He says it's not him?

Must be the Sybil defense.

This Dr. Phil/O'Brien thing is true evil. The kind of modern evil that can only be summoned up by the dark host of publicists and P.R. flacks. Both work for the same damn company selling the same damn thing - advertizer access to bored, couch-voyeur housewives.

Seriously, why does this guy need 'prime time' redemption? He hosts a salacious, starfucker-gossip palooza, paying big money to the Mary Kay Latournos of the world for 'Insider' access to their weddings and dirty linen.

But still, Pat's gotta be made 'family safe' for them. O'brien's gotta now pretend his desire for hookers and threeways was 'old Pat' trying to fill a childhood trauma void the drugs and booze couldn't, that he was 'outta control' and 'New Pat' sees the error of his ways after rehab and a proper tongue lashing by the haus frau's favorite TV shrink/family man/weight loss scheister. Welcome back, Pat.

Pat should have gone with the classics:

"Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners."

Hard to see how you'd go wrong saying this kind of stuff over the phone. Plus it just sounds better than the stuff Pat was using -- it sounds like he had a few charts, an easel, and some Sharpies. Okay, first chart: your bod. See here, here, and here -- that's what I want, baby. Refer to overleaf two; that's what I want you to do to me. Moving on to chart #2, here are some accoutrements I'd like to bring into play later...

No class, Pat. No class. Always go with the time-tested and God-approved material, and you'll never go wrong.

Chicks who are STUPID like bad boys.

I'll take some romance over that sick crap any day. Seriously, he makes me want to puke. I actually screamed out loud while listening to some of that. My dog runs over to see if I am ok,....I say "It's ok, Ace is just linking disgusting gross stuff that I was too curious about to ignore."

I've learned my lesson. If you say "warning"---I AINT CLICKING ON IT!

Yes, RWS, that double yellow line down the center of the highway is really there for your protection. Cross it at your peril.

Monty, good move on the OT stuff, spot on man. I use Song of Solomon and Ecclesiates when I really want to impress the ladies.

Or Ted Kennedy quotes. Surprisingly well received.

Ted Kennedy quotes? What? You asked them to get you drink?

Why don't you do another cartwheel for uncle Teddy? is quite popular. Go figure.