Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!


Contact
Ace:
aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
CBD:
cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com


Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Jon Ekdahl 2026
Jay Guevara 2025
Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025
Jewells45 2025
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups





















« Orchestrated By "Political Partisans"? | Main | A Dukakian Fall III: A Dukakian Fall With a Vengeance »
September 20, 2004

Victory of the Blogosphere Bonus Top Ten:
Top Ten Dan Rather "Folksy Texas Sayings" About What Went Wrong

10. We were all hornswaggled worse than a blind dog sniffing at the ass of a decoy duck

9. Our fact-checking was looser than a three-toothed Galveston whore during Fleet Week when the rent's due

8. We got played worse than the only fiddle at an Houston hootenanny

7. We're dumber than a sack of hammers -- retard-hammers, that is

6. The story was rushed more than a Arkansas groom with bun in the oven and a shotgun to his crotch

5. Bill Burkett duped us harder than a carny-barker shilling for a game of "Stump the Chicken"

4. We got deeper into this mess than Hell's own septic-tank cleaner

3. We bent over for Ben Barnes harder than a new-fish at the Gainsboro Maximum Security Penitentiary Cotillion & Debutante Ball

2. I'm more in the tank for John Kerry than a Chicsaw County grifter with an eight-foot siphon

...and the Number One Dan Rather "Folksy Texas Saying" for What Went Wrong...

1. What do you want me to say? We all lean harder to the left than Michael Moore during a starboard-blowing squall, while simultaneously trying to balance in order to consume his own right foot


posted by Ace at 04:35 PM
Comments



Ace:

As a longtime reader of this site, I feel I have the credibility to make the following two assertions:

1) Worst. Top-Ten. Ever.
2) FREE JOHNNY COLDCUTS!!!!!

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster on September 20, 2004 05:25 PM

Rather says he was misled. He reminds me of a teenage girl: "But he said I wouldn't get pregnant!"

Right.

Posted by: Amphipolis on September 20, 2004 05:39 PM

Get 'em Ed!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact: Christine Iverson
202-863-8614

Washington, DC--Republican National Committee Chairman Ed Gillespie issued the following statement on CBS’s admission today that memos regarding the President’s National Guard service are not real.

“We accept CBS's apology for a breach of the journalistic standards that provide the American people confidence in news organizations, but some disturbing questions remain unanswered.

“CBS has now answered questions about the authenticity of the documents but questions remain surrounding who created the documents, who provided them to CBS and if Senator Kerry's supporters, Party committee, or campaign played any role.

“Did Bill Burkett, Democrat activist and Kerry campaign supporter, who passed information to the DNC, work with Kerry campaign surrogate Max Cleland? Did Bill Burkett's talks with ‘senior’ Kerry campaign officials include discussions of the now discredited documents? Was the launch of the Democrat National Committee's Operation Fortunate Son designed with knowledge of the faked forged memos? Terry McAuliffe said yesterday that no one at the DNC or Kerry campaign, ‘had anything to do with the preparations of the documents,’ but what about the distribution or dissemination?

“In an effort to regain the trust of the American people CBS should not only investigate the process that led to the use of these documents but they should identify immediately those engaged in possible criminal activity who attempted to use a news organization to affect the outcome of a Presidential election in its closing days.”

Posted by: mr lawson on September 20, 2004 05:40 PM

Notice how Gunga Dan and Co. have yet to apologize to W for defaming him?
Any bets when that happens?

Posted by: Iblis on September 20, 2004 05:50 PM

How bad is it for Kerry?

This fucking bad.

Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer on September 20, 2004 05:51 PM

Ace,
not your best top ten effort. It needed something to this effect:

Dan Rather grabbed Mary Mapes by the back of the head, kissing her fully on the lips, telling her she had disappointed him, and sent her catfish fishing on the Rio Grande--Mexican side.

Posted by: Birkel on September 20, 2004 07:16 PM

There's no pleasing some people. Try to post a nice topical Top Ten, and the next thing you know you've got more critics than a prize pig in a pie-jumping competition. (I have no idea what that means, but somehow I can just see Dan Rather saying it.)

Posted by: Paul Zrimsek on September 20, 2004 07:30 PM

Didja notice that even with the climbdown, CBS still didn't admit everything the b'sphere/WaPo/ABC uncovered. Instead, their new info was that Burkett misled them. That way they "broke" the story and they don't have to face up to the huge and inept coverup they attempted. That is, they don't have to face it unless we hold their feet to the fire.

Posted by: Terry Notus on September 20, 2004 08:40 PM
Post a comment
Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:


Remember info?








Now Available!
The Deplorable Gourmet
A Horde-sourced Cookbook
[All profits go to charity]
Top Headlines
What? Skeleton of the most famous Musketeer, D'Artagnan, possibly discovered in Dutch church closet.
Dumas picked four names of real musketeers out of a history book, D'Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos. So there was an actual D'Artagnan, though he made most of the story up. (Or, you know, all of it.)*
Charles de Batz de Castelmore, known as d'Artagnan, the famous musketeer of Kings Louis XIII and Louis XIV, spent his life in the service of the French crown.
The Gascon nobleman inspired Alexandre Dumas's hero in "The Three Musketeers" in the 19th century, a character now known worldwide thanks to the novel and numerous film adaptations.
D'Artagnan was killed during the siege of Maastricht in 1673, and there is a statue honoring the musketeer in the city. His final resting place has remained a mystery ever since.

A lot of Dumas's stories are based on bits of real history. The plot of the >Three Musketeers, about trying to recover lost diamonds from the queen's necklace, was cribbed from the then-almost-contemporaneous Affair of the Queen's Necklace. And the Man in the Iron Mask is based on real accounts of a prisoner forced to wear a mask (though I think it was a velvet mask).
* Oh, I should mention, Dumas says all this, about finding the names in an old book, in the prologue to his novel. But authors lie a lot. They frequently present fictions as based on historic fact. The twist is, he was actually telling the truth here. At least about these four musketeers having actually existed and served under Louis XIV.
Fun fact: You know the beginning of A Fistful of Dollars where the local gunslingers make fun of Clint Eastwood's donkey and Eastwood demands they apologize to the donkey? That's lifted from The Three Musketeers. Rochefort mocks D'Artagnan's old, brokedown farm horse and D'Artagnan is incensed.
A commenter asked which should be read first, The Hobbit of LOTR?
Easy, no question -- read The Hobbit first. It's actually the start of the story and comes first chronologically. It sets up some major characters and major pieces in play in LOTR.
Also, the Hobbit is Beginner-Friendly, which LOTR isn't. The Hobbit really is a delightful book, and a fast read. It's chatty, it's casual, it's exciting, and it's funny. In that dry cheeky British humor way. I love that the narrator is constantly making little asides and commentary, like he's just sitting next to you telling you this story as it occurs to him.
LOTR is a very long story. Fifteen hundred pages or so. The Hobbit is relatively short and very punchy and easy to read. If you don't like The Hobbit, you can skip out on LOTR. If you do like it, you'll be primed to read LOTR.
Oh, I should say: The Hobbit is written as if it's for children, but one of those smart children's stories that are also for adults. Don't worry, there's also real fighting and violence and horror in it, too.
LOTR is written for adults. (It's said that Tolkien wrote both for his children, but LOTR was written 17 years later, when his children were adults.) Some might not like The Hobbit due to its sometimes frivolous tone. Me, I love it. I find it constantly amusing. Both are really good but there is a starkly different tone to both. LOTR is epic, grand, and serious, about a world war, The Hobbit is light and breezy, and about a heist. Though a heist that culminates in a war for the spoils.
The Hobbit Challenge: Read two more chapters. I didn't have much time. Bilbo got the ring.
I noticed a continuity problem. Maybe. Now, as of the time of The Hobbit, it was unknown that this magic ring was in fact a Ring of Power, and it was doubly unknown that it was the Ring of Power, the Master Ring that controlled the others.
But the narrator -- who we will learn in LOTR was none of than Bilbo himself, who wrote the book as "There and Back Again" -- says this about Gollum's ring:
"But who knows how Gollum had come by that present [the Ring], ages ago in the old days when such rings were still at large in the world? Perhaps even the Master who ruled them could not have said."
In another passage, the ring is identified as a "ring of power."
I don't know, I always thought there was a distinction between mere magic rings and the Rings of Power created by Sauron. But this suggests that Bilbo knew this was a ring of power created by Sauron.
Now I don't remember when Bilbo wrote the Hobbit. In the movie, he shows Frodo the book in Rivendell, and I guess he wrote it after he left the Shire. I guess he might have added in the part about the ring being a ring of power created by "the Master" after Gandalf appraised him of his research into the ring.
I never noticed this before. I know Tolkien re-wrote this chapter while he was writing LOTR to make the ring important from the start. And also to make Gollum more sinister and evil, and also to remove the part where Gollum actually offers Bilbo the ring as a "present" -- Bilbo had already found it on his own, but Gollum was wiling to give it away, which obviously is not something the rewritten Gollum would ever do.
But I had no memory of the ring being suggested to be The Ring so early in the tale.
Finish the job, Mr. President!
Melanie Phillips lays out the case for the total destruction of the Iranian government and armed forces. [CBD]
CJN podcast 1400 copy.jpg
Podcast: Sefton and CBD talk about how would a peace treaty with Iran work, Democrats defending murderers and rapists, The GOP vs. Dem bench for 2028, composting bodies? And more!
Oh, I forgot to mention this quote from Pete Hegseth, reported by Roger Kimball: "We are sharing the ocean with the Iranian Navy. We're giving them the bottom half."
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click: Red Leather Suit and Sweatband Edition
And I was here to please
I'm even on knees
Makin' love to whoever I please
I gotta do it my way
Or no way at all
Tomorrow is March 25th, "Tolkien Reading Day," because March 25th is the day when the Ring is destroyed in the book. I think I'm going to start the Hobbit tomorrow and read all four books this time.
The only bad part of the trilogy are the Frodo/Sam chapters in The Two Towers. They're repetitive, slow, and mostly about the weather and terrain. But most everything else is good. Weirdly, the Frodo-Sam chapters in Return of the King are exciting and action-packed and among the best in the trilogy. (Though the chapters with everyone else in Return of the King get pretty slow again. Mostly people talking about marching towards war, and then marching towards war.)
Forgotten 80s Mystery Click
One day I'm gonna write a poem in a letter
One day I'm gonna get that faculty together
Remember that everybody has to wait in line
Oh, [Song Title], look out world, oh, you know I've got mine
US decimation of Iran's ICBM forces is due to Space Force's instant detection of launches -- and the launchers' hiding places -- and rapid counter-attack via missiles
AI is doing a lot of the work in analyzing images to find the exact hiding place of the launchers. Counter-strikes are now coming in four hours after a launch, whereas previously it might have taken days for humans to go over the imagery and data.
Robert Mueller, Former Special Counsel Who Probed Trump, Dies
“robert mueller just died,” trump wrote in a truth social post on march 21. “good, i’m glad he’s dead. he can no longer hurt innocent people! president donald j. trump.”
Canadian School Designates Cafeteria And Lunchroom As "No Food Zones" For Ramadan
Canada and the UK are neck and neck in the race to become the first western country to fall to Islam [CBD]
Recent Comments
[/i][/b][/s][/u]I used to have a different nic: "The link to your favorite Cafe story doesn't go wh ..."

Anon Y. Mous: ">>>Programmers designed the worst-possible volume ..."

Aliassmithsmith: "The 30.06 bullet recovered from the beloved Chsyl ..."

Paolo: "[i]Save some ladies for the rest of us. Posted by ..."

eleven: "Are there any big blonde beavers? ..."

Anon Y. Mous: ">>>Town builds statue to commemorate day that citi ..."

sock_rat_eez[/i][/s][/b][/u]: "dogs! ..."

sock_rat_eez[/i][/s][/b][/u]: "nood! ..."

Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _: "216 How come nobody ever looks for aliens in the o ..."

eleven: "BTW...I can almost guarantee you the China laser t ..."

Primus : "More big brown beavers are always welcome! ..."

Oldcat: "The Lincoln Assassins were all hung from the same ..."

Bloggers in Arms
Some Humorous Asides
Archives