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Tuesday Overnight Open Thread - June 9, 2026 [Doof]
Monday Cafe The Left, Which Has Propagandized Against Childbirth and For the Self-Extiction of the Human Race for 50 Years, Wonders Why People Aren't Having Babies Any Longer Report: Bari Weiss Will Assume Editorial Control Over Basketcase Ratings-Disaster Partisan Spin-Shop CNN Breaking: Psychopathic Race-Murderer Karmelo Anthony Convicted of Brutal Killing of Innocent Athlete "Protesters," Get This, Begin Punching People; Police Are Arresting the Thugs Former Platner Campaign Aide: Captain Nazi Is a Monster and More Women Have Come Forward The SPLC Repeatedly Invokes the Fifth Amendment to Avoid Answering Whether They Used Donor Money to Pay "Extremists" to Put On "Hate" Marches, Burn Crosses, and Recruit New Members Invasion: Sudanese Colonist Uses Knife to Slash Open the Eyeballs of Northern Irish Man, Attempts to Saw His Head Off on Street in Broad Daylight The Morning Rant Mid-Morning Art Thread Absent Friends
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January 28, 2005
A Plea For Help. [Dave at Guantanamo Bay]Dear America: As our good friend the Unpopulist noted below, I was detained last night by a squad of American soldiers and delivered to Guantanamo Bay wearing nothing but an orange jumpsuit, a black bag over my head, and pink bunny slippers. After a long negotiation between the soldiers and my legal counsel Mr. Clark, I was able to gain access to the internet to type this brief note. Ramsey-- may Allah bless him with milk and honey-- says that, in return for this access, I must submit to french tickling from the barbarians running this hellpit. My dreaded tickling appointment is at noon, after my massage. Infidels! What little I am allowed to tell you about this place will horrify you. This morning they tried to make us pray facing north. Me and my fellow prisoners could easily tell from our cabana where the sun was rising-- right behind the shuffleboard court to our east. Blasphemers! This prison is run like the worst Ba'athist dungeon imaginable. We get sporks instead of forks. Our margaritas have no salt. And the only heat in my cell is provided by a VHS tape of the Yule Log, continuously looped. At this point, I don't think that anyone here will get a chance to watch Battlestar Galactica tonight. Zionist pigs! As the Unpopulist highlighted, the American female interrogators here at Gitmo exhibit the most disturbing behavior. They all dress like the Baroness, and they keep calling each other names like "Helga" and "Olga." They keep touching us suggestively, rubbing their bountiful American bosoms across our backs. My cellmate Ahmed says the guards have been doing this for months, but they never even ask him for any money. Imagine-- American prostitutes not asking for money! The prisoners think it's a heathen trick, and we're all saving our singles for the inevitable day the guards make us pay the kitty for the pole dancing. Imperialist running dogs! The worst place in all of Gitmo is the American's specially-outfitted torture chamber. The guards refer to it only as "The Champagne Room." Merciful Allah above, I only spent a brief time there last night, but in that short time I learned that it is a room filled with nothing but traitorous promises and treacherous lies. Plus, I hurt my back on the couch-- it's way too soft to provide adequate spinal support. Shades of the Syrian Assad's "black chair," I tell you. Filthy swine-eating devils! Ramsey says the United Nations will hear of this villainy, after I help him raise some money for new stationary. I can't quite understand why he doesn't use normal paper-- $10,000 is a rather steep price to pay for blue notecards, even with a butterfly sketch in the corner-- but Ramsey swears that blue is Kofi Annan's favorite color. I sure hope Ramsey can get me released soon. I don't know how much longer my skin can hold out while using all this Lava soap. P.S. AVENGE ME! posted by Ace at 11:13 AM
CommentsIf they put panties on your head I will personally take each and every one of them out. Posted by: John from WuzzaDem on January 28, 2005 11:30 AM
Unless you're into that kind of thing, in which case I'd have to say rock on Dave. Wear those panties on your head. Lookin' good my man! Posted by: John from WuzzaDem on January 28, 2005 11:53 AM
Dave, As a Senator, I expressed my concerns about your plight directly to the President. It seems to have worked! You will no longer be tortured and humiliated by scantily clad young women. Instead, the DOD will soon be deploying a squad of Chippendale's dancers to assume responsibility for you. Let me know if I can be of further help! Posted by: senator philabuster on January 28, 2005 02:07 PM
Uh, gee, Senator. . . I don't know what to say. Hmmm. Yeah. Hmmm. Thanks? Yaaay Chippendale's? As long as my dancer looks like the man on the right, I'll be happy. Cheers, Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on January 28, 2005 02:17 PM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
Seattle mayor shrugs off millionaire-tax concerns as 44% of business leaders consider leaving
It happens in all the blue states, but WA and Seattle will be different! [CBD] Mary Margaret Olohan
Oof. Reviewers do not like Scary Movie 6. The criticism I keep hearing is that the movie mistakes a reference for an actual joke. The movie (they say) keeps Key Jangling a reference to another movie (or some other pop culture ephemera) and you expect there to be a joke but nope, the Key Jangle was the joke. Other reviewers say that the promise that "no lines will be uncrossed" is a fake-out, and that the movie is bland and inoffensively corporate.
Whoops! I posted about Dan Goldman losing the NY congressional primary. He might do that, but it won't be tonight -- the primary isn't held until June 23.
One race to keep an eye on: the Levi's heir nepo baby and egregious "Designated Liar" Dan Goldman -- one of the Democrats from a safe district Democrats send out to spread their most indefensible lies -- may actually lose his lower Manhattan/Brooklyn set due to, get this, antisemitism in the Democrat primary electorate.
Antisemitism? In the anti-Nazi Democrat Party? Sounds crazy, I know, but apparently the anti-Nazi Party wants to eliminate Jews. Henry Rosoff Oh my Totenkopf Tattoo, that is a DRUBBING! I'm usually very anti-antisemitism but if the Communist Antisemite Jihadists can pull this one off, Go Communist Antisemite Jihadists, Go!
Democrat Senator Rueben Gallego, who served his wife with divorce papers when she was nine months pregnant so that he could marry his side-piece, counsels us that we should not judge Graham Platner for his infidelity because these things are personal matters, Racists:
Sahil Kapur I like that he says that it's okay that Graham Platner sexted 12 different women within months of marrying the woman to sponge off her because he wasn't then "living a political life" -- the clear meaning being, "We all cheat, we just don't cheat when we're running for office, and he didn't know he was running for office when he was sending dicpics to half the women he ran into." Except he was running: His own wife turned the sexts over to his campaign. And obviously Reuben Gallego didn't let his "political life" get in the way of his extramarital dating life: ![]()
Funny -- if you don't mind clicking on TikTok. "Amy.Pranks.22" set up an AI scam-call screener which replies to a foreign scammer trying to get her bank information with Trumpian bluster. This might be fake because I don't see how a program can respond in real time, but it's funny.
Food Thread Pizza Dough Recipe
The ULA rocket just launched
Thanks to Joyenz The rocket's enormous engines are fueled by "the volcanic heterosexual lust between James Talarico and his Neighbor With a Uterus 'girlfriend'" I hope Amazon's rocket works better than the Amazon Prime app does as far as allowing people to watch the black and white version of "Spider-Noir" From the CA Post: Thanks to beckster
Just like "Spartacus" Corey Booker, now that James Talarico is running for a higher office, he unveils his previously-unknown "girlfriend" and hooboy, it just so happens she used to work for him, and, get this, likes to "dance the night away" at gay bars
Gee I wonder where they might have met Oh and she's a vegan When Corey Booker needed a "girlfriend," he conjured up known LGBTQ activist Rosario Dawson. How convenient that when these guys need a girlfriend to show off to the normies that just happen to find an activist with a strong history of and interest in Supporting Gay Men But seriously, this James Talarico romance with a Neighbor with a Uterus is a love story for the ages. The passion of their lovemaking is hotter than a blue star with a core of Primordial Sex Atoms created in the Big Bang
And just like that, #PunchANazi became Punch a Ballot for a Nazi
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