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« DNC Rues Clues They Might Lose Jews, Anew | Main | Andrew "Less Than Zero" McCarthy Lights Up the New York Times »
October 26, 2004

A Spoof I'm Far Too Respectable and Classy to Ever Write

But I sure can link it:

"For too long, Republican-fueled hate has kept gays fearful and in the closet, often with tragic consequences," [John Edwards' "wife" Elizabeth] explained. "For example, even today gay men are frequently locked in loveless marriages of convenience, for no other reason than to provide a flimsy facade to society."

"This is a tragedy for everyone, particularly the unsuspecting wife," said Edwards. "She is that plain small town girl who meets the handsome -- yet oddly fussy -- prelaw student at the fraternity smoker, her undeveloped 'gay-dar' too weak to recognize his obsessive hair primping and unusual effeminate chattiness. Soon they are dating, but he shows little interest in sex, always claiming he has 'a big tort midterm' or other excuse. Still, she would rather stay with this eerily pretty man who shows no interest in other women, even if it means letting him have his regular Wednesday through Saturday 'boys nights out' in Charlotte or Raleigh or Atlanta...."

I think we've all been there, Liza.

It May Sound Real, But I Assure It's Not (?) Update: Just in case this isn't clear -- perhaps it's too damn believable Elizabeth Edwards would say exactly this -- this is a satire. It's made up. Iowahawk wrote it.

But we all know that John Edwards has seen the ABBA tribute musical Mama Mia at least three or four times.

I'm not saying that makes him gay.

I'm just saying, well, I guess that was what I was saying.


posted by Ace at 08:08 PM
Comments



umm, is it me or does she talk like she is talking from experience? LOL

Posted by: wannabe on October 26, 2004 09:19 PM

Something you're trying to tell us, Liz? Would it have anything to do with a guy who recently seen spending an inordinate amount of time on his hair?

This is classic, like listening to a liberal with no black friends trying to expound on black culture.

Posted by: Eric Pobirs on October 26, 2004 09:26 PM

Poor Ace! If you think you have some satire-challenged readers, you should see the nimnulls over at Jim Treacher's blog.

Who would think that you would need to update this and blazon it with SPOOF and SATIRE?

Good lawd in butter; P.T. Barnum was right. There must be a corollary to his famous statement.

Posted by: Frank Villon on October 26, 2004 09:35 PM

Honestly, I could see her saying something like this. It took me until the word effeminate before I realized it was a spoof. Elizabeth is just that vapid.

I'm pretty sure seeing Mama Mia only once is more than enough to get on the gay agenda mailing list. Even I won't see it. There's flaming, and then there's supernovae.

Posted by: Rob on October 26, 2004 10:13 PM

Not that there's anything wrong with John Edwards being effeminate....

Posted by: OneDrummer on October 26, 2004 10:29 PM

Have any of you seen an independent movie called Sordid Lives? If you remember the character called "Brother Boy"--a transvestite Tammy Wynette impersonator locked in a Texas mental hospital--well, that's who Edwards reminds me of. The gestures, the pouts, the accent (granted his is Carolina instead of Texas)--I've been calling Edwards 'Brother Boy' since the VP debate.

All of which makes his Mary Cheney dig all the more ironic.

Posted by: See-Dubya on October 27, 2004 01:04 AM

Late to the party again but had to say that Mama Mia line just floored me. Keep at it Ace, some day you'll strike gold.

Posted by: dano on October 29, 2004 12:35 PM
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Sahil Kapur
@sahilkapur

Sen. Ruben Gallego, D-Ariz., on Platner: "We know that Graham has lived not your typical political experience. He's been very clear and open with his wife, and they worked through whatever they worked through. At the end of the day, this man has had 60 more town halls than Susan Collins has. He's winning the polls, he's willing to accept that he has grown as a person, and I think we should accept that."

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I like that he says that it's okay that Graham Platner sexted 12 different women within months of marrying the woman to sponge off her because he wasn't then "living a political life" -- the clear meaning being, "We all cheat, we just don't cheat when we're running for office, and he didn't know he was running for office when he was sending dicpics to half the women he ran into."
Except he was running: His own wife turned the sexts over to his campaign.
And obviously Reuben Gallego didn't let his "political life" get in the way of his extramarital dating life:
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Future Tucker Carlson guest James Talarico:
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@jamestalarico

Black Americans in a church.

Mexican Americans in a store.

Asian Americans in a spa.

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