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November 04, 2004

Schwarzenegger: Democrats are "Losers"

Kinda funny, but also kinda cocky. Pride goes before a fall.

Leave the "loser"/"douchebag" stuff to people like me, Arnold. You're a governor. Governate with some decorum.

Respectability quota filled; on to the fun stuff.

Schwarzenegger Calls Democrats 'Losers'
Once 'Girlie Men,' Dems May Also Be 'Losers' In Governor's Mind

LOS ANGELES -- Two days after the worst election defeat in decades for Democrats, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger referred to them as "losers" in response to a reporter's question about tax increases.

...

"Why would I listen to losers?" the governor asked. "Let's be honest."

The best part of that is the "Let's be honest." That's the genius. Anyone can insult someone, but to then add in a "Let's be honest," as if you expect your opponent to agree with the insult because it's so obvious... that's what pushes it over the top.

Nancy Pelosi? You're an idiot. I mean-- let's be honest. There's no point maintaining this charade of your non-idiocy. It's the elephant in the room we've finally got to talk about.

Michael Moore? You smell like a wet camel. Let's be honest. We've got to get you to one of those industrial-sized circus showers and hose you down like the big sweaty filthbeast you are.

Oh, and you're not funny. You're snide. Snide can be funny, but it isn't necessarily funny. You're the non-funny, non-talented sort of snide. I mean-- let's be honest. You didn't really think people were actually laughing at your little nickle-and-dime home movies, did you? They're forcing laughs, to show they agree with your warmed-over New Socialist cant. Let's be honest: You're the leftist equivalent of Up With People.

Ventriloquists look down on you. Let's be honest.

Student loan guy? Yeah, bad news. You're not getting a single damn-bastard dime of that money I owe you. Let's be honest. If I was going to pay you, don't you think I would have done so already?

Seriously: think about it. Haven't you noticed this long-running game of phone-tag is entirely a one-sided affair? If I wanted to talk to you, don't you think I'd make the effort to call you up once in a while, just to see how you're doing? Oh, I hear your messages, all right. You know what I do during your messages? I'm not writing down your phone number and extension, as you so frequently urge me. I'm giggling.

Let's be honest: I laugh at your silly talk of "last warnings." You've got as many "last warnings" as the French.

I'm sorry, Student Loan Guy, but this relationship isn't working, and it's time we faced up to that. Let's be honest. This is a we're-going-to-have-to-agree-to-disagree type thing. Two words you're going to have to come to terms with: write off.

By the way, you sound kinda gay on the phone. Let's be honest. You might want to work on that. When you call up I don't know whether I'm dodging creditors or being invited to a select screening of Manhunt.

And, frankly, I'm tired of getting my hopes up every time you call.

posted by Ace at 07:45 PM

Comments

Best. Damn. Blog. Ever.

Problem is, every time I visit, I either blow soda out my nose or crap my pants.

Kudos. Keep it up.

Posted by: Jason on November 4, 2004 08:00 PM

In the South, you can say anything about anyone as long as you say, "bless their heart!"

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on November 4, 2004 08:06 PM

Jason,

Thanks. I enjoyed that. I think writing jokes is like writing songs-- the best ones just write themselves, with no effort. It's the ones you sweat and really work on that turn out to be not-so-good.

Kind of a sucky thing, but it seems to be the rule.

Posted by: ace on November 4, 2004 08:17 PM

Jason, let's be honest. Ace doesn't need any more of any ego boost.

Posted by: The Black Republican on November 4, 2004 08:31 PM

TBR,

Let's be honest: You're harshing my ego-buzz.

Posted by: ace on November 4, 2004 08:32 PM

Arafat is starting to smell like rotten fish. Lets be honest. ;)

I dont want to add to your oversized ego Ace, but I have to say that I cant drink anything when I read your blog. My computer would of been covered with soda, coffee, tea, and whiskey by now.

Posted by: DanTanna on November 4, 2004 08:42 PM

Speaking of Arafat, did you see the headline at Drudge? It seems Arafat never told his wife or anyone in the PLO where the billions he's hidden actually are.

Hahahahaha! He's the douche that keeps on giving!

Posted by: Brock on November 4, 2004 08:54 PM

TBR wins the thread.

Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer on November 4, 2004 09:11 PM

Ego or not...

This was one of the funniest posts I've ever read.

Posted by: jmflynny on November 4, 2004 09:15 PM

That was all about your student loans, wasn't it? I mean it started out as commentary on Arnold's "let's be honest" but worked slowly to the surface like that really deep zit that you have not work at for a while. I'm mean, let's be honest.

BTW, I had my Student Loans placed in default for 6 years as my military deferments were systematically ignored every 6 months. You'll survive.

Posted by: Dear Johns on November 4, 2004 11:50 PM

Ace--

What, you're dating Sallie Mae too? She's always calling me, complaining to me that I never write, that I never spend any money on her.

And here she was, cheating on me with you.

What a bitch.

Cheers,
Dave

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge on November 5, 2004 12:07 AM

BTW, I had my Student Loans placed in default for 6 years as my military deferments were systematically ignored every 6 months. You'll survive.

Until the loan agency decides enough is enough and garnishes 15% of your future earnings for 10 years or so.

Happened to my brother, poor sap.

Posted by: cheshirecat on November 5, 2004 12:37 AM

To clarify, "had my Student Loans placed in" and out of "default" and back in and out again repeatedly "for 6 years...". My credit was a disaster after this little "benefit" of active duty service. My point, though, was it will pass.

For a garnishment to occur, cheshirecat, you're brother must have owned one bitch-load of coin. I mean, post-graduate at god school type shit. The whole point of loan guarantees is the lender is offered a certain measure of recompense.

Posted by: Dear Johns on November 5, 2004 05:08 AM

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What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*

Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.

A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR.
Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.

The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.

Finish the job, Mr. President!
Melanie Phillips lays out the case for the total destruction of the Iranian government and armed forces. [CBD]

TJM acts like he knows anything about John Wick and screenwriting. It's embarrassing, really.

Podcast: Sefton and CBD talk about how would a peace treaty with Iran work, Democrats defending murderers and rapists, The GOP vs. Dem bench for 2028, composting bodies? And more!

Oh, I forgot to mention this quote from Pete Hegseth, reported by Roger Kimball: "We are sharing the ocean with the Iranian Navy. We're giving them the bottom half."

Batman fires The Batman
Batman is disgusted by the Joachim Phoenix version of Joker
Batman tries to fire Superman
Batman is still workshopping his Bat-Voice

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click: Red Leather Suit and Sweatband Edition
And I was here to please
I'm even on knees
Makin' love to whoever I please
I gotta do it my way
Or no way at all

Tomorrow is March 25th, "Tolkien Reading Day," because March 25th is the day when the Ring is destroyed in the book. I think I'm going to start the Hobbit tomorrow and read all four books this time.
The only bad part of the trilogy are the Frodo/Sam chapters in The Two Towers. They're repetitive, slow, and mostly about the weather and terrain. But most everything else is good. Weirdly, the Frodo-Sam chapters in Return of the King are exciting and action-packed and among the best in the trilogy. (Though the chapters with everyone else in Return of the King get pretty slow again. Mostly people talking about marching towards war, and then marching towards war.)

Sec. Army recognizes ODU Army ROTC cadets for their bravery and sacrifice in private ceremony
[Hat Tip: Diogenes] [CBD]

TJM gives you a brief tour of his movie collection.

Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
One day I'm gonna write a poem in a letter
One day I'm gonna get that faculty together
Remember that everybody has to wait in line
Oh, [Song Title], look out world, oh, you know I've got mine

US decimation of Iran's ICBM forces is due to Space Force's instant detection of launches -- and the launchers' hiding places -- and rapid counter-attack via missiles
AI is doing a lot of the work in analyzing images to find the exact hiding place of the launchers. Counter-strikes are now coming in four hours after a launch, whereas previously it might have taken days for humans to go over the imagery and data.

Robert Mueller, Former Special Counsel Who Probed Trump, Dies

“robert mueller just died,” trump wrote in a truth social post on march 21. “good, i’m glad he’s dead. he can no longer hurt innocent people! president donald j. trump.”

TJM has thoughts on Superheros and Iconography

Canadian School Designates Cafeteria And Lunchroom As "No Food Zones" For Ramadan
Canada and the UK are neck and neck in the race to become the first western country to fall to Islam [CBD]

Chuck Norris, Action Icon and 'Walker Texas Ranger' Star, Dies at 86

Podcast: Sefton and CBD have a short chat about Iran, the disgusting SAVE Act theater, Mamdani's politicizing of St. Patrick's Day, and more!

Official confirmation from the Joint Chiefs of Staff: the Warthog is now strafing Iranian fast attack boats