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November 02, 2004
Voter Guide-- AddendumReader-submitted issue guidance to help you make your choice tomorrow, plus a couple I thought of my own self. In Don't hate me. STAR TREK CAPTAIN BUSH: Come on, easy-- The Captain. The only captain. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER MOVIE BUSH: Commando AUTOMOBILE BUSH: '77 primer-gray Silverado Dooley, naked-lady mud flaps MILITARY HERO BUSH: George Patton, Douglas MacArthur, Stonewall Jackson REFRESHING BEVERAGE WHOSE NAME CONTAINS AN HONORIFIC BUSH: Dr. Pepper STAR TREK VILLAIN BUSH: Khaaaaan!!! 60's TV CHICKS BUSH: Catwoman, Ginger, Maryanne, Agent 99, Marcia FAVORITE MOVIE MOMENT BUSH: Sonny Corleone beating the shit out of Carlos with the trash-can lid
BUSH: Terminator Model T-800 Series 101 (also Robocop) COMIC STRIP CHARACTER BUSH: Steve Dallas (Bloom County); Linus (Peanuts); Hobbes (Calvin & Hobbes) DEFINING SCI-FI/HORROR MOVIE QUOTE BUSH: "I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all outa bubblegum." CAUSE TO SMILE AFTER HEARING WORD "NANTUCKET" BUSH: reminds him of dirty limerick about Nantucket KEY QUOTE FROM "THE ROAD WARRIOR" BUSH: I'm the best chance you've got. CHARACTER FROM GIANT-MONSTER JAPANESE CINEMA BUSH: Godzilla HAIR METAL SONG EXPRESSING KEY THEME OF CAMPAIGN BUSH: "unilateralism" -- Whitesnake's Here I Go Again (On My Own) * I had to change this one. SmallCarGuy sent me a similar one using one of my favorite lines from the Road Warrior, and definitely John Kerry's true definining RW quote. posted by Ace at 03:11 AM
CommentsI just wanted to give you fair warning that I'll be dispatching lawyers to sue you for attempting to suppress the African-American vote in the comic-strip character category. The results do not reflect the popularity of the "Huey" character from the "Boondocks" strip, and you should be ashamed of yourself for disenfranchising this bold, fictional voice. Posted by: Sean M. on November 2, 2004 05:05 AM
I have to disagree on the ST Captain bit. Picard is the obvious choice for Kerry, being that Picard is a nuanced Frenchman more prone to negotiate than launch any photon torpedoes. Bush on the other hand, is much more similar to Sisko, the Emissary and a family man that kicks ass and takes names. Laura probably wouldn't take too kindly to any Orion slave girls in the Oval Office. Back in '92 there were "Picard/Riker" campaign bumperstickers. That's the ticket fielded by the Dem's this year, a diplomat and a pretty boy without enough experience to ever get his own ship. Posted by: rw on November 2, 2004 05:27 AM
You left out the most obvious choice for cartoon character: Ziggy. Posted by: Smack on November 2, 2004 07:23 AM
Automobile Bush - I don't drive no stinkin' Cheevy. Posted by: Ron on November 2, 2004 08:00 AM
Re Catwoman, we are obviously talking about Eartha Kitt or at least Julie Newmar. NOT Lee Meriwether. Catwoman should not look like she drives a station wagon. Posted by: Kerry on November 2, 2004 08:02 AM
Dude, this was a great bit. Funny as always. Posted by: Marty on November 2, 2004 08:12 AM
Better than the Mothra women. Hero Boy, the spoof of those movies on an episode of Freakazoid. (The Mothra women were therein replaced by two sumo wrestlers, who sang in an even higher key.) Anyway, Hero Boy tries to kill the giant monster attacking Tokyo, but only gets squashed. He's congratulated by the general for this, because he made people laugh. Posted by: Rich Baldwin on November 2, 2004 09:24 AM
Did Anyone do LOTR character? Bush: Theoden Posted by: matt on November 2, 2004 09:39 AM
Ace, Your at it AGAIN with all this loose shit....don't make a fuckin' psycho outta me Ace, I am waringing you....cut the fuckin' shit Ace. And as for automobiles, Dubya would drive a Green '71 Hemi 'Cuda or a white '68 Mustang 427 Shelby GT OR, at the very least, a '70 Burnt-Orange GTO Judge with a 440. Not some faggy grey 77' Silverado. You are REALLY pissn' me off Ace. I am warning you for the last time....I got a shovel and a bag of lime right here next to me.... Posted by: Swiftsure aka Vinny Falcone on November 2, 2004 10:02 AM
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Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
One day I'm gonna write a poem in a letter One day I'm gonna get that faculty together Remember that everybody has to wait in line Oh, [Song Title], look out world, oh, you know I've got mine
US decimation of Iran's ICBM forces is due to Space Force's instant detection of launches -- and the launchers' hiding places -- and rapid counter-attack via missiles
AI is doing a lot of the work in analyzing images to find the exact hiding place of the launchers. Counter-strikes are now coming in four hours after a launch, whereas previously it might have taken days for humans to go over the imagery and data.
Robert Mueller, Former Special Counsel Who Probed Trump, Dies
“robert mueller just died,” trump wrote in a truth social post on march 21. “good, i’m glad he’s dead. he can no longer hurt innocent people! president donald j. trump.”
Canadian School Designates Cafeteria And Lunchroom As "No Food Zones" For Ramadan
Canada and the UK are neck and neck in the race to become the first western country to fall to Islam [CBD] [A]n asshole is somebody who looks at a painting of two toddlers doing something totally normal for toddlers and decides that it represents homosexuality and then thinks that publicly saying that is somehow edgy and clever. Instead it is doing what we accuse the Left of, that is sexualizing young children. If that describes you, own it.Muldoon
Update: Reports say The Warthog has been deployed against men
Thanks to fd. Yeah, thanks a bunch, Chief.
Reports: The A-10 Thunderbolt, better known as The Warthog, has been unleashed on Iran
It's a heavily armored (the pilot sits in a titanim bathtub) slow-and-low loitering plane with a massive minigun firing depleted uranium rounds. The capability it brings is the ability to just fly big circles over the country waiting for a target to present itself. This is a weapons platform for eliminating vehicles and personnel. Its first task might be strafing the seas, clearing out any remaining attack boats and minelayers.
Update: My ballpark estimate for a reasonable cost for a wildlife overpass (suitably padded to sate the thirst of Democrat grifters) was $15 million. Turns out, that was a good estimate. That's how much it cost Denver to build one.
Some people liked Candace Owens because she was a black woman who told hard truths about BLM and black criminality. But this was always a grift. She started out as a race hustler for a grift, then hustled race the other way to grift conservatives, and now she's back to being a race-hustler for the left again. Specifically, she is now claiming that people pointing out that she is legitimately low-IQ and can't pronounce half the words her AI-generated teleprompter script points out to her is racist and just Ben Shapiro's way of saying the n-word without quite saying it. You see, you can only say that black people are smart, and if you see a dumb one that doesn't know how to pronounce simple words while she poses as an investigatory journalist, you have to pretend she's actually smart or you're a racist. Weird, that doesn't sound very conservative, let alone "#Based," to me. To prove how much she hates racism, she then says that Ben Shapiro's Jew ancestors were masters of the slave trade.
The Oscars: A celebration of thanking. Dave Barry nails it! [CBD]
Ami Kozak: Every single Tucker Carlson episode consists of him claiming he didn't say the things he said in the last episode
Also: this is the manipulation Tucker does that i hate the most. It's so cowardly. All he does is smear people (and Jews, generally), and then claim "I have nothing against [the person or group I just smeared.]" He'll even claim "I love [x], actually." Just again and again and again. It's all a lie, of course. A year ago he smeared Jews but added how beautiful he thought Israel was, and then two weeks ago, he said Israel is ugly as dog-shit and nothing beautiful has been built there "since 1948." Just got this email from Dracula: "I love Van Helsing, actually, he's one of my personal heroes, if I'm being honest. I will claw the heart out of his belly and bathe in his blood before the children of Babylon, but I have nothing but respect for Van Helsing, actually. Love is the answer. Except for the followers of the Christ whom I am commanded to turn into my dark army of Satan. And I totally don't worship Satan, I just think we should listen to both sides. Hugs and kisses, may Van Helsing burn in the blood-red fires of hell throughout eternity, even though I consider him a close and dear friend, Vlad called Dracul." Recent Comments
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Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
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