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August 19, 2004

Bear Drinks 36 Beers; Passes Out

I love bears. I love beer. I love this story.

Top Ten Signs a Bear May Be Drunk

10. "Weaves" as it tries to slap salmon from a river

9. Its breath stinks suspiciously of Binaca

8. In between attempting to maul your face with its enormous claws, keeps slurring the sloppy-drunk catchphrase "I lovvvve you mannnn. No, seriously, I lovvvvve you, mannnnn"

7. Can't stop giggling over the word "ursine"

6. Makes embarrassing confessions about having a gay affair with New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey

5. Insists repeatedly that it's "All right to drive, I swear," then gets into the car's rear seat and wants to know who stole the steering wheel

4. Hits on a ferociously-ugly wild boar, but keeps seeking your approval by asking, "She's got a nice rack though, right?"

3. Attempts to shit in the woods; misses

2. Won't stop asking, "White Castle? White Castle? Who's up for a White Castle run?"

...and the Number One Sign a Bear May be Drunk...

1. Says it finds Terezzza Heinz-Kerry "candid" and "refreshing," then urinates on itself

posted by Ace at 04:23 PM

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Top Ten Signs a Bear May Be Drunk 10. "Weaves" as it tries to slap salmon from a river 9. Its breath stinks suspiciously of Binaca 8. In between attempting to maul your face with its enormous claws, keeps slurring the sloppy-drunk catchphrase "I lovvvve you mannnn. No, seriously, I lovvvvve you, mannnnn" 7. Can't stop giggling over the word "ursine" 6. Makes embarrassing confessions about having a gay affair with New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey 5. Insists repeatedly that it's "All right to drive, I swear," then gets into the car's rear seat and wants to know who stole the steering wheel 4. Hits on a ferociously-ugly wild boar, but keeps seeking your approval by asking, "She's got a nice rack though, right?" 3. Attempts to shit in the woods; misses 2. Won't stop asking, "White Castle? White Castle? Who's up for a White Castle run?" ...and the Number One Sign a Bear May be Drunk... 1. Says it finds Terezzza Heinz-Kerry "candid" and "refreshing," then urinates on itself posted by Ace at 04:23 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments World Trade Center 7 collapsed because of fires fueled by office furnishings.: "And it had a two cylinder opposed engine, and you ..." Thesokorus: "356 usually when a country gets to the point in wh ..." REDACTED: "I guess the "no reasonable prosecutor" bullshit d ..." Thesokorus: "And folks ... this is why some folks love the Roya ..." 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