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November 02, 2004
Voter Guide-- AddendumReader-submitted issue guidance to help you make your choice tomorrow, plus a couple I thought of my own self. In Don't hate me. STAR TREK CAPTAIN BUSH: Come on, easy-- The Captain. The only captain. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER MOVIE BUSH: Commando AUTOMOBILE BUSH: '77 primer-gray Silverado Dooley, naked-lady mud flaps MILITARY HERO BUSH: George Patton, Douglas MacArthur, Stonewall Jackson REFRESHING BEVERAGE WHOSE NAME CONTAINS AN HONORIFIC BUSH: Dr. Pepper STAR TREK VILLAIN BUSH: Khaaaaan!!! 60's TV CHICKS BUSH: Catwoman, Ginger, Maryanne, Agent 99, Marcia FAVORITE MOVIE MOMENT BUSH: Sonny Corleone beating the shit out of Carlos with the trash-can lid
BUSH: Terminator Model T-800 Series 101 (also Robocop) COMIC STRIP CHARACTER BUSH: Steve Dallas (Bloom County); Linus (Peanuts); Hobbes (Calvin & Hobbes) DEFINING SCI-FI/HORROR MOVIE QUOTE BUSH: "I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all outa bubblegum." CAUSE TO SMILE AFTER HEARING WORD "NANTUCKET" BUSH: reminds him of dirty limerick about Nantucket KEY QUOTE FROM "THE ROAD WARRIOR" BUSH: I'm the best chance you've got. CHARACTER FROM GIANT-MONSTER JAPANESE CINEMA BUSH: Godzilla HAIR METAL SONG EXPRESSING KEY THEME OF CAMPAIGN BUSH: "unilateralism" -- Whitesnake's Here I Go Again (On My Own) * I had to change this one. SmallCarGuy sent me a similar one using one of my favorite lines from the Road Warrior, and definitely John Kerry's true definining RW quote. posted by Ace at 03:11 AM
CommentsI just wanted to give you fair warning that I'll be dispatching lawyers to sue you for attempting to suppress the African-American vote in the comic-strip character category. The results do not reflect the popularity of the "Huey" character from the "Boondocks" strip, and you should be ashamed of yourself for disenfranchising this bold, fictional voice. Posted by: Sean M. on November 2, 2004 05:05 AM
I have to disagree on the ST Captain bit. Picard is the obvious choice for Kerry, being that Picard is a nuanced Frenchman more prone to negotiate than launch any photon torpedoes. Bush on the other hand, is much more similar to Sisko, the Emissary and a family man that kicks ass and takes names. Laura probably wouldn't take too kindly to any Orion slave girls in the Oval Office. Back in '92 there were "Picard/Riker" campaign bumperstickers. That's the ticket fielded by the Dem's this year, a diplomat and a pretty boy without enough experience to ever get his own ship. Posted by: rw on November 2, 2004 05:27 AM
You left out the most obvious choice for cartoon character: Ziggy. Posted by: Smack on November 2, 2004 07:23 AM
Automobile Bush - I don't drive no stinkin' Cheevy. Posted by: Ron on November 2, 2004 08:00 AM
Re Catwoman, we are obviously talking about Eartha Kitt or at least Julie Newmar. NOT Lee Meriwether. Catwoman should not look like she drives a station wagon. Posted by: Kerry on November 2, 2004 08:02 AM
Dude, this was a great bit. Funny as always. Posted by: Marty on November 2, 2004 08:12 AM
Better than the Mothra women. Hero Boy, the spoof of those movies on an episode of Freakazoid. (The Mothra women were therein replaced by two sumo wrestlers, who sang in an even higher key.) Anyway, Hero Boy tries to kill the giant monster attacking Tokyo, but only gets squashed. He's congratulated by the general for this, because he made people laugh. Posted by: Rich Baldwin on November 2, 2004 09:24 AM
Did Anyone do LOTR character? Bush: Theoden Posted by: matt on November 2, 2004 09:39 AM
Ace, Your at it AGAIN with all this loose shit....don't make a fuckin' psycho outta me Ace, I am waringing you....cut the fuckin' shit Ace. And as for automobiles, Dubya would drive a Green '71 Hemi 'Cuda or a white '68 Mustang 427 Shelby GT OR, at the very least, a '70 Burnt-Orange GTO Judge with a 440. Not some faggy grey 77' Silverado. You are REALLY pissn' me off Ace. I am warning you for the last time....I got a shovel and a bag of lime right here next to me.... Posted by: Swiftsure aka Vinny Falcone on November 2, 2004 10:02 AM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
Troops wearing Union army uniforms walked by, and then the First Cavalry wearing their cavalry hats and big yellow buff leather gloves. They even had a horse-drawn wagon. Now WWI uniforms.
Old man punches 14 y/o punk who was throwing food at his wife. Watch till the end. [dri]
BTW, Tampon Tim, China stages a lot of Chinese army parades, too. Weird that you didn't compare Trump's military parade to the parades staged by your patrons in China.
A commenter says the Real America network will cover the Army's 250th Anniversary Parade starting at 4pm. (Eastern, I guess.) The Right Side Broadcasting network will cover it starting at 4:30.
Israel bombs Iran.
Finally. Iran's top nuclear scientist says the nuke plant at Natanz has been completely destroyed. Though it's in Iran's interest to lie about Israel having been successful, so they can start their nuke program again while claiming it's all been destroyed.
Riots? What riots?
[Hat Tip: dhmosquito] [CBD]
The DNC votes overwhelmingly, 254-99, to eject David Hogg from the Vice Chairmanship, citing "gender"
They insisted he should have one. ![]()
ANTIFA affiliate “No Kings” (funded by Wal-Mart heiress Christy Walton ) is scheduling
Lost 90s Mystery Click, Post-Grunge Alt-Rock Edition
Don't scream about, don't think aloud Turn your head, now baby, just spit me out Don't worry 'bout, don't speak of doubt Turn your head, now baby, just spit me out Read my new book "Burned", describing how the media was TRICKED by activists into reporting the anti-ICE protesters were peaceful and lawful...
An interesting take on the Mexican Insurrection in Los Angeles Mexican citizens are colonizers. [dri].
Space Ice: Batman & Robin
Space Ice has avoided all superhero movies (I think) in the past, but now that he's out of Steven Seagal movies, he might have to transition. Or maybe he's just covering it because it's Arnold. Wrong! He's done Madame Web and Morbius and probably a bunch more I've forgotten. ![]() Big Beautiful Bill...isn't, Congress shirks its responsibility again (shocker!), Boulder should be an overdue wake-up call for Jews in America, should Israel sink Thunberg's boat? And more!
Legacy media isn’t just fake news, it’s also full of Hamas-sourced, terrorist propaganda: Fox News, AP, CNN, Others Ran With Massive Hamas-Sourced Fake News, Then the Surveillance Video Came Out. “Multiple press outlets…ran with a report early Sunday morning claiming Israeli forces randomly opened fire on civilians gathered to collect aid. Sourced by ‘health officials’ and ‘witnesses,’ the claim involved dozens being killed and ‘at least’ 175 injured.” It wasn’t true. But our loathsome media wanted it to be true, so they reported it anyway. [Buck]
MORE COWBELL: TRUMP CHOPS TRADE DEFICIT IN HALF
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Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
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