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July 27, 2005

All-Time Champion of Reality TV Douches?

No contest. Look, Johnny Fairplay claimed his grandmother had died to garner sympathy on Survivor, but 1, that was hilarious, and 2, he never made any bones that he was a manipulative, deceitful little shit. He proudly wore the black hat.

If you're watching Rock Star: INXS (and it's not very good, so you're probably not), you know that a wannabe frontman for the band, going by the improbable name "J.D. Fortune," is in fact The Biggest Douche In the Reality TV Universe. Not only is he cocky, grandstanding, condescending, manipulative, and an all-around jackass, but he brought in his sister to the audience as a prop, because he knew he couldn't sing the song he had connived to get ("We Are the Champions").

After singing a very bad version of it, he explained that he hadn't seen his sister in two years and was just overcome by the emotion of the planned, staged moment, thus his shaky off-pitch butchery ought to be excused.

"I'm doing all right, bro," he told Dave Navarro. "But I saw my sister, who I haven't seen in two years, and I just lost it." And then lots of fake tears.

Asshole.

I was PRAYING that someone after him would explain their own poor performance by saying, "Sorry, bro, but I saw J.D.'s sister, who I haven't seen in my entire life, and I just lost it." Tear, tear, sniffle, sniffle.

And not only is he Canadian, but I get this very powerful Nazi vibe off of him. He just reminds me of the fascist caricature Bob Geldof becomes near the end of the movie The Wall. I just always see him in a black trenchcoat with an emblem of crossed hammers.

Okay, He's the Biggest Male Douche: Omorosa from The Apprentice still reigns supreme.

posted by Ace at 07:02 PM

Comments

For the record, Johnny Fairplay is my hero.

Never seen the INXS reality show.

Posted by: Moonbat_One on July 27, 2005 07:15 PM

"I'm doing all right, bro, but I saw J.D.'s sister, who I haven't seen since last night, and as soon as I saw the top of her head, I just lost it..."

Posted by: planetmoron on July 27, 2005 08:23 PM

OMG, everyone of those wannabes SUCK. Each one of 'em looks like they've been singing to themselves in the mirror for way too long. I saw the JD suckage moment, and boy was it sweet.

Posted by: carin on July 27, 2005 08:35 PM

OMG, everyone of those wannabes SUCK

Not true. Jordis is a genuine talent.

Posted by: ted on July 27, 2005 08:46 PM

To be honest, I've only seen him sing once ('cause usually the show sucks so bad, I can only stomach small doses.) Perhaps I saw him on an off night.

Most of them seem just really, REALLY contrived.

Posted by: carin on July 27, 2005 08:59 PM

Not only is he cocky, grandstanding, condescending, manipulative, and an all-around jackass

So... Pretty much lead-singer material then.

Posted by: Matt Navarre on July 27, 2005 09:20 PM

Perhaps I saw him on an off night.

Perhaps. Jordis is a woman.

Most of them seem just really, REALLY contrived.

No argument there.

Posted by: ted on July 27, 2005 09:25 PM

I don't like Omarosa at all, but she is a rank amateur compared to Janice Dickenson (from America's Next Top Model and now The Sureal Life). She tells us every ten minutes "I'm a supermodel" or that she was the first supermodel, even though no real world person under 35 ever heard of her. She's calls mentally retarded people "Rain man" and "Retard" and not behind their backs the way Ace would politely do it, but out loud to the point that their parents can hear. The only good thing about Janice is that she has so totally put Omarosa in her place that you can actually see Omarosa's fifteen minutes of fame finally ending.

Posted by: Allen on July 27, 2005 10:08 PM

you know that a wannabe frontman for the band, going by the improbable name "J.D. Fortune," is in fact The Biggest Douche In the Reality TV Universe.

I think Scott Savol actually holds that title.

Posted by: Slublog on July 27, 2005 10:39 PM

Here's what JD posted on his pseudo-blog:

My Performance of “We Are the Champions” was a daze. I looked out into the audience and saw my beautiful sister. Her brown eyes so big and full of love. Sarah-Jane has been one of the main driving forces in my life. To see her well up with tears made me reach a place in my heart I have only dreamed of. I didn't care what was coming out of my mouth. Because at the moment my heart was completely filled.

Thank you for believing Sarah Love, Your Dreamer

Unbelievable. This guy shovels more shit than an elephant keeper.

Posted by: ted on July 27, 2005 11:26 PM

OMG! that was contrived??? and there I was thinking how lucky he was that his sister saved his ass! I am soooooooo naive!!

I don't know if you get the same program but here in Singapore they showed this bit at the end (do they call that out-take or blooper or whatever?) that just cracked me up - Mig sang champions and then did the "I don't have to learn the songs because I already love them" - ouch!

Posted by: Anita on July 28, 2005 12:41 AM

I feel old, I still hate Puck.

Posted by: Dave Munger on July 28, 2005 03:46 PM

Not only is he cocky, grandstanding, condescending, manipulative, and an all-around jackass, but he brought in his sister to the audience as a prop, because he knew he couldn't sing the song he had connived to get ("We Are the Champions").

oh come on.. at least he's TRYING to make the show interesting. if there is one thing i hate in reality tv.. it's those annoying "i came on this show to have life experiences and make new friends" bullshit artists. you go on those shows to win and everyone knows it.

Posted by: sonie on August 3, 2005 03:05 AM

JD is a cocky self serving dick..but his Joe Cocker performance was hot and I hate to admit it but so is he when it hits it right...but really now ..are the judges on crack??? His version of crazy sucked

Posted by: the voice on August 9, 2005 10:51 PM

JD has to be cocky and an ass........That's his life. We booted him from our band JUICE because he cost us to US record deals. He tried to cut side deals with Universal and Sony. I think it's hilarious to watch him. Everyone is seeing what we've seen for years.

Posted by: Ron on August 29, 2005 01:42 PM

Ron .. calm down.

Juice was a musician whore anyhow. Great talents but "hes in!" and "hes out!" and "their in" and "their out!"...

Juice to anyone not aware... the band rocked!... Many musicians every year in the band and out of the band, parties, parties , parties... just never stuck to a solid group of performers. Hows any label gonna commit to anything like that.
Oh well.. soak it up Ron.. Juice has made it to the TV... in some way shape or cockyness out of this.

lol jd fortune will probably sing hero by Enrique Iglesias next.

Damn hes a homo.

Almost Famous, or Rock Star.. those movies dont even compare to JUICE the actual band. Anyone reading this.. if this JD STROKER wins.. Id advise you to get the history on JUICE all the members and what and where their musical historys have come from and went to cause theirs a bigger story in this bands history than music itself. Ask any JUICE FAN! they'll tell you.

Posted by: NA on September 6, 2005 01:51 AM

Hey Ron,

How nice to see that back in August you were posting negative stuff about JD. I suppose now that he's the lead singer of INXS and his fans are searching out your band...you'll start saying positive things about him. Glad I saw this post and your whining that it's his fault you don't have a record deal before I laid out the bucks to buy your soon to be self-released CD.

Posted by: Music Lover on November 8, 2005 04:12 AM

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