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November 02, 2004
Voter Guide-- AddendumReader-submitted issue guidance to help you make your choice tomorrow, plus a couple I thought of my own self. In Don't hate me. STAR TREK CAPTAIN BUSH: Come on, easy-- The Captain. The only captain. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER MOVIE BUSH: Commando AUTOMOBILE BUSH: '77 primer-gray Silverado Dooley, naked-lady mud flaps MILITARY HERO BUSH: George Patton, Douglas MacArthur, Stonewall Jackson REFRESHING BEVERAGE WHOSE NAME CONTAINS AN HONORIFIC BUSH: Dr. Pepper STAR TREK VILLAIN BUSH: Khaaaaan!!! 60's TV CHICKS BUSH: Catwoman, Ginger, Maryanne, Agent 99, Marcia FAVORITE MOVIE MOMENT BUSH: Sonny Corleone beating the shit out of Carlos with the trash-can lid
BUSH: Terminator Model T-800 Series 101 (also Robocop) COMIC STRIP CHARACTER BUSH: Steve Dallas (Bloom County); Linus (Peanuts); Hobbes (Calvin & Hobbes) DEFINING SCI-FI/HORROR MOVIE QUOTE BUSH: "I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all outa bubblegum." CAUSE TO SMILE AFTER HEARING WORD "NANTUCKET" BUSH: reminds him of dirty limerick about Nantucket KEY QUOTE FROM "THE ROAD WARRIOR" BUSH: I'm the best chance you've got. CHARACTER FROM GIANT-MONSTER JAPANESE CINEMA BUSH: Godzilla HAIR METAL SONG EXPRESSING KEY THEME OF CAMPAIGN BUSH: "unilateralism" -- Whitesnake's Here I Go Again (On My Own) * I had to change this one. SmallCarGuy sent me a similar one using one of my favorite lines from the Road Warrior, and definitely John Kerry's true definining RW quote. posted by Ace at 03:11 AM
CommentsI just wanted to give you fair warning that I'll be dispatching lawyers to sue you for attempting to suppress the African-American vote in the comic-strip character category. The results do not reflect the popularity of the "Huey" character from the "Boondocks" strip, and you should be ashamed of yourself for disenfranchising this bold, fictional voice. Posted by: Sean M. on November 2, 2004 05:05 AM
I have to disagree on the ST Captain bit. Picard is the obvious choice for Kerry, being that Picard is a nuanced Frenchman more prone to negotiate than launch any photon torpedoes. Bush on the other hand, is much more similar to Sisko, the Emissary and a family man that kicks ass and takes names. Laura probably wouldn't take too kindly to any Orion slave girls in the Oval Office. Back in '92 there were "Picard/Riker" campaign bumperstickers. That's the ticket fielded by the Dem's this year, a diplomat and a pretty boy without enough experience to ever get his own ship. Posted by: rw on November 2, 2004 05:27 AM
You left out the most obvious choice for cartoon character: Ziggy. Posted by: Smack on November 2, 2004 07:23 AM
Automobile Bush - I don't drive no stinkin' Cheevy. Posted by: Ron on November 2, 2004 08:00 AM
Re Catwoman, we are obviously talking about Eartha Kitt or at least Julie Newmar. NOT Lee Meriwether. Catwoman should not look like she drives a station wagon. Posted by: Kerry on November 2, 2004 08:02 AM
Dude, this was a great bit. Funny as always. Posted by: Marty on November 2, 2004 08:12 AM
Better than the Mothra women. Hero Boy, the spoof of those movies on an episode of Freakazoid. (The Mothra women were therein replaced by two sumo wrestlers, who sang in an even higher key.) Anyway, Hero Boy tries to kill the giant monster attacking Tokyo, but only gets squashed. He's congratulated by the general for this, because he made people laugh. Posted by: Rich Baldwin on November 2, 2004 09:24 AM
Did Anyone do LOTR character? Bush: Theoden Posted by: matt on November 2, 2004 09:39 AM
Ace, Your at it AGAIN with all this loose shit....don't make a fuckin' psycho outta me Ace, I am waringing you....cut the fuckin' shit Ace. And as for automobiles, Dubya would drive a Green '71 Hemi 'Cuda or a white '68 Mustang 427 Shelby GT OR, at the very least, a '70 Burnt-Orange GTO Judge with a 440. Not some faggy grey 77' Silverado. You are REALLY pissn' me off Ace. I am warning you for the last time....I got a shovel and a bag of lime right here next to me.... Posted by: Swiftsure aka Vinny Falcone on November 2, 2004 10:02 AM
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| The Deplorable Gourmet A Horde-sourced Cookbook [All profits go to charity] Top Headlines
Chris Dreja RIP: of the legendary 60s Rock band The Yardbirds has died at 79.
Dreja co-founded The Yardbirds in 1963; playing rhythm guitar alongside lead axman Tom Topham, singer Keith Relf, drummer Jim McCarthy and bassist Paul Samwell-Smith. The group would go on to feature three of the most celebrated guitarists in rock history in Eric Clapton, who replaced Topham in 1993; Jeff Beck, who took over for Clapton in 1965; and future Led Zeppelin heavyweight Jimmy Page, who joined in 1966; when Samwell-Smith left. (J.J. Sefton)
I have no regrets about quitting the NFL.
I also have no regrets about quitting the increasingly gay James Bond: Bleeding Fool Censored images of Bond, now disarmed, here via BetaCuck4Lyfe, which coincidentally enough will be James Bond's new cover identity.
Harvard hires drag queen named 'LaWhore Vagistan' as visiting professor
You can't make this up! [CBD] ![]()
Oh great, another reboot of an old TV series for "The Modern Audience"
Trump taunts Democrat leaders with 'Trump 2028' hats in Oval Office
The man knows how to troll! [CBD]
High-power microwave system downs 49 drones in one shot - weaponized electromagnetic interference erases drone swarms en masse Measure...counter-measure...counter-counter-measure? [CBD]
More Leftist Violence. On 9/23, Rapper Ice Cube's tour bus firebombed by protesters in Portland after being mistaken for ICE deportation bus. The MSM is giving this story a good leaving alone. [dri]
Christian in wheelchair killed while livestreaming his faith in France
Western civilization is under attack. [CBD]
Sinclair folds under political pressure from Democrats like Bernie Sanders who demanded they air Jimmy Kimmel again; for reasons they won't even pretend to explain, that kind of political pressure is allowable and even righteous.
North Ireland football fans are tired of Palestine and its disgusting "activists"
Thanks to Sasquatch, "the original trans wookie" ![]()
After another rough week, here is a pleasant palate cleanser of Rose singing a live version of her hit APT (with Psy). This song generated 2 billion views on YouTube in less than a year. Enjoy! [dri]
Secret Service Dismantles Electronic Network Posing Threat to Officials at UN Gathering What the hell? China? Russia? Iran? [CBD]
Can Texas A&M be saved? Mere days after its woke President was forced out over his DEI/LGBT advocacy, the university just posted for a tenure-track “Latinx Environmental History” position. “For queries about the position please contact Dr. Sonia Hernández electronically at soniah@tamu.edu” I just might query about it. [Buck]
Where are all the Madison Cornbreads of yesteryear?
Trump Adds $100,000 Fee for H-1B Visas, Launches New 'Gold Card' Visa
This Trump fellow seems to be serious. [CBD] Recent Comments
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Thanksgivingmanship: How to Deal With Your Spoiled Stupid Leftist Adultbrat Relatives Who Have Spent Three Months Reading Slate and Vox Learning How to Deal With You You're Fired! Donald Trump Grills the 2004 Democrat Candidates and Operatives on Their Election Loss Bizarrely I had a perfect Donald Trump voice going in 2004 and then literally never used it again, even when he was running for president. A Eulogy In Advance for Former Lincoln Project Associate and Noted Twitter Pestilence Tom Nichols Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: If You Touch My Sandwich One More Time, I Will Fvcking Kill You Special Guest Blogger Rich "Psycho" Giamboni: I Must Eat Jim Acosta Special Guest Blogger Tom Friedman: We Need to Talk About What My Egyptian Cab Driver Told Me About Globalization Shortly Before He Began to Murder Me Special Guest Blogger Bernard Henri-Levy: I rise in defense of my very good friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn Note: Later events actually proved Dominique Strauss-Kahn completely innocent. The piece is still funny though -- if you pretend, for five minutes, that he was guilty. The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility The Dowd-O-Matic! The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Archives
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