Oh, for Christ's sake. Fine. I'll go put in the hyphen.

Why am I looking at Jason Alexander on a fucking crucifix?

The color on the bottom is the best. Color me lavendar, Andrew.

Seriously, how many times have you seen me write out "heart - ache"? What, did you think I was just a retard?

That comes from our boy Sully. As does "ironical."

Details, man. Details.

Oh God. I was drinking a beer at the when I hit refresh and I almost choked. Thanks a lot, Ace.

So..if Sully is on the cross, does that make Downtown Lad "Mary Magdeleine"?

What, no "miffed"? No "pissy"? Granted, they may be way down near the lavendar end of the scale, but no one should go up against a pissy gay man without some kind of warning.

I don't remember the Magdalene having a fetish for back hair.

"Light" blasphemy?

Holy shit, Ace. What's the "heavy" version?

On second thought, don't answer that.

Wow.

That's impressive.

That idiot actually separates heartache into two words??
Jesus H.W. Christ. That is just wrong.

It gives me a dis-ease just thinking about it.

You've got a point there, Megan. MM probably didn't consider Judaism and Catholicism to be "fictitious religions" either, like DL just claimed they were.

And how the hell can the first entry not be "gob-smackingly vile"?

Loose. Shit.

JackM.

We're trying on that. We'd wanted "Gobsmacking vileness that fills me with heart-ache," but the words won't fit.

that guy looks like such a skull crushing douchebag

e.g. this latest quote, posted at 6 PM-ish EST - "Even then, according to the new Pope, my conscience is not valid. To ratchet the rack still further, we are forbidden from even discussing changes that we sincerely believe may be essential for keeping the Church alive."

Now, Andy did tell us last year that when Mel Gibson did all those torture scenes about Braveheart and Jesus, it revealed Gibson's persecution complex, religious prejudice, and generally whack-O personality.

But Andy's situation is totally unlike Mel's. See, Andy's not being crucified or disemboweled. Instead he is being gagged and tortured on the rack - so it's more of a Spanish Inquisition thing.

I like it. Don't know that "gob-smackingly vile" (notice the careful hyphen placement) is really necessary; as it is, they're all essentially the same level of snit, which fits Andrew perfectly.

A line I saw earlier today on some other blog: "White smoke can be seen coming from the Vatican chimney, and Andrew Sullivan's subsequent hissy fit probably can be seen from space..."

Truly, his suffering is great.
Only the Unitarians can save him now.

You know why these douchebags don't want to simply renounce Catholicism and go to the Unitarian Church?
That's right. No crackers.

I really hope I don't get it mixed up with my Department of Neverland Security chart.

One wonders, is it finished? Or does it need another bandwidth drive?

All's I know is that the longer the Passion of the Sully goes on (I think we're now on the Seventh Station, Andy Screeches the Fourteenth, Fifteenth, and Sixteenth Times), the more convinced I become Benedict XVI will make a fookin' spectactular Pope.

"No crackers."

Damn, LauraW. . . LOL. . .

Soon as I get done with this, I'm gonna crack a beer and start working my way through Bainbridge's trackbacks.

Forty and counting. Forty.

But seriously-- you DID think I was just a retard for always writing it "heart-ache," didn't you?

Does anyone else but me comprehend the soaring level of comedic brilliance I'm attempting here? Anyone? Am I doomed, like Einstein, to suffer alone, for lack of equals to talk to?

Ace, as Nixon once said, you have no peers and few equals.

The original appearance of this graphic was one of Allah's greatests posts ever.

Damn fine work. A lot of lives could be saved with this thing. My additional thoughts.

1. The name. Andrew Sullivan Freak out Advisory? No. "The Passions of Andrew" seems tighter to me.

2. Chagrined? Appalled? Half the laugh I get from Sully is that there are NO degrees. EVERYTHING is gob smackingly vile - the end of the world as modern man conceives it. Chagined does not exist for him. Appalled beyond previously known human bounds is when the barista forgets to ask 'Room for cream?' and Andy has to pour a smooch out. The inidcator should not go below some 'end of the world' floor.

Damn fine work though. Damn fine.

Not to continue beating Sully's dead carcass (and you know he'd love that), but one of Bainbridge's numerous trackbacks noted that Andrew announced about a year and a half ago that he would no longer publicly identify himself as a Catholic. He couldn't find the link, since Sully doesn't believe in hobbling himself with archives or a search function.

Here's the link; it was the same post where Sully said he wouldn't be writing much about private matters like gay relationships.

Are you drinking again, Megan?

Andy Ace and Allah! together again.
Alleluia

I hope this little chuckle was worth eternity in Hell, Dude - cuz you know, it's over for ya. You have balls posting this right before thunderstorm season. LOL Wear rubber soled shoes - and don't play any golf.

oh God .. no crackers ... I'm dyin' here Ace!

Ew, Jesus has a killer muscle ass that loves to milk loads with his power glutes.

Outstanding. Makes mine look like the 15-minute photoshop job it was.

Allah, tell us the truth. You're really a disgruntled Disney animator, right? One of those guys who Eisner fired after you made that, um, un-family friendly film with Donald Duck and Minnie?

If so, could you share the footage?

read sullivan a long time prior to the election and was there while he fell apart. stopped reading him as i couldn't stomach his "silence of the lambs" transformation. you really hit the proverbial nail on the head in your description of his writing. it really put into words all the reason's why i stopped reading his crap, i mean writing.

Oh merciful Allah,

Your humble servant gives thanks for delivering the lamb Sully to pay for our conservative sins. Also, thanks be to Ace, for Allah works in mysterious ways.

Rusty

Ace, I hot linked ya -yeah I was too lazy to download it and reupload it right....

But since I linked ya twice I figured that was fair. ;-)

P

Holy shit ace.

THe evolution of it was even better than the final product (if that's possible)

LMAO.

and allah's image isn't as blastphemous here as it was in his original post. In this context, it seems positively charitable. Truly, Randy Andy is the "bad theif" who mocks Christ from his own cross.

Could one of you clever wags please do the same (i.e., a freak out advisory system) re Maureen "I'm so beautiful and smarmy"Dowd?

In light of Sully's current feelings of "dread and fear," I've downgraded him to code orange.

It would be awesome if someone could write a Firefox script for this, much like the Homeland Security Threat extension. Heh, this is great.

The Rt Rev Gene Robinson (he whose appointment caused the current rift in the Anglican church) has stated that 'Jesus might have been homosexual'. He made his comments in a recent address at the Christ Church Hamilton and Wenham in Massachusetts - of which he is Bishop.

Maybe someone should email him this picture.

I am surprised homo Robinson didn't elaborate on his homo Jesus theory, which could go like this: Judas was really a homophobic bigot, who was just afraid to admit he was a homo at heart, and betrayed Jesus because he was jealous of the attention and sodomy Jesus practiced with John or Paul or Peter, who must have been all homos as well. I mean, why just Jesus? Make them all homos, it's a Gospel homo sauna. Why not bisexuals? Maybe, occasionally going after sheep? Rural, primitive communities is one setting where bestiality occurs.

There is nothing to stop anyone from impinging any kind of sexuality on anyone they want to fantasize about.

which made me think Dan Brown really missed a powerful, not dreamed by anyone ending to the Da Vinci Code!!! The Grail is proof that Jesus was really a transgendered lesbian in disguise, all that lesbian-phobia and misogyny forced her to disguise herself as a man, and Mary Magdalene was another homo, and the two were homo lovers, occasionally sleeping with the other apostles, or maybe the apostles just liked to watch the two lesbians (aren't a lot of pro-homos like that? what do porn consumption patterns show us?). What did homos recently unearth next to the Holy Shroud, that the Vatican kept secret? An ancient fake beard. Oh! The sacred homo feminine! Oh, how progressive homos are!

Some-body's gon-na hurt some-one
be-fore the night is thro-ugh
Some-body's gon-na hurt some-one
there's no-thing you can do-oo

There's gon-na be a heart-ache to-night
a heart-ache to-night
I-know

Love, Re-tard

P.S. Can I get a hit of whatever Allessandra had?

Absolutely flawless. Thank you so much for making me giggle like an amused banshee. Wow.