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April 03, 2005

Integrity Kick: Israel Scores Goal On French Anti-Semitic Goalie

Yes, the goalie who hates Israel and followed French tradition by declaring his pre-emptive surrender to his enemy decided to play after all.

And one crafty, scheming Jew-ball got past him to knot up the score late in the game and force a 1-1 tie.

On one hand, it's good to see an anti-Semite get drubbed by a Jew.* [Correction: Not a Jew, as it turns out. See below.]

On the other hand, it's still fucking soccer, so who gives a shit either way?

In related news, the United Nations just declared Israeli's entire offensive line "barbaric," "racist," and "contrary to the basic laws of humanity." Al Jazeera claims that six children were killed as "deliberate collateral damage" from the scoring shot.

*Correction/Loose Shit That Really Undermines The Joke I'm Making: The man who scored the goal turns out to be an Israeli Arab, and a Muslim, too.

Still, he didn't dribble that ball downfield by himself, so we can say this goal occurred due to a Zionist Conspiracy employing a Jew-Loving Collaborator.

Whew. Saved it. Damn I'm good.

Thanks for the corrections, guys.

posted by Ace at 11:20 PM

Comments

Slow news day huh?

Spring break is just about over...

Posted by: Greg Sanders(not GregS) on April 3, 2005 11:24 PM

Nah, I guess there's news. I have a couple of stories to post, but they're on the other computer.

Just sort of liked this one.

Posted by: ace on April 3, 2005 11:28 PM

In my world, the Israeli team would be sponsored by Caterpiller.

Posted by: Jack M. on April 3, 2005 11:28 PM

Holy Crap, I think Ace was just on Robot Chicken!

"Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! URK-!"

Posted by: SCI-FI on April 3, 2005 11:53 PM

I understand each of the words in that sentence, but cannot comprehend them togther.

Robot Chicken is a cartoon, I'm guessing?

Posted by: ace on April 4, 2005 12:01 AM

The goal scorer, Walid Badir, is an Israeli Arab - and (I would assume) not a Jew. Still, it was nice to see Barthez fuck up royally. Thanks to him, it looks like France is going to miss out on the World Cup this time around.

Posted by: Richard on April 4, 2005 01:07 AM

http://www.adultswim.com/shows/robotchicken/index.html

Encore run in a half-hour or so.

... what? I need something in the background while I'm working... honest...

Posted by: Kazmin on April 4, 2005 01:33 AM

Israeli Arab? Surely you jest! I doubt Barthez is silly enough to believe in any such fiction. Ah, sweet, cheap, humiliation.

Posted by: Sonetka on April 4, 2005 02:39 AM

The scorer is indeed a Israeli Arab. Muslim too.

Posted by: madne0 on April 4, 2005 09:39 AM

Isreal is in a tough spot either way. First order of business should be to send in James Bondstein to take out Al Jazeera.

Posted by: Paladin on April 4, 2005 10:42 AM

"The scorer is indeed a Israeli Arab. Muslim too."

Shoulda guessed. If the Airplane movies have taught us nothing else, it's that you can fit the entire pantheon of Jewish sports stars in a small pamphlet.

Posted by: Russell Wardlow on April 4, 2005 12:51 PM

Shoulda guessed. If the Airplane movies have taught us nothing else, it's that you can fit the entire pantheon of Jewish sports stars in a small pamphlet.

ahhhhhh another victim of "living Life based on the Airplane movies" I'm afraid! Ever hear of Mark Spitz? Sandy Koufax? Jay Fiedler? How about, Olympic gymnast and gold medal winner Keri Strug?

I dunno, when I hear the words "Jewish" and "Athlete," I see the warrior states of both modern and ancient Israel. Quite a few countries in the region have learned not to think of them as wusses ... witness the virulent Arab rhetoric -- they can't beat 'em with brawn, so they have to rely on comic-strip journalism ...

p.s. and I loooooove any goal against zeeeeee silly French especially ones that chuck them out of the World Cup courtesy of Israeli football boots ...

Posted by: psflanagan on April 4, 2005 01:58 PM