I guess Sen Kerry did learn a few things as Sen Kennedy's understudy all these years.

is that the fine aroma of a new top 10 list I smell in the air?

Was he just drunk, or was he gob-smackingly drunk?

This was one of your funniest posts.The multiple linking coupled with the weasely commentary was masterful.Made me think I was reading the NYT(shudder).
Speaking of the Times,Aaron Brown had Maureen Dowd on last night for no discernible reason other than to denigrate Bush,and it was the same old same old.What struck me though is how much of a complete B***H that woman is.EVERY feature of her,every gesture,every word,just screams out that her picture is directly under that word in the dictionary.A truly repellent person.

is that the fine aroma of a new top 10 list I smell in the air?

I don't know. One thing I've learned about Top Tens is that they can't have too narrow a premise. It's hard to write ten funny jokes all about being drunk.

I was thinking more about "Top Ten Signs That Liberals Are So Pumped Right Now." That's a pretty open-ended premise, so I can slip in my normal quota of jokes about poop, masturbating, and D&D.

...and Oliver Willis! We want Willis abuse!

Ah, c'mon. There is nothing wrong with Maureen Dowd that a good beef injection wouldn't cure.

I can't resist suggesting top ten signs:

1) Goes to Wendy's for burger run and ACTUALLY EATS the food.

2) Interrupts speech to "drain the weasel", fails to zip up.

3) Gets "the giggles" talking about "Bush" and "Dick".

4) Instead of hugging Edwards and waving to the crowd, hugs, then squeezes his cheeks saying "look at that face, just look at that face".

5) Demands that TheRAYsa "kiss me like Al and Tipper" to get the polls back up.

6) Starts making finger quotes when talking about "President" Bush.

7) Starts sprinkling f-bombs into speech - wait, that doesn't work, he'd never do that.

8) Appears with Cheetos dust around his mouth and on his fingers

9) Apologizes to Vets that he slandered in his congressional testimony, then says "Not!"

10) Falls down while skiing.

I know, I know, get your own damn blog.

Michael and dougf are dancing about a very important point. Maureen Dowd, a woman of very limited mental capacity, thought that through her feminist work ethic and liberal ideology, she would be sated and happy. Hadn't happened.

So, here she is, pushing 42, childless, unmarried, and, almost axiomatically, unhappy.

She's a deeply unserious person whose writing style--all fluff and no substance--cannot convey the seriousness of the times. It was the perfect writing style during the Clinton Administration, as what better to cover empty people than empty writing?

You could write a book just on her cattiness, lack of substance, and inability to convey actual ideas (you can read ten of her articles back to back and not find a recommendation or coherent thought stream). She's a tragic case and sometimes I feel for her.

Drunk? For once, I thought he seemed likeable.

I was watching him behind edwards last night, smirking and sort of swaying with a rather hmmm relaxed look on his face. That special warm alcohol induced relaxed state. The total incoherence of his remarks also add to credibility.

America, I have just 5 words for you 'This is your wake up call"
Forgetting that is 6 words, why exactly does America need a wake up call? maybe he meant to say, Bush needs a wake up call? Maybe he thought he was in his hotel and talking to the front desk...

It was almost painful to watch last night. Almost

Jen, thanks for reminding me about that.

The whole post has been edited and added to.

I only heard Edwards, but Johnny did seem particularly smirky. I'd love to see the video.

By the way, breaking news is that Bill Clinton may have suffered a heart attack and is undergoing bypass surgery.

To quote a characterization Martin Sheen once made about W, I believe that Kerry is a "white-knuckle drunk".

Brian,

Thanks for that. I saw something about that on Lucianne.com. I guess I should link it.

You're welcome. Like I say, as the son of a heart attack victim who didn't make it, my heart especially goes out to Chelsea.

Consider that wakeup might be considered one word. Everything else you say about Kerry's chemical addictions may be true. Maureen Dowd is certainly an untalented fruit.

Consider that wakeup might be considered one word.

Who considers it one word? Jenjis Khan?

RealPlayer snippet here:

http://tinyurl.com/4vwp8

I have three words for John Kerry: Lay off the fucking sauce, douche-tool.

Maureen Dowd's nothing more than Molly Ivins without the Will Rogers Rural Wisdom schtick as a nominally redeeming quality.

I, too, would hate to fan the flames of such an ugly rumor and would strongly discourage people from viewing this image:

http://www.deezle.com/fark/original-kerry2.jpg

There is no telling what devious, unprincipled minds might construe from Senator Kerry's disheveled, beer-clutching appearance there. (Perhaps that "beer causes one's forearms and hands to grow to Manute Bol proportions.")

(I can't find the original photo anywhere else, but thankfully it was the subject of a fark photoshop contest a year ago and the original was preserved by this entrant.)

And speaking of devious and unprincipled, look what indymedia is doing with Kerry's, um, nonexistent problem:

http://pittsburgh.indymedia.org/news/2004/02/12572.php

Ace: Interesting news that Kerry might have been drunk, and I appreciate your sensitive handling of the issue. However, could you possibly provide a link to another site's speculation about the alleged incident? I can't find any in the post.

Eric,

Jeeze I'm sorry. It slipped my mind. Try here. I think it's mentioned there.

I don't fall down. The shun-of-a-bitch barshtool knocked me over.

Ace,
I see that you have referred to John Kerry as a douche-tool. Well on behalf of douche-tools everywhere I say shame on you, Mr. Ace, Shame on you. With your vile and viscous slander of douche-tools everywhere you have devalued the work of countless honest, hardworking douche-tools. Douche-tools have been approving the aroma environment, and curing that not so fresh feeling for many years now. What has Mr. Kerry done, Mr. Ace? Barely anything, in fact it is my opinion that Mr. Kerry barely rises to the level of a butt plug. On behalf of douche-tools everywhere I await your apology.

Yours Truly,

Serge Bottoms
President, NAADT

Is he drinking a fucking Amstel?

I think Amstel has a little more red in the can.

Didn't expect him to drink from cans, by the way. I think it's a ploy for the news. He probably went up front and poured himself a nice Montrachet in a crystal Reidel Bordeaux glass, after carefully decanting the sediment.

A politically savvy friend of mine cautions, never let your picture be taken holding a bottle of booze or with a drink in your hand.

Well, Andrew Sullivan is a bear.

Good lord. Why do I even know that?

Dave
Arlington, Virginia

I didn't see Kerry's performance that night, and I don't know what he said, and I know nothing of the man's relationship with alcohol, and I just landed here from Mars, but in my opinion, John Forbes Kerry was obviously very, very lunk.

Ace,

Really, come on.

"Schnappy, the Genetic-Monstrosity Bear-Thing Intent on Enslaving the World."

That is just too funny.

No, I'm serious, it's too funny.

I now have beer in my nasopharynx.

Thanks.

The democratic party sure likes to make fun of the drinking days of George Bush. But his drunken days are a thing of the past, not the present or future.

Any time any Democrat tries to bring up alcohol, look them straight in the fucking eyes and say one word:

Chappaquiddick

Your ultimate video on demand solutions