Ace, if I promise to send some lucre your way will you stop begging for money? I'd hate to have to track you down and work your kidneys like a speedbag, but you're really reducing my options here. It is your duty to provide Teh Funnay 24x7 with no thought of reward, with the odd bit of political commentary thrown in for leavening.

Besides, I'm just afraid that your "bandwidth drive" is little more than an effort to build up your "hookers and beer" warchest. Admit it!!

There, you whiny bitch! $20 bucks that I could have spent on super-freaky porn or Twins tickets now goes to fill your pockets.

In return, you have to promise not to use any of my comments in the "dork" thread against me. It's the only decent thing to do.

I've been reading for a couple weeks now, and you got me. I'll certainly do my best to let everyone that I know... know.

Thanks man

It's ok, Ace. Really.

You're funny, sharp, insightful, and an all-around good guy. Those things in the past? Not your fault.

Let it go - the hurt, the scars, the birthday incident with the 12 sided dice, the collapse of your t-shirt empire.... let the wind just carry it all away.

You're valuable and cherished just as you are.

I affirm you.

Let's see, we boost Ace's numbers and wait for The Hissy Fit to taper off. Hmmm.

Why not kill two birds with one stone? You can cut the time it should take in half if you merely steal his readers! How?

Well, you could get engaged to a hairy man and describe your pre-wedding anxiety in gruesome and tedious detail. It's just crazy enough it might work!

May a web programmer *humbly* make a suggestion to the Great and Mighty Ace?

Every time I load one of your inidivdual-article pages, I have a scrollbar handle the size of a dime. You've probably got more data in your sidebar than any one post on the whole site. Want to seriously slash your data use?

a) Put everything from "Bloggers in Arms" on down (except the Archives) only on the front page, or better yet as a separate link.

b) Some posts have *huge* comment-piles. You might think about only showing comments when they're specifically requested.

c) If the above two ideas don't sit well with you, consider making the (largely) static portions of the site (sidebar, etc.) into their own files, then load them client-side dynamically. Good browsers will just request the header for the file, and use the cached version if it hasn't changed.

My point is, if bandwidth is getting to be expensive, one major way to cut costs per page load is to shrink your content. If you didn't want the advice, by all means just pretend I didn't say anything.

Wow--that's pretty ambitious. But you left O-Dub in the mud, and the Instalanches and Cornerlanches are coming in hot and heavy....

It might just work.

It might. But...are you prepared to do what it takes?

If you want to beat Sullivan, you've got to do it the P-Town way.

He pulls a...

No, wait, not going through with that one. Not gonna do it.

Hmmm...You've got to do it the Ace of Spades way.

He pulls a hissy fit, you pull a Pat O'Brien.

He pulls a bandwidth stunt, you slice like an F'n hammer.

He is gobsmacked, you fill him with heart-ache.

That's the Ace way. And that's how you'll beat Sullivan.

more than I wanted Kim Richards and Justine Bateman combined

Your prioroities are seriously out of whack.

Gosh diggity darn it, that was me with the "Ace of Spades way " post.

You'll pass up the Breathless One in time. I have no doubt. Hell, once the New York Times op-ed site goes pay only, you'll pass them up too.

Just wanted to let you know that the Paul Anka section of Bartlett's is now de rigeur at my office. All of my guys know and deeply understand when they get shirts, when they don't, and of course when they slice like a f'n hammer.

And they were all coming here looking for the references and posts.

Now if you could do some quality Edna Mode lists, I think I could get another ddg-lanche (it's a small avalanche - shall we say ddg-lanchette?) going.

DDG

Sheesh.

Check your PayPal account. Nobody wants you to surpass Andreeewww. Certainly not me.