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« Tulane Study: Flirtation & Sex Hurt Women In The Workplace | Main | Peter Jennings Dead At 67 »
August 07, 2005

He Wanted To Watch Sports, She Wanted To Cuddle... So He Killed Her

So, like, I guess he won the argument.

A man who got angry with his wife because she wanted to cuddle after sex when what he really wanted to do was watch sports on television was sentenced to death for killing her with a claw hammer.

Christopher Offord, 30, was sentenced Wednesday by Circuit Judge Dedee Costello, who said the brutality of the crime outweighed any mental problems Offord may have had.

"The defendant struck his wife approximately 70 individual blows after spending a happy interlude with her," the judge said. "Her desire to cuddle after sex does not justify the extremely violent, brutal response of the defendant."

Justify 70 blows with a claw-hammer? Of course not.

But a mitigating factor at least? That's a tougher call.

It's a very surprising case all around.

I mean, he doesn't look like the sort of guy who'd kill a woman with seventy blows from a claw-hammer, just because she wanted to snuggle.

It's not like he's got dem crazy-eyes or anything.

Thanks to Chickpea.


posted by Ace at 05:01 PM
Comments



It's terrible to make me laugh at such a tragedy. Really. You should be ashamed....;-)

My question in cases like this is always...Did the victim not have a clue? Having a claw hammer by the bed might have been one I'm guessing.

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle on August 7, 2005 05:26 PM

Honestly, there really isn't anything funny about this one. Just tasteless.

Well, you can't win 'em all, I guess.

Posted by: Jeff B. on August 7, 2005 06:26 PM

*shiver*

Posted by: Sue Dohnim on August 7, 2005 06:56 PM

Tasteless and funny aren't the same thing? On what planet?

Posted by: S. Weasel on August 7, 2005 07:15 PM

"But a mitigating factor at least? That's a tougher call."

What!? As the caveman in the Geico ad would say, "not cool!"

Posted by: Redhand on August 7, 2005 08:40 PM

It's funny, that guy looks about how I've always pictured a large number of the commenters on this site.

Except they'd be wearing an Ace of Spades t-shirt, of course.

Posted by: Bill from INDC on August 7, 2005 09:03 PM

Well, he certainly does not look like he is the cuddling type.

Posted by: Mark on August 7, 2005 09:12 PM

O/T - Megyn's on FNC right now and it looks like she's doing an extended segment. :) It's on Aruba, unfortunately, but still. It's her.

Posted by: Megan on August 7, 2005 09:17 PM

"It's funny, that guy looks about how I've always pictured a large number of the commenters on this site"

And your point is?

Posted by: BrewFan on August 7, 2005 09:35 PM

Please put the claw-hammer down.

Posted by: Bill from INDC on August 7, 2005 10:01 PM

That man's got Hillary eyes.

Posted by: Mr. Bowen on August 7, 2005 10:03 PM

Actually, he looks like I'd always imagined Cedarford, Don Myers (troll at Say Anything), or Zorro (troll at Cold Fury).

Batshit fucking crazy.

Posted by: Mr. Bowen on August 7, 2005 10:05 PM

"Happy interlude" ?!?!?! Not that time, as evidenced by the number 70.

Posted by: STRAIGHT FROM THE BOTTOM on August 7, 2005 10:17 PM

He reminds me a lot of what Anthony Heald looks like whenever he plays a character of great authority, like a guest judge in The Practice or as the principal in Boston Public. It's those wild-eyed wild eyes, I tell ya.

Posted by: O.F. Jay on August 7, 2005 10:21 PM

I pictured cedarford more like the cop behind him only with more chins and thicker glasses. Maybe a little adolph under the nose too.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt on August 7, 2005 10:27 PM

I just happened to be perusing the Arizona death row website. They ALL look like that. I have never seen an uglier, weirder, sicker bunch of fucks in my life. They just can't kill their victims, they have to torture them first. blech.

http://www.adc.state.az.us/DeathRow/DRowNR.htm

Posted by: on August 7, 2005 10:49 PM

http://www.adc.state.az.us/Mugshots/085591.jpg

This dude seriously needs a new hairstylist.

Posted by: on August 7, 2005 11:40 PM

OT: Peter Jennings, Dead. Sad.

Posted by: on August 7, 2005 11:50 PM

Yeah, this is a totally tasteless and unfunny post, but which sport did he want to watch?

(I'm guessing wrasslin')

Posted by: Matt on August 7, 2005 11:57 PM

Nah. Figure Skating I reckon.

Posted by: Bubba Thudd on August 8, 2005 12:28 AM

This is one of the most depressing stories I've read about in a long time. There are people in this world who I would put in the ground without a moment of hesitation or a second of regret, but a woman who loved me and wanted to be close to me is NOT on that list. This story is going to have me feeling depressed every time I think about it, probably for the rest of my life.

Posted by: Lee on August 8, 2005 06:30 AM

Geez, Lee, don't let it get you down. He didn't really beat her to death because she wanted to snuggle, he beat her to death because he's a nutcase. If not this, it would've been because she bought salisbury steak TV dinners and he wanted fried chicken, or she used his razor on her legs, or just because.

You might hit somebody once because you're angry. You hit her seventy times with a clawhammer because you're frutty as a nootcake.

Posted by: S. Weasel on August 8, 2005 08:05 AM

I always think guys do this stuff because they wish the woman was a dude or because they couldn't get aroused or she made fun of his unit. After all, we're only getting his side of the story--how likely would he be to tell us he was calling out, "Take it all Jeff B.! " with every thrust, eh?

It's unfortunate he couldn't find a woman who will dismiss such exclamations as passion-dementia. Ragging on a guy who keeps a claw hammer handy is just foolish.

Posted by: spongeworthy on August 8, 2005 08:50 AM

"You might hit somebody once because you're angry. You hit her seventy times with a clawhammer because you're frutty as a nootcake."

I wish more psychiatrists were smart enough to understand this.

(zero sarcasm intended)

Posted by: Megan on August 8, 2005 09:09 AM

This account has more details of what occurred.

Includes a quote from the guys mom, who says ''My son is evil. He deserves to die.''

Posted by: SarahW on August 8, 2005 09:19 AM

This guy was not insane at the time of the crime. He knew what he was doing and the consequences of his actions. Hopefully, he will waive his appeals.

Posted by: on August 8, 2005 09:46 AM

I've always found the insanity "defense" utterly ridiculous.

At least his mother has her head screwed on straight. Good for her.

Posted by: Megan on August 8, 2005 10:20 AM

It's important to recognize the distinction between the legal concept of insanity, which supports a verdict of not guilty or diminished responsibility, and the layman's understanding of "nuttier than a Hickory Farms cheese log."

Posted by: S. Weasel on August 8, 2005 10:27 AM

It is important. Very important, because the layman's understanding is more in tune with reality.

Posted by: Megan on August 8, 2005 10:38 AM

Proving again that men don't pay whores for sex, we pay them to shut up and go away after it.

Posted by: shit frim shinola on August 8, 2005 11:03 AM

Ahhh, this guys just try'na do the Charlie Manson evil eye and not very well either. He should've practiced it in front of a mirror longer, like I'd bet money they all do. But the guys on the Arizone state death row, now these guys are for real.

I once read that Arizona had a major prison riot in which prisoners tied a stooly to a chair and shoved a burning gas torch into his face until his brains boiled and his head exploded. Now that's Bad!

Posted by: 72 Inmates on August 8, 2005 11:18 AM

Hey fellas
We have all been in this position before. Not the clawhammer position but the not wanting to cuddle because the games is on. I find that in my personal life running from my wife after intercourse is fairly effective. Lately Ive put on weight and she has been working on her lunges so that mode of escape has had to be modified to the get up to pee and run like hell strategy but since she deadbolted the bathroom door. Ive just sat there in bed feeling like a cat who is being reverse petted by an overzealous 2 year old.

hmmmm .Claw hammer .......hmmmm?

Posted by: Lanceredstaterant on August 8, 2005 01:04 PM

Husband, wife, doesn't matter; if anything on television is more important than giving affection to your spouse, you really shouldn't be married.

And of course, if you are a fucking psychopath.

Posted by: lauraw on August 8, 2005 01:20 PM

Just remember: For every clawhammer there is a pair of scissors and you guys have to sleep sometime.

Posted by: on August 8, 2005 01:59 PM

Forget *bleeping* this guy. I can't believe any woman would want to marry him. He clearly has the look that should rally an intuititive response. Something like, "Yeah, uh, you might want to avoid this one."

Posted by: ch on August 8, 2005 06:03 PM

how many times had he warned her about his priorities,how many tune-ups had she gotten before he went postal,how do we know for sure that she did't need killing.All she had to do was keep her yap shut,and we would't be talking about this today.Whatever happened to "just say no"He must have been a liberal because he did't use a gun.PS what was her weight.

Posted by: r barsz on August 10, 2005 07:59 AM
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