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« How the Deathwave Happened | Main | CJRgate »
January 04, 2005

Gob-Smackingly Vile: Teri Hatcher Hasn't Had Sex In Four Years

Hell, even I've got that beat.

In related news about senseless underutilization of crucial natural resources, I still haven't gotten a book-deal, nor appeared on Paula Zahn.


posted by Ace at 06:33 PM
Comments



In the interests of charitable goodwill, I hereby volunteer to remedy this tragedy.

Though, let's be honest, which direction the charity will be traveling is debatable.

Posted by: Alex on January 4, 2005 06:46 PM

We are supposed to care about this why?

Posted by: Andrea Harris on January 4, 2005 07:22 PM

Ace, let's be honest. Sex with yourself doesn't count.

Just trying to keep it real. You slice like a f'ing great maul of thunder.

Posted by: midaz on January 4, 2005 07:32 PM

Andrea, I'm with YOU on that. Then again, that is probably a record for Hollywood Sluts.

And Alex, just make sure you remove the sheets from the bed first. If they get even a little crumpled, you'll lose Teri's scrawny tail until morning.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck on January 4, 2005 08:20 PM

I blame George Bush

Posted by: Moonbat_One on January 4, 2005 08:22 PM

I question the timing.

Posted by: ace on January 4, 2005 08:26 PM

I salute her for not subjecting her kid to the horror of temporary daddies.

Posted by: lauraw on January 4, 2005 08:54 PM

Uh, hate to point this out but teh fact that she hasn't had sex isn't the story. That she said she "doesn't have space for it," now THAT concerns me.

Just exactly what is she revealing here?

Posted by: Dan on January 4, 2005 09:07 PM

Ace,

No one should believe this or any other nonesense that is "revealed" by so-called celebrities.

Last year, I dated a women in LA. You know the type, actress/model/photographer/dancer. Spending time with her in LA/Hollywood, I grew to love her and hate all that surrounds celebrity and its disgusting culture.

Much, if not most, of what one reads reagrding these people are intentional lies put out by their own publicists!

And no Andrea, I don't care and neither should you.

Unless that's your thing.

Posted by: MeTooThen on January 4, 2005 09:44 PM

Yeah, but I'll bet she's been through PACKS and PACKS of batteries...

Oh, wait, she's probably environmentally conscious, so make that two packs- one in the charger and the other in the B.O.B.

Posted by: Rick on January 4, 2005 10:16 PM

This made me indescribably sad.

Until I read the publicists post.

Posted by: Dave in Texas on January 4, 2005 10:48 PM

Email me for Zahn's contact info. I can probably get you on her show if it means that much to you.

But first: Do you have any exotic animals you can show off?

Posted by: Jeff G on January 5, 2005 12:04 AM

Hell, even I've got that beat.

I'll bet you do. I'll bet you do.

Posted by: ACS on January 5, 2005 12:29 AM

I could have sworn she was married to Howie Long.

Posted by: Eric Anderson on January 5, 2005 01:06 AM

Jeff G: What, this isn't exotic enough animal for ya?

Posted by: someone on January 5, 2005 02:02 AM

I could have sworn she was married to Howie Long.

Heh, I remember Howie Long telling a story on a talk show (it may have been on Conan, but I'm not sure) about attending a football game (again, my memory is sketchy, but I think it was a High School football game) with his wife. Some rubes came up to him, asking where his wife was. When he told them that the lady with him was his wife, they explained that they thought that the woman from the Radio Shack commercials was his "kin."

But I hear Vanessa Williams and Ving Rhames are very happy together.

Posted by: Sean M. on January 5, 2005 05:09 AM

People...the story appeared in 'The Sun'.

Posted by: MAD on January 5, 2005 08:33 AM

Put me in Coach! I'll make one of us very happy!

Like a loose shutter in a hurricane.


Posted by: Greg on January 5, 2005 10:05 AM

Never believe a woman who says she hasn't had sex. Especially not when she says it in public.

There's always a lot of "well THAT doesn't count as sex" she's not telling you about.

Posted by: TallDave on January 5, 2005 10:35 AM

****Breaking News****
****World Exclusive****
****Must Credit Ace of Spades HQ****

Ace, I personally took care of this situation. You may now title your post "Teri Hatcher Hasn't Had Sex in 4 HOURS".

I'm an unimpeachable source, after all.

-30-

Posted by: senator philabuster on January 5, 2005 10:27 PM
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A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
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Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
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