have some beer and have a guys night. We can...uh...you know...there's nowhere to go with this that doesn't sound teh ghey.

Forget it.

Posted by: Slublog on September 20, 2005 06:19 PM

Do I have to let the whole world know that I like to watch Ellen Barken get naked in The Big Easy

You sick freak!

Posted by: holdfast on September 20, 2005 07:00 PM

Funny, how a thread about porn will get you 50+ comments, but GWOT (see below 'If we're making 10,000 new Bin Ladens') hypocrisy, etc, only gets 4 measly comments...
Now, back to the porn...
Speaking of how men are 'hard-wired' for porn (heh heh, 'hard-wired'), didya ever wonder then why the women in them thar movies is always moanin' and screamin' loud? I mean, the movies have traditionally been made for men, right? I thought that the stereotypical male didn't care about the woman during sex!? So why the carryin' on?
I guess my take on it is that part of that hard-wiring was that a male who could satisfy females would therefore be more attractive to females, and therefore have more chances to mate. It then follows that the orgasm sounds, as portrayed, are a stimulus to the male, indicating that he's pleasing the female.
So porn taps in to the deep-seated need of the male to please the female.
Now, how that actually plays out in real life...

Posted by: Uncle Jefe on September 20, 2005 07:11 PM

I dunno. I think that maybe they should tackle the porn in the SUV DVD players, before they go after the internet stuff.
Cause while I'm all for ALL-ANAL ASIAN TEEN GANGBANG CUM SLUTS,which afterall does have some redeeming artistic qualitites, I really don't want to see Anal Andy's tour of Gay Paris, its a safety issue for Chrissakes.

Posted by: Iblis on September 20, 2005 07:13 PM

no, seriously, I was confused about that I can't go thing.

so, a girl's night out, that's like, what?

Posted by: Dave in Texas on September 20, 2005 07:31 PM

People pay for internet porn!?

One word, folks: Usenet.

Posted by: on September 20, 2005 07:46 PM

I have never for the life of me been able to figure out usenet or "newsreaders."


Like tantalus, I can see the sweet cool porn arrayed before me, but it recedes before I can taste it.

Posted by: ace on September 20, 2005 08:01 PM

Seriously, I can totally understand why people would want to look at the naked beautiful form of a woman or a man.

Thank you for resurrecting an issue that has been discussed on your site, which is, when are you going to post pictures of yourself in beachwear?

*Slobber*

Posted by: Michael on September 20, 2005 08:11 PM

Anal Andy's tour of Gay Paris

So that's what he's been up to instead of blogging....

Posted by: Monty on September 20, 2005 08:14 PM

Dang, if this thread is any indication, I think I've finally found my catchphrase.

Posted by: Sean M. on September 20, 2005 08:15 PM

Goddammit Megan, I refused, remember??

I said I admire RWS's values, remember?
That her sweetness is charming.

I do disagree with her, to the extent that pornography IS the net in many ways.

Its just an impossible task to remove it. Impossible.
Ace's idea about a blocking program that can be disabled by an adult user is probably the best workaround.

All we got is workarounds, when it comes to porn on the net.

Posted by: lauraw on September 20, 2005 08:38 PM

I have never for the life of me been able to figure out usenet or "newsreaders."

Outlook Express is a halfassed news reader.

Ummm...trust us...its worth the effort to get sorted out.

Posted by: Tony on September 20, 2005 08:47 PM

Seriously, I can totally understand why people would want to look at the naked beautiful form of a woman or a man.

Oh, HA HA HAAAA HA HAA

Come on now. Nobody looks at pics of naked men except homos.
The very idea that a straight woman is aroused by mere pictures, the way men are, is ridunculus.

Except of course for Hugh Jackman, which is understandable. I mean, really. Look at him.

Posted by: lauraw on September 20, 2005 08:50 PM

Okay guys, if they're going to shut down mainstream porn producers, then it's time for independent purveyors who do business via private, back channel connections to pick up the slack. I've already got my first set of films lined up and ready to go:

My Tool in Your Stool
Father of the Bride and the Granddaughter
Smalltown Girl Pays the Tuition by Sucking Off Three Black Dudes at a Party
Veni, Veni, Veni
Veni, Veni, Veni II: Veni Iterum

Posted by: Andrew on September 20, 2005 08:50 PM

Ace's idea about a blocking program that can be disabled by an adult user is probably the best workaround.

Huh! A child user is a zillion times more likely to work out how to work the workaround than a grownup. Yeah, if something old school like a credit card is involved, you can kick the old safeguards into place. But, never mind...the worst stuff on the internet is totally free and totally out of control.

Forget porn. Relatively missionary sex is one of the nicer things you find on the dark side. I was utterly traumatized in 1967 by what happened to Bambi's mom. Do you think your six year old is ready to live with a snapshot of what it really looks like after someone puts an M-80 up a kitten's bottom?

Usenet is...the collective brain of the species. With all the soaring highs and filthy lows that entails.

Posted by: S. Weasel on September 20, 2005 08:51 PM

I don't think that technical "blocks" will ever work. It's been tried -- Cisco for a time tried to sell routers with some kind of "filth filter", but they didn't work worth a damn and ended up filtering out appropriate content while allowing lots of bad stuff through. Internet porn is just digital information like everything else, after all. Lots of the filtering software like "Net Nanny" is likewise useless; it keeps befuddled adults from seeing National Geographic webpages, but proves a small hindrance to teenagers who want to see Naked Cheerleaders In Heat.

And remember that the Web is only one avenue. Usenet (also known as "the Internet's sewer") was around long before the World Wide Web. And then there's all the peer-to-peer stuff: Gnutella, eDonkey, Bittorrent. All invented for purely innocent transfer of data, but predominately used to transfer pornography. The Internet was built to be a robust and survivable long-distance network that could survive multiple points of damage and still deliver data reliably from point to point: that's where the saying comes from, "The Internet interprets censorship as damage and routes around it".

There have been discussions amongst the eggheads about integrating strong crypto and authentication into the Internet2 protocols, but this kind of stuff is years away, and I doubt whether even then it will be all that effective. It is possible even now to get a very secure and locked down link on the internet via something called a VPN (Virtual Private Network) that uses strong crypto -- lots of corporations do this so employees can work from home. But even this method is not foolproof, and it's usually such a hassle to set up and operate that most anonymous internet users don't even bother.

Porn and the Internet are indelibly intertwined. The only safeguard is to interpose yourself between it and your children where appropriate...just like with television, or books, or magazines, or anything else.

Posted by: Monty on September 20, 2005 09:08 PM

> How long until we start seeing the ads >stating that watching porn helps the >terrorists cause like we did with the >drug ones.

Uhh, when they start making porn out of Afghan poppies?

BTW, I'm delininking you if you try to deny me my constitutional right to marry my old vhs of "Let The Eat Twat". I was born this way!!!

Posted by: Dave Munger on September 20, 2005 09:09 PM

I agree with our most esteemed colleague Weasel. Porn has been available electronically even before there was "the internet". (Anyone else remember ASCII images from university BBS's over dialup with one of those funky "duplex coupling" phone holder thingys, or an I just dating myself?) There always was a workaround and there always will be.

Posted by: on September 20, 2005 09:17 PM

Gee, do you suppose they could devote those ten agents to prosecuting vote fraud instead?

Posted by: MarkD on September 20, 2005 09:40 PM

uh, Ace...

abmefaq dot net

problem is, RR NYC has let their newsfeeds go to shit in the last few months. you might have to pony up for easynews or giganews, which may or may not defeat the point.

Posted by: on September 20, 2005 10:01 PM

Re: "If you guys want to look at porn, be my guest. It's your life. But having it so accessible to kids is sick and wrong and everyone should be for doing something about that. "

It's all about "our children," isn't it? Until it comes to actually having enough of them. There will be plenty of time to suppress erotica when we've solved the problem of the low birth rate. Until we have a populace to match that of China, India, or the Dar al-Islam, I propose we establish a Recommended Daily Allowance of titillating photography for everyone who's sexually mature. Menopausal women may be exempt from viewing. After all, it's too late for them, and horny women past the age of childbearing distract men from the "work" of making their women pregnant. I have in mind to redeploy idled FBI agents as studs. In these times, having lots of youth with excellent marksmanship and analytical skills in the next generation is a value on which I think we can all agree.

Arafel

Posted by: Arafel on September 21, 2005 02:56 AM

Rightwingsparkle said: "Don't you think there might be a correlation between what you just said about TV and the behavior of teenagers??? Of course I think there is probably an even greater correlation between those behaviors and online porn."

Maybe the closest "correlation" of "those behaviors" of teenagers is to their strong sexual desire, which I suppose they must have received for some purpose other than to make abstinence a greater challenge. I'm willing to grant, as generalities, that postponing sex and childbirth until marriage is a good, that education is a good, and that postponing marriage and childbirth until after education is a good. But together, they amount to an expectation that people postpone sex and childbirth through a decade or more of youthful desire, capacity, and fertility. It's no wonder the poor dears fornicate and fellate so much. We set them up.

Moreover, the postponement of childbirth by the intelligent and self-controlled guarantees that their share in each generation will dwindle. If I wanted to deplete a nation of its intellectuals and professionals, I'd promote the Western plan, which is very simply to have those with the intelligence and discipline for advanced degrees and honored professions wait to squeeze out one or maybe two children in their late thirties. If America wants to have lots of scientists and professionals in the year 2100, a better strategy would be to encourage the smart kids to spend their teens and twenties f*cking like, well, like they really wish they could. The dried-up old professional women who are so smart they forgot to have children can line up and apply to adopt. And if Rightwingsparkle will teach the duller children to have better morals than the smart ones, she will make an important contribution to the realization of my overall design.

Arafel

Posted by: Arafel on September 21, 2005 04:50 AM

"I'm willing to grant, as generalities, that postponing sex and childbirth until marriage is a good, that education is a good, and that postponing marriage and childbirth until after education is a good. But together, they amount to an expectation that people postpone sex and childbirth through a decade or more of youthful desire, capacity, and fertility. "

Together with our habit of stalling the education progress to an outrageous degree, that is. Three months off per year? That adds up to three whole years by the time people finish high school! What's up with that?

Posted by: Ken on September 21, 2005 08:58 AM

See, this is one of the places where I start breaking ranks with the GOP. They've taken gun owners for granted for twenty years, and losing in '92 when we broke ranks for Perot didn't teach them. Now they want to be squirrely on gun rights (I'm surprised they let the Clinton Ugly Guns Ban sunset) and NOW they want to mess with my porn? Sorry, the only thing I have more bookmarks for than guns is porn. Don't f*ck with either if you want my support.

Posted by: SGT Dan on September 21, 2005 05:09 PM

Maybe those 10 agents could be doing patent searches for various "devices"...

Posted by: Tony on September 21, 2005 05:47 PM

Will my personal information be public if I post here?

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