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July 27, 2005

All-Time Champion of Reality TV Douches?

No contest. Look, Johnny Fairplay claimed his grandmother had died to garner sympathy on Survivor, but 1, that was hilarious, and 2, he never made any bones that he was a manipulative, deceitful little shit. He proudly wore the black hat.

If you're watching Rock Star: INXS (and it's not very good, so you're probably not), you know that a wannabe frontman for the band, going by the improbable name "J.D. Fortune," is in fact The Biggest Douche In the Reality TV Universe. Not only is he cocky, grandstanding, condescending, manipulative, and an all-around jackass, but he brought in his sister to the audience as a prop, because he knew he couldn't sing the song he had connived to get ("We Are the Champions").

After singing a very bad version of it, he explained that he hadn't seen his sister in two years and was just overcome by the emotion of the planned, staged moment, thus his shaky off-pitch butchery ought to be excused.

"I'm doing all right, bro," he told Dave Navarro. "But I saw my sister, who I haven't seen in two years, and I just lost it." And then lots of fake tears.

Asshole.

I was PRAYING that someone after him would explain their own poor performance by saying, "Sorry, bro, but I saw J.D.'s sister, who I haven't seen in my entire life, and I just lost it." Tear, tear, sniffle, sniffle.

And not only is he Canadian, but I get this very powerful Nazi vibe off of him. He just reminds me of the fascist caricature Bob Geldof becomes near the end of the movie The Wall. I just always see him in a black trenchcoat with an emblem of crossed hammers.

Okay, He's the Biggest Male Douche: Omorosa from The Apprentice still reigns supreme.

posted by Ace at 07:02 PM

Comments

For the record, Johnny Fairplay is my hero.

Never seen the INXS reality show.

Posted by: Moonbat_One on July 27, 2005 07:15 PM

"I'm doing all right, bro, but I saw J.D.'s sister, who I haven't seen since last night, and as soon as I saw the top of her head, I just lost it..."

Posted by: planetmoron on July 27, 2005 08:23 PM

OMG, everyone of those wannabes SUCK. Each one of 'em looks like they've been singing to themselves in the mirror for way too long. I saw the JD suckage moment, and boy was it sweet.

Posted by: carin on July 27, 2005 08:35 PM

OMG, everyone of those wannabes SUCK

Not true. Jordis is a genuine talent.

Posted by: ted on July 27, 2005 08:46 PM

To be honest, I've only seen him sing once ('cause usually the show sucks so bad, I can only stomach small doses.) Perhaps I saw him on an off night.

Most of them seem just really, REALLY contrived.

Posted by: carin on July 27, 2005 08:59 PM

Not only is he cocky, grandstanding, condescending, manipulative, and an all-around jackass

So... Pretty much lead-singer material then.

Posted by: Matt Navarre on July 27, 2005 09:20 PM

Perhaps I saw him on an off night.

Perhaps. Jordis is a woman.

Most of them seem just really, REALLY contrived.

No argument there.

Posted by: ted on July 27, 2005 09:25 PM

I don't like Omarosa at all, but she is a rank amateur compared to Janice Dickenson (from America's Next Top Model and now The Sureal Life). She tells us every ten minutes "I'm a supermodel" or that she was the first supermodel, even though no real world person under 35 ever heard of her. She's calls mentally retarded people "Rain man" and "Retard" and not behind their backs the way Ace would politely do it, but out loud to the point that their parents can hear. The only good thing about Janice is that she has so totally put Omarosa in her place that you can actually see Omarosa's fifteen minutes of fame finally ending.

Posted by: Allen on July 27, 2005 10:08 PM

you know that a wannabe frontman for the band, going by the improbable name "J.D. Fortune," is in fact The Biggest Douche In the Reality TV Universe.

I think Scott Savol actually holds that title.

Posted by: Slublog on July 27, 2005 10:39 PM

Here's what JD posted on his pseudo-blog:

My Performance of “We Are the Champions” was a daze. I looked out into the audience and saw my beautiful sister. Her brown eyes so big and full of love. Sarah-Jane has been one of the main driving forces in my life. To see her well up with tears made me reach a place in my heart I have only dreamed of. I didn't care what was coming out of my mouth. Because at the moment my heart was completely filled.

Thank you for believing Sarah Love, Your Dreamer

Unbelievable. This guy shovels more shit than an elephant keeper.

Posted by: ted on July 27, 2005 11:26 PM

OMG! that was contrived??? and there I was thinking how lucky he was that his sister saved his ass! I am soooooooo naive!!

I don't know if you get the same program but here in Singapore they showed this bit at the end (do they call that out-take or blooper or whatever?) that just cracked me up - Mig sang champions and then did the "I don't have to learn the songs because I already love them" - ouch!

Posted by: Anita on July 28, 2005 12:41 AM

I feel old, I still hate Puck.

Posted by: Dave Munger on July 28, 2005 03:46 PM

Not only is he cocky, grandstanding, condescending, manipulative, and an all-around jackass, but he brought in his sister to the audience as a prop, because he knew he couldn't sing the song he had connived to get ("We Are the Champions").

oh come on.. at least he's TRYING to make the show interesting. if there is one thing i hate in reality tv.. it's those annoying "i came on this show to have life experiences and make new friends" bullshit artists. you go on those shows to win and everyone knows it.

Posted by: sonie on August 3, 2005 03:05 AM

JD is a cocky self serving dick..but his Joe Cocker performance was hot and I hate to admit it but so is he when it hits it right...but really now ..are the judges on crack??? His version of crazy sucked

Posted by: the voice on August 9, 2005 10:51 PM

JD has to be cocky and an ass........That's his life. We booted him from our band JUICE because he cost us to US record deals. He tried to cut side deals with Universal and Sony. I think it's hilarious to watch him. Everyone is seeing what we've seen for years.

Posted by: Ron on August 29, 2005 01:42 PM

Ron .. calm down.

Juice was a musician whore anyhow. Great talents but "hes in!" and "hes out!" and "their in" and "their out!"...

Juice to anyone not aware... the band rocked!... Many musicians every year in the band and out of the band, parties, parties , parties... just never stuck to a solid group of performers. Hows any label gonna commit to anything like that.
Oh well.. soak it up Ron.. Juice has made it to the TV... in some way shape or cockyness out of this.

lol jd fortune will probably sing hero by Enrique Iglesias next.

Damn hes a homo.

Almost Famous, or Rock Star.. those movies dont even compare to JUICE the actual band. Anyone reading this.. if this JD STROKER wins.. Id advise you to get the history on JUICE all the members and what and where their musical historys have come from and went to cause theirs a bigger story in this bands history than music itself. Ask any JUICE FAN! they'll tell you.

Posted by: NA on September 6, 2005 01:51 AM

Hey Ron,

How nice to see that back in August you were posting negative stuff about JD. I suppose now that he's the lead singer of INXS and his fans are searching out your band...you'll start saying positive things about him. Glad I saw this post and your whining that it's his fault you don't have a record deal before I laid out the bucks to buy your soon to be self-released CD.

Posted by: Music Lover on November 8, 2005 04:12 AM

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Top Headlines

Mary Margaret Olohan
@MaryMargOlohan

NEW: Five FBI employees were fired today over the infamous Richmond Catholic memo on "radical traditionalist Catholics," FBI source confirms to @realDailyWire.

Oof. Reviewers do not like Scary Movie 6. The criticism I keep hearing is that the movie mistakes a reference for an actual joke. The movie (they say) keeps Key Jangling a reference to another movie (or some other pop culture ephemera) and you expect there to be a joke but nope, the Key Jangle was the joke. Other reviewers say that the promise that "no lines will be uncrossed" is a fake-out, and that the movie is bland and inoffensively corporate.

TJM introduces you to the movies of Alexander Mackendrick

Whoops! I posted about Dan Goldman losing the NY congressional primary. He might do that, but it won't be tonight -- the primary isn't held until June 23.

One race to keep an eye on: the Levi's heir nepo baby and egregious "Designated Liar" Dan Goldman -- one of the Democrats from a safe district Democrats send out to spread their most indefensible lies -- may actually lose his lower Manhattan/Brooklyn set due to, get this, antisemitism in the Democrat primary electorate.
Antisemitism? In the anti-Nazi Democrat Party? Sounds crazy, I know, but apparently the anti-Nazi Party wants to eliminate Jews.

Henry Rosoff
@HenryRosoff

🚨EXCLUSIVE POLL:

Brad Lander is 34-pts ahead of Congressman Dan Goldman with #NY10 Democratic Primary voters. @ZohranKMamdani is backing the former Comptroller.

@bradlander: 57%

@danielsgoldman: 23%

Poll by @PIX11News & @EmersonPolling.

MORE: http://pix11.com

Oh my Totenkopf Tattoo, that is a DRUBBING!
I'm usually very anti-antisemitism but if the Communist Antisemite Jihadists can pull this one off, Go Communist Antisemite Jihadists, Go!

Democrat Senator Rueben Gallego, who served his wife with divorce papers when she was nine months pregnant so that he could marry his side-piece, counsels us that we should not judge Graham Platner for his infidelity because these things are personal matters, Racists:

Sahil Kapur
@sahilkapur

Sen. Ruben Gallego, D-Ariz., on Platner: "We know that Graham has lived not your typical political experience. He's been very clear and open with his wife, and they worked through whatever they worked through. At the end of the day, this man has had 60 more town halls than Susan Collins has. He's winning the polls, he's willing to accept that he has grown as a person, and I think we should accept that."

Gallego says the drip-drip of revelations won't harm Platner's campaign.

"I think you guys are all in a bubble here right now. The drip, drip that's actually happening is Americans are really, really hurt the fact that gas is still high, food is still high, they can't buy a home, you can't afford rent. They're not going to care about text messages and everything else like that that happened years ago, especially when it was worked out between spouses."

I like that he says that it's okay that Graham Platner sexted 12 different women within months of marrying the woman to sponge off her because he wasn't then "living a political life" -- the clear meaning being, "We all cheat, we just don't cheat when we're running for office, and he didn't know he was running for office when he was sending dicpics to half the women he ran into."
Except he was running: His own wife turned the sexts over to his campaign.
And obviously Reuben Gallego didn't let his "political life" get in the way of his extramarital dating life:

Podcast: CBD goes solo in a short segment...talking about Iran, the nativist issues surrounding Reform and Restore in the UK, and the delicious pain of an imploding Democrat Party, courtesy of Talerico and Platner!

TJM ranks all of John Ford's films. All of them. TJM is very tired.

Funny -- if you don't mind clicking on TikTok. "Amy.Pranks.22" set up an AI scam-call screener which replies to a foreign scammer trying to get her bank information with Trumpian bluster. This might be fake because I don't see how a program can respond in real time, but it's funny.

Food Thread Pizza Dough Recipe

The ULA rocket just launched
Thanks to Joyenz
The rocket's enormous engines are fueled by "the volcanic heterosexual lust between James Talarico and his Neighbor With a Uterus 'girlfriend'"
I hope Amazon's rocket works better than the Amazon Prime app does as far as allowing people to watch the black and white version of "Spider-Noir"

From the CA Post:

Spencer Pratt is now Karen Bass' biggest headache.

A bombshell California Post poll conducted with McLaughlin & Associates shows the reality TV star-turned-mayoral candidate has surged to a statistical tie with the incumbent mayor.

And voters blame homelessness, affordability and the direction of Los Angeles as the reason for turning on Bass.

Pratt now leads the field with 30.1% support, compared with 29.5% for Bass, setting up a razor-thin race heading into next week's primary.

Socialist councilwoman Nithya Raman sits in third place at 23.4%.

Thanks to beckster

Just like "Spartacus" Corey Booker, now that James Talarico is running for a higher office, he unveils his previously-unknown "girlfriend" and hooboy, it just so happens she used to work for him, and, get this, likes to "dance the night away" at gay bars
Gee I wonder where they might have met
Oh and she's a vegan
When Corey Booker needed a "girlfriend," he conjured up known LGBTQ activist Rosario Dawson. How convenient that when these guys need a girlfriend to show off to the normies that just happen to find an activist with a strong history of and interest in Supporting Gay Men
But seriously, this James Talarico romance with a Neighbor with a Uterus is a love story for the ages. The passion of their lovemaking is hotter than a blue star with a core of Primordial Sex Atoms created in the Big Bang

"Journalists" are all drunks, criminals, sex-pests, and liars, exhibit #25,239,331

And just like that, #PunchANazi became Punch a Ballot for a Nazi

Was the "transatlantic accent" favored by stage and screen actors of the 40s and 50s "fake"? This linguist says no, it was a real accent

"Teen" charged with five counts of attempted murder after attempting to run down police officers with his car in yet another "teen takeover" permitted by woke racist incompetent Chicago mayor Brandon Johnson
Johnson's response to the "teen takeovers" of streets and businesses that he refuses to make arrests to stop is to go after social media companies for not deleting messages to coordinate the "teen takeovers." Um, they're supposed to find these messages and delete them in real time?
It makes no sense but he has to offer an "alternative" plan to just arresting lawbreakers -- which he absolutely refuses to do, saying we "can't arrest our way out" of rampant crime.

The Babylon Bee's crack AI team uses AI crack to simulate the first woman president

TJM explores the world of John Ford movies.

Future Tucker Carlson guest James Talarico:

James Talarico
@jamestalarico

Black Americans in a church.

Mexican Americans in a store.

Asian Americans in a spa.

Radicalized white men are the greatest domestic terrorist threat in our country.

He's referring to three mass attacks committed by white men in, oh, the past six or eight years. There were a huge number of mass shootings and bombings he had to skip over to cherry pick three committed by white men. Which kind of makes me think that "white men" are not the greatest terrorist threat in our country.
No, I doubt he'll be a guest on Tucker Carlson. The only thing that Tucker clings to that he claims makes him "conservative" is a palpable hatred of gays. Any time there's a communist enslaving their population and executing dissenters and conservatives, Tucker praises that dictator by saying "at least he represses the homos!"