Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!


Contact
Ace:
aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
CBD:
cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com
Doof:
doof2112 at proton.me
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com


Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Captain Whitebread 2026
Jon Ekdahl 2026
Jay Guevara 2025
Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025
Jewells45 2025
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups





















« DNC Rues Clues They Might Lose Jews, Anew | Main | Andrew "Less Than Zero" McCarthy Lights Up the New York Times »
October 26, 2004

A Spoof I'm Far Too Respectable and Classy to Ever Write

But I sure can link it:

"For too long, Republican-fueled hate has kept gays fearful and in the closet, often with tragic consequences," [John Edwards' "wife" Elizabeth] explained. "For example, even today gay men are frequently locked in loveless marriages of convenience, for no other reason than to provide a flimsy facade to society."

"This is a tragedy for everyone, particularly the unsuspecting wife," said Edwards. "She is that plain small town girl who meets the handsome -- yet oddly fussy -- prelaw student at the fraternity smoker, her undeveloped 'gay-dar' too weak to recognize his obsessive hair primping and unusual effeminate chattiness. Soon they are dating, but he shows little interest in sex, always claiming he has 'a big tort midterm' or other excuse. Still, she would rather stay with this eerily pretty man who shows no interest in other women, even if it means letting him have his regular Wednesday through Saturday 'boys nights out' in Charlotte or Raleigh or Atlanta...."

I think we've all been there, Liza.

It May Sound Real, But I Assure It's Not (?) Update: Just in case this isn't clear -- perhaps it's too damn believable Elizabeth Edwards would say exactly this -- this is a satire. It's made up. Iowahawk wrote it.

But we all know that John Edwards has seen the ABBA tribute musical Mama Mia at least three or four times.

I'm not saying that makes him gay.

I'm just saying, well, I guess that was what I was saying.


posted by Ace at 08:08 PM
Comments



umm, is it me or does she talk like she is talking from experience? LOL

Posted by: wannabe on October 26, 2004 09:19 PM

Something you're trying to tell us, Liz? Would it have anything to do with a guy who recently seen spending an inordinate amount of time on his hair?

This is classic, like listening to a liberal with no black friends trying to expound on black culture.

Posted by: Eric Pobirs on October 26, 2004 09:26 PM

Poor Ace! If you think you have some satire-challenged readers, you should see the nimnulls over at Jim Treacher's blog.

Who would think that you would need to update this and blazon it with SPOOF and SATIRE?

Good lawd in butter; P.T. Barnum was right. There must be a corollary to his famous statement.

Posted by: Frank Villon on October 26, 2004 09:35 PM

Honestly, I could see her saying something like this. It took me until the word effeminate before I realized it was a spoof. Elizabeth is just that vapid.

I'm pretty sure seeing Mama Mia only once is more than enough to get on the gay agenda mailing list. Even I won't see it. There's flaming, and then there's supernovae.

Posted by: Rob on October 26, 2004 10:13 PM

Not that there's anything wrong with John Edwards being effeminate....

Posted by: OneDrummer on October 26, 2004 10:29 PM

Have any of you seen an independent movie called Sordid Lives? If you remember the character called "Brother Boy"--a transvestite Tammy Wynette impersonator locked in a Texas mental hospital--well, that's who Edwards reminds me of. The gestures, the pouts, the accent (granted his is Carolina instead of Texas)--I've been calling Edwards 'Brother Boy' since the VP debate.

All of which makes his Mary Cheney dig all the more ironic.

Posted by: See-Dubya on October 27, 2004 01:04 AM

Late to the party again but had to say that Mama Mia line just floored me. Keep at it Ace, some day you'll strike gold.

Posted by: dano on October 29, 2004 12:35 PM
Post a comment
Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:


Remember info?








Now Available!
The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]
Top Headlines
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click, Guitar Hero Edition
Oh here it comes
That funny feeling again winding me up inside Every time we touch
Hey I don't know
Oh, tell me where to begin cause I never ever
Felt so much

Okay, that was pretty easy. Here's one that's 3% harder. But still easy.
Ooh, can you feel the static?
So many contacts being made
We've got up-front fanatics
Tearing down the barricade
To reach the stage
Can you feel the rage?
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Is the Iran situation reaching a steady state? The UK sides with the enemies of the West, Vance the Squish? France and Germany and their coming elections, Canada trade war is one-sided, and Clancy is evil incarnate!
Dear RNC; Go f*ck yourselves. I have gotten 56 texts in the last two weeks...all offensive and sneaky and all begging for money. At this point I would rather donate to AOC. [CBD]
BIG NEWS UPDATE NOT FIRED

From her lawyer

"The irresponsible reports that have been published stating that Maria Bartiromo was fired or is no longer an employee of Fox are absolutely and unequivocally false," Freedman said Friday. "Make no mistake, we have the receipts and witnesses and they will come out whether through the courthouse or otherwise."

He added: "Those reporting her firing or the incredulous facts supporting that fiction have exhibited a complete and utter reckless disregard for the truth."

from anon2020
So what, she quit?
Megyn Kelly (accursed be her name) used to say all the time that Fox has a top female PR person who is a nasty pitbull and leaks nasty claims about anyone Fox is at war with, including those who have left the network. So I guess maybe she technically resigned? I don't know.
NEW: @FoxNews has obtained Lindsay Clancy defense attorney Kevin Reddington's appeal filing to the MA Supreme Court, which includes Reddington accusing the lone holdout juror of being "biased" against those with "debilitating mental illness", which he says is a protected category.

Thanks to Mark1971
Holiday Break: I've had a rough couple of weeks -- the shoulder is healing now and I'm finally getting decent sleep -- and I've decided to take a long weekend.
I'm taking Friday off, and then Monday off, too.
I have Open Threads for both days and I will post if big news breaks, but if it doesn't -- and it probably won't, news is slow before a holiday weekend -- I'm going to take a four day weekend.
Sh0eOnHead discusses the Psychotic Cult of Lindsay
Real quotes:
"This case has me feeling like I'm on Law & Order with you guys!"
"We literally binge true crime as a hobby, we've been trained for this moment"
Worth the watch. If you haven't seen the genuinely upsetting insanity motivating thousands of women, you should watch this just to see how society is crumbling.
Ban TikTok, Trump. I don't care if Barron tells you it's popular with the yutes. It is an evil Communist China op and it is driving women insane.
Dolly Parton tells the story of the supposedly real-life Jolene
As Andrew Branca says, can we see this Jolene, finally? Who was this hottie that was a genuine sexual threat to Dolly Parton?
I think this is Fake News personally. When a magician claims he learned a trick from a Himalayan wise man, I don't believe him either.
Peter Cullen, voice actor for Optimus Prime (among many others) dies at home surrounded by family at age 85
RIP and Roll Out!
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Dolly Parton...an American classic, Michigan's El Sayed is part of our future destruction, More Global Warming nonsense, mail-in balloting restrictions, Darline Graham? Get rid of family dynasties...and more!
Breaking news: Dolly Parton had a real pair of 38s
Or at least one. She carried it everywhere for protection.
This joke brought to you by Benny Hill. And speaking of the British: The Buckingham Palace guard tributed her yesterday
Recent Comments
Alberta Oil Peon: "Some sports Karens are now upset over Sweeney's ha ..."

CharlieBrown'sDildo: "I would bring home the leftover biscuits and then ..."

polynikes: "My breakfast as a kid was giving me 75 cents to ge ..."

runner: "what an interesting blog ..... ..."

r hennigantx: "Best bfast ever was when we go visit Mamaw. I wou ..."

CharlieBrown'sDildo: "Centered for 220 comments. Is that a record? [i] ..."

polynikes: "When I lived in NY I'd get tuna on a bagel for bre ..."

r hennigantx: "When I was running half marathons it was 2 eggs sc ..."

Hadrian the Seventh : " Ah, I see tonight's MNF had a shot of Mrs. Kelce ..."

polynikes: "I do miss having breakfast pork chops and eggs and ..."

Alberta Oil Peon: "Centered for 220 comments. Is that a record? ..."

r hennigantx: "215 I’d prefer a Tuna melt for breakfast ove ..."

Bloggers in Arms
Some Humorous Asides
Archives