NRO Poaches My Bitch

In prison, once someone's punked out someone else, aren't the other guys supposed to respect that?

Well, NRO's a big nasty gang -- Jonah Goldberg has Max Cady-style tattoos all over his back, but they say things like "Death to Crapweasels" and "Immanuelize the Escatology" or whatever the hell that nonsense slogan is -- so I guess they can do what they want.

And what they want to do, I guess, is to punk out my bitch Andrew Sullivan without so much as offering me a carton of Pall Malls in return.

Oh, well, we'll see, Jonah. Maybe you'll just wake up one morning to find a nice portable radio lying in your bed. That's right, Jonah, just hold that radio right up to your ear and groove to the music...*

Thanks to NickS, who's got my back and who's a master with the shiv.

* Where? And what actor?

If He Bothered To Link Me, He'd Be Filled With Disgust and Heart-Ache Over This Update: The increasingly dour scold Andrew Sullivan would have a conniption if he (admitted he) read this post.

So let me just go on the record: I think prison rape is horrible, and I think conservatives ought to vigorously oppose it for law & order reasons (as I repeat after the jump).

Still, I don't think it's an endorsement of something just to joke about it in a silly manner.

Old Post on Prison Rape.

Please excuse the "We's." I used to pretend I was a 644-man lavishly-funded corporate media operation ensconced in the secret 103rd floor of the Empire State Building and given directives as to what to blog about by the secretive and mysterious billionaire Mr. Tranh.

When I repost old stuff like this, I usually try to take out the we's, but I'm lazy right now.

...

Instapundit comments upon the problem of prison rape.

We think the public, and especially conservatives, ought to take this problem much more seriously. It can't be good that prisoners are routinely savaged and dehumanized in jail by rape. We imagine that when they come out of prison -- as most prisoners eventually do -- they'll be a little bit surly about it, and more eager to savage and dehumanize others.

There's a good conservative reason to vigorously support anti-prison-rape initiatives. Bill Lockyer, AG of California (and a liberal, go figure), makes jokes about prison-rape and actively wishes it upon prisoners.

This idea is probably pretty ingrained into the public mind. "Why should we care about prison rape?" people might think. "They deserve all they get."

There may or may not be some truth in that.

But it can't be claimed that prisoners generally "deserve" such awful treatment. One could be forgiven for not being terribly concerned about a serial rapist being himself serially raped, but most prisoners being raped are the mildest, weakest, and meekest of lawbreakers -- and not the type of guys one might actually say "deserve" such a fate.

And consider prison rape from the point of view of the thug doing the raping. For those doing the raping -- those on the giving side of the equation -- widespread and unchecked prison rape is an unequaled boon and benefit of prison life.

It's a buffet of sexual cruelty where there's always some delicious new dish to be sampled.

Until prison rape is stamped out, we're giving the vilest, cruelest, most savage prisoners absolute sexual license to rape those weaker or less savage than they -- a veritable cornucopia of free, forcible sexual satisfaction.

If one wants to speak of "deserving" -- what on earth did these vicious animals do to "deserve" such a wonderful benefit? How can we press for "tougher" prison conditions -- a spartan lifestyle, chain-gang labor, etc. -- while simultaneously allowing the very worst prisoners to enjoy what is, to them at least, the greatest and most satisfying benefit in the entire world?

Widespread and unchecked prison rape allows the worst of the worst to live, for them, an absolute dream lifestyle. It would be as if we here at Ace of Spades HQ suddenly woke up in the middle of a Russ Meyer film. (One of the ones without Nazis, please.)

Conservatives get outraged about prisoners getting free HBO and the like. Can't we muster a bit of outrage about the worst, biggest, and most savage prisoners having the forcible-sodomy equivalent of the cable rainbow package, all provided for free on the state's dime?

UPDATE: We here at Ace of Spades HQ live by the credo, "Any point worth making is also a point worth driving into the ground."

So we can't help but note that, for the worst and most savage criminals, life in prison is actually pretty good, thanks to the state-permitted serial rape.

It's like those old, pulp sci-fi plots where a crew of cleancut American astronauts is abducted by a race of buxom women. They're told they'll remain prisoners on Planet Aureola forever, forced to have nonstop sex in order to breed super-warriors who will conquer earth.

And these plots never actually work in dramatic terms. They're titillating to young boys, but they fail in dramatic terms because, of course, there's little downside to the predicament at all.

Every boy reading or watching such sexual pulp is hoping in his heart the stupid astronauts will fail in their rather short-sighted efforts to escape. Sure, if they remain on the planet, they lose their freedom and they'll be used to create an army of super space Amazons that will enslave Earth.

On the other hand: There is all that sex. And Just look at the hooters on Subcommander Depravia!!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail finally had a character say what any red-blooded man would actually say if under such implausible circumstances.

Sir Galahad, told that he must remain a prisoner in Castle Anthrax amongst its population of buxom women "aged sixteen to nineteen" to indulge the women's passion for "spankings" and "oral sex," actually says what we, as boys, all knew we'd actually say were we lucky enough to be abducted by hot, horny, big-breasted women:

"Well," Galahad decides. "I could stay a bit longer."

And that's the current situation in our prisons. We want prisoners to despise prison so much that they won't ever come back.

But for the thugs allowed to freely rape whatever young boys they fancy, it's a situation where they must be thinking, "Well, I could stay a bit longer."

There is little downside to such incarceration. For many, the benefits far exceed the drawbacks, and we shouldn't be so surprised to see thugs like this happily re-offending.