John Cleese or John Cheese?

John Cheese. As in Gouda. Or Provolone.

yeah, that's what i meant, any major stuff that we wouldn't see coming...and your example would be pretty good

(SPOILER ALERT)

"Its God! Aim for his head!" had me laughing so hard I thought I was going to die. What can I say? You can't fight the funny.

[post redacted for possible spoiler... ]

Well, since it's spoiled, I guess it's OK to tell people this, too:

Lucas changed a lot with the Special Editions in 1997, then he changed even more with the 2004 DVD releases. Well, I heard there's one more change coming. In Empire Strikes Back, in the climactic scene where Vader tells Luke that he's his father, Lucas is going to digitally insert a shot of the emperor popping in and saying, "Yeah, and I'm your grandfather!".

Bob,

You're kidding about the spoiler in SWIII, right?

What?! I've been censored!?!?

DOES THE FIRST AMENDMEND MEAN ***NOTHING*** AT THIS NAZI SITE?!?!?!!!!

You're kidding about the spoiler in SWIII, right?

Sorry, but I don't speak to evil censors. (Somebody tell Ace I said that.)

You guys are pretty funny, for a bunch of FUCKING JEWS!

Btw, Geraghty agrees with me. Warning: spoilers!

"They're pyooing at us!"

You've got to be kidding. The only possible spoiler in the whole thing is the last minute lose thread tie-up of Yoda revealing he's been in contact with the spirit of Qui Gon Jin and he'll teach Obi Won how to do it and survive corporeal death as well.

Oops.

That bastard. My pillow has smelled like a human turd for a week.

I just about laughed myself into a hemorrhage on that one.

So, I guess all the commenters (and Ace) are off actually seeing Star Wars at the moment...

Just saw it. Here's your spoiler...

Spoiler Below.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
It's absolute, pure. boring crap. Indistinguishable from the first two in it's crapitude.

Yoda is Anakin's father.

Jew.

What? Did I get into you mind? Make you forget your wallet for a second?

LMAO

[spoiler warning]
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Leia is cedarford's sister!

Just got back from the movie. Better than I expected. Of course, my expectations were pretty low - the only thing that could have ruined it is if Jar Jar had done a musical number.

I think the film is getting something of a bad rap. Yes, there's clunky dialogue and some 'meh' acting, but overall it does a pretty good job at telling the story it needed to tell.

Unlike Eps I and II, I'm probably going to see this one again.

Take her to the prison and punch her in the neck. I'd do it myself, but I'm her father

Glenn has issued his therepeutic cloning fighting words.

"Bit of a repeat, I guess, but perhaps Anikin is the Emperor's son. And maybe he wanted to have the child's patriomony kept secret because... well, I guess maybe because Palpatine doesn't want everyone to know that his blood is just pulsing with those stupid midichlorians or whatever. He keeps his force powers secret, right?"

Star Wars Episode III: The Search For My Baby's Daddy

Just got back from seeing it...

OK, first, some context: I enjoyed the original trilogy immensely. I thought IV was great, V was somehow even better, and VI, while it had the stupid Ewoks and other problems, was still a good movie and wrapped things up well. I still enjoy the original trilogy, and I think they really are good movies. While it's hard to remove all nostalgia from my feelings, of course, I do not buy into the notion that IV-VI were just as bad as I and II. Sorry, but they weren't.

OK, here's how I'd rate the original trilogy, on a scale of 0 to 10. Note that I'm rating them as Star Wars movies. These ratings don't necessarily translate to anything else.

I'd give IV a 10. While it has some imperfect moments, it's frickin' Star Wars, chock full of great stuff. OK, maybe in a more honest moment I might be talked down to a 9. V gets a 10, no doubt. VI, hmm, I waffle between a 7 and an 8. Lately more of an 8. Sometimes I watch it and the problems bug me and it drags in parts, then other times the flaws seem more minor.

That brings us to the prequels. I is a 4. Had some potential, but doesn't really go anywhere, and it's just filled with crap. Maybe even a 3. II is a 5 or a 6. It does have some good moments, and the story arc is actually advanced, much more than I, but, wow, the love scenes are just terrible, as is much of the rest of the dialog.

And now I've seen III, and I give it a 9. I went in expecting a 7 or an 8, based on what I'd heard, but it exceeded those expectations. Maybe part of it was the newness, but I don't see myself ever going below an 8. Yes, it's good -- very good.

It really is cool to see these events finally play out, as I expected it would be. I was a little concerned when even the positive reviews said things like, "Well, the dialog is not the greatest, and some of the acting is bad, but it doesn't take away from the movie too much." But, you know what, that's exactly right. I think the dialog is much improved. While it may be a bit flat at points, it is more like Episode IV, where if you are thinking about it you might say, OK, this dialog is not the best, but it's not going to jump out at you.

Except for the love scenes, of course. Once again the worst dialog of the movie, by far. But not nearly as bad as II, and, better yet, all kept very short. There are a few times it seems as if it's sliding into Episode II "my heart is beating" territory, but once it gets 25% of the way there, the scene ends. Supposedly Lucas had a ghostwriter go over the script, and I suspect one thing he did was just trim this nonsense down to a minimum.

Enough with the bad stuff. So what's good?

The special effects are awesome. Yes, they don't make a movie by itself, but this is a Star Wars movie, and they're important. There are lots of battles with an epic feel to them. The effects aren't there for some meaningless pod race, in other words, they're almost always there to support an important storyline development.

The story itself is done well. Everyone knows the basic framework, and it plays out nicely Some have criticized the specific thing used to turn Anakin to the dark side, but they were just using whatever they could. And there is a well-developed irony, as...well, I'm trying to keep this spoiler-free, so I won't say.

Anyway, I don't want to write a book, so let's just say it's a good story that is very well-executed, and to me that made it a very satisfying ending to the Star Wars movies. When I got back to watch them in years to come, I'll probably skip I and II, but this is definitely a must-see.

Slublog, I don't think it really has a bad rap. Most of the people that have seen it are praising it. I think too many people were just focusing in on the few that didn't like it. I personally was expecting another bad movie, then over the last week a lot of people whose opinions I respect saw it and said it was a good movie, so despite myself I got my hopes up again. I was not disappointed.

If you're on the fence, just go see it. Chill out, let go of all the nitpicking, don't sit there making a sport of finding bad writing or acting, and odds are you'll have a good time and feel you just saw a movie worthy of the name "Star Wars".

But, no, I still don't know who the hell Leia ends up a princess.

(By the way, just read Geraghty's review, and I think he sums it up very well, although he goes a little overboard with his quibbles.)

Bob...I agree with you on the movie. I think the "bad rap" thing comes from sites like AICN where the movie was slammed a bit, and John Podhertz, who really gave the movie a bad review. Between Derbyshire and Podhertz, I'd say NRO has more than enough curmudgeonly a-holes on its docket.

The more I think about the movie, the better I like it. I think Lucas stole quite a bit from Tolkien, but it was very well done.

And the scene with the younglings? Kicked butt.

Hmm... I must be the only one out there that thought this movie was a huge letdown. I know that Lucas can't direct and special effects are his thing, but the first 3rd of the movie seemed like it belonged in a Spaceballs sequel and not Star Wars. The dialogue was atrocious. A crash dummy could not be more wooden. And the opening scene was nothing special.

Now, on to a few good things... Once Anakin awoke to his inner feelings and embraced the dark side it seemed that he gained some acting ability. He even seemed like a man when he spoke to and embraced Padme before he left to go to his destiny. (I'm being evasive to avoid true spoilers.) The duels were awesome, and Yoda is the man. The Emperor was solid and his manipulations of Anakin were classic, even though they made him cackle too damn much for no logical reason. And explaining Vader and why he ended up in his cool black suit works for me.

Last thing, "Jedi don't deal in absolutes" ... what crap is that. The Jedi are the ideal absolutists. They are told to not feel because emotions lead to the dark side... Avoid the dark side at all costs... the Sith are evil... blah blah blah... Lucas needs to get a life, keep developing his special effects technology and stay the hell out of politics.

Five things:
1) In RotJ, when Vader SPOILER ALERT picks up the Emperor and is about to give him (to) the shaft, if you crank the volume way up and listen carefully, you can hear him yell, "Damn you, father!" You have to listen carefully and replay it a few times, but my buddy has me convinced. And this is even on the pre-remastered version, so Lucas didn't just pull it out of his ass in 1997.

2) This movie is much like homemade red sauce or Indian food: it's better the next day. Once the specifics of SPOILER ALERT bad dialogue have faded from immediate memory, the movie improves more.

3) In the trailer, there was one god-awful line that had to have been penned by Lucas at his worst -- Obi-Wan shouting "You were the Chosen One". I visibly cringed in the theatre when I heard him say it. But in context in the movie it's appropriate -- nay, perfect.

4) What prescience the casting director had for RotJ to find Ian MacDarmid...I can't think of too many actors who could take the especially awful lines that Lucas wrote for Palpy and make them sinister, threatening, or even believable when he SPOILER ALERT turns Anakin to the SPOILER ALERT Dark Side.

5) I wonder if Richard "My head is so far up Roger Ebert's Ass I can see the cheesecake he late yesterday" Roeper will say of RotS the same thing he said of Fellowship of the Ring: "It feels unfinished, like nothing has concluded."

P.S. My spoiler alerts were jokes.

P.P.S. "You want a spoiler? Here's a spoiler. You will all die alone." -- Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to the assembled line for Ep II: AotC

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

God, another fucking Star Wars thread.

Just to kick things off with a nice flame today, I would like to tell each and every one of you ball-grabbing geeks that your Sci-Fi circle jerks make me fucking ill.

That there is actually a group of people who engage in lengthy discussions about what is, actually, a kid's show.
The ewoks pissed you off? Really? Childish and cute? Guess what.

THAT'S THE WHOLE SERIES. SILLY ASS SHIT FOR ENTERTAINING CHILDREN.

Thank you.

*jumps in lead-lined bunker*

I am sensing a great disturbance in the force....

Nah, sweets, just an invitation to a fun flame-war.

You know I love all you jock-sniffing morons.

To the pain!

It's not old so much as stale; I linked to it back in February when he first posted the filthy thing. Still makes me laugh, though. Thanks for reminding me because I'm pretty sure I'll need something to laugh about after watching the latest SW flick.

lauraw:

You did read the classic "zombie" and "dork" threads, right? I believe we have established our geek bona fides to a sufficient degree that any surprise over our attachment to Star Wars must surely be unwarranted on your part.

Now prepare to be blasted! Pyoo! Pyoo! Pyoo!

Hey hey watch who you're calling a "jock-sniffing moron!" I haven't been one of them in years!

Monty, We're not surprised at your attachment to Star Wars, just bored.

Bored bored bored.

There.

I haven't been one of them in years!

(sigh)

Oh honey. Let me explain. You know what they say about a leopard and his spots?

Contact lenses and new clothes can only do so much. Do you know what I'm saying...Sith Chick?

See, you stupid fuckers, I told you. Let the girls in the fort and the first thing they do is try to hang up queer-ass curtains. Fuck you, lauraw. If ace's is too geeky for you (and not geeky enough for you, physics geek) you can shove that keyboard you're typing on right up your Champs Elysee of a cunny (broad, smelly, and full of Frenchmen) next to the award for "most oblivious to a theme" that you won from asking about why they have so much dirty Mexican shit at Chevy's.

/suitable flame?

Anyone know where that Triumph piece is still linked? Hi-larious.

Hey Ace, there's this brand new thing on the web called 'Google'. It lets you enter a "search phrase" and shows "hyperlinks" that relate to your search phrase. You might have missde it because it hit the scene just before the Star Wars kid.

http://gamefiles.blueyonder.co.uk/blueyondergames/trailers/ROFL.STARWARS.NERDS.wmv

There's this not-so-old thing, dating back 100,000 years or so, called "conning someone else to do a bothersome task on your behalf."

Thanks, though.

Chump.

lauraw:

Did you feel a Force Choke there? 'Cause I was laying some Force Choke action on you with my Dark Side Force-Fu. Calling the very epicenter of my existence and the cultural apogee of Western civilization is...well, I'm at a loss for the kind of obscene invective it would take to dispute that kind of madness.

I suppose you like fulminant crap like Gone With The Wind or something. Pfft.

Girls. Eeesh!

I've seen it, and it wasn't bad. Mostly because Jar-Jar ain't in all but 2 seconds of the film. The geeks having plastic lightsaber duels before the show were way more annoying.

It does give further evidence to the charge the Lucas ripped off Dune among other sources however.

Visually it was very good, at times overhwhelming with so much stuff going on.

Yeah, I thought I felt something... oh, no wait. I live in the REAL FUCKING WORLD.
Best part of the Triumph video was Spock. Hands down.
That's what I would have wanted to do, but I would have been in regular street clothes, not a dorky Star Trek uniform.

I gotta say, this film is much more an indictment of the Democratic Party - peace at any price, justice according to them, power at any cost, the individual subjugated to the state, the ends justify the means.

The argument that Vader is a somehow an allegorical indictment of Bush is based on false premises first of all and on a false allegory second.

Take the second one first:

To buy this one, you've got to believe that somehow Bush's enemies at some point in the past actually looked at Bush and said, "Hey there's a quality guy." And then he somehow fell from grace.

That, of course, is crap - Bush's enemies were his enemies before, during, and after each of his transgressions. It is an irrational hatred. So to people who care about this analogy (Bush's enemies), the comparison never existed except in hindsight.

To dispell the false premises of this silly argument, you just have to look at the dialog. I read someone saying that Annikan's line, "You're either with me or you are my enemy" (sic) may be equated with Bush's doctrinal "You're either with the terrorists or your with us" (sic). Contextually, Bush is the president of a country that had been unequivocally attacked without provocation and who had the unasked for task of trying to figure out who were the good guys and who weren't. Annikan is a self-serving, megalomaniacal superstar who has been prompted that his ends justify any means.

There is no comparison.

Other quotes available upon request.

DDG

This is a silly argument. Look at the themes folks

Much has been made of the political overtones. There are some pretty transparent anti-Bush comments, and Lucas has substantiated this view with his own comments about the movie and politics.

I do think that the "If you're not with me, you're my enemy" line and the accompanying "Only a Sith thinks in absolutes" were an intentional slap at Bush.

But it was a clumsy intentional slap at Bush, and didn't make sense in the context of the story.

In an earlier scene, Palpatine is trying to bring Anakin to the Dark Side. Anakin, as a Jedi would, thinks, that the Dark Side is evil and he shouldn't go there. Palpatine says that the Jedis are too dogmatic and narrow-minded (sound like anyone to you?) and that, in order to understand the full potential of the Force, one must embrace all aspects of it in order to achieve balance*, sounding very much like a modern-day "Understand why the terrorists are mad at us, don't think they are evil," liberal.

This view, with the Jedi cast as absolutists in the service of good and the Sith as moral relativists, makes a lot more sense and is consistent with the rest of the series. But Lucas obviously didn't want to make a film that looked favorably on Bush. So he threw in the ham-handed switcheroo line, which makes absolutely no sense but is a feel-good slap at Bush.

Much has been made of the political overtones. There are some pretty transparent anti-Bush comments, and Lucas has substantiated this view with his own comments about the movie and politics.

I do think that the "If you're not with me, you're my enemy" line and the accompanying "Only a Sith thinks in absolutes" were an intentional slap at Bush.

But it was a clumsy intentional slap at Bush, and didn't make sense in the context of the story.

In an earlier scene, Palpatine is trying to bring Anakin to the Dark Side. Anakin, as a Jedi would, thinks, that the Dark Side is evil and he shouldn't go there. Palpatine says that the Jedis are too dogmatic and narrow-minded (sound like anyone to you?) and that, in order to understand the full potential of the Force, one must embrace all aspects of it in order to achieve balance, sounding very much like a modern-day "Understand why the terrorists are mad at us, don't think they are evil," liberal.

This view, with the Jedi cast as absolutists in the service of good and the Sith as moral relativists, makes a lot more sense and is consistent with the rest of the series. But Lucas obviously didn't want to make a film that looked favorably on Bush. So he threw in the ham-handed switcheroo line, which makes absolutely no sense but is a feel-good slap at Bush.

I just saw the movie and its great. Maybe the best Star Wars movie of them all.

how bizarre, when I try to post the word yester day, I get this message :

Your comment submission failed for the following reasons:

Your comment could not be submitted due to questionable content: t e r d