Have you ever been caught without a razor and borrowed a (new) women's leg razor?* Those fuckers shave, like, twice as close with no discomfort to my "sensitive" combination skin.

*Did not fantasize about Powers Boothe during this shave.

Have you ever been caught without a razor and borrowed a (new) women's leg razor?

No, but have you ever been caught without some underwear and borowed a pair of panties? Then some nylons? And a pretty summer dress? Sounds like it.

Good God man! A woman's razor? There are boundaries.

As a man who has been shaving his head for years, the more blades the merrier.

I rebelled and went back to a Safety Razor, mug and brush. My father's 45 year old safety razor, in fact.
Blades are like $.10 each and give a shave as good as any of those multi-blade jobs. If you're gonna spend that kinda money on blade refills for a good shave, just find a professional and get shaved with a straight razor. Preferrably one who doesn't work for the mob.
Or just skip ahead of the curve and start shaving with a Microplane cheese grater, about 300 blades, $38 refills.

It's more likely to run into the scenario when you actually have sex with women.

And the nylons make my legs feel so smooth.

Surely two, maybe three are enough? I dunno, I use an electric. But, I remember reading this a while ago and laughing out loud. Now, they've gone and taken the funny out of it.

The Onion

I can’t do it. I won’t. I’m not an animal.

You hairy bastards with your 3:00 shadows need those road graders for your faces, don't you? I could shave every other day with a butter knife and my visage would be as soft as that Coppertone baby's adorable pooper.

You may not be animals, but on the evolutionary tree--which I agree exists, Cranky Ardolino!--you're a hell of a lot closer to one than me.

Woof like a fucking baboon for me, won't you? It amuses me.

A straight razor requires no blades at all, but you might chop off your nose or genitals. Life is all about trade offs.

You may not be animals, but on the evolutionary tree--which I agree exists, Cranky Ardolino!--you're a hell of a lot closer to one than me.

Nah, it just probably means that you've got less LH, testosterone and DHT and more estrogen running through your veins.

Do you have tender man-breasts?

Dr. Symes:

This cannot end good. We're messing with forces we can't possibly comprehend. This is going to get out of control, and we're all going to be lucky to survive.

Two things you may find useful.

First, the SNL Will Ferrell comercial for the Platinum Mach 14 razor had this covered. A razor with *14* blades?!? INSANITY!

Second, I covered the topic of multi-blade razors back in December. As I said then: "these things are like dime bags of Bolivian rock."

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Do you have tender man-breasts?

Why yes, yes I do! I never really noticed!

Ardolino, that's an Italian name, isn't it? Well, I could never hope to match testosterone with an Italian! You guys are nearly oozing the stuff, aren't you?

Now that I put it together, it's really rather obvious, isn't it? The barely controlled rage. The prickliness that borders upon mental illness. The insistence upon the theory of evolution in order to explain the ape-like mannerisms. You're really not to blame, are you? It's all on those vine-swinging ancestors, isn't it?

Of course. It all makes sense now.

Now woof like a baboon for me, won't you Bill?

Spongeworthy, did you ever notice that baboons ' faces are hairless? Colorful, but hairless.

Not that I'm particularly hirsute myself. A cheap, two-blade disposable is all my face needs, thank you. Of course, the cost goes up when I have to use two or three of the suckers to keep my upper back silky smooth.

If you're going to go all old school on your face, go old school: Pumice. You can also substitute Bic disposables since they are about as comfortable although there is typically more bleeding involved.

Good stuff Dave. Glad to see I'm not some lone cheap bastard complaining bout the price of little razors.

I read somewhere bout some guy who rubs vaseline on the blades when after he's done. Supposedly the blades keep longer. Tried it for a bit. Then one day I looked in the mirror and saw a man so cheap he rubs vaseline on his razor blades to save money. Not pretty.

The multiple closely-spaced blades thing has always struck me as a clever scheme to make them fill up with hair faster so that you have to replace the blades more often.

When one of our distribution centers in South America got held up (by 25 masked, well-trained guys with assault rifles), they went straight for the razors, you'll pardon the pun. The 3 and 4 blade models only.

Expensive and easy to fence.

The two things that make the biggest difference in a close, comfortable shave: 1) a sharp blade; 2) soft, taut skin.

You get 1) by replacing your blade more often. This is easy to do with cheap safety razors or disposables. It is less easy to do with multi-blades because you just know you're flushing a lot of money.

You get 2) by using a decent shaving cream. That means nothing with alcohol in it, or very little alcohol. Aloe, lanolin, three-legged camel menses--whatever it takes to moisturize the skin. And afterward, you don't splash on something with even more alcohol *coughskinbracercough*. You put on something to moisturize your recently scraped skin.

Also, don't use hot, hot water. Just warmish water. Shaving in the shower is really good. Do nothing that abuses your skin. It's not metrosexual--it's what used to be called "good grooming".

While I'm at it, stop fucking wearing a tie without a jacket. Fucking savages.

I think it was Saturday Night Live that did a great parody commercial about this when the Trac II first came out. Their version was a seven blade razor.

The first blade pulled the whisker up, the second blade pulled the whisker further up, the third blade even further, and so on, until the seventh blade finally (and mercifully) cut the whisker off.

The one thing I don't like about the Mach3Turbo is that you can't really get under your nose.

With my old piece o crap disposable, I could cut those bastards down. The Mach3 is impossible. I'm sure the Mach 5 will require you have a permanent moustache.

OCBill,

Shockingly enough, it was only a three bladed model, with the tagline:

"Because we think you'll believe anything"

The one thing I don't like about the Mach3Turbo is that you can't really get under your nose.

Hear, hear! As someone who has sliced off a small piece of nostril, leading to hours of dabbing the wound with toilet paper to stop the incessant flow of blood, I can attest that Sean is exactly right.

As much as I hate shaving, I'm anxiously awaiting the day of the custom-shaped machine that you stick your face into and it magically removes the whiskers.

Hubris - yep. One time, and only one time, I had to use one of those pink plastic disposables. Shredded the fuck out of my face! I had to have a transfusion afterward.

A couple of other suggested no-no's:

1) DO NOT attempt to closely trim the hair on your ballsack with scissors. It hurts like a raging MF when you accidentally snip your bag. First you do it, then there's a delayed reaction because you can't fucking believe you just cut your scrot open, then you look to see how bad it is, THEN you let out a blood curdling cry of agony and fear - fear that you're either going to bleed to death, your balls are going to fall out, or both.

2) DO NOT try to closely trim your ballsack with an electric beard trimmer with the guard removed. See above for results.

I once had a nostril laceration courtesy of gillette that bled for 3 hours. The best part? Those 3 hours were during a wedding I was in. Nope, no hemophilia in my family - those suckers just bleed like head wounds.

compos, ha!

reminds me when I had the big V way back when, doc told me I was gonna have to shave the twins before the surgery.

I didn't really think about it until the moment of truth. My wife offered, I politely declined (she cut her leg shaving that morning - probably was on my mind).

I'm in the bathroom, razor and shaving cream at the ready, when I ask myself "how in the hell do you DO this"?

After some experimentation, I found that a hand mirror positioned just so on the counter-top was the most effective approach.

compos, Dave...TMI!

I "shave" once ever two months with an electric hair clipper.

I try to cultivate the perpetually scruffy terrorist ambience.