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August 29, 2005

Subway Flasher ID'd?

Okay, for legal reasons, and for truthful reasons, I'll just say that the guy that the NY Daily News is suggesting might be the caught-on-camera subway onanist doesn't really look all that much like the owner of this New York restaurant.

Compare this pic to the this pic of the perv. Kinda sorta similar, but the perv seems to have more weight on his face. And also, that blissed-out sleepy sorta look. Not sure why.

Turns out one of the restaurants owned by the guy is located in a neighborhood I spend a lot of time in.

In the previous post on this, Scott noted in the comments...

Lowered expectations?
[From the witness' statement:] "I saw him massaging himself and then he unzipped and pulled it out. I thought, 'I can't believe he's doing this in the middle of the day!' "

No Pocket Pool Before 9:00 PM!

I love New York!

Good stuff. "I can't believe he's doing this in the middle of the day."

Well, as people who drink before 5pm sometimes say, "It has to be the right time to publicly masturbate somewhere in the world!"

From WC Varones, via Karol, who's happy her meat-eating boyfriend kept her out of the vegetarian Quintessence joint.

Top Ten Excuses For Being Photographed While Masturbating On A Subway

10. Come on, didn't you ever see Risky Business?

9. I swear, officer, my penis told me it was 18 years old.

8. Did you see the way that subway car was dressed? It was asking for it. I'm just a man, after all.

7. First we can't smoke in bars, and now this?! Great! Welcome to Berlin on the Hudson! Sieg Heil!

6. It wasn't masturbating, it was practicing. I'm just getting ready make up a new batch of chipolte hand rolls.

5. I'm sorry, I didn't know that was frowned upon. Do you have a special car where it's allowed...? I know they do on San Fransisco's BART.

4. Ever have that not-so-fresh feeling? Sometimes you've got to air that bad boy out.

3. I was just checking for ticks. It's Lyme season, you know.

2. It's a protest against the Iraq War. I call my penis "Cock Casey."

...and the Number One Excuse For Being Photographed While Masturbating On A Subway...

1. Oh, and where do you do it? Your bathroom? Well, pardon the hell out of me for not being a toilet-freak, sickie.

posted by Ace at 06:18 PM

Comments

On BART, every car is the masturbation car.

Posted by: Russell Wardlow on August 29, 2005 06:26 PM

On BART, you hope they're only masturbating.

Posted by: on August 29, 2005 06:42 PM

Answer #4 is the most common. They say they have some sort of infection and the doctor told them to air it out or something.

Sort of odd, that you would know that, ace. :)

And if you spend a lot of time in the neighborhood, please tell me you don't eat fofu or whatever that shit is called.

Posted by: on August 29, 2005 07:02 PM

Just as i was starting to miss the "top 10" lists, you come out with a corker. Great stuff!

Posted by: madne0 on August 29, 2005 07:33 PM

Interesting that the picture for the Chipotle Hand Roles says "Photo Comes Here"

Posted by: Sharp as a Marble on August 29, 2005 08:57 PM

A Chipotle Hand Roll, otherwise known as a "coconut noodle."

Posted by: on August 29, 2005 09:01 PM

Ahh! Chipotle Hand Rolls bring back so many memories. Did I ever tell you about the time young Private BrewFan and fellow soldiers went to Boys Town in Acuna, Mexico? :)

Posted by: BrewFan on August 29, 2005 09:07 PM

Chipotle Hand Rolls are only for coconut noodles. Are you trying to tell us something?

Posted by: on August 29, 2005 09:16 PM

Oh, come on! I am reliably informed that most masturbation is classified as "performance art", so long as you do it on the Richmond line and get off (pun intended) at Berkeley.

Posted by: Dianna on August 29, 2005 09:33 PM

Brewfan: This isn't going to be one of those stories with a surprise ending is it? Because I don't like surprises, especially in Boys Town.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt on August 29, 2005 10:06 PM

I don't even know what a "Chipotle Hand Roll" is, but I'd avoid the cereme filled pasteries for desert...

Posted by: Tony on August 30, 2005 12:17 AM

They tell you when you’re small
That it’s no thrill at all
And you should be ashamed
If ever you’re blamed
For flinging your jigger

They told me at the time
If I did, that I’d go blind
And my palm would then grow hair
If I should ever dare
To fling my jigger

I should have never climbed that pole
And slid back down……reeaalll sloooooow
but I surely did - and got a thrill
From then on I couldn’t get my fill
Of flinging my jigger

Now I go for my daily jog
Led by my seeing eye dog
And every day I shave my palms
But I tell you, I have no qualms
‘Cause I still fling my jigger.

Posted by: rls on August 30, 2005 09:39 AM

is located in a neighborhood I spend a lot of time in.

Hmmm ... me too ACE. Wanna meet me behind Umbertos Calm Bar?

Posted by: wretched refuse on August 30, 2005 04:06 PM

Uhh, that's Umbertos Clam Bar, 'ys know, the one where they shot Gambino.

Posted by: wretched refuse on August 30, 2005 04:08 PM